Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
She said, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”
I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.
How bout we start there.
And I’ll ask y’all something my momma asked me recently, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”
I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino
There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection.
Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man or a perfect ME.
I’ve had a hard time letting people love me.
I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really fucked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get to that point of being the one that was hurt.
I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.
To the recovering calloused avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shit ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.
My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun, now knowing it’s a verb.
It’s something you choose, & it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of tacos & tequila (but that’s would be nice 😆🖐🏻🌮🍹sign me up btw)
A hard lesson I’ve learned recently is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying.
And things you nitpick may just be your ego talkin. Just because a day, a month, or a year doesn’t seem to align right now, doesn’t mean you set the whole damn thing on fire & watch it burn.
Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fucked up. 🤷🏼♀️
I sat my plant children out on the patio this morning before CrossFit & work for some sun & fresh air. I feel they’re happier when they get some time out.
I named them all. This is one of my new ones, her name is Maggie.
It takes some time setting them all out & gets my patio messy. But they’re worth it. They make me happy when I see them when I come home. Like Pete 🐈, he runs to the door when I get there. Even though he eats all my succulents & opens cabinets & drawers — making a mess.
Your message is in your mess.
Healing is messy. Life is messy. There’s not a template for it.
Some hard things I’ve learned are first loves or fierce loves don’t always mean the best loves. Stable, loyal loves are timeless. And sometimes the relationship we need to work on for another is the one with yourself.
Best friends don’t always mean friends forever.
Money is energy & like a relationship too. It deserves to be appreciated, honored, & used for good. It comes & goes like everything else in life.
One thing they all mean no matter what the outcome, however, is someone at sometime — cared. And that’s worth it.
I have good & not so good days. I have days I feel like a rock star & other days I feel like an a$$hat.
Some days I reminisce on what I could’ve done differently to change the outcomes & other days I feel like I’m living my best life.
I have moments of heart break — a mistake you made you wish you could change, hearing a song that pours salt in a wound, a scent that brings back a certain place in time, the sight of a picture, the feel of an old sweatshirt or shirt that makes you smile & cry in both appreciation & mourning of a relationship or memory.
Through it all remember that you’re human. And you’re messy.
Feel the feels.
Take the time you need to begin again.
And thank God for things you prayed for that you didn’t get. You wouldn’t be the person you are today.
I was asked yesterday by a follower 2 great questions: 1.) What was the best part of my day? & 2.) How I knew I was the #avoidant type & how I was learning to heal myself so I could be a good partner because she was struggling.
Girrrrrrrl sit down 😆🪑
If only a CT scan could tell me what I needed to do to fix this brain🧠
So…
1.) Best part of my day: getting to FaceTime with @_rottier_ 🇺🇸👉🏻🇯🇵
2.) This is gonna be long. You’ve been warned. But I don’t wanna leave anything out. I’m going to repost these on my blog site (link in bio) so they’re easier to read.
I don’t think it was until this year I realized MY FAULTS in pushing people away that were trying really hard to love me.
I viewed it as being smothered. A breach of my boundaries. I’m an introvert by nature & value my privacy & alone time.
There were definite differences, but a lot of it was just them wanting to be a part of my life & I was allowing myself to feel overwhelm, detachment, & fear of getting too “close” & having my heart broken.
I don’t like depending on people or showing weakness.
When I finally started doing the inner work to attract the right kind of partner & life I wanted, I got what I asked for.
However, the Universe has a funny way of testing you to see where you’re weak & still need work.
Things I learned thru therapy:
➡️The avoidant attachment type shows up as independent & self reliant.
➡️They guard themselves when people get close, safety is not found in other people.
➡️They emotionally distance.
➡️Non committal, they feel overwhelmed & uneasy about healthy stable love.
➡️Difficulty trusting others & asking for help.
➡️Think too much & subconsciously sabotage relationships.
➡️Females tend to be more “masculine” in nature (Tom boy, strong independent, “rough around the edges”)
It was suggested to me to trial dating apps to sort thru emotions about a relationship. To help gain clarity on my true wants & needs.
They said if it feels icky or heavy or misaligned — um it is. 😆 And that’s exactly what I felt. Ew.
I had no desire for the riff raff. Those were quickly disposed & deleted.
List to your gut. It’s never wrong.
Tips given to me for my avoidant attachment style:⠀
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1. Allow others to do some things you would normally do yourself. Makes me uncomfortable af. But I’m learning it’s okay to rely on people.
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2. Slow down when experiencing overwhelm & stress. If you need a break, communicate it. Don’t hold it in until it becomes resentment.
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3.) Get real with yourself. Feel the feels & note how you want to FEEL in a relationship.
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4. Work on setting boundaries before reaching the point of pushing people away & emotionally distancing.
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5.) Work on identifying & communicating your thoughts & feelings. Don’t be afraid to cry. Learn to be more vulnerable in SAFE relationships.
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6.) Look for the positive qualities in yourself, others & your relationships. Remember that thing about thoughts become things & the grass is greener where you water it?
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7.) If you’re about to become “runaway bride” & wanna run or GTFO — time out. Make a pros & cons list. Consider the potential benefits of staying. Make sure it’s in alignment with you.
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8.) When you’re taking time to yourself, communicate more effectively & show appreciation for the other. Example: “I need space for myself so I can be my best self for you. I appreciate your patience & I care.”
I feel the moment you get to the place where you feel at peace & at home with yourself is the moment before the relationship you always wanted shows up in your life.
It can a new one or maybe a new & improved one.
For me the healing of relationships & the world is always the healing of ourselves.
I remember days in my 20s waking up & absolutely dreading going to work & feeling a black heavy cloud over my life.
It was suffocating.
I’ve had a lot of jobs that were just that — jobs.
I really don’t think it was until my 30s that I truly appreciated & deeply loved my profession in radiology.
It took taking a lot of wrong turns to get to that place of gratitude.
Same thing for my love life.
The handful of serious relationships I’ve had, I’ve learned so much from every single one.
And I do take a piece of every single special person & take them with me in my heart.
Same thing for my jobs.
Today, I got to do one of my most favorite things in the whole world, which I was absolutely terrified of as an X-ray student — surgery.
I assisted in my first hip scope & labrum repair. Didn’t even know they used a C-arm for that. 😆 I truly appreciate the surgeon asking my name & then making sure he knew my name & thanked me as I exited.
Many times this is not commonplace.
And you’re called Xray or hey you or I’ve even had shit thrown at me, & called stupid in a case.
I’m not kidding some surgeons are just not so nice.
You learn to have really thick skin & not show fear. X-ray school & environments like this definitely do not help self-esteem or self-worth issues. 😂
I used to tell my Xray students don’t let them know you’re scared because they’ll eat you alive. You will be OK & you can do this!
Learn to think quick on your feet. Be nice to everyone in the OR & help out as much as you can within your scope of practice.
To anyone no matter what your role is in surgery knows how intimidating the environment is.
I have told you before I’m like a bull in a China shop, so for me having to have finesse in a sterile environment is not just a matter of me being polished — it is absolutely vital & necessary. It was a skill learned & refined with years of practice.
I remember having talks with myself before I went into the OR saying, “Katie do not fuck shit up. Do not contaminate or touch anything you are not supposed to!”
An entire surgery case can be dependent on one wrong move & if you don’t know what you’re doing the doctor can’t see what he’s doing.
Scary af right?!
I haven’t touched a C-arm in 3 years. Like riding a bike & it felt so good. 😉
I worked as an x-ray tech for 10 years at Community Anderson & left in 2015 when I moved to Lafayette.
My last 5 years have been the most life-changing & confusing & rewarding seasons all in one.
Points to this day in the life of scrubs & leggins:
1.) Treat everyone with respect no matter what their role, race, gender, whatever. No one is better than anyone else & you never know when you’re going to need someone’s help
2.) It’s never too late to start over. It’s never too late to refine your craft & your gifts. It’s never too late to follow what you love.
3.) Learn from your mistakes & all of the paths you take. You were placed there for a reason & you were always exactly where you’re meant to be.
We gettin deep today y’all. This is something I’ve never completely disclosed. I hope it helps you where you are right now twas a message I was nudged to share today.
So here goes…
Never did the world make a Queen of a girl who hides behind a facade of perfection in a house of guarded walls but an imperfect woman of wisdom in a house of mirrors & glass.
Are you just INTERESTED in being a Queen of high value building your empire or are you COMMITTED to being her?
I had a mentor ask me this.
Holy shit.
Another gut check moment.
You see our beliefs build habits & our habits reinforce those beliefs.
For those of you who are new around here & don’t know my story let me set a quick framework of my past that may resonate close to yours.
I too have been that human:
◽️going through a divorce feeling like failure & confused about identity
◽️car repoed, $40,000 in debt, $5 to your name, basically living out of your office & your car, eating at hotels to save money on food
◽️comparing wanting to be someone else, coveting their life or body thinking that would make me successful & happy
◽️thinking being single means there’s something wrong with me & I needed to settle & find a partner fast to actually be worthy instead of realizing I needed to work on myself & be the person I wanted to be with first
◽️getting involved in relationships, jobs, social plans when I feel resistance & ignoring my intuition, excessive drinking, overspending, giving my body to people who didn’t deserve it
So what did I do?
I visualized & BELIEVED in the things I wanted to manifest. I made a list of the things I would need to do & the person I would need to embody to achieve these things.
The BODY — healing, health, rest, eating ENOUGH, working out because I love my body, vibrancy, food & body freedom, self love
The CAREER — freedom, loving what I do, making an impact, following purpose not a paycheck
The RELATIONSHIP — doing the inner work, believing in my self worth, getting rid of pre-conditions I learned over time, self awareness of my shadows and triggers, being the person I would want to be with
The MINDSET — believing in myself, telling myself I’m a mf Hustler, a survivor, a thriver, I lead with my heart & I deserve everything I desire so I can serve others & myself to the highest degree
I stepped into my worth, I said NO to people, social media, habits, self sabotage more than I said yes to consuming toxicity. I created a routine that helped me be the person I wanted to be in the areas of my life: self, health, wealth, & relationships.
Doesn’t mean I was perfect, but it meant I fully believed in myself enough to grant GRACE & laughter for my humanness (aka when I fugged up 😂), & refuse to put myself on the clearance rack.
THINGS I MANIFESTED DOIN THE WORK:
💫For decades I lived in debt, during this Quarantine I made my last payment & paid off $43,000. Debts paid.
💫My health was shit, my digestion & adrenals a wreck — I finally got my health back & completed my most successful cut this past year.
💫I was basically living out of my office with 5$ in my account, barely having enough money for eggs, to having the apartment I always wanted.
💫I wanted freedom of schedule doing all the things I loved. I now have 4 different jobs in radiology as well as my coaching practice making my own schedule.
💫I wanted travel & to live in 2 different places. I traveled bw IN & MO, making them both home.
💫I’ve had a failed marriage, numerous failed relationships which broke me. I wanted a best friend & partner to live life with, one that is a life story not just a love story, one worthy of growth & future & feels like freedom & home. The Universe gave me a Marine 🇺🇸❤️ @_rottier_
💫 I’ve had car trouble for some time, transmission finally went out on my bug 🚘 I was devastated but knew I deserved better. Recently manifested the car of my dreams.
Meet Ruby 🙂
This has been a huge source of anxiety for me because my car is freedom & my freedom means everything. Which is something I struggle with & I’ll admit to you all. These are tough shadows to talk about & reveal.
It goes back to me being a prisoner in the majority of my abusive relationships in the past. I refuse to rely on other people to take care of me, I’m an overachiever, I don’t like to ask for help, I’m afraid of commitment because of my past experiences & it’s something I’m working on. I am independent & self-sufficient to a fault, causing me to put up a hard shell around my very soft center when fearful or threatened.
Thick skinned you could call it but I realize I come off as cold and heartless when this happens. When I reach a point of emotional exhaustion & frustration in a relationship, & I’ve said it before, I will cut a mf out of my life with no remorse & move on. (Friend, family, or romantic partner) Not proud of it. Again, with self-awareness comes the power of change. I’m working on it.
It affects every facet of my life & is one of my biggest fears.
My biggest fears: feeling insignificant, disrespected, unworthy, a failure, feeling like a prisoner whether it’s financially, relationally, or with my food & body image.
I’ve come to realize I have a problem with authority & I’m not always in the “right” for always doing what I want to do. I have constant discussions with my ego, Kathleen, as I like to call her. 😂
I get stuck in my own head & place so much pressure on myself to achieve & GSD to a degree it affects others & makes them feel inferior &/or insignificant. I apologize to anyone whom I’ve made feel this way through my ignorance.
In support, I told you before about a story where I had a performance review at work & my manager told me I needed to have more patience & empathy for other people‘s weaknesses. That was the first time I became self-aware of this shadow.
Kathleen is my masculine survivor. She is wolf.
Katie is my feminine caretaker. She is woman.
I know I need both of them. Finding the blend is the challenging part of being a human.
So a reminder to my fellow Type A’s, Ima get shit done 4x as fast as you, get out of my fuggin way I can do it better — props to being efficient but please be kind to those who are different than you. Utilize it as a strength to help others become better. Lesson learned.
If you don’t know what your Human Design is, I highly suggest you look into it. It’ll help you understand how you’re wired & how you’re supposed to live this life & manifest more effortlessly.
I also suggest @tobemagnetic Her courses on doing the inner work we all talk about changed my life.
So some Sunday pondering, reflection, life lessons learned the hard way for y’all.
Remember the KING or QUEEN you wanna be.
I’d rather be a woman of imperfections & wisdom living in a transparent glass house than an imposter living within guarded walls. 👑
I’d love to hear your thoughts & comments or if you’ve struggled with similar struggles like me🤗
And if you need someone to talk to & coach you through your own situation, I’d love to listen, link here❤️
Sister, 2 months ago I wouldn’t have thought one of the most important decisions of my week would be what sweatpants I’m wearing to the living room today?
I stumbled across a to do list as I flipped back through my daily planner…
…I welled with emotion.
It was so BUSY.
Photo credit: @doot_doodler
Busy with apts, shopping lists, workouts, work schedules, errands to run, consults, projects ideas, meetings, down to what color scrubs I needed to wear to make sure I went to the right hospitals.
Stress — on my body, mind, & spirit.
I felt ashamed to discover it. Time & life have changed so much. Forced to slow down. To long for that old life, the “normalcy.”
It was also a great reminder.
A reminder of how we’ve transformed busyness into beingness.
I’m different now. I long for pieces of that old “normalcy” but not the busy.
I loathe the word busy. I used it as a bullshit excuse & conversation filler for years. I catch myself doing it now.
I used it for not doing things I wanted to.
Travel. Vacation.
Spend time with friends & loved ones.
Invest in a new project, job, or venture.
Move.
Just fucking BE & do what I want to in a day.
Mostly out of fear of not having enough money or being seen as lazy. BUSY made me feel safe & worthy.
Same with control. If I control my body, my food, my workouts, my schedule — everything will be ok. Which in the past I’ve realized leads to disordered eating & body image & a poor relationship with food, myself, & exercise.
You place your worth on what you look like & how much you’re achieving.
Photo credit: @what.is.mental.illness
So when you’re not “busy” what initially happens?
You emotionally eat.
You doubt yourself.
You compare.
You get anxiety.
You lose your labels & sense of self.
Your relationships suffer.
Basically you step on the hot mess express full speed ahead.
Emotional eating is a biggie.
So here are some things to help you:
🌞 Stay occupied, halfway organize your day and do a brain dump the night before. That way you kind of know what to expect & can set a semischedule.
🌞 Jot down tentative eating times so you have something to stick to — expectations & commitments to yourself. And this way you can plan around your activities for the day.
🌞 Good activities that help pass the time positively:
-Cleaning house
-Purging old things from closets and spaces it makes way for new positive energy
-Take a nap, most of us don’t get enough sleep anyways
-Read — Knowledge + action is power
-Invest in a new learning course or workshop — be a forever student
-Color or pick up a creative hobby that keeps your mind and hands busy
-Go for a walk or do a mini workout for 20 minutes
-Call a friend
-Brain dump and schedule your week
-Listen to a podcast or write in your journal
-Go shopping, run errands, get out of the house
-Keep trigger foods out of the house if you know you can’t control yourself well around certain foods
– Eat a big breakfast with plenty of proteins and fats they will keep you fuller the majority of the day: things like eggs and sausage, eggs and bacon, burgers, roasts, it doesn’t have to be breakfast food
It’s ok to plan, but leave room for grace, flexibility & adventure.
Next time when I’m sitting in traffic, running late, I’ll reflect on the time of not having anywhere to run to. I’ll remember in the midst of confusion & suffocating stillness I grew strong, calm, & found a new appreciation of life & control.
Can I just wrap up in a warm blanket & eat Texas Roadhouse rolls all day???
Quarantine hit. My workout routine was ripped from my life. Anxiety hit. The thoughts of past self sabotaging behavior started to creep up.
Should I restrict?
How many more steps do I need?
Fugggg I can’t sweat.😩 I’m gonna pack on 20lbs, better cut food.
What if my “safe” foods are taken away?
When I began specializing in gut issues & primarly women’s relationship with food & body image, I saw a pattern. I LIVED the pattern — basically an obsession about control over food & exercise.
We deny we have an eating or behavioral disorder — we DO, sister. But you don’t have to stay there.❤️
Signs include:
Feeling panicked when sick, injured, or vacation jacks up our workout routine
Feeling like walking “isn’t enough”
Restricting or allowing food based on exercise that day.
Feeling we have to “earn” food.
Fear about gaining weight
Feeling worthless if any weight gain occurs, obsession with the scale & letting it dictate our attitude for the day
One client said, “I feel like I MUST control & workout everyday. If I don’t, I feel worthless & obsess about it until I do workout.”
We talked about how that disordered need for control is taking over our ability to intuitively listen to our body’s cues to rest. It also affects our energy, hunger, sleep, digestion, hormones, & bluntly— our ability to give a shit.
This relationship with food & exercise tends to make us miserable. Paralyzing us from enjoying the important things in life.
Here’s how I help clients (& myself) establish a better relationship with our food & exercise:
Disconnect the connection of “perfection” with food & exercise to our worth & obsession with having to earn food.
I used to count every calorie I consumed, down to the gum I excessively chewed. I only ate the calories I burned that day. I only ate diet food, hoping to save calories & carbs. I was chained to numbers. My macros were shackles. My mindset & perception of my methods & myself were the enemy. It wasn’t the food or exercise.
When we were young, we knew when we were hungry & we stopped when we were full. Because of environmental & emotional factors, getting stuck in cycles, many of us lose touch with our true hunger cues.
This is where I find intermittent fasting & or setting a meal schedule or eating window is helpful, teaching us when we’re actually hungry & preventing mindless/emotional eating.
Also viewing food as fuel for our day & workouts instead of a reward is a helpful way to rewire our brains from earning to nourishing.
2. Focus on simply moving your body.
Workouts should be enjoyed. Walking IS ENOUGH. Shoot for 10k steps per day or simply increasing your steps by 1k each week till you reach your goal. If you have a good relationship with food, there is no need to kill yourself in the gym 7 days per week. Spend adequate time eating at your true maintenance calories. You should not be dieting more than 1-2 times per year.
Before quarantine, I would walk, CrossFit &/or bodybuilding 5 times per week with one rest day and one active recovery day. I love the community & push of a group Wod.
Intra quarantine, I don’t have access to the equipment or facilities for specific workouts. I’ve worked out at home 3 days per week with minimal equipment and walked.
Haven’t gained, inflammation is actually down, & I’ve become more in tune with my body, hunger cues, & how to adjust my food & eating schedule based upon what my body is craving.
3. Surrender to the seasons. We aren’t meant to look the same.
Binges, disordered eating & body image, cravings, & anxiety for control flare up when we’re living in a chronic deficit &/or chasing a size we’re not meant to naturally be.
Your hunger &/or lack of are signs your body is simply trying to survive. Lack of resources trigger our bodies to down regulate systems, cycles, & hormones. Wonder why you lost your period or you’re cold all the time, you plateau on 1200 calories & gain when you eat anything above 1600? BINGO. Don’t be afraid to Reverse Diet. Invest in a coach!
We’re really chasing a feeling, not a number. We want to feel worthy, loved, significant, safe, heard, seen, & happy.
These are all a state of being my loves.
It didn’t matter if I was 100lbs or 160lbs, happy was a state I FELT about my life at whatever season. If you don’t do the inner work & address the root cause, it’s like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound.
You’re afraid to surrender because you don’t want to give up control. Especially for my fellow Type A’s.
Guess what?
You never had control, you became you’re own prisoner.
Educate yourself. Self love is a skill we sharpen. Surround yourself with people & environment full of positivity. Everything you consume, down to social media makes an impact on your perspective.
Cut the toxicity & self sabotage.
Food & body freedom are just one decision away.
The decision to choose YOU. ❤️
Whether you’re struggling with gut issues, trying to learn macros, fuel for your workouts, or fighting for your food & body freedom, I’m here for you.
I start my mornings with gratitude, a walk, & something inspiring to get my mind in the most abundant state possible.
Todays read, “Advice from a dying 24 yr old.”
Do you ever think about how most of us go through days on autopilot, merely existing. Those moments you get home & don’t remember the drive?
We chase material things & achievements yet feel empty & lost inside. We worry about dumb shit & things that don’t really matter in the end & fulfillment like bills, titles, money, what others think of us, etc.
Why?
None of us truly know the answers & what happens to us after this life. How we navigate this life, however, & the choices we make along the way, define our character & existence. Our experiences & choices shape us, but many of us spend our lives locked into commitments chasing money, power, & stability instead of digging deep within us.
We count down the hours on the clock until we can go home for the day, rest, and do it all again the next day. We run around all chasing something, and wake up one day wondering why we even chased it. It may not matter to you now what you do with each day of your life, but maybe this advice from a dying 24-year-old will give you a wake up call.
I hope you will take some wisdom away from this, & realize we only have a short time on this planet. We may as well make the most of it, & love & live as authentically as we possibly can before our time is up.
POWERFUL ADVICE FROM A DYING 24 YEAR OLD
“I am only 24 years old, yet I have actually already chosen my last tie. It’s the one that I will wear on my funeral a few months from now. It may not match my suit, but I think it’s perfect for the occasion.
The cancer diagnosis came too late to give me at least a tenuous hope for a long life, but I realized that the most important thing about death is to ensure that you leave this world a little better than it was before you existed with your contributions . The way I’ve lived my life so far, my existence or more precisely the loss of it, will not matter because I have lived without doing anything impactful.
Before, there were so many things that occupied my mind. When I learned how much time I had left, however, it became clear which things are really important. So, I am writing to you for a selfish reason.
I want to give meaning to my life by sharing with you what I have realized:
– Don’t waste your time on work that you don’t enjoy. It is obvious that you cannot succeed in something that you don’t like. Patience, passion, and dedication come easily only when you love what you do.
– It’s stupid to be afraid of others’ opinions. Fear weakens and paralyzes you. If you let it, it can grow worse and worse every day until there is nothing left of you, but a shell of yourself. Listen to your inner voice and go with it. Some people may call you crazy, but some may even think you‘re a legend.
– Take control of your life Take full responsibility for the things that happen to you. Limit bad habits and try to lead a healthier life. Find a sport that makes you happy. Most of all, don’t procrastinate. Let your life be shaped by decisions you made, not by the ones you didn’t.
– Appreciate the people around you. Your friends and relatives will always be an infinite source of strength and love. That is why you shouldn’t take them for granted.
It is difficult for me to fully express my feelings about the importance of these simple realizations, but I hope that you will listen to someone who has experienced how valuable time is.
I’m not upset because I understand that the last days of my life have become meaningful.
We care so much about the health and integrity of our body that until death, we don’t notice that the body is nothing more than a box – a parcel for delivering our personality, thoughts, beliefs and intentions to this world. If there is nothing in this box that can change the world, then it doesn’t matter if it disappears. I believe that we all have potential, but it also takes a lot of courage to realize it.
You can float through a life created by circumstances, missing day after day, hour after hour. Or, you can fight for what you believe in and write the great story of your life. I hope you will make the right choice.
Leave a mark in this world. Have a meaningful life, whatever definition it has for you. Go towards it. The place we are leaving is a beautiful playground, where everything is possible. Yet, we are not here forever.
Our life is a short spark in this beautiful little planet that flies with incredible speed to the endless darkness of the unknown universe. So, enjoy your time here with passion. Make it interesting. Make it count!
(n.) the time after a meal spent around the table with loved ones; a time to digest food, love, & friendship.
I was reading about the Spanish tradition where people sit at the table after a meal, talk, & connect with friends & loved ones.
Sweet presence — that’s what it is.
And I thought to myself, how did we lose this in our lives?
The savor of the truly important things in life?
—> the feel of sunlight on your skin
—> long, lingering hugs & the smell of fresh flowers
—> the taste of a home cooked meal with family
—> laughing with friends & meaningful conversations
—> the ability to simply move your body, health
—> peaceful sleep, clean sheets, the taste of fresh coffee
—> the feeling of the first time someone looked at you & told you they loved you
—> knowing you have the entire day to sit in your pjs & the freedom to do absolutely nothing
As basically the entire world has been forced to stay home due to the recent pandemic, I feel we’ve discovered we’ve lost our gift of presence through constant numbing & hustle.
I thought this was fitting to serve as a reminder both to ourselves whether we’re working or home or everything in between — the people you come home to…
family
friends
friends that become family
those you can’t wait to get on the phone with
those you connect with via social media
the simple feelings & emotions we experience in our everyday “mundane”…
These are the things that truly matter & we mustn’t forget when we’re feeling lost.
For me, I’d be more interested to learn from 80 people in their 80’s who were totally lost in their 20’s & 30’s that figured out what was truly more meaningful in life than 80 people in their 20’s & 30’s that figured it out early & never got lost.
It’s in the lost where we discover truth & ourselves again. 💟
I went into this low carb, insulin reset diet as another learning experience. What I found was a wake up call.
A lot of knowledge and life bombs here 💣
With the dramatic life changes for us all over the course of the past 2 weeks, cliché as it sounds, everything happens for a reason at precisely the right time.
Why the reset? I had been overly stressed, trying to cut, eating a high amt of carbs (via jasmine rice/rice Chex/occasional alcohol) while intermittent fasting & focusing on 2 (occasionally 3) larger meals a day.
👉🏻I have Crohn’s, struggled with a missed diagnosis of IBS basically my entire early life & was overweight.
👉🏻Don’t digest fruits or vegetables or fiber or seeds or skins well
👉🏻Thrive off animal meals & animal-based nutrition
👉🏻Struggled with disordered eating & bingeing
👉🏻 Spent 4-5 years healing my gut & getting myself out of metabolic adaptation because I ate poverty macros for fuggin forever
👉🏻Tried to competitively CrossFit on Paleo, Quito, low carb & did all the dumb shit for years
👉🏻I eat lowfodmap, gluten-free, dairy free, bullshit free 😆, and basic af, not cute meals are my jam. Why? Because that’s how I like to eat, Karen.
Save this for later 😉
My cut started out well, but as we progressed I noticed my energy was all over the place I was starting to feel more out of control eating larger meals (I was fuller throughout the day). My fasting blood sugar was consistently higher (for me) around the 95 to 100 range, staying elevated even 2 hours after eating.
Mine typically sits around 80 to 85 in a controlled environment, fasting.
My digestion was decent, but I still felt inflamed, puffy, & like I was carrying a lot of “fluff” around my middle which I did not have in my 20s. (I was more low carb as far as my diet approach in my 20s, & my workouts were lower intensity). I didn’t CrossFit until my 30s.
My lifestyle now is very different from even December 2019. My stress is higher & I’m traveling more.
My last cut was amazing (I had not dieted in 2 years & was coming off of a surplus) My schedule & stress were more controlled.
Last 12 week cut for a photo shoot.
💭🤔 HELLO!!!! Katie, you’ll be 38 in July, you don’t have the same body you had in your 20s. Dude, you’re almost a legit Cougar 😻😂
💁🏼♀️It’s time to get real, refocus, & realign.
To those of you in your 30s, let me tell you, things change quickly. You don’t recover as quickly, nights of bad decisions haunt you for weeks, and you’d rather go to bed by 9:30 than stay up & go clubbing. PS you still don’t have your shit together in your 30s. 👍🏼🤘🏻
I’ve learned this is the time to accept, adjust, & think about longevity more so than a ripped set of abs.
I love being lean & feeling light & strong, but just because you look the part doesn’t mean you’re healthy on the inside. Abs, striations, & single digit body fat — don’t help you live to a ripe old age.
These require different levels of commitment and flexibility with your diet and training. Be realistic.
MY CHANGES:
👉🏻Focus on a low carb approach, primarily animal-based nutrition. Why? Because I thrive off animal meats & already don’t digest fibers and plants well. I will harp at you till I’m blue in the face, go your own way! Don’t send me fucking hate messages because I eat animals. I’m not telling anyone to eat this way, I’m simply sharing my experiences and reasoning why.
👉🏻I also am not “CrossFitting” because all the gyms are closed, therefore, my activity is more lower intensity. This would warrant lower carbohydrates for my needs are not as high.
👉🏻I am also sleeping more, reducing caffeine intake, & fasting at least 14-16hrs overnight to recover, give my digestion a break & allow my body to balance itself out.
👉🏻I need an approach that is going to keep me fuller, longer, with less energy crashes to sustain long days working at the clinics & hospitals. I don’t like worrying about food & a bunch of meal preps, just my personality. I prefer two large meals a day. Naturally, protein and fats will do this. they take longer to digest and are harder to digest by the body — keeping blood sugar more stable, energy levels more stable with you feeling fuller, longer like a cherry on top. Which is why I’m taking a higher protein, higher fat approach.
👉🏻Macro wise, I am loosely tracking just to make sure my calories are in check. Keeping my carbs 50 g & under. Not really paying attention to where my protein & fats fall, obviously I’m getting plenty of both with animal-based nutrition with the inclusion of nut butters.
👉🏻I Am tracking weight, progress photos, & blood sugar with a simple glucometer (am fasting, 2 hrs post meal, bedtime) just to see how my body tolerates specific ratios, salt intake, stress, & food choices. Not because I’m focusing on the weight on the scale. Obviously when reducing carbohydrates, you’ll naturally lose water, so a lot of this is water weight loss, initially.
Me this morning 3/24/20 113.7lbs
THINGS IM LEARNING:
✅CrossFit is not in aesthetic sport. Stop choosing CrossFit to look like a bodybuilder. Align your training, lifestyle, & align your food. Manage you mofo stress!
✅I personally feel much better on a carnivore-ish diet which aligns better with my lifestyle right now.
🌀My digestion is exceptional, my bloating is gone, bowel movements routine & normal, my puffiness is gone, I feel lighter.
🌀After nine days I’m noticing aesthetic changes finally. Stomach is starting to lose that patchy fat in my stubborn areas above and below my belly button.
🌀Yes with the training differences I’m getting smaller, and softer but I’m fitting more naturally back into my happy setpoint. My weight is staying around 113 pounds.
🌀I don’t hurt as much (minus my broken toe I have right now).
🌀No energy crashes, I have absolutely no cravings for sugar and I’m offen satisfied with one large meal during the day after my fasted walk.
🌀I love walking, it is my savior mind and body. I don’t need to work out six days a week and I need to sleep more. Duh.
✅The more data we have the more we can make educated informed decisions about our lifestyle & food choices. Do we need to worry about tracking & measuring all of the time — NO! But there’s a time & a place for it so you can learn & make educated decisions about how to live your life for YOU.
Quit whining, complaining, yo-yo dieting, yo-yo training, yo-yo living your life aimlessly because you’re not educating yourself. Get tested, invest in mentors, coaches, doctors to help you. There are free podcasts, wonderful people & resources on social media, books you can purchase & things out there at minimal cost.
✅Your goals should be centered around 4 different areas: healing, performance, aesthetics, & longevity. Your seasons will change, adjust accordingly.
✅People just think glucose is just a measure of carbs, it’s not, it’s a measurement of your lifestyle. Stress, food choices, sleep, your workouts, air pollution, under eating, over eating, toxins, artificial shit you put in your body or on your body — it all matters. It all affects your physiology, hormones, gut health, & processes that go on internally.
✅You have to ask yourself what level of stress you are OK with in your life. Adjust accordingly. If you choose this stress level, don’t bitch when you don’t get what you want.
✅The biggest thing people ignore are their mindset & their thoughts. So why are people having such a hard time right now being at home with their thoughts?
BINGO.
I hope this helps you wherever you are in your journey. Remember only you know your body best. I am not endorsing anyone to follow any particular diet I want you to learn, I want you to follow your heart, and I want you to ALWAYS listen to your gut. ❤️
