Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
Heart wrenching conversation with a client yesterday I’m certain all of us have encountered & then realized how interconnected emotions & outcomes are.
She told me, she knows he doesn’t love her for her, but she keeps holding on which is affecting her weight & basically everything else in her life.
So I started off with this: Our job on this earth is not to have to sell or transform ourselves to earn someone’s love. It’s just to simply be loved for exactly who we are & we are to do the same.
Relationships & your worth are determined by your own definition, not society’s definition or timelines you think you need to be living.
I’ve said this before, I fully stand by it, people can choose to evolve with you or without you in any kind of relationship, romantic or platonic.
The people you surround yourself with, make you. They are a reflection of your values & integrity.
It’s OK to grow out of relationships. It’s OK if those people choose to part. It takes a BIG, evolved person to lovingly release someone you care deeply for.
You can’t build a relationship with a person you love for who you want them to be.
Honor your individuality.
Don’t be afraid to take chances on experiences if they feel right, don’t hoard shame if they didn’t work out the way you thought.
Be proud of yourself for choosing love, especially love for yourself. It’s the only relationship you’re going to have forever. If you’re not happy, you’re not going to make anyone else happy. The negative energy you put out if you don’t feel aligned will only further grow & bring more negative.
It’s pretty simple really. Give love away like there are no conditions attached, and this goes for letting it go too. By doing this we enable the alignment & flow that is supposed to happen in this life experience.
You can begin creating the life, body, & love you desire right now, even if you don’t have the pieces in place you think you need in order to start.
All it takes is acceptance, intention, effort, & LOVE.
When you read this title, most think of someone spending hours in the gym. If you would’ve asked me years ago, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, I would’ve thought the same thing.
The one exercise you MUST do…
…exercise your mind.
It never would have occurred to me the power and influence of our minds. How our minds push our bodies to defy expectations, beliefs, and even our own biology. Call’em miracles?
So lets chat about two habits I cultivated that can also help you change your life. You can start right now. It’s easy, promise!
I knew when I was in the pit of ONE of my rock-bottoms, cuz ya gurlz had many, I had to start changing my beliefs & mindset.
⁃ My health was not good. ⁃ I was bloated & constipated all the time it seemed no matter what I ate. ⁃ I was putting on weight (FYI when you hoard negative emotional energy, that can be the actual culprit literally weighing you down). ⁃ My performance in the gym sucked. ⁃ I didn’t wanna wear anything but baggy clothes, thank God I wear scrubs to work. Which also translated into me wanting to hide all the time. Hermit mode engaged. ⁃ I was in debt, yet I couldn’t stop myself from overspending because I was putting a fxcking Band-Aid on a bullet hole — I was unhappy. You know it’s a problem when you order shxt from Amazon & you forget you ordered shit from Amazon.
I felt like this was just my story & I could never get ahead. I can’t tell you how valuable to was to invest in coaches to guide me along my way: business coach, nutrition coach, therapist, functional medicine docs, family docs. Don’t be afraid to invest, you’ll get more back in return. And if you need someone to talk to, tell me about your story here. We’ll hop the phone & get some answers for you.
Despite me doing all the physical exercise known to man (president of the ‘habitual over exercisers club’ right hurrrr), the one exercise I was not doing — exercising changing my mindset to rewrite my story.
Sound familiar?
So what did I do?
The two habits that changed my life forever — GRATITUDE every morning & cultivating my ENVIRONMENT (mental & physical) to RECEIVE ABUNDANCE & what I wanted.
I started listening to podcasts and YouTube‘s to people I inspired to be like.
Successful people. Positive people. Learning about things that would make me better as a coach and human and partner and friend and daughter and coworker, etc.
First thing in the morning I say at least three things I am grateful for and something I love about myself.
Second thing, I check my podcasts and YouTube‘s to see what I wanna listen to today.
BONUSES…let me give you a couple more.
I detoxed my social media and unfollowed anything and anyone that made me feel negative energy or the need to compare & mourn past versions of my body (it only fuels disordered eating and body image.)
I also detoxed the people in my life. Yes, I understand this is a hard one especially when it comes down to friends and family. But it is absolutely necessary. Stop ignoring that nagging feeling that keeps telling you you don’t need to be around that friend or that person you keep dating but they treat you like yesterday’s trash.
Trash creates more trash. You attract the energy and vibe you put out.
When you fall in love with who you are, under any circumstance, you awaken the love you need within you and you naturally attract and experience more love and success in your life.
This is a lot easier to do when you cultivate a nourishing environment for you to grow into your fullest potential.
Some of my favorite podcasts, social media, & YouTubes:
I still shower with a shower cap. Not washing my hair is a sport I have mastered.
Pete can attest.
He sits on the side of the tub in between my shower curtains. Can’t get a moment alone I tell ya. Moms, ya feel me?! 🤚
One my favorite pics of Pete. RBF on fleek. Fun fact: I rescued Pete from Pet Smart over 2 years ago when I got my new apartment. I bought a bottle of Crown Royal & a cat, it was Valentines Day. LOL!
I’m not afraid to admit, however, there’s a lot of things I have not mastered.
“So what’s your 5 year plan?” Me — instant anxiety.
To be quite honest I can’t even tell you what I’m doing next weekend.
I mean, I can give you a generalization but I know as an emotional human being my wants & needs are going to change.
I’m a manifesting generator energy type ( human design ), it is what it is. I’ve learned to design my life around it, figured out how I’m wired, & I have manifested so much more abundance into my life since doing so.
I understand most of you, unless you fly your “woo flag” like me, have no idea what Human Design is or what that means — Google it. Links above! You’ll thank me later.
I had a phenomenal question by an instagram follower yesterday, which served as the inspiration behind this blog. I felt it was something everyone could use in their life.
I’ll summarize, she asked, “How do I effectively communicate to get what I want?”
I asked myself on numerous occasions over the years how in the hxll some people get whatever they want?
Let me paint a picture what my life used to be before halfway figuring this shxt out…
I too have been that human who: – was living in the cheapest apartment in Anderson, IN & had to listen to the people downstairs physically beating each other & arguing every night – was going through a divorce feeling like failure & confused about identity – had my car repoed, $40,000+ in debt, $5 to my name, basically living out of my office & car, eating at hotels to save money on food – was sick, struggling with Crohns, disordered eating & orthorexia feeling powerless & ugly – was comparing wanting to be someone else, coveting their life &/or body thinking that would make me successful & happy – was thinking being single meant there was something wrong with me & I needed to settle & find a partner fast to actually be worthy instead of realizing I needed to work on myself & be the person I wanted to be with first – was getting involved in relationships, jobs, social plans when I felt resistance & ignoring my intuition, excessive drinking, overspending, giving my body to people who didn’t deserve it
So what did I do?
I knew I had to learn, hustle, believe in myself, be relentless in the pursuit of betterment, be resilient, & learn how to communicate with people to get what I want.
I made a list of the things I would need to do & the person I would need to embody to achieve these things. Areas: Health, Wealth, Self, & Relationships. These are my life pillars.
⁃ The BODY(Health) — healing, health, rest, eating ENOUGH, working out because I love my body, vibrancy, food & body freedom, self love
⁃ The CAREER(Wealth) — freedom, loving what I do, making an impact, following purpose not a paycheck
⁃ The RELATIONSHIP (Relationships) — doing the inner work, believing in myself worth, getting rid of preconditions I learned over time, self awareness of my shadows and triggers, being the person I would want to be with
⁃ The MINDSET (Self) — telling myself I’m a survivor, a thriver, I lead with my heart & I deserve everything I desire so I can serve others & myself to the highest degree. I deserve QUALITY and refuse to discount myself any longer.
Steps to get anything you want:
1.) You have to make a decision & get clarity on what you want (even if you don’t know how to get it). Find out what kind of manifestor you are. Here’s a great article on Specific vs Non Specific Manifestors. If you’re a specific manifestor, use detailed decisive statements like, “I want a partner by my 30th birthday” or “I want to lose 20lbs in 3 months.”
If you’re a non specific manifestor, like me, we prefer open generalities about how we want to FEEL. My favorite affirmation, “I accept and am open to receive whatever is meant for my highest alignment or better.”
2.) Detach from the “How” & desired outcome. Not knowing how something will come to fruition holds a lot of people back. Two things: divine timing & the Universe always has your back. Throw worry out the window. You have to take emotion out of it & be grateful no matter what happens.
3.) Visualize and BELIEVE in the desired outcome. Focus on how you feel with that thing you want. It’s like how athletes visualize perfect performance that leads to a win.
4.) Gratitude. Do you you look at your struggles as opportunities to grow or road blocks holding you back? When you practice being grateful for everything in your life no matter how small, you’re ability to manifest & get you want accelerates. Getting what we want from others comes down to two things, awareness & communication. Being a good communicator opens the doors to so much abundance & opportunity in your life. It’s applicable in every facet of your life. Whether you’re a: ️- Mom or dad raising children – Entrepreneur growing a venture – Businessman or woman trying to make a sale – Coach working with athletes or clients – Boss or coworker or part of a team, community, or organization Awareness is being aware of the emotions, energy, & humanness of people & yourself. Communication is being a good conversationalist & making someone feel seen, heard, understood, supported, & significant. We live in a world of instant gratification, texts, swipes, & sliding into those DM’s. Having a meaningful conversation & connecting with a person is truly an art. I made an IG tv video on this very subject a few years ago. Check it out here on the gram!
Click image for link to full video on Instagram
I talk about being a good question asker, the difference between a shift & support response, & being an empath vs empathetic. If you learn how to understand & communicate with people (including yourself), you will learn how to get that easy button a lot quicker & get what you (and they) want!
Grateful I got to dress pretty & wear “real clothes” last night. Stitch Fix saves my life. I look forward to their deliveries. I only pay for I keep, can schedule deliveries whenever I want, & cancel at any time.
Obsessed with this soft and savy SKIES ARE BLUE Hannah Modal Scuba Blazer Size: XS
I get anxiety when I go shopping because I know I’m an impulse buyer. This actually helps me save a ton of money & dress well. (which in turn makes me feel good & brings more abundance into my life, another tip 😉)
Just like I should’ve bought an air fryer years ago♨️❤️ 😂
Here’s mine! On Amazon Fav list too! Click Image
A few quotes I love & reminders for you today:
“Beware of destination addiction. A preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job and with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.” – Robert Holden
“Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside of you.” – unknown
“Don’t wait for things to get easier, simple, better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now. Otherwise, you’ll run out of time.” – unknown
I’ve talked about this before…I am the first to admit I prefer extremes & love the high of a red line heart rate.
Thought this was appropriate to talk about with CrossFit open right around the corner.
These particular videos — this workout was basically like 15 minutes in the pain cave🤢
I prefer to overtrain & over work. I prefer that ‘sittin in the dirt’ feel of a fat loss cut over a surplus.
I’m also one to admit I’ve learned a lot through these chapters of extremes & they’re not ones you want to chronically stay in.
Most of you I talk to & SEE in the gyms…you’re doing enough. Maybe we should try to do less 🤷🏼♀️ We have seasons for a reason. Mother Nature doesn’t hustle & grind all year.
If a little is good then MORE is better right? That’s the mentality we adopt.
Some examples:
Drinking a couple socially vs gettin black out drunk & wakin up in a bush.
Being content with what you have vs always wanting the next best thing to keep up with neighbors.
Losing 10lbs vs starving yourself & beating the shxt out of your body 7 days a week.
Sometimes you may need to push yourself more, but let’s be realistic. If you have a good routine down, you work out 3 days a week, you eat well 90% of the time — you don’t need to work out 7 days to be worthy.
Ask yourself:
— Are you working out efficiently & putting in the work when you actually train?
— Are you using positive self talk & affirmations?
— Are you eating appropriately for your goals?
— Are you eating low carb because instafamous Karen does? Are you trying to be a vegan because Yoga Bob down the road does yet you don’t feel well eating vegetables?
— Are you doing stupid workouts with inappropriate weights just because Crossfit beast Sarah lifts 300lbs & you think you should do?
5 AM on a Sunday. No make up, no hair extensions, just takin an easy walk before work because it makes me feel good.
I’ve taken two rest days this weekend, much needed. This was also my weekend to work, perfect timing.
I’d be lying to say that I actually like to take rest days. I don’t. I thoroughly enjoy getting in a challenging work out.
Like I preach before sometimes you gotta do the things that you don’t wanna do because that’s what you really need not what you want.
Just wanted to share with you guys some changes & goals I’ve set for this new year. They’re commitments I’m keeping to myself.
For example, in the past, if I couldn’t go to the gym & get in a hard work out, I’d be pissed & just wouldn’t work out at all. Basically I’d pout.
I know walking makes me happy so now I commit to do just that — walk. Today I walked a mile, nice & easy, & watched Sex & the City reruns. It’s one of those shows I never get sick of — like Grey’s Anatomy & One Tree Hill.
Anyone else love those shows?
2021 Commitments to Myself:
— Live a life of minimalism. Purge all old & unnecessary things. I feel free the less material items I have. Keep only what I love. Anything that conjures up a negative memory or old energy I get rid of.
— If I buy something new, I get rid of something. Every single day I get rid of at least 1 item & put it in this huge basket that sits in my hallway. I call it the Giving Basket. (I named him Greg btw. I name all my favorite items & plants. I believe everything has energy, spirit, & presence.) I donate these items to others in need.
— I will not buy things on the clearance rack because I feel I’m not worthy of a more valuable item. This is me honoring my worth. If I really want something I will INVEST & believe it will bring positive energy & abundance into my life. Money is just energy. You have to learn to love it & have a beautiful relationship with it just like any other. It deserves respect, money is freedom. That means saving wisely as well.
— Unsubscribe from emails & unnecessary expenses that don’t bring value to my life. This means unsubscribing from toxicity in life too — Friends, habits, social media, etc. It’s just clutter.
— Save at least $100 every 2 weeks for an emergency fund. This go straight into my savings. Pay off all unnecessary debt ✅. Not utilize credit cards unless I can pay them off in full.
— Build my wealth, not just in a monetary context, but all the riches of life & love, & give freely. Make someone smile every single day. Give compliments. Tip well. Gratitude every morning & anytime I feel worry or a negative thought, replace & state something I’m grateful for.
— BE SOMEBODY WHO MAKES EVERYONE FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY
I feel what the world needs right now isn’t another post about losing weight or body fat loss.
Right now, for most of us, we should be focusing on feeling our best — not shrinking our bodies because we think we’ll be happier taking up less space.
What we really need is S E L F LOVE
Beautiful design by my fav: @positivelypresent 💕
Cred: @positivelypresent
Ever wonder where negative talk comes from?
They’re rooted from experiences & traumas you’ve had in your past, often childhood. The more you focus on the familiar past, the more the predictable future repeats itself.
Just because something negative happened to you in the past, maybe someone called you ugly or stupid or pathetic or whatever — doesn’t mean that’s what you are.
Remember, what people do or say to you comes from how they view themselves &/or the product of their environment. Hurt people hurt people. As we like to say, “Haters gonna hate.”
On the other hand, if you believe you are unworthy/unloveable you may have biased expectations & reactions when approaching situations with others.
Thoughts become things. These thoughts contribute to your cycle of black cloud emotions & habits.
To cultivate more self-love you must break the cycle & challenge yourself away from negative thoughts, start enforcing boundaries with yourself & others, practice self-care, and distance yourself from toxicity (environment, people, food, social media, etc).
I talk about how habits make you a lot.
That it’s not exactly about picking the right foods or the right diets or the right workouts or the right macros.
Your habits will directly drive how successful you are in anything & everything you do.
Remember that Marshmallow Experiment done by Stanford professor Walter Mischel?
I had to Google that again actually🤓
Basically it found that children who had more willpower & delayed eating the marshmallow to receive a bigger treat later on were more successful in many areas of their lives than the children who couldn’t resist & chose temporary pleasure over long-term gain.
This experiment relates to our routine habit choices. We can choose habits that will serve us more later or ones that will not.
When working with clients one of the first things we work on is self & food awareness. Which includes creating healthier habits.
These can be as simple as eating more protein with each meal or reducing drinking from three days a week to one.
Change your habits, change your thoughts — change you.
