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Lack of honesty in relationships — the actual “weight” you need to lose to gain

I was never prepared for half of the shxt I’ve gone through, but I got thru it.

During a client consult call yesterday, the conversation turned into more about her habits & relationships than macros or diet — which often is the “weight” we are carrying around.

Our relationships with other people, food, ourselves, exercise — weigh enormously on our overall health (mental &physical).

Laughter, sleep, nature, nourishing food, sun, friends, alone time — all the best medicines.

My client said she didn’t think she was meant to be in a relationship because they never seem to work out.

I asked her if she was being honest with herself, honest with her partners & really clear on what she wants (or lack of). 

She said she thought so. 

And I said, “That’s your answer, you don’t just think so — you gotta know.”

I explained people come into your life as mirrors & teachers & if you’re lucky enough, you find a human you align positively with & fancy incredibly well. But that was up to her & the energy she was putting out there.

She said she feels timing is always off.

Sometimes honest feelings & bad timing make the most painful combination.

Thinking you met the right person but at the wrong time. You want so badly for things to work out but there’s that nagging “ I don’t think this is right” ache that won’t go away. Usually ends in dragging things out or hiding feelings which lead to resentment.

A quote that hit me hard in the past: “Some people keep changing partners to avoid changing themselves.”

READ THAT AGAIN

You can insert food & exercise there as well.

I was like, fxck me. I have done this for years🤦🏼‍♀️

I broke relationships & friendships because speaking up & healing myself didn’t feel “safe.”

I’d cut people out with no remorse without explaining how I was feeling. Because navigating conflict felt like I either had to be the villain or the victim, & that made me weak.

Fears, attachment styles, self sabotaging habits, etc — don’t be afraid to dig your own dirt. This could be the very thing keeping you from losing weight, attracting success, finding love or keeping the one you have or had right in front of your eyes.

Lots of love y’all ❤️❤️❤️

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The stories you tell yourself can create blocks or boundaries. How to create healthy boundaries for extraordinary stories!

What if instead of trying to fix your entire story, just focus on writing one extraordinary story at a time. Then commit to planting those extraordinary seeds every day and watch your story grow.⁣
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I write everyday.⁣
Stories.⁣
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Stories are important. For they create your identity. The book, Atomic Habits talks about stories.⁣
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What stories are you telling yourself? ⁣
What identity do you want to embody? ⁣
What systems do you have in place to help you achieve your goals?⁣
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I feel there are 3 big areas of emotion affected by the stories we tell ourselves.⁣
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Money stories. ⁣
Relationship stories. ⁣
Health (Food & Body) stories.⁣
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What I did wrong: all 3 of these in some way I discounted my worth & desires.
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I set blocks instead of boundaries — there’s a difference. ⁣
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For example, relationships: If I was asked out & I really liked a guy, I’d lose myself & completely change my plans to do what they wanted to do. This was me not valuing my needs. A block. ⁣
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Now, instead of completely denying myself of my plans/needs I would simply say, “Let me get my workout in (or insert whatever plan I had for myself). I will connect & confirm plans later because I would like to spend time with you.”⁣
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This is me setting a boundary not a block. This application can be used across the board.⁣
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Example, Health: instead of saying, “I’m not a morning person, I don’t have time to meal prep.” Set a system & a boundary. “I don’t like to get up early but I will commit to 3 mornings this week & meal prep lunches because I want to be healthy.” ⁣
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Choose extraordinary actions because you deserve to write extraordinary stories.⁣
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Write the identity you want to embody around money, relationships, & health.⁣
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Mine👇🏻⁣
MONEY: I am safe, able, deserving, successful & abundant.⁣
RELATIONSHIP: I am loved, seen, heard, safe, & significant. My relationships feel like freedom & home. I want my future partner to feel the same in the way they need.⁣
HEALTH: I am healthy, energetic, thriving, strong, intelligent, & beautiful in every season.⁣
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Inner calm, outer order😉⁣
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Share yours!⁣
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All About Gut Health on the Self Transformed Podcast with Emily Nichols!

I don’t eat vegetables or fiber.⁣

I eat a 💩 ton of meat.⁣

⁣Why? 

It works better for ME & my special digestive needs.⁣ For decades I chased fat loss & performance as a Crossfit Athlete following diets because everybody else was doing it. But I found myself broken, emotionally eating, inflamed, bloated, & unable to lose body fat despite “eating ‘clean’ & all the right things.”

⁣Honored to have the opportunity to chat with @emilynichols22 on the @selftransformed podcast today! You don’t want to miss this episode!

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Had a consult call yesterday with a client struggling to find the right diet. The problem — focusing solely on fat loss & not holistic health first. That includes mindset, gut health, & your relationship with food & exercise.⁣

⁣First thing’s first — there is no such thing as a “clean” or “best” diet. This only creates food fear & stress. There are only foods that NOURISH & make you feel GOOD & foods that HINDER you & make you feel CRUMMY. Some of these can be those deemed “healthy” like fruits & vegetables, you just can’t break them down & digest them properly.⁣

You may still be having symptoms because:⠀⁣

❌You haven’t addressed the root cause. There is a reason for symptoms. Don’t put a bandaid on it. My approach is find the root cause & develop a system to fix it. Is it an infection, stress, lifestyle, overtraining, Candida, bacteria, no sleep, too much fiber/too little fiber, not chewing your food, too large of meals, food combos?⁣

❌You’re stressed af & not making a change. That gut brain connection isn’t bs. It controls many things from mood to energy to digestion. If you can’t chill out, your gut can’t do its job.⁣

❌Sleep. Rest & digest means just that. If you’re always wired, it’s hard for the body to adequately rest & digest. It affects the 🚽 too.⁣

❌Histamine/food intolerance: some lack enzymes to break down specific foods &/or our guts are so inflamed we’ve developed an intolerance over time.⁣

❌Stress. Over exercise. Under eating. Malnourishment. Life stress. ALL STRESSORS.⁣

Love y’all & I’d love to hear your experiences/feedback below and on the Gram!

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Sometimes the struggle bus is worth it

The hug from @claytonanderson at the Slippery Noodle & 4 hrs of sleep last night were totally worth it. 🎶 🎸🎤

@russell_me22 & I danced our a$$es off. I had over 27,000 steps yesterday.

I have no voice today & my legs are sore af. Got in an easy mile walk this mornin to wake up. I get to work this weekend, it’s gonna be a long two 12-hour shifts 💀🏥 😆 

My God I missed concerts.

Talk about soul food. And I ain’t talking about my crispy airfryer meat bars (which I’m gonna smash later.)

Your Saturday reminder to do whatever the hxll you wanna do that lights you up. Be whoever you wanna be. 

You also have permission to change your mind. Too many people think they have to live by the rules or they can’t change their minds if things aren’t workin out whether it’s a job or food or workout or relationship. 

Learn to roll with life. Roll with JOY & SURRENDER. (My words for this year)

This is for the human who falls in love. With others, but struggles to love themselves.

This is for the human who never feels good enough no matter what the scale reads or weight is on your barbell.

This is for the human who selflessly gives everything to everyone else but themselves.

This is for the human whose heart & intelligence run deep but still fails to see their own beauty.

This is for the human who doesn’t know what it feels like to feel alive & energized & not worry about food or what others think of them.

This is for the human who is 100% real & refuses to be anything other than themselves.

If you do ☝🏻 thing today, love yourself a little bit more💕

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Don’t be upset about the results you aren’t getting from the work you didn’t do

A client got pissed at me yesterday. I said, “Good, then I’m doin my job.”

I had several conversations yesterday via dm with people letting their mindsets & emotional heaviness get the best of them.

On repeat: You attract what you put out. You cannot become what you want by remaining where you are.

You gotta shift your mindset. Mindset is part of the work.

This particular client, flat refuses to eat more food yet wants to gain muscle & heal. And I get it, it’s a mindfxck. 

And I don’t care what goal y’all are chasin in whatever facet of life — DON’T BE UPSET ABOUT THE RESULTS YOU AREN’T GETTING FROM THE WORK YOU DIDN’T DO.

4 things I live by…& letting my weight or my Crohn’s or excuses control me — NOT any of those 3 things…

1.) Be mentally attractive, kind, & be worth knowing. You attract what you put out.

2.) Thou shall not judge because thou has fxcked up too.

3.) You either DO or you DON’T.

4.) 2 things I don’t like to share, toothbrushes & wieners. 

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💁🏼‍♀️Slap that last one on a T-shirt.⁣

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January 2021 I picked my word. Actually I picked 2: JOY & SURRENDER.

⁣Book Recommendation: One Word

How I choose mine:⁣

Step 1: Determine the person you want to be & embody. ⁣

Step 2: Identify the characteristics & things you need to do to be that person. ⁣

Step 3: Choose the word that resonates with your person & the life you want to create. ⁣

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I want to know what y’all chose for 2021! What’s your word?👇🏻⁣

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Confessions of an Empath & a Simple Guide to Grounding

Confessions of an Empath…

Any one else find themselves periodically somewhere between IDK, IDC, & IDGAF? 😆

“Who do you think you are?” she asked me.

I had a performance review when I was around 27 years old. My manager told me I had a “strong silence” which others took as me being arrogant & I needed to be more understanding of other people‘s weaknesses.

To put it bluntly: “You’re resting bxtch face & the fact you can do other people’s jobs better, make them uncomfortable.” 😂 

It was eye-opening & ego shattering at the same time. I had no idea that is how I was being perceived & it forced me to sit down & observe my past behaviors. 

Why did I develop this “strong silence?”

I was going through divorce at the time, in radiology school full-time & working part time on top of it.

💁🏼‍♀️I was like come on sister, my life feels like getting stuck halfway putting on a sports bra when you’re either sweaty or not dried off from the shower yet & I need Jesus to come down & cut me out of it. 

Part of this strong silence was because I am an empath. I’m sure many of you are asking wtf is an empath, Katie?

Empath: noun, a person with the ability to apprehend, experience, & understand the mental &/or emotional state of another.

I didn’t understand what was “wrong” with me when I was younger, just thought I was weird. 💁🏼‍♀️Well…I know I’m weird but I embrace my weirdness now.

Crowds give me anxiety. Jam packed email & DM inboxes give me anxiety.

I literally can feel & read the energy of a room — even a simple text message, too.

Watching a sad movie brings me to tears sometimes & hurts my soul.

I can observe a person & understand a sense of what they’re feeling, down to what kind of day they had.

This happens all the time — at the grocery store when I pass by people & at the gym.

Sometimes it’s suffocating. 

Which is why I’m quiet & wear my headphones a lot— not that I’m stuck up or in a bad mood.

Energy can feel heavy or light. I’ll put it this way, it’s like when you’re trying to follow directions & you turn the radio down because you can think clearer, you feel lighter, right?

I know I’m not the only one out here that feels the same things to a varying degree, so I wanted to tell you it’s OK to be quiet & take time to do what you need to do to ground & find peace.

It’s also OK to get frustrated to the point where you’re like fxck everything! 

Take a time out.

WAYS I GROUND:

Walk in nature

Walk breaks at work

Listen to music

Journal & write 

Color

Talk to a friend 

Spend time alone

Have a spa day

Infrared sauna

Workout

Get a massage 

Clean my home 

Netflix & cuddles with Pete 🐈‍⬛ 

Set boundaries & communicate them with others unapologetically

2 of my favorite quotes for inspiration today:

“I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.” ― E.B. White.

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, & could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.” — Erma Bombeck

We live in a society where we can literally be, have, & order anything & go anywhere we want at the press of a button.

We can communicate with people across the country with an app. We devour other people’s lives reel by reel simply by swiping, scrolling, & rubbing a piece of glass we hold in our hands.

We compare & criticize diets, religion, weights, bodies, workouts, politics, sex, race, relationship preferences, status, & bank accounts.

We doubt our sexiness, our abilities, our worth.

Just wanted to remind you it’s ok to be human. We need the contrast to appreciate the light.

Remember kindness, unity, & empathy never go out of style.

So pull up a seat at my table — your table, any table — & let’s get up every morning determined to both change the world & have one hell of a good time embracing our weirdness❤️

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Why does marriage always have to be the end goal?

She said, “Everyone would be happier if they would settle down & get married.”

Had a lady tell me this yesterday.

Well I have some shxt to say about that…

Why does marriage always have to be the end goal? 

I’ve asked myself this on several occasions. Like can’t I just have a life partner I love to build an empire with? Have conversations, travel, ENJOY LIFE with?

I vow to be honest with y’all, as one who has gone thru divorce (twice), & also lived as a girl who always had to be in a relationship in my younger years — this statement could not be more false.

We vilify singledom. Why?

The years I spent single have been the most transformative — & painful. But absolutely necessary.

You have to take time to be the person you wanna be with. That means nurturing yourself, loving yourself, being ok with making mistakes & relationships not working out.

People are our teachers, some relationships are only meant to last a season. Some are meant to last a lifetime. Surrender & let them happen. 

You also can’t be afraid to take risks & choose love. Building walls around yourself & not allowing yourself to experience love in whatever context or relationship you need, is also paralyzing. That’s not living life.

Am I proud to say I’ve been thru 2 divorces, no. But I am super proud of myself for trying. I am not afraid to choose love & neither should you but make sure you’re doing it on your own terms & for the right reasons.

You’re going to fxck up in life & others will too. I’m just gonna leave it like this, find the right person or people to fxck up with.

Life is so much sweeter when you live it on your own terms, don’t be influenced by other people’s or society’s expectations of you.

I don’t know who may need to hear these but I’m gonna say it anyways, many of you need a therapist & to date yourself for a while, not another relationship or government sponsored life binding contract.

— Because I care. 

Wishing you guys so much love & confidence today, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in❤️

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A simple guide to help you attract high-quality relationships

Smiling cuz I spent the mornin with a barbell & B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend.)🍆⚡️ 

Just kiddin. (Maybe😂)

Ladies, come on, you know exactly what I’m talkin about. A girl has needs🤷‍♀️

Mom & Dad — just ignore that statement, earmuffs.🙉

Actually I did spend the morning with Bob — Bob Proctor, & Lewis Howes. Lewis’s podcast talked about the law of attraction, creating wealth, & manifesting abundance. BTW, that’s your podcast recommendation for the day. I’ll post in IG stories too, swipe up.

A woman asked me yesterday via Dm, “How do I make a good impression & attract the right kind of people?”

Phenomenal question.

You know that anxiety-invoking moment you’re asked, “So tell me about yourself?” 

I don’t care if it’s a job interview, conference, date, or a frickin dating app bio 😩 — it’s like what do I say here? 

Or more like, what level of my weird do I not disclose? I got 50+ shades to play with here🤷‍♀️😆 

I responded with a quote, “Chandeliers don’t go looking for rooms to save from the darkness; they’re attractive because they just hang there, illuminating, sparkling, & shining their light.”

I also told her she only needed to do 2 things no matter what the situation: be authentic & be memorable.

As for attracting high value people, I journaled these following words years ago. 

Ways to attract higher quality relationships:

1. Be authentic & be the person you want to be with. We can have all the checklists we want, but how many of those qualities are we committed to embodying? You attract the energy you put out.

2. Be fierce with your boundaries. You don’t have to include everyone, & everyone doesn’t have to include you. Don’t take things personally. Remove toxicity, & send them love from afar.

3. Reflect back the magic you see in someone. Don’t hesitate to tell someone why you think they’re marvelous. Remind them, all the time. This is so important. And smiles are FREE.

4. Put yourself out there. Go to events, join groups, do what you can to place yourself in rooms with people light years ahead of you & living the life you desire. Never be the smartest person in the room. These people will push the hxll out of you to level up as a human.

5. Be the last person to speak. Listen – like, really listen. Remember that thing I told you about the most interesting person in the room is the most interested? Being a good listener means holding space for the other person to be seen & heard & not judging them for what their truth is.

6. Own your power & remember The Four Agreements: 

Be Impeccable With Your Word.

Don’t Take Anything Personally.

Don’t Make Assumptions.

Always Do Your Best.

If you haven’t read that book, do it. Now.

Let your light shine & be CONFIDENT as hxll in who you are.

Our goal is to simply be authentic, & memorable.

Own your weird.

Now, every time you hear the name, B.O.B, you’ll remember this message.😉

How’s that for memorable? 😄⚡️

Oxox Coach K

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The one thing you need to do right now: stop living your life through your phone

My mom told me, “Stop living your life through your phone.” Ooof like a punch in the gut. I knew she was right. (Dxmnit she always is 😆)

I love social media for connection, education, & inspiration. I wouldn’t have a wonderful digital family like y’all without it.

But I knew I needed to set boundaries & clear toxicity around it.

So I detoxed social media accounts. Unfollowed accounts I no longer align with. 

I deactivated Facebook for a while, I now only use it for events, clients, & family.

I wrote these words this morning, let this be thought provoking, a conversation starter, & your inspiration for the week. Feel free to tag & share on instagram HERE

Be so in love with your life that watching another person love theirs makes your heart happy, not sad, jealous, or angry.

Be so confident you’re exactly where you’re meant to be, no black cloud of FOMO can swallow you, dim your light, question your worth, significance, or timeline.

Be so obsessed with nurturing your own gifts, abilities, & desires you don’t have time or energy to criticize others because your fulfillment, impact, & journey are more important.

Be the captain of your life. Determine what values matter to you, what life experiences you want, what relationships you want, what body you want, what career you want, the person you want to embody — let those things be your map.

Stop letting other people’s lives & living with expectations & control be your compass & your map.

There’s so much abundance & love out there. Focus on the positive feelings & outcomes you deserve. Everything you want is waiting for you to receive when you learn to fall in love with your life right now, & NOW is all that matters.

You’re exactly where you’re meant to be🤍

I’d love to hear your thoughts & Sunday reflections! Leave’em in comments!👇🏻

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Learning how to love your imperfections

I’ve always hated my back. Rarely ever take back progress pictures. I feel partly because I don’t want to give a reason for negative thoughts to creep in & pick myself apart when I know I have to love myself for the sum of who I am in my entirety.

There’s 5 months & 11lbs between these pictures. I love this woman & her season in both pictures. The left is now, the right was on family vacation in October.

Things I used to loathe:

  • My scoliosis – it throws my hips off. My body is not symmetrical, I squat lopsided.
  • My left boob is bigger than my right & neither boob is as big as I would like. Hey there’s at least a handful, I’ve been told that’s all you need right?! 😂
  • My elbows don’t straighten. I can’t fully lock out in any lift which limits my abilities. My CrossFit coaches used to yell at me, not knowing it was a defect.
  • I have stretch marks & cellulite from gaining & losing 50 lbs over my lifetime. I always wanted slender legs, it’s just not the way I’m built. But my ham hocks are strong.
  • I have a red sun spot on my nose I have to cover from getting burned as a child on vacation & bailing hay on our farm.
  • I chew on the inside of my lip, still don’t know why.

From being the girl who refused to take the T-shirt off at the beach or pool to the woman now brave enough to show the canvas God gave her — hats off to you sis.

Wanted to remind y’all you can’t hate yourself happy, skinny, strong, successful, worthy, or LOVED.

 Stop putting new energy in old containers.

@jamesclear said, “The events of your past are fixed. The meaning of your past is not. The influence of every experience is determined by the meaning you assign to it. Assign a more useful meaning to your past & it becomes easier to take a more useful action in the present.”

I put a Post-it on this mirror of a reminder I saw yesterday: “This Chapter of my life is called: now that I know better, I must do better.”

Have a beautiful bootylicious weekend y’all! ❤️🍑🦾 I’d love to chat with y’all on the gram, never hesitate to reach out!

http://www.instagram.com/lil_bit_of_fit