Tag: Self Love

Posted on

Of Kings & Queens…

We gettin deep today y’all. This is something I’ve never completely disclosed. I hope it helps you where you are right now twas a message I was nudged to share today.

So here goes…

Never did the world make a Queen of a girl who hides behind a facade of perfection in a house of guarded walls but an imperfect woman of wisdom in a house of mirrors & glass.

Are you just INTERESTED in being a Queen of high value building your empire or are you COMMITTED to being her?

I had a mentor ask me this.

Holy shit. 

Another gut check moment.

You see our beliefs build habits & our habits reinforce those beliefs.

For those of you who are new around here & don’t know my story let me set a quick framework of my past that may resonate close to yours. 

I too have been that human:

◽️going through a divorce feeling like failure & confused about identity 

◽️car repoed, $40,000 in debt, $5 to your name, basically living out of your office & your car, eating at hotels to save money on food

◽️sick, struggling with disordered eating & orthorexia feeling powerless & ugly 

◽️comparing wanting to be someone else, coveting their life or body thinking that would make me successful & happy

◽️thinking being single means there’s something wrong with me & I needed to settle & find a partner fast to actually be worthy instead of realizing I needed to work on myself & be the person I wanted to be with first 

◽️getting involved in relationships, jobs, social plans when I feel resistance & ignoring my intuition, excessive drinking, overspending, giving my body to people who didn’t deserve it

So what did I do?

I visualized & BELIEVED in the things I wanted to manifest. I made a list of the things I would need to do & the person I would need to embody to achieve these things. 

  • The BODY — healing, health, rest, eating ENOUGH, working out because I love my body, vibrancy, food & body freedom, self love
  • The CAREER — freedom, loving what I do, making an impact, following purpose not a paycheck
  • The RELATIONSHIP — doing the inner work, believing in my self worth, getting rid of pre-conditions I learned over time, self awareness of my shadows and triggers, being the person I would want to be with
  • The MINDSET — believing in myself, telling myself I’m a mf Hustler, a survivor, a thriver, I lead with my heart & I deserve everything I desire so I can serve others & myself to the highest degree

I stepped into my worth, I said NO to people, social media, habits, self sabotage more than I said yes to consuming toxicity. I created a routine that helped me be the person I wanted to be in the areas of my life: self, health, wealth, & relationships.

Doesn’t mean I was perfect, but it meant I fully believed in myself enough to grant GRACE & laughter for my humanness (aka when I fugged up 😂), & refuse to put myself on the clearance rack.

THINGS I MANIFESTED DOIN THE WORK:

💫For decades I lived in debt, during this Quarantine I made my last payment & paid off $43,000. Debts paid. 

💫My health was shit, my digestion & adrenals a wreck — I finally got my health back & completed my most successful cut this past year. 

💫I was basically living out of my office with 5$ in my account, barely having enough money for eggs, to having the apartment I always wanted.

💫I wanted freedom of schedule doing all the things I loved. I now have 4 different jobs in radiology as well as my coaching practice making my own schedule.

💫I wanted travel & to live in 2 different places. I traveled bw IN & MO, making them both home.

💫I’ve had a failed marriage, numerous failed relationships which broke me. I wanted a best friend & partner to live life with, one that is a life story not just a love story, one worthy of growth & future & feels like freedom & home. The Universe gave me a Marine 🇺🇸❤️ @_rottier_

💫 I’ve had car trouble for some time, transmission finally went out on my bug 🚘 I was devastated but knew I deserved better. Recently manifested the car of my dreams.

Meet Ruby 🙂

This has been a huge source of anxiety for me because my car is freedom & my freedom means everything. Which is something I struggle with & I’ll admit to you all. These are tough shadows to talk about & reveal.

It goes back to me being a prisoner in the majority of my abusive relationships in the past. I refuse to rely on other people to take care of me, I’m an overachiever, I don’t like to ask for help, I’m afraid of commitment because of my past experiences & it’s something I’m working on. I am independent & self-sufficient to a fault, causing me to put up a hard shell around my very soft center when fearful or threatened. 

Thick skinned you could call it but I realize I come off as cold and heartless when this happens. When I reach a point of emotional exhaustion & frustration in a relationship, & I’ve said it before, I will cut a mf out of my life with no remorse & move on. (Friend, family, or romantic partner) Not proud of it. Again, with self-awareness comes the power of change. I’m working on it. 

It affects every facet of my life & is one of my biggest fears. 

My biggest fears: feeling insignificant, disrespected, unworthy, a failure, feeling like a prisoner whether it’s financially, relationally, or with my food & body image. 

I’ve come to realize I have a problem with authority & I’m not always in the “right” for always doing what I want to do.  I have constant discussions with my ego, Kathleen, as I like to call her. 😂

I get stuck in my own head & place so much pressure on myself to achieve & GSD to a degree it affects others & makes them feel inferior &/or insignificant. I apologize to anyone whom I’ve made feel this way through my ignorance.

In support, I told you before about a story where I had a performance review at work & my manager told me I needed to have more patience & empathy for other people‘s weaknesses. That was the first time I became self-aware of this shadow.

Kathleen is my masculine survivor. She is wolf.

Katie is my feminine caretaker. She is woman. 

I know I need both of them. Finding the blend is the challenging part of being a human.

So a reminder to my fellow Type A’s, Ima get shit done 4x as fast as you, get out of my fuggin way I can do it better — props to being efficient but please be kind to those who are different than you. Utilize it as a strength to help others become better. Lesson learned.

#manifestinggenerator problems. 

If you don’t know what your Human Design is, I highly suggest you look into it. It’ll help you understand how you’re wired & how you’re supposed to live this life & manifest more effortlessly. 

I also suggest @tobemagnetic Her courses on doing the inner work we all talk about changed my life.

So some Sunday pondering, reflection, life lessons learned the hard way for y’all.

Remember the KING or QUEEN you wanna be.

I’d rather be a woman of imperfections & wisdom living in a transparent glass house than an imposter living within guarded walls. 👑 

I’d love to hear your thoughts & comments or if you’ve struggled with similar struggles like me🤗

And if you need someone to talk to & coach you through your own situation, I’d love to listen, link here❤️

Posted on

Exercise & Food Anxiety – The Obsession with Control

I didn’t know whether to laugh or throw up. 

Can I just wrap up in a warm blanket & eat Texas Roadhouse rolls all day???

Quarantine hit. My workout routine was ripped from my life. Anxiety hit. The thoughts of past self sabotaging behavior started to creep up. 

Should I restrict? 

How many more steps do I need? 

Fugggg I can’t sweat.😩 I’m gonna pack on 20lbs, better cut food. 

What if my “safe” foods are taken away?

When I began specializing in gut issues & primarly women’s relationship with food & body image, I saw a pattern. I LIVED the pattern — basically an obsession about control over food & exercise.

We deny we have an eating or behavioral disorder — we DO, sister. But you don’t have to stay there.❤️

Signs include: 

  • Feeling panicked when sick, injured, or vacation jacks up our workout routine
  • Feeling like walking “isn’t enough”
  • Restricting or allowing food based on exercise that day.
  • Feeling we have to “earn” food.
  • Fear about gaining weight
  • Feeling worthless if any weight gain occurs, obsession with the scale & letting it dictate our attitude for the day

One client said, “I feel like I MUST control & workout everyday. If I don’t, I feel worthless & obsess about it until I do workout.”

We talked about how that disordered need for control is taking over our ability to intuitively listen to our body’s cues to rest. It also affects our energy, hunger, sleep, digestion, hormones, & bluntly— our ability to give a shit. 

This relationship with food & exercise tends to make us miserable. Paralyzing us from enjoying the important things in life.

Here’s how I help clients (& myself) establish a better relationship with our food & exercise:

  1. Disconnect the connection of “perfection” with food & exercise to our worth & obsession with having to earn food.

I used to count every calorie I consumed, down to the gum I excessively chewed. I only ate the calories I burned that day. I only ate diet food, hoping to save calories & carbs. I was chained to numbers. My macros were shackles. My mindset & perception of my methods & myself were the enemy. It wasn’t the food or exercise. 

When we were young, we knew when we were hungry & we stopped when we were full. Because of environmental & emotional factors,  getting stuck in cycles, many of us lose touch with our true hunger cues. 

This is where I find intermittent fasting & or setting a meal schedule or eating window is helpful, teaching us when we’re actually hungry & preventing mindless/emotional eating.

Also viewing food as fuel for our day & workouts instead of a reward is a helpful way to rewire our brains from earning to nourishing.

2. Focus on simply moving your body.

Workouts should be enjoyed. Walking IS ENOUGH. Shoot for 10k steps per day or simply increasing your steps by 1k each week till you reach your goal. If you have a good relationship with food, there is no need to kill yourself in the gym 7 days per week. Spend adequate time eating at your true maintenance calories. You should not be dieting more than 1-2 times per year. 

Before quarantine, I would walk, CrossFit &/or bodybuilding 5 times per week with one rest day and one active recovery day. I love the community & push of a group Wod. 

Intra quarantine, I don’t have access to the equipment or facilities for specific workouts. I’ve worked out at home 3 days per week with minimal equipment and walked.

Haven’t gained, inflammation is actually down, & I’ve become more in tune with my body, hunger cues, & how to adjust my food & eating schedule based upon what my body is craving. 

3.  Surrender to the seasons. We aren’t meant to look the same.

Binges, disordered eating & body image, cravings, & anxiety for control flare up when we’re living in a chronic deficit &/or chasing a size we’re not meant to naturally be. 

Your hunger &/or lack of are signs your body is simply trying to survive. Lack of resources trigger our bodies to down regulate systems, cycles, & hormones. Wonder why you lost your period or you’re cold all the time, you plateau on 1200 calories & gain when you eat anything above 1600? BINGO. Don’t be afraid to Reverse Diet. Invest in a coach!

We’re really chasing a feeling, not a number. We want to feel worthy, loved, significant, safe, heard, seen, & happy. 

These are all a state of being my loves. 

It didn’t matter if I was 100lbs or 160lbs, happy was a state I FELT about my life at whatever season. If you don’t do the inner work & address the root cause, it’s like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound.

You’re afraid to surrender because you don’t want to give up control. Especially for my fellow Type A’s. 

Guess what?

You never had control, you became you’re own prisoner.

One of my favorite IG accounts, @maryscupofteaa wrote a new blog post for you: 7 books about self-love every woman needs to read.

CHECK IT OUT! 

Educate yourself. Self love is a skill we sharpen. Surround yourself with people & environment full of positivity. Everything you consume, down to social media makes an impact on your perspective.

Cut the toxicity & self sabotage. 

Food & body freedom are just one decision away. 

The decision to choose YOU. ❤️

Whether you’re struggling with gut issues, trying to learn macros, fuel for your workouts, or fighting for your food & body freedom, I’m here for you.

Xoxo Coach K

Posted on

Self Love & Success Habits

I feel what the world needs right now isn’t another post about losing weight or body fat loss. 

Right now, for most of us, we should be focusing on feeling our best — not shrinking our bodies because we think we’ll be happier taking up less space.

What we really need is S E L F  LOVE

Beautiful design by my fav: @positivelypresent⁠ 💕

Cred: @positivelypresent

Ever wonder where negative talk comes from?

They’re rooted from experiences & traumas you’ve had in your past, often childhood. The more you focus on the familiar past, the more the predictable future repeats itself.

Just because something negative happened to you in the past, maybe someone called you ugly or stupid or pathetic or whatever — doesn’t mean that’s what you are. 

Remember, what people do or say to you comes from how they view themselves &/or the product of their environment. Hurt people hurt people. As we like to say, “Haters gonna hate.”

On the other hand, ⁠if you believe you are unworthy/unloveable you may have biased expectations & reactions when approaching situations with others. 

Thoughts become things. These thoughts contribute to your cycle of black cloud emotions & habits.

To cultivate more self-love you must break the cycle & challenge yourself away from negative thoughts, start enforcing boundaries with yourself & others, practice self-care, and distance yourself from toxicity (environment, people, food, social media, etc).

I talk about how habits make you a lot.

That it’s not exactly about picking the right foods or the right diets or the right workouts or the right macros.

Your habits will directly drive how successful you are in anything & everything you do.

Remember that Marshmallow Experiment done by Stanford professor Walter Mischel?

I had to Google that again actually🤓

Basically it found that children who had more willpower & delayed eating the marshmallow to receive a bigger treat later on were more successful in many areas of their lives than the children who couldn’t resist & chose temporary pleasure over long-term gain.

This experiment relates to our routine habit choices. We can choose habits that will serve us more later or ones that will not. 

When working with clients one of the first things we work on is self & food awareness. Which includes creating healthier habits. 

These can be as simple as eating more protein with each meal or reducing drinking from three days a week to one. 

Change your habits, change your thoughts — change you. 

Make them better ones. 💕 

⁠