Month: August 2020

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Like a Messy Patio…

I sat my plant children out on the patio this morning before CrossFit & work for some sun & fresh air. I feel they’re happier when they get some time out. 

I named them all. This is one of my new ones, her name is Maggie.

It takes some time setting them all out & gets my patio messy. But they’re worth it. They make me happy when I see them when I come home. Like Pete 🐈, he runs to the door when I  get there. Even though he eats all my succulents & opens cabinets & drawers — making a mess. 

Your message is in your mess.

Healing is messy. Life is messy. There’s not a template for it. 

Some hard things I’ve learned are first loves or fierce loves don’t always mean the best loves. Stable, loyal loves are timeless. And sometimes the relationship we need to work on for another is the one with yourself.

Best friends don’t always mean friends forever.

Money is energy & like a relationship too. It deserves to be appreciated, honored, & used for good. It comes & goes like everything else in life.

One thing they all mean no matter what the outcome, however, is someone at sometime — cared. And that’s worth it.

I have good & not so good days. I have days I feel like a rock star & other days I feel like an a$$hat. 

Some days I reminisce on what I could’ve done differently to change the outcomes & other days I feel like I’m living my best life. 

I have moments of heart break — a mistake you made you wish you could change, hearing a song that pours salt in a wound, a scent that brings back a certain place in time, the sight of a picture, the feel of an old sweatshirt or shirt that makes you smile & cry in both appreciation & mourning of a relationship or memory.

Through it all remember that you’re human. And you’re messy. 

Feel the feels. 

Take the time you need to begin again.

And thank God for things you prayed for that you didn’t get. You wouldn’t be the person you are today. 

Fresh lashes: @Eyelash_extensions_by_vanessa

I’d love to hear how y’all are doing🌻👇🏻

Xoxo 

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The Avoidant & Tips to Help Heal

I was asked yesterday by a follower 2 great questions: 1.) What was the best part of my day? & 2.) How I knew I was the #avoidant type & how I was learning to heal myself so I could be a good partner because she was struggling.

Girrrrrrrl sit down 😆🪑 

If only a CT scan could tell me what I needed to do to fix this brain🧠

So…

1.) Best part of my day: getting to FaceTime with @_rottier_  🇺🇸👉🏻🇯🇵 

2.) This is gonna be long. You’ve been warned. But I don’t wanna leave anything out. I’m going to repost these on my blog site (link in bio) so they’re easier to read.

I don’t think it was until this year I realized MY FAULTS in pushing people away that were trying really hard to love me.

I viewed it as being smothered. A breach of my boundaries. I’m an introvert by nature & value my privacy & alone time. 

There were definite differences, but a lot of it was just them wanting to be a part of my life & I was allowing myself to feel overwhelm, detachment, & fear of getting too “close” & having my heart broken. 

I don’t like depending on people or showing weakness.

When I finally started doing the inner work to attract the right kind of partner & life I wanted, I got what I asked for.

However, the Universe has a funny way of testing you to see where you’re weak & still need work.

Things I learned thru therapy:

➡️The avoidant attachment type shows up as independent & self reliant.

➡️They guard themselves when people get close, safety is not found in other people.

➡️They emotionally distance.

➡️Non committal, they feel overwhelmed & uneasy about healthy stable love.

➡️Difficulty trusting others & asking for help.

➡️Think too much & subconsciously sabotage relationships.

➡️Females tend to be more “masculine” in nature (Tom boy, strong independent, “rough around the edges”)

It was suggested to me to trial dating apps to sort thru emotions about a relationship. To help gain clarity on my true wants & needs.

They said if it feels icky or heavy or misaligned — um it is. 😆 And that’s exactly what I felt. Ew. 

I had no desire for the riff raff. Those were quickly disposed & deleted.

List to your gut. It’s never wrong.

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Tips given to me for my avoidant attachment style:⁠⠀

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1. Allow others to do some things you would normally do yourself. Makes me uncomfortable af. But I’m learning it’s okay to rely on people.

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2. Slow down when experiencing overwhelm & stress. If you need a break, communicate it. Don’t hold it in until it becomes resentment.

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3.) Get real with yourself. Feel the feels & note how you want to FEEL in a relationship.

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4. Work on setting boundaries before reaching the point of pushing people away & emotionally distancing.

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5.) Work on identifying & communicating your thoughts & feelings. Don’t be afraid to cry. Learn to be more vulnerable in SAFE relationships.

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6.) Look for the positive qualities in yourself, others & your relationships. Remember that thing about thoughts become things & the grass is greener where you water it?

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7.) If you’re about to become “runaway bride” & wanna run or GTFO — time out. Make a pros & cons list. Consider the potential benefits of staying. Make sure it’s in alignment with you.

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8.) When you’re taking time to yourself, communicate more effectively & show appreciation for the other. Example: “I need space for myself so I can be my best self for you. I appreciate your patience & I care.”

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I feel  the moment you get to the place where you feel at peace & at home with yourself is the moment before the relationship you always wanted shows up in your life.

It can a new one or maybe a new & improved one.

For me the healing of relationships & the world is always the healing of ourselves.

Are you a recovering avoidant like me?

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Life lessons in this day in the life of scrubs & leggins

4am comes early. In the OR by 6:20 this mornin. 

I woke up with such a grateful heart. 

I remember days in my 20s waking up & absolutely dreading going to work & feeling a black heavy cloud over my life.

It was suffocating.

I’ve had a lot of jobs that were just that — jobs.

I really don’t think it was until my 30s that I truly appreciated & deeply loved my profession in radiology.

It took taking a lot of wrong turns to get to that place of gratitude.

Same thing for my love life. 

The handful of serious relationships I’ve had, I’ve learned so much from every single one.

And I do take a piece of every single special person & take them with me in my heart.

Same thing for my jobs.

Today, I got to do one of my most favorite things in the whole world, which I was absolutely terrified of as an X-ray student — surgery. 

I assisted in my first hip scope & labrum repair. Didn’t even know they used a C-arm for that. 😆 I truly appreciate the surgeon asking my name & then making sure he knew my name & thanked me as I exited.

Many times this is not commonplace.

And you’re called Xray or hey you or I’ve even had shit thrown at me, & called stupid in a case.

I’m not kidding some surgeons are just not so nice.

You learn to have really thick skin & not show fear. X-ray school & environments like this definitely do not help self-esteem or self-worth issues. 😂

I used to tell my Xray students don’t let them know you’re scared because they’ll eat you alive. You will be OK & you can do this!

Learn to think quick on your feet. Be nice to everyone in the OR & help out as much as you can within your scope of practice.

To anyone no matter what your role is in surgery knows how intimidating the environment is.

I have told you before I’m like a bull in a China shop, so for me having to have finesse in a sterile environment is not just a matter of me being polished — it is absolutely vital & necessary. It was a skill learned & refined with years of practice.

I remember having talks with myself before I went into the OR saying, “Katie do not fuck shit up. Do not contaminate or touch anything you are not supposed to!”

An entire surgery case can be dependent on one wrong move & if you don’t know what you’re doing the doctor can’t see what he’s doing. 

Scary af right?!

I haven’t touched a C-arm in 3 years. Like riding a bike & it felt so good. 😉

I worked as an x-ray tech for 10 years at Community Anderson & left in 2015 when I moved to Lafayette.

My last 5 years have been the most life-changing & confusing & rewarding seasons all in one.

Points to this day in the life of scrubs & leggins:

1.) Treat everyone with respect no matter what their role, race, gender, whatever. No one is better than anyone else & you never know when you’re going to need someone’s help 

2.) It’s never too late to start over. It’s never too late to refine your craft & your gifts. It’s never too late to follow what you love. 

3.) Learn from your mistakes & all of the paths you take. You were placed there for a reason & you were always exactly where you’re meant to be.

Keep calm & Xray on bishes. 💀🙅🏼‍♀️💕

Till next time 🤘🏻

Xoxo