Month: September 2020

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Self love is the best love

A while back, someone slid into my DM‘s & commented I had no boobs, no butt, & my eyebrows were too thick… ⁣

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💁🏼‍♀️Apparently they drank the Hater-aid.

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Years ago I would’ve been crushed. Most likely starved myself for weeks later because it was something I could control. Or tried to find the next work out that would change my body. Maybe different hair color. A bandaid. A drug. A high. ⁣

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It happens to us all the time. What you have to realize is when people lash out at you like this, that is a reflection of how they view themselves.  It really has nothing to do with you. ⁣

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Love them anyways. Wish them healing. ⁣

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I posted these beautiful words on my Instagram stories almost a year ago:

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“Every day, she falls in love -⁣

She falls in love just a little bit more.⁣

She falls in love just a little bit more, with who she is, and with who she isn’t.⁣

She falls in love just a little bit more, with her flaws, her fears, and her insecurities.⁣

With her smile, her her laugh, her voice, and her body.⁣

With her passions, her goals, her dreams and her future.⁣

Every day, she falls in love -⁣

She falls in love just a little bit more, with exactly who God created her to be -⁣

This unique, intelligent, independent, kind, caring, funny, creative, talented woman with a beautiful mind, a loving heart, and an incredibly deep soul.” @allthings_possible ⁣

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What we really have is a happiness & lack of self-awareness problem. 

It’s not just because you’re overweight or underweight or struggling financially, relationally, or however this relates in your life. 

=> you dig. Go deep. ⁣

=> you spend time alone. You ache from lonely⁣.

=> you acknowledge. You heal. ⁣

=> you empower. Yourself & others. ⁣

=> you look in the mirror & see God. ⁣

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I am grateful for this little body & life of mine. It is strong, resilient, & every wrinkle, scar, cellulite, stretch mark — is the mark of life I lived. 

That’s real Queen shit. 

⁣Don’t drink the Hater-aid.

Xoxo

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More life lessons by me

They asked her, “What is real freedom?”

She answered, 

“Freedom is mental clarity combined with inner peace. Freedom is when you can see without projecting and when you can live without causing yourself unnecessary mental tension or stress. It happens every moment you are not craving for more. Happiness and freedom are one.”

@yung_pueblo | A Clear Mind 

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I had an 80 year old patient ask me this past week where I pictured my life in a year. She was telling me about her marriage & life when she was my age.

I told her if she had asked me that question even three months ago I probably would’ve had a completely different answer.

The most beautiful thing about life is that no matter what happened in the past you can always begin again.

You can have a change of heart. You can make mistakes & grow. You can endure the hurt from other beings. You can change your mind. You can forgive. You can change your plans of what you thought life was going to look like. You can choose to embody whatever person you wanna be. YOU choose your definition of happiness, love, & freedom.

I thought I was destined to just forever work my fingers to the bone here in Indy. It is where my roots are planted deep. 🌽 

And yeah, right now I’m puttin in 50hrs minimum a week. Honestly that’s bullsht — I’m workin more like 60 hours a week.

I love my jobs, however. I have purpose & in the end it gives me financial freedom & peace of mind & so much soul food. They are my gifts & I was given these gifts for a reason so I’m gonna use’em.

But I know I don’t wanna do this forever. I’m not really living life.

Anyone else feel like this too?

I am intentionally grindin right now to get where I want to be because I’m not afraid to make sacrifices & work hard to get what I want.

I have goals I’m working towards & an epic life I’m ready to build.

Let the space between where you are, who you are, & where you wanna be & who you wanna be motivate the fck outta your life.

Fill your time with only people & things that matter.

And LOVE.

Love is always the answer❤️

Like my Mama always told me, let your roots run deep but let your heart have wings 🦋

Lashes: @eyelash_extensions_by_vanessa

Lipstick: @maybelline super stay matte ink,

Color-Ruler (Lover is my fav color)

Scrubs: @urbanescrubs

Scrub jacket: @wearfigs

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You can survive too

I have no idea what kind of influence I actually have on people.

I have the tendency to just go about my life, hustlin, trying to be a good human. Tryin to be true to myself, basically spewing my heart & emotions on this thing called the gram. 

It’s been really good for me. Therapeutic. Emotionally cleansing.

Like life, it has a dark side too. It can be very energetically heavy trying to be a light & lending ear to so many.

My tendency to live & do & say things unaware of how it really influences other people has its drawbacks too.

My independence alienates people unintentionally.

I don’t typically do things to be hurtful or malicious but they can come off that way. 

Reason — I’m really shitty at communication. I don’t realize other people can’t read my mind or energy like I can read others.

I’m working on it. 

I’m aware of it now so I don’t have any excuses for myself.

I really don’t know how I’ve affected other people’s decisions, how they feel about themselves, or their perceptions of things.

I do know I want to be the realist, most positive force I can be. I’m grateful y’all allow me to let you know you’re not alone & allow me to put my life, my emotions, my experiences & lessons into words.

Know you can survive anything.

I’ve gotten my heart broken numerous times. I’ve broken hearts too.

I’m currently missing my best friend @_rottier_ like you wouldn’t believe. Japan is not 6 hrs away.

I pulled up my GPS today to take an alternate route to work & it still pulls up his Missouri address first. 

Made me wanna cry & I was instantly pissed off at myself. I don’t like being weak. And I thought, “You ain’t got time for this shit, Katie, pull it together. Talk about whiskey glasses, @morganwallen , I’d like a few right now🥃.”

I’ve failed tests in school, I even got suspended in Xray school. 🤷🏼‍♀️  That authority thing has always been a struggle. 😆 

My worst grade in high school was an 86% in Algebra & I thought my overachieving ass was gonna die.  I obviously didn’t. And that doesn’t mean shit now.

I’ve been rejected from jobs I thought I wanted only for the right ones to come along later. Ive had hard times with family only to laugh about it later. 

I’ve had friends disappoint me, men leave me, hell I’ve abused myself with all the addictions — it was never one thing: disordered eating, over exercising, drinking too much, settling, sabotaging myself, surrounding myself with a hard shell, wishing I could eat like a “normal” person without crohns & special needs.

I did it once, twice, again & again. 

And you can too. ❤️

Love y’all

Xoxo

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It’s not always butterfly’s…

She said, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”

I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.

How bout we start there. 

And I’ll ask y’all something my momma asked me recently, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”

I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino

There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection. 

Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man or a perfect ME.

I’ve had a hard time letting people love me. 

I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really fucked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get to that point of being the one that was hurt.

I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.

To the recovering calloused avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shit ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.

My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun, now knowing it’s a verb. 

It’s something you choose, & it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of tacos & tequila (but that’s would be nice 😆🖐🏻🌮🍹sign me up btw)

A hard lesson I’ve learned recently is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying.

And things you nitpick may just be your ego talkin. Just because a day, a month, or a year doesn’t seem to align right now, doesn’t mean you set the whole damn thing on fire & watch it burn. 

Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fucked up. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

Jus sayin.

So I’ll be patient & wait…

…for that endless buffet of tacos & tequila

…with a splash of @morganwallen

…and my best friend by my side. ✌🏻🏝 

Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto

Xoxo