Tag: Relationships

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How to Nurture the Power of Decision

Don’t bullshxt me Darlin’

Decisions still give me anxiety. 

They just rile me up. It means I have to choose something & release something else.

I realize now it gives me anxiety because I fear making the wrong choice & somehow that makes me a bad person. A failure. An imposter. Which are 2 of my worst fears.

How about guys? You feel this way too?

I feel if I make a ‘bad’ decision, I’m not achieving, I’m not people pleasing, & that makes me less worthy somehow.

I realized it was paralyzing me & there are no wrong decisions — only an experience.

That doesn’t make me a bad person that makes me human. I focused too much on the end product & not on the love of the journey & process. 

This was applicable to my love life, my relationship with food & body image, career goals — you name it.

Also, let me remind you, nothing is irreversible. Picture the worst case outcome. Trust me, you’ll be fine.

Dr. Joe Dispenza preaches the POWER is in the present, becoming unattached to outcomes.

We can’t worry about the past, it doesn’t need us anymore. Learn the lessons.

⁣Now, 2nd guessing.

This shows up in the smallest ways. 

✅Ex: I choose the hamburger but 2nd guess myself when your wings come out. 

✅Ex: I choose to go to CrossFit but Karen down the road went for a 5 mile run. Maybe I should’ve done that.

✅Ex: I chose Partner A because he feels comfortable & safe but I truly want Partner B but somehow don’t feel good enough for partner B.

✅Ex: I chose job 1 bc it gives me freedom. But I really need job 2 bc it’s stable yet I’m afraid of commitment.

Am I the biggest fxck up in the world because I did so? No.

⁣

So here’s what I want to reiterate, decisions are crossroads. You’re not less worthy because you make a decision that didn’t turn out.

You’re not indecisive or savage or weak or broken or stupid or whatever you tell yourself. 

It’s simply your baggage being pulled out of your bag. 

So sit yo 🍑on the floor & unpack your baggage — it’s not gonna unpack itself.

And I’ll be sittn on the floor, with a cocktail or coffee, unpacking my shxt with you. ❤️🥃☕️ 

shirt: @amandaradke

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The Best Love Advice No One Told You

Heart wrenching conversation with a client yesterday I’m certain all of us have encountered & then realized how interconnected emotions & outcomes are.

She told me, she knows he doesn’t love her for her, but she keeps holding on which is affecting her weight & basically everything else in her life.

So I started off with this: Our job on this earth is not to have to sell or transform ourselves to earn someone’s love. It’s just to simply be loved for exactly who we are & we are to do the same.

Relationships & your worth are determined by your own definition, not society’s definition or timelines you think you need to be living.

I’ve said this before, I fully stand by it, people can choose to evolve with you or without you in any kind of relationship, romantic or platonic.

The people you surround yourself with,  make you. They are a reflection of your values & integrity.

It’s OK to grow out of relationships. It’s OK if those people choose to part. It takes a BIG, evolved person to lovingly release someone you care deeply for.

You can’t build a relationship with a person you love for who you want them to be. 

Honor your individuality. 

Don’t be afraid to take chances on experiences if they feel right, don’t hoard shame if they didn’t work out the way you thought. 

Be proud of yourself for choosing love, especially love for yourself. It’s the only relationship you’re going to have forever. If you’re not happy, you’re not going to make anyone else happy. The negative energy you put out if you don’t feel aligned will only further grow & bring more negative.

It’s pretty simple really. Give love away like there are no conditions attached, and this goes for letting it go too. By doing this we enable the alignment & flow that is supposed to happen in this life experience.

You can begin creating the life, body, & love you desire right now, even if you don’t have the pieces in place you think you need in order to start. 

All it takes is acceptance, intention, effort, & LOVE.

Love & Hugs 🤗❤️ oxoxo

Feature Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto

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31 Powerful Affirmations For Every Area Of Your Life

Snowpocalypse ❄️ 2021 #indianaproblems

Many of you are stuck inside. Which means we’re snuggled up to our emotions. Yikes right?!

If that’s you, here are:

31 Powerful Affirmations For Every Area Of Your Life 

— medium.com  (fav!)

You can book mark these for later on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CLWreaPj_Bv/?igshid=1aeddpziw8f1n


Money

  1. Money comes to me easily and effortlessly.
  2. I constantly attract opportunities that create more money.
  3. I am worthy of making more money.
  4. I am open and receptive to all the wealth life offers me.
  5. My actions create constant prosperity.
  6. Money and spirituality can co-exist in harmony.

Love & Relationships

7. I am full of positive loving energy.

8. I welcome love and romance into my life.

9. I am in a loving and supportive relationship.

10. I deserve love and I get it in abundance.

11. I am loved, loving and lovable.

12. I am blessed with an incredible family and wonderful friends.

13. I give out love and it is returned to me multiplied manyfold.

Self

14. I forgive myself and set myself free.

15. I believe I can be all that I want to be.

16. I am in the process of becoming the best version of myself.

17. I have the freedom & power to create the life I desire.

18. I choose to be kind to myself and love myself unconditionally.

19. My possibilities are endless.

20. I am worthy of my dreams.

21. I am enough.

Health

22. I deserve to be healthy and feel good.

23. I am full of energy and vitality and my mind is calm and peaceful.

24. Every day I am getting healthier and stronger.

25. I honor my body by trusting the signals that it sends me.

26. I manifest perfect health by making smart choices.

Happiness

27. I am grateful to be alive. It is my joy and pleasure to live another wonderful day.

28. Happiness is my birthright. I choose to be happy and I deserve to be happy.

29. Being happy comes easy to me. Happiness is my second nature.

30. Good things are happening.

31. I am deeply fulfilled by what I do.

Oxox Be safe! Coach K

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2 Quotes for Valentines Day

2 quotes for ya today, “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” @rupikaur_  

“Love the world as your own self then you can truly care for all things.” – Lao Tz

#happyvalentinesday 💕

Choose the people that light you up, push you, and inspire you. Choose the people who see your light and will also hold you accountable to chase your potential. Choose the people who won’t not let you be your best self.

Choose those people and also be that someone to yourself. ❤️

I hope you find a reason to smile today. Even if it’s not from someone else but from yourself, loving yourself how you need to be loved. Don’t focus on what you don’t currently have & find joy in the things you do have. A little gratitude goes a long way.

Sending all the love! 

P.S. This instafamous photo was taken in the bathroom at the gym this mornin.😂 I had pink on. Thought it appropriate for the day. Just keepin it on the real reel 🤷‍♀️

Tank top on Amazon Favorites List!

https://www.amazon.com/shop/lil_bit_of_fit


P.S.S. The holiday of all the big beautiful bouquets, I wanna know what y’all‘s favorite flowers are???  [mine: pink roses🌹 daisies🌼, sunflowers🌻] 👇🏻💐 Drop’em below!

Oxox Coach K

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It’s not always butterfly’s…

She said, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”

I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.

How bout we start there. 

And I’ll ask y’all something my momma asked me recently, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”

I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino

There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection. 

Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man or a perfect ME.

I’ve had a hard time letting people love me. 

I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really fucked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get to that point of being the one that was hurt.

I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.

To the recovering calloused avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shit ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.

My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun, now knowing it’s a verb. 

It’s something you choose, & it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of tacos & tequila (but that’s would be nice 😆🖐🏻🌮🍹sign me up btw)

A hard lesson I’ve learned recently is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying.

And things you nitpick may just be your ego talkin. Just because a day, a month, or a year doesn’t seem to align right now, doesn’t mean you set the whole damn thing on fire & watch it burn. 

Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fucked up. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

Jus sayin.

So I’ll be patient & wait…

…for that endless buffet of tacos & tequila

…with a splash of @morganwallen

…and my best friend by my side. ✌🏻🏝 

Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto

Xoxo

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The Avoidant & Tips to Help Heal

I was asked yesterday by a follower 2 great questions: 1.) What was the best part of my day? & 2.) How I knew I was the #avoidant type & how I was learning to heal myself so I could be a good partner because she was struggling.

Girrrrrrrl sit down 😆🪑 

If only a CT scan could tell me what I needed to do to fix this brain🧠

So…

1.) Best part of my day: getting to FaceTime with @_rottier_  🇺🇸👉🏻🇯🇵 

2.) This is gonna be long. You’ve been warned. But I don’t wanna leave anything out. I’m going to repost these on my blog site (link in bio) so they’re easier to read.

I don’t think it was until this year I realized MY FAULTS in pushing people away that were trying really hard to love me.

I viewed it as being smothered. A breach of my boundaries. I’m an introvert by nature & value my privacy & alone time. 

There were definite differences, but a lot of it was just them wanting to be a part of my life & I was allowing myself to feel overwhelm, detachment, & fear of getting too “close” & having my heart broken. 

I don’t like depending on people or showing weakness.

When I finally started doing the inner work to attract the right kind of partner & life I wanted, I got what I asked for.

However, the Universe has a funny way of testing you to see where you’re weak & still need work.

Things I learned thru therapy:

➡️The avoidant attachment type shows up as independent & self reliant.

➡️They guard themselves when people get close, safety is not found in other people.

➡️They emotionally distance.

➡️Non committal, they feel overwhelmed & uneasy about healthy stable love.

➡️Difficulty trusting others & asking for help.

➡️Think too much & subconsciously sabotage relationships.

➡️Females tend to be more “masculine” in nature (Tom boy, strong independent, “rough around the edges”)

It was suggested to me to trial dating apps to sort thru emotions about a relationship. To help gain clarity on my true wants & needs.

They said if it feels icky or heavy or misaligned — um it is. 😆 And that’s exactly what I felt. Ew. 

I had no desire for the riff raff. Those were quickly disposed & deleted.

List to your gut. It’s never wrong.

⁠

Tips given to me for my avoidant attachment style:⁠⠀

⁠⠀

1. Allow others to do some things you would normally do yourself. Makes me uncomfortable af. But I’m learning it’s okay to rely on people.

⁠⠀

2. Slow down when experiencing overwhelm & stress. If you need a break, communicate it. Don’t hold it in until it becomes resentment.

⁠⠀

3.) Get real with yourself. Feel the feels & note how you want to FEEL in a relationship.

⁠⠀

4. Work on setting boundaries before reaching the point of pushing people away & emotionally distancing.

⁠⠀

5.) Work on identifying & communicating your thoughts & feelings. Don’t be afraid to cry. Learn to be more vulnerable in SAFE relationships.

⁠⠀

6.) Look for the positive qualities in yourself, others & your relationships. Remember that thing about thoughts become things & the grass is greener where you water it?

⁠⠀

7.) If you’re about to become “runaway bride” & wanna run or GTFO — time out. Make a pros & cons list. Consider the potential benefits of staying. Make sure it’s in alignment with you.

⁠⠀

8.) When you’re taking time to yourself, communicate more effectively & show appreciation for the other. Example: “I need space for myself so I can be my best self for you. I appreciate your patience & I care.”

⁠

I feel  the moment you get to the place where you feel at peace & at home with yourself is the moment before the relationship you always wanted shows up in your life.

It can a new one or maybe a new & improved one.

For me the healing of relationships & the world is always the healing of ourselves.

Are you a recovering avoidant like me?