Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
I wanna be with someone that would divorce me if I gained 50lbs.
Now hear me out…morning ponderings & real talk…
I’ve thought a lot about my journey of becoming my best self: past mistakes, my health, my fitness journey, my relationships, & every facet of 50 shades of f*cked up & beautiful on this ride.
For those of you new here I’ll be 42 years old this year & still don’t know what the f*ck I’m doing. It’s ok. I love every minute of this life! I’m grateful for all the sh*t I’ve been through because it’s made me the woman writing this today in this journal entry.
My opening statement isn’t about weight gain & aesthetic changes, it’s about being THE PERSON & with a partner who holds high standards for themselves too & one who makes me want to be a better woman, partner — human.
A reminder for myself & maybe you too 🤷♀️to be with people who make you want to be the best version of yourself. Maybe they make you feel a little uncomfortable. Good. Choose people who are different & help you grow.
I set these standards for all relationships — platonic, business, & romantic.
Why? Because it influences who you are.
I understand we’ve all been taught about these “fantasy” relationships & unconditional love …
… I believe love is conditional because people change & that’s totally OK. Lovingly allow the right people into your lives yet also realize it’s OK to lovingly release those who do not fit your nonnegotiable conditions.
👉 The game of relationships & choosing wisely @hormozi 👌🏻 🎙️
When Cardi B said, “I gave you more than I gave myself. So loyal to you that I betrayed myself.” I felt that…
Deep shiz reflections & life feels lately
I’m in such a wonderful place in life. I give gratitude every day for this privilege. This growth. I prayed for it.
How many times have you betrayed yourself because you were giving more to other people or your personal issues & limiting beliefs?
I understand how changing myself to please others or validation attracted all the wrong things that I needed to figure out all the right things. I know if I can’t be my raw, authentic, no filter, little weirdo self around someone it’s not meant for me.
Maybe it’s disordered eating
Maybe it’s that toxic relationship
Maybe it’s that job you hate
Maybe it’s drinking too much
Maybe it’s negative self talk
Maybe it’s stagnation & fear
Maybe it’s a scarcity mindset
Maybe it’s as simple as too much coffee🙋🏼♀️ (I’m trying 😆)
I’ve been in an abusive, obsessive relationship with all of these at one time or another in my 41 years.
What helped me? Journaling & getting real. Falling on my face. Failing. Spending time alone. Finally getting a place of my own that I LOVE. Stepping into my worth. Focusing on being the person that I would like to be with.
Knowing I don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy or more worthy. But knowing I’d really like to find a special someone to live life with that looks at me the same way I look at them.
Look for beautiful people & places that quiet your soul. Not just beautiful people & places.
I love my family & small circle.
We may not like or see each other every day but I’m grateful to know that I have a forever home to go to whenever I want & that’s wherever my people are. It’s wherever I am.
When we show up fully & completely as ourselves, content with where we’re at, being fully present & conscious in the moment, listening attentively, showing love & respect, practicing gratitude — we attract more love, positivity, & abundance into our lives & expand those feelings to others.
It took me a long time to learn that what society deems as “beautiful” people & places are common.
Hell, nowadays all you need is a good filter & just the right angle. You can’t build anything with beauty alone.
I prefer the REAL good stuff. The stuff that stings a lil bit. The ones with scars that tell a story. The places with history & character.
I had a client tell me she just wanted to be told she was beautiful. I teared up, I understood exactly how she felt.
I explained to her the difference between a beautiful person & person who was simply beautiful.
Yeah, it’s nice to be told you’re beautiful or hot or whatever, but I’d much rather hear someone say that I made things easier.
That they’re happy because I exist.
That I’m strong, & smart, & able.
That their life is better with me in it.
That they’re proud of me.
That they value what I bring to the table.
Be a person who is complimented on more than just appearance.
I clearly remember the moment I told myself, “You are the main mf*ing character in your story. You are not a cameo in someone else’s movie, they are not more important than you. Get yours.”
That was a pivotal day & new chapter in my storybook.
“If you want to live on your own terms you have to be willing to crash & burn “ – Nikki Sixx
Even going thru therapy, there were instances I realized I was still people pleasing & love bombing in different shades, placing other people on a pedestal above myself.
They may have been in different forms & people, but they were still showing up as cycles & outcomes I didn’t fancy in my reality anymore.
Writing is a part of my therapy. I appreciate y’all allowing me to add value to your lives in anyway that you need.
If you’re stuck in that phase called “f*ck everything!”
It’s ok. Been there too.
To anyone who struggles with FOMO, regret, feeling disappointed in their place in life, maybe unattractive…somethin my therapist taught me… In order to shed old skin & open yourself up to to a better life, better health, & abundance, we must interrupt our anxious thoughts with:
“What if this works out for the better?”
“What if all my hard work pays off?”
“I am open to receive what I need & trust things happen for me exactly when they’re meant to.”
So I’m passing that on to you today – wherever you are, whatever you’re shedding, whatever you’re leaving, whomever you’re becoming.
Select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes every day.
If you want to control things in your life SO bad — control your mind, your inner narrative, & your response.
I cringed. Conversation starter…saw a T-shirt this mornin that said, “The best man for the job is a woman.”🫣
Why do we feel the need to have to hate on the opposite sex? I’m so grateful my parents taught me it’s OK to be a “girl” & it’s OK to be strong like a “man” too. They just wanted my brothers & I to be ourselves.
Listen Linda, I’ve been divorced twice, but I still LOVE & appreciate men. I’m grateful for y’all. I acknowledge there are some things you men do way better than me, & I’m totally OK letting you do it.
I love everything about women, too, we’re both simply unique. (get yer minds out of the gutter, because I know they went there😂)
My mom taught me I can do anything a man can do, & if I can’t, I can hire it done.
💁🏼♀️Girl boss shi*t level 100
— THIS is more about being a self-sufficient human, not hating on the other sex.
It’s like when I get questions when you could’ve simply Googled & YouTubed that shiz
Ima straight shooter, we real talk on this channel. Y’all can do your own life admin.
I know I don’t need someone to take care of me nor do I feel like I have to have a man to be happy, but I do love the feeling of having someone to protect & take care of me because they want to.
Successful relationships thrive because you see each other as equals & want the best for one another. Your happiness is my happiness.
Not because either one feels they can’t take care of themselves or are incomplete without the other.
A negative pattern I used to fall into, I would attract partners where I quickly fell into the role of mom, teacher, &/or enabler.
Karen, we ain’t got time for that.
And neither do you guys. Choose a woman that makes you want to be a better man, that lets you be yourself, lets you be the provider, lets you be the more masculine, enjoys taking care of you & most importantly, is your best friend.
Ladies, vice versa.
A healed, confident person is honest, blunt af, & tells you exactly who they are & what they want. If you’re confused, there’s your answer.
How bout we all simply love people for the humans we are & what we bring to the table?!
2 quotes for ya today, “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” @rupikaur_
“Love the world as your own self then you can truly care for all things.” – Lao Tz
#happyvalentinesday 💕
Choose the people that light you up, push you, and inspire you. Choose the people who see your light and will also hold you accountable to chase your potential. Choose the people who won’t not let you be your best self.
Choose those people and also be that someone to yourself. ❤️
I hope you find a reason to smile today. Even if it’s not from someone else but from yourself, loving yourself how you need to be loved. Don’t focus on what you don’t currently have & find joy in the things you do have. A little gratitude goes a long way.
Sending all the love!
P.S. This instafamous photo was taken in the bathroom at the gym this mornin.😂 I had pink on. Thought it appropriate for the day. Just keepin it on the real reel 🤷♀️
P.S.S. The holiday of all the big beautiful bouquets, I wanna know what y’all‘s favorite flowers are??? [mine: pink roses🌹 daisies🌼, sunflowers🌻] 👇🏻💐 Drop’em below!
I sat my plant children out on the patio this morning before CrossFit & work for some sun & fresh air. I feel they’re happier when they get some time out.
I named them all. This is one of my new ones, her name is Maggie.
It takes some time setting them all out & gets my patio messy. But they’re worth it. They make me happy when I see them when I come home. Like Pete 🐈, he runs to the door when I get there. Even though he eats all my succulents & opens cabinets & drawers — making a mess.
Your message is in your mess.
Healing is messy. Life is messy. There’s not a template for it.
Some hard things I’ve learned are first loves or fierce loves don’t always mean the best loves. Stable, loyal loves are timeless. And sometimes the relationship we need to work on for another is the one with yourself.
Best friends don’t always mean friends forever.
Money is energy & like a relationship too. It deserves to be appreciated, honored, & used for good. It comes & goes like everything else in life.
One thing they all mean no matter what the outcome, however, is someone at sometime — cared. And that’s worth it.
I have good & not so good days. I have days I feel like a rock star & other days I feel like an a$$hat.
Some days I reminisce on what I could’ve done differently to change the outcomes & other days I feel like I’m living my best life.
I have moments of heart break — a mistake you made you wish you could change, hearing a song that pours salt in a wound, a scent that brings back a certain place in time, the sight of a picture, the feel of an old sweatshirt or shirt that makes you smile & cry in both appreciation & mourning of a relationship or memory.
Through it all remember that you’re human. And you’re messy.
Feel the feels.
Take the time you need to begin again.
And thank God for things you prayed for that you didn’t get. You wouldn’t be the person you are today.
