This will probably trigger you…
It triggers me everytime someone asks me. “How do I learn to love myself?”
Straight up, I’ll tell you, you are the reason you’re not where you wanna be.
And it’s because of fear.
I tell you this as your coach & fellow human that understands.
For the majority of you following along my fitness journey via the interwebs, I feel confident saying we have many things in common, including this painful topic.
You see I realize now, as my 41 year old self, fear of gaining weight totally stifled my potential, controlled, & basically wrecking balled my life in every facet.
Every facet of life is connected. I categorize mine as health, self, wealth, & relationships.
Fear of gaining weight & self loathing caused me to live decades in agony & struggle.
I ate all the wrong things for me. All the “healthy” sugar free food & crazy diets that tore up my gut, hormones, & metabolism.
I starved, binged, purged, & over exercised myself to exhaustion, inflammation, & imbalances.
I didn’t have many friends & missed out on SOOO many memories because I feared eating food, both because I didn’t wanna go over my calories & be “fat” & I feared being judged for not being able to eat “normal” due to my Crohn’s.
I didn’t ask guys out, I doubted myself. I was never athletic enough, skinny enough, lean enough, strong enough, pretty enough, smart enough…
I never reached a body goal I was happy with no matter how thin I got or how strong I got. Not because I wasn’t a hard worker, I worked my ass off, but because my relationship with myself, my negative mindset, & fear of gaining weight controlled ME.
I had a DM from a woman desperate for me to give her magic macros & all the answers to get a lean physique.
First thing she said, “I’m afraid to gain the weight back, but what I’m doing isn’t working.” She was eating tons of lean protein, little fat, stated she was hungry all the time, fasting, working out like a fiend…sound familiar?
I said you’re right, it’s not working. The main issue isn’t not having the perfect macros or workout regime, it’s because you’re letting your fear of gaining weight block your doors of abundance & success.
It’s preventing you mentally & physically from making the correct decisions & courses of action. Your body also responds to your thoughts & feelings, if all you think & feel is self hate, despair, & poor health – that’s what you’re gonna get.
She said, “I never thought of it that way.”
I said, “Exactly.”
So I wrote a list of simple things I did to help me learn to love myself for you to refer back to. Make these yours however they fit & resonate.
I hope they give you HOPE that you can learn to love yourself too.
Simple Ways I Learned to Love Myself
- Self awareness means to know & accept yourself. It’s impossible to love yourself if you don’t even know who you are. Invest in discovering what you believe, value, & like. And yes, this will mean making mistakes, but you’ll learn & discover what you do like.
I asked myself these questions:
What are my strengths?
How do I want to feel in my body, relationships, & finances?
Who matters most to me? Who are my people?
What am I ashamed of?
What do I like to do for fun?
What am I worried about that consumes my thoughts?
What are my values? What do I believe in?
If I could have one wish, it would be…
Where do I feel safest?
What or who gives me comfort? What or who do I numb with?
If I wasn’t afraid, I would…
What is my proudest accomplishment?
What is my biggest failure?
Am I a night owl or an early bird? How can I arrange my life to better suit this part of me?
What do I like about my job(s)? Does it bring me joy & fulfillment?
What do I do to show myself love & self-care?
Am I an introvert or an extrovert? Am I energized being around others or being by myself?
What is/are my happiest memory/memories?
What am I grateful for?
- Say “no” when you need to. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you smart & more able to fully yourself & those around you. Boundaries are one HUGE form of self-care because they let others know that you are deserving of respect.
- Comparison is the thief of Joy -Stop. Others aren’t better or worse, more or less than you; we’re all just different. You are worthy simply because you exist. Period. The reason we struggle is because we compare everyone’s highlight reels to our behind the scenes.
The reason we struggle is because we compare everyone’s highlight reels to our behind the scenes.
- Know and own your strengths. We all have tremendous gifts. refer back to those questions in number 1. And again, stop comparing. When you’re busy, distracted, & always stuck in comparison “whoa is me” mode, it’s hard to acknowledge & access these vibrant qualities. Focusing on your strengths will increase your positive feelings for yourself & inner & outer vibration.
- Let go of the past. Your past mistakes and imperfections don’t need you anymore. Cut the cords physically & energetically. Embrace your humanness. Mistakes are normal. Imperfections are part of what makes you, YOU. Everything is an experience. That’s it. You can choose & begin again every day.
- Accept that some people won’t like you no matter what you do. All that matters is you love YOU. People view you from their own lens of life experience & trauma. We do this to others too. So think about that before you go to judge someone. Don’t waste your time trying to please people who are impossible to please or people who just aren’t that important to you. Being yourself means you have to give up your people-pleasing ways and embrace your authentic self. People pleasing leads to you losing yourself & ultimately building resentment.
- Make JOY & fun unapologetic priorities. We were meant to live this life in Joy. Put something you love & look forward to on your agenda every week. Anticipation is a key stage in helping you feel happiness; by having something to look forward to, no matter what your circumstances, you bring happiness into your life well before the event actually takes place. That’s you vibrating those happy feelings we all want which helps us attract abundance into all areas of our lives.
- Practice gratitude. Gratitude is one of the simplest ways to focus on the good in yourself and in your life. Name at least 3 things you’re grateful for when you wake up every morning. Flood your mind & morning with positive quotes, images, intentions for your day. This is an enormous part of my morning routine. I speak out everything I’m grateful for no matter how silly they seem. I can’t tell you how many times I say, “Thank you God & Universe” during my days. And it has made all the positive difference. Even for small things like a light turning green, or a parking space, or bills or expenses that enable me to live a life of comfort & joy.
Here are some things I like to do that help me live in positivity & gratitude:
- Waiting in a checkout line, compliment someone. Acknowledge people & say good morning. Buy someone’s groceries or coffee. Be kind to the homeless & less fortunate.
- Leave sweet notes for your partner, spouse, kids, roommates, coworkers, etc telling them how much you appreciate them. Send a kind text.
- Send people gifts on Amazon. OMG, one of my favorite things to do! Get their address & send them something to brighten their day! You can do this anywhere & anytime without even leaving home or getting out of your pj’s!
- Tip well & express gratitude for exceptional service. Give well deserved reviews. I do this at restaurants, bars, on instacart & amazon, surveys about services.
- Thank the Universe, God, Collective- whatever & whoever you believe in for letting you live another day.
- Thank Mother Earth & farmers for our food.
- Express your appreciation for the weather.
- Daily, write down at least 3 things you feel grateful for.
- Look in the mirror & appreciate all the miraculous things your body does for you. What do you love about yourself?
- Open the door for people. Help the elderly. Talk to everyone no matter who they are. Tell people who serve you THANK YOU!
- Take nurturing, loving care of your body! Y’all, health is truly priceless & your greatest wealth. Give yourself the gift of feeling physically strong & thriving – move, exercise regularly, eat healthfully, hydrate, get 7-8 hours of sleep most nights, say no to gluttony, & minimize alcohol &/or other numbing mechanisms. The most successful, happy people are those with daily success habits & a routine that helps them thrive!
- Write yourself a love letter. Get it out, you’re amazing! This puts all the wonderful intentions out there & that’s what you’ll attract back to you. We attract what we ARE. Attraction also includes the words ACTION. Do the things that embody the person you desire to be. Repeat this list in the mirror every morning. Write them out on post it notes & put them where you can see them.
- Surround yourself with a nurturing, up leveling environment. This includes everything you consume: people, books, movies, social media, food, drink, jobs, where you live, where you hang out, etc. Who you spend time with reflects how you feel about yourself. People who feel worthy surround themselves with positive people. Sometimes loving yourself means you have to end relationships & things & let them go. Let them go with LOVE.
Things that keep me HIGH VIBE⚡️✨:
Pinterest scripting (saving photos I wanna manifest & those that make me feel AMAZING, LUSCIOUS, VIBRANT, EMPOWERED, etc)
High vibe music
Exercise, walking, nature
Infrared sauna, red light therapy
Positive podcasts & audiobooks
Coloring & Canva design
Talking to my people, writing
Smiling at someone, hugging
Doing something kind for someone
Gratitude shower
Putting on makeup, hair/wardrobe accessories
Dressing in sparkly vibrant clothes/jewelry
Massage, Doing my nails, lash & hair extensions
Organizing & cleaning my space
Wearing certain colors #colortherapy
Start with the ones that feel easiest for you & work on something new every week. A reminder you can do hard things, especially when the hardest thing feels like loving YOU.
oxox Coach K
Hailing from Fishers, Indiana, Katie is an aficionado of healthcare, fitness, & personal development.
You can find her personal weight loss & healing story here.
She’s been involved in travel nursing & radiography for 20 years! She’s a writer, connection maker, nutritionist, & entrepreneur who loves helping others & squeezing every drop out of life!
Katie grew up on her family’s beef cattle & crop farm where agriculture & healthcare were her first loves.
She is a Purdue University graduate well known for her storytelling of life lessons & personal transformation with weight loss & Crohn’s disease.
She competed as a competitive CrossFit athlete in her early 30’s. After decades of struggling with her own health issues from Crohn’s, obesity, disordered eating, infertility, & hormonal imbalances, she is passionate about helping others find self-love, achieve their health & business goals, & create sustainable success habits for an EXTRAordinary life!