Love lessons and things to learn about yourself to be successful in love

love lessons

Love is a classroom not a candy shop.
— Life lessons I’ve learned from the school of hard knocks
📸 : simply showin love for this lil meat sack in the mirror.

lilbitoffit
Self love is the best love.

Love is the most powerful force in the world. In my opinion, the only thing that matters. For nothing would exist in this world, including you, without love.

I used to think there was only one soulmate out there made specifically just for you. After 39 years I’ve learned you’ll meet many people & things throughout your life that will be your “soulmate.” Some for seasons & others maybe for life.

I define “soulmate” now as a mate that helps you find your soul. This includes yourself, memories, places, things, friends, family, lovers, & enemies.

A book that changed my life 15 years ago, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I discovered it in a desk drawer at work & no one knew how it got there. I was miserable at this time struggling in my marriage & with mental & physical health. It taught me the power of my thoughts, love, & perspective.

Lessons I’ve learned about love that may help spark thought & introspection for you today…

-When you seek pleasure & lust it always runs away from you but when you seek purpose, understanding & connection, pleasure comes towards you because it’s a byproduct of you putting in the work.

  • Learn about yourself & your person. Understand what you both love, how you’re both wired, love languages, etc.
  • love lessons

Things that helped me understand myself & other people…
FUN STUFF ABOUT ME
👇
▪️Manifesting Generator (Human Design) basically get sh*t done & move at the speed of thought. Busy bodies, worker bees, get more done before 9am than most do in a week.

▪️ENFJ (Myers Briggs) among the rarest of the 16 types, only 2-3% of the population. The ENFJ is warm, extroverted, engaging, charismatic, persuasive, & talkative.⁣ Oprah, Barack Obama, Maya Angelou.

▪️2w3 (Enneagram) The helper/achiever, desire to fulfill the needs of others & can sense emotions with clarity & precision. Helping & achieving brings us Joy.

▪️Love languages: 1.words of affirmation 2. physical touch 3. quality time⁣

⁣▪️Astrology: I’m a Rising Scorpio ♏️ , Cancer ♋️ Sun, Sagittarius ♐️ moon. Basically a contradictory Unicorn because I love deep thinking, caretaking, & solitude, but the Sag loves freedom, extroversion & adventure. I’m freedom & home❤😘

  • All of these things craft a completely unique & wonderful individual. You can always know someone deeper.

This is why there is so much infidelity because we are addicted to newness. So why don’t you learn something new about your other half? It’s just like walking down the same path every day, why don’t you try to notice a new flower, rock, or tree? Then you’ll discover the same old paths can always be new & exciting. Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary.

  • Be playful but don’t play mind games. If you’re interested, make the move & observe. If they don’t respond, move on. We build strength when we make the move because we build confidence. This is you being in charge of your destiny. Mind games destroy the authenticity of a relationship.
  • Making someone feel bad doesn’t make them good. You change because of love, clarity, & communication. We don’t change because of judgment, guilt, & expectation
  • Any recurring issues you need to solve for the long run.
  • Prepare your partner for your mood swings & schedule. Communicate what makes you feel safe. For example, ask, “Do you need support or a solution.?” “Does saving make you feel safe or your earning power?” Check in with your other half. Pick one day a week & have a date check in. Ask them, “What was the highlight of your week & how can I help you?
  • Focus on how you can complement, not compete or complete. When you compete you’re trying to be everything. When you compliment, you are just being you. Take a moment & recognize what your other half brings to the relationship.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday & Valentine’s Eve, squad!
Go out there & love someone today!

oxox Coach K

A Simple Guide on Scarcity Mindset Shifts and How to Get What You Want

I still shower with a shower cap. Not washing my hair is a sport I have mastered.

Pete can attest.

He sits on the side of the tub in between my shower curtains. Can’t get a moment alone I tell ya. Moms, ya feel me?! 🤚

One my favorite pics of Pete. RBF on fleek. Fun fact: I rescued Pete from Pet Smart over 2 years ago when I got my new apartment. I bought a bottle of Crown Royal & a cat, it was Valentines Day. LOL!

I’m not afraid to admit, however, there’s a lot of things I have not mastered.

“So what’s your 5 year plan?” Me — instant anxiety.

To be quite honest I can’t even tell you what I’m doing next weekend.

I mean, I can give you a generalization but I know as an emotional human being my wants & needs are going to change.

I’m a manifesting generator energy type ( human design ), it is what it is. I’ve learned to design my life around it, figured out how I’m wired, & I have manifested so much more abundance into my life since doing so.

I understand most of you, unless you fly your “woo flag” like me, have no idea what Human Design is or what that means — Google it. Links above! You’ll thank me later.

I had a phenomenal question by an instagram follower yesterday, which served as the inspiration behind this blog. I felt it was something everyone could use in their life.

I’ll summarize, she asked, “How do I effectively communicate to get what I want?”

I asked myself on numerous occasions over the years how in the hxll some people get whatever they want?

Let me paint a picture what my life used to be before halfway figuring this shxt out…

I too have been that human who:
– was living in the cheapest apartment in Anderson, IN & had to listen to the people downstairs physically beating each other & arguing every night
– was going through a divorce feeling like failure & confused about identity
– had my car repoed, $40,000+ in debt, $5 to my name, basically living out of my office & car, eating at hotels to save money on food
– was sick, struggling with Crohns, disordered eating & orthorexia feeling powerless & ugly
– was comparing wanting to be someone else, coveting their life &/or body thinking that would make me successful & happy
– was thinking being single meant there was something wrong with me & I needed to settle & find a partner fast to actually be worthy instead of realizing I needed to work on myself & be the person I wanted to be with first
– was getting involved in relationships, jobs, social plans when I felt resistance & ignoring my intuition, excessive drinking, overspending, giving my body to people who didn’t deserve it

So what did I do?

I knew I had to learn, hustle, believe in myself, be relentless in the pursuit of betterment, be resilient, & learn how to communicate with people to get what I want.

I made a list of the things I would need to do & the person I would need to embody to achieve these things. Areas: Health, Wealth, Self, & Relationships. These are my life pillars.

The BODY (Health) — healing, health, rest, eating ENOUGH, working out because I love my body, vibrancy, food & body freedom, self love

The CAREER (Wealth) — freedom, loving what I do, making an impact, following purpose not a paycheck

The RELATIONSHIP (Relationships) — doing the inner work, believing in myself worth, getting rid of preconditions I learned over time, self awareness of my shadows and triggers, being the person I would want to be with

The MINDSET (Self) — telling myself I’m a survivor, a thriver, I lead with my heart & I deserve everything I desire so I can serve others & myself to the highest degree. I deserve QUALITY and refuse to discount myself any longer.

Steps to get anything you want:


1.) You have to make a decision & get clarity on what you want (even if you don’t know how to get it). Find out what kind of manifestor you are. Here’s a great article on Specific vs Non Specific Manifestors. If you’re a specific manifestor, use detailed decisive statements like, “I want a partner by my 30th birthday” or “I want to lose 20lbs in 3 months.”

If you’re a non specific manifestor, like me, we prefer open generalities about how we want to FEEL. My favorite affirmation, “I accept and am open to receive whatever is meant for my highest alignment or better.”

2.) Detach from the “How” & desired outcome. Not knowing how something will come to fruition holds a lot of people back. Two things: divine timing & the Universe always has your back. Throw worry out the window. You have to take emotion out of it & be grateful no matter what happens.

3.) Visualize and BELIEVE in the desired outcome. Focus on how you feel with that thing you want. It’s like how athletes visualize perfect performance that leads to a win.

4.) Gratitude. Do you you look at your struggles as opportunities to grow or road blocks holding you back? When you practice being grateful for everything in your life no matter how small, you’re ability to manifest & get you want accelerates.

Getting what we want from others comes down to two things, awareness & communication.

Being a good communicator opens the doors to so much abundance & opportunity in your life. ⁣

It’s applicable in every facet of your life. ⁣
Whether you’re a:⁣
️- Mom or dad raising children⁣
– Entrepreneur growing a venture ⁣
– Businessman or woman trying to make a sale⁣
– Coach working with athletes or clients ⁣
– Boss or coworker or part of a team, community, or organization⁣

Awareness is being aware of the emotions, energy, & humanness of people & yourself. ⁣

Communication is being a good conversationalist & making someone feel seen, heard, understood, supported, & significant. ⁣

We live in a world of instant gratification, texts, swipes, & sliding into those DM’s. ⁣

Having a meaningful conversation & connecting with a person is truly an art. ⁣

I made an IG tv video on this very subject a few years ago. Check it out here on the gram!

Click image for link to full video on Instagram

I talk about being a good question asker, the difference between a shift & support response, & being an empath vs empathetic. ⁣

If you learn how to understand & communicate with people (including yourself), you will learn how to get that easy button a lot quicker & get what you (and they) want!

oxox Coach K