Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
I wanna be with someone that would divorce me if I gained 50lbs.
Now hear me out…morning ponderings & real talk…
I’ve thought a lot about my journey of becoming my best self: past mistakes, my health, my fitness journey, my relationships, & every facet of 50 shades of f*cked up & beautiful on this ride.
For those of you new here I’ll be 42 years old this year & still don’t know what the f*ck I’m doing. It’s ok. I love every minute of this life! I’m grateful for all the sh*t I’ve been through because it’s made me the woman writing this today in this journal entry.
My opening statement isn’t about weight gain & aesthetic changes, it’s about being THE PERSON & with a partner who holds high standards for themselves too & one who makes me want to be a better woman, partner — human.
A reminder for myself & maybe you too 🤷♀️to be with people who make you want to be the best version of yourself. Maybe they make you feel a little uncomfortable. Good. Choose people who are different & help you grow.
I set these standards for all relationships — platonic, business, & romantic.
Why? Because it influences who you are.
I understand we’ve all been taught about these “fantasy” relationships & unconditional love …
… I believe love is conditional because people change & that’s totally OK. Lovingly allow the right people into your lives yet also realize it’s OK to lovingly release those who do not fit your nonnegotiable conditions.
👉 The game of relationships & choosing wisely @hormozi 👌🏻 🎙️
When Cardi B said, “I gave you more than I gave myself. So loyal to you that I betrayed myself.” I felt that…
Deep shiz reflections & life feels lately
I’m in such a wonderful place in life. I give gratitude every day for this privilege. This growth. I prayed for it.
How many times have you betrayed yourself because you were giving more to other people or your personal issues & limiting beliefs?
I understand how changing myself to please others or validation attracted all the wrong things that I needed to figure out all the right things. I know if I can’t be my raw, authentic, no filter, little weirdo self around someone it’s not meant for me.
Maybe it’s disordered eating
Maybe it’s that toxic relationship
Maybe it’s that job you hate
Maybe it’s drinking too much
Maybe it’s negative self talk
Maybe it’s stagnation & fear
Maybe it’s a scarcity mindset
Maybe it’s as simple as too much coffee🙋🏼♀️ (I’m trying 😆)
I’ve been in an abusive, obsessive relationship with all of these at one time or another in my 41 years.
What helped me? Journaling & getting real. Falling on my face. Failing. Spending time alone. Finally getting a place of my own that I LOVE. Stepping into my worth. Focusing on being the person that I would like to be with.
Knowing I don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy or more worthy. But knowing I’d really like to find a special someone to live life with that looks at me the same way I look at them.
Look for beautiful people & places that quiet your soul. Not just beautiful people & places.
I love my family & small circle.
We may not like or see each other every day but I’m grateful to know that I have a forever home to go to whenever I want & that’s wherever my people are. It’s wherever I am.
When we show up fully & completely as ourselves, content with where we’re at, being fully present & conscious in the moment, listening attentively, showing love & respect, practicing gratitude — we attract more love, positivity, & abundance into our lives & expand those feelings to others.
It took me a long time to learn that what society deems as “beautiful” people & places are common.
Hell, nowadays all you need is a good filter & just the right angle. You can’t build anything with beauty alone.
I prefer the REAL good stuff. The stuff that stings a lil bit. The ones with scars that tell a story. The places with history & character.
I had a client tell me she just wanted to be told she was beautiful. I teared up, I understood exactly how she felt.
I explained to her the difference between a beautiful person & person who was simply beautiful.
Yeah, it’s nice to be told you’re beautiful or hot or whatever, but I’d much rather hear someone say that I made things easier.
That they’re happy because I exist.
That I’m strong, & smart, & able.
That their life is better with me in it.
That they’re proud of me.
That they value what I bring to the table.
Be a person who is complimented on more than just appearance.
“Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up.”
I sat the other morning with coffee ☕️, talking with my plants about personal awakenings surrounding partnership & relationship 🪷🪴☺️ (I’m weird. It’s ok 😆 At least I’m high vibe🥰 haha! High five 🙌 to all my fellow woke weirdos)
Maybe y’all can relate to some of my thoughts & feelings 🤷♀️ Hope they resonate in a way that you need to find clarity, clear the cobwebs, or serve as a provoking thought conversation starter.
For those of you who are new here, I’ve struggled with relationships basically my entire life. It’s been about remembering myself. Not losing myself in another. Building a home in myself so that I can be that safe space and partner for another, too.
I’ve been divorced twice. Casually dated all different kinds of men. I’m really proud of myself for creating a kick ass self partnered life that I am so grateful for. But I do truly believe we are not meant to go through this life alone. I just haven’t quite been sure what kind of a partnership is right for me. I acknowledge not every relationship is meant to last forever, honoring whatever time a contract serves.
I understand now that I simply need a partner that sees & accepts me as I am, my whole self. “Flaws” quirks & all. Not just for my looks. One that does not judge/criticize but allows me to be my weird little self.
Someone who can fall in love with their safe space. One like simply sitting in solitude appreciating the sweet sounds & murals of nature outside.
I understand that I do have to be emotionally, mentally, AND physically attracted initially to a person, because that does not develop later. (For me) I’ve tried to force this in the past. Doesn’t work.
I no longer allow myself to let relationships romantically continue if I do not feel romantically attracted to that person.
I’ve realized I have had a lot of wonderful friendships with men, i’m naturally a “guys girl” being raised with brothers & on a farm. What I thought potentially was a romantic relationship on many occasions was a platonic attraction to someone.
So yes, I feel I have broken a lot of hearts, but I’m proud of myself for being honest. Honest in telling those people that I love them (because I do), but our relationship was more in the “friend zone” kind of way.
I align to someone that loves me not just for my looks or what I can do for them. I desire a partner that simply makes me feel safe & protected, special & appreciated. Money comes and goes. But I know you can always build a better life together with someone that makes you feel the way you want feel & aligned with your energy.
Memories & experiences are everything & meant to be shared. We weren’t meant to go through this life alone forever.
I used to think I needed a super successful, rich business man type. And I have dated many wealthy men because I needed those experiences. But what I discovered was that I actually wanted that success for myself so I had to go out and create that for myself. Which I did 👏🏼 I didn’t need that through another.
I had to show myself that I could travel and be free and be successful and create my own business & opportunities scaled to my needs, on my own. I didn’t need someone else to do that for me.
I realized I needed the aligned partner that made me feel emotionally & physically the way I wanted to feel, and that gift, that package, was probably going to be different than what I expected.
So I opened my mind and my heart to that concept and simply followed what I loved & was drawn to. I followed what I felt was right, and listened to the signs and the things, places, & people that I was drawn to whether I understood it or not.
I admit, there were/are many times I’m like l. “Katie you are f*cking crazy. I do not understand why you resonate & are so drawn to certain things.”
BUT… I know that I walk by FAITH, not by sight.
I enjoy & admire partners that let me take care of them. Not in the mommy role kind of way. But in the energy of allowing my to embrace my feminine strengths. To be soft & let a man take care of me, too.
I know my “role and my place.” I know my strengths and my weaknesses. I don’t say that in a disrespectful way, but one of self-awareness and appreciation.
i’m very very good at taking care of a household and I make shit happen because I am driven and I am strong. I am the glue. I am a natural caretaker. I am able and extremely resourceful and resilient because this life has made me that way and I’m grateful.
I cannot thank my parents enough for helping me build a solid foundation in myself. Same for people who were cruel and harsh to me. I appreciate every time they were hard on me &/or had high expectations because it made me the woman that I am today.
Although I do not wish to fall into the role of mother & teacher, as I know, I deserve an equal partner, I do acknowledge that I excel in both of these places, but I do so respectively.
I do not desire to be more masculine than my other half, I understand some women are guarded, and maybe a little defensive sometimes when it comes to allowing a man to be a man and take care of them. “Men” are natural providers and I feel that that is their right.
Loyalty, honor, duty, understanding, & respect are vital, really when it comes to supporting men especially in a certain environment.
I had to understand throughout my journey that I had to love myself as I was, first. That I didn’t always need to change to suit someone else or have materialistic items, titles, things outside of myself. But, on the other hand, that it was OK to love the things that I loved that made me feel amazing from a place of self-love and not by ego.
We all deserve abundance & everything that we desire. We weren’t meant to go through this life miserable, living in scarcity & fear.
Abundance is everywhere & love is everywhere if we let it in. And all of this comes via our unique journey and self-awareness, unlocking the doors to everything we have ever desired.
Thank you for reading my thoughts from the pages of my heart, my storybook, that I pour into the notes pages of my iPhone 📲 💕
Oxox Coach K
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