Tag: Single girl

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I love storytelling & a note about fullfilment

I love storytelling. I love storytelling my life & I love hearing people share stories about their lives, emotions, & experiences. 

I loathe small talk. 

Most likely a big reason I find dating exhausting. Too many people are only willing to scratch the surface of actually getting to know someone, putting in the minimal effort required, vapid conversations.

Hardly anyone actually asks you out on a date or even coffee to meet face to face anymore. 

I thoroughly enjoy a confident, masculine man who takes the lead & is on the old fashioned side.

Speaking of old fashioneds, ☝️ point if you too fancy this beloved cocktail of choice. Double ribeye points (I just can’t say brownie😂) if you buy me one AND tell me stories about your ambitions, your big goals, your likes/dislikes, weird thoughts, dreams, whatever – I wanna hear it.

Embrace who you are.

Since freeing myself from the chains of people pleasing & what I thought I “should be” & blazing a path of my own, that painful path has led me to being the happiest I have ever been. It has allowed my light to shine & attract the right people, places, lessons, & opportunities. 

Not all these things were rainbows & sunshine & sweet cocktails & coffee that taste like heaven. Some felt like gaping wounds that you poured salt on & chased with a shot of bad tequila or a yager bomb. 

GAG.

BAD memories from college. Same with anything peach or that semi resembles jungle juice.

Oprah Winfrey said, “Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don’t fight them. Just find a new way to stand.” 

Happy birthday to Queen O today btw. I love Aquarians, from one “weirdo” to another, I see you. 

To all my astrology nerds out there, I’m a Scorpio Rising, Cancer Sun, & Sagittarius Moon. Very much a Scorpio/Sag.

Kinda like I’m the most positive, open minded, free spirited, fun person to be around, but my feelings run deep & I will cut a mf if I have to to protect my peace, my family, my people, & my money.

Today, a reminder to just be you, be weird, be kind to people, get to  know one another. And realize you’re never behind, there are no timelines, & fulfillment means something different to us all.

I haven’t traveled the world, but I’ve experienced some really cool places. I’ve lived thru moments of what some people back home would only dream of, but yet, I’ve found more fulfillment in my morning coffee, writing, caring for livestock & my plants, that 1st bite of delicious food, listening to music that brings back smiles & memories, watching the flowers & trees dance, feeling sunshine on my skin, & somehow those are more savory.

Let’s have ourselves a day!

oxox Coach K

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What old facebook memories taught me about adulting & aging gracefully

Cringe worthy.

Like, “Dear Baby Jesus, did I really put that out in the world?” SMDH

My old social media posts, ESPECIALLY those on Facebook often make me wanna hide underneath a rock. On the other hand, some make me smile, some laugh, some wonder if I even had a brain or any sense of style. Those you see & you’re like, “WTF was I wearing &/or WTF was I thinking dating that person?!”

Come on, laugh, let the WTF’s flow! Judgment free zone!

As I’ve aged & became more comfortable & in love with myself, I realized they are also clues & puzzle pieces to the way I absorbed the world, evolved, & learned to eventually (hopefully), more successfully navigate as an adult.

Don’t know bout ch’all but I still feel like I’m a kid. I remember when I thought 30 was old & by 40 all the fun sh*t was over.

Hell I’m just gettin started!

I don’t consume much social media nowadays as compared to when I’d scroll endlessly without INTENT. Key word – Intent.

I use it more for content creation & connection. It is easy to get sucked into the rabbit hole. Be careful to not place your worth in your profiles. I enjoy using mine as an educational tool & expressive extension of my personality, but I choose not to use it as a barometer of my worth, existence, or social resume.

The other day tho, up popped a FB memory that went back 16 years to when I was married, unhappy, confused af, an addict to food, alcohol, & toting around a sh*tty midset, “shoulding” all over myself. 

It read, “Fck this adulting, bout to get fckedddd up!”

Welp, glad my use of sentence enhancers haven’t changed.

But instead of feeling shameful, this 39 year old human felt such a sense of pride & gratitude. Pride for how much I’ve grown & gratitude for this space in life, in time – with all of you!

I know y’all relate to this too. Just wanted to check in with ya in hopes you’re also sittin in this space of awareness, love, & acceptance instead of shame, sadness, & regret.

Laugh y’all! Life is meant to be lived in JOY! No ragrets.

Anyone wanna share your “walls of shame?”

Oxox Coach K

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The people who are comfortable being alone will never waste your time with dating games

I saw a post today by @wittyidiot that I felt in my soul. I know I’m not the only one out there that absolutely thrives being alone the majority of the time. 

And I really hope you guys are your own best friend, you really should be.

So hear me out, you’ll appreciate this. 

He said: “The people who are comfortable being alone will never waste your time with dating games. All business, zero bullshit. If they’re special, you’ll know and you’ll know you’re special too because they choose to spend time with you over their favorite person, themself.

It’s the last place we want to be. We’re basically interviewing you to replace ourself as our new best friend and we really don’t want to give up that position but we are also intrigued that there is more out there than the echoing cacophony of our own bullshit in our heads.”

✊Preach it brother.

I am at the stage where I don’t simply want to be crazy in love. 

I want to be calm in love. 

I want to be confident in love. 

I wanna define love. 

I want to be happy in love.  

I want to be understood in love. 

My safe space & biggest adventure.

Feels like freedom & home.

Likes long walks down the meat aisle. 😁🥩

#relationshipgoals ❤️

Random Full Moon 🌕 Monday night journaling.

Enjoy!

Oxox Coach K

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The One Thing You Need to Do To Attract Successful Relationships

I said, “Get a life.”⁣
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Had the pleasure of snuggling up with a green beverage & answering questions with a digital friend yesterday on St. Patrick’s day.⁣
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She said, “I just need to pick your brain about some relationship things I’m going through. I respect & appreciate your positive energy sprinkled with such blunt honesty.” ⁣
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I laughed 😄 ⁣
Best compliment I had all day.⁣
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My dad used to say I was a lot like a caged raccoon. They’re attracted to shiny things & look all cute & harmless, but as soon as you stick your fingers in the cage they bite’em off. ⁣
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Thanks Dad. ⁣
If you don’t come from the Midwest or the South you may not understand that metaphor. Lol 😂 ⁣
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I swear I don’t bite 😉⁣
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Anywhoodle…⁣
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She asked, “What’s the 1 piece of advice you would give to someone with codependency in every relationship they seem to have? Because that’s me. I feel I change for every relationship and rely on other people for my sense of happiness which in turn results in failed friendships & romantic relationships.”⁣
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I don’t know about y’all but I felt this woman’s question in my soul. That used to be me.⁣
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I wasn’t happy or felt any self worth unless I had a partner. I would let their energy affect my energy. I would change my interests, wants, & needs to suit their‘s. I would make their life, my life — to the point I felt my purpose was to simply serve them. ⁣
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If you don’t know what codependency means:⁣
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noun⁣

  1. excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.⁣
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    Apparently being in a relationship was an illness and an addiction. My Achilles’ heel per se.⁣
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    So I told her, “Get. A. Life.”⁣
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    You know why we struggle with relationships in today’s society? Because we don’t cultivate a self aware one with ourselves first. ⁣
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    Because we don’t connect our souls with one another anymore, we like to connect our social media accounts & swipe right. ⁣
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    We communicate with ambiguity. Vapid small talk just to fill silence. We ourselves don’t get clarity on what we really want. ⁣
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    It seems when we do fall in love, it’s only after considering if we’re settling or not, whether a person can give us the life we want & fulfill unrealistic desires. ⁣
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    We’re blinded by filters. We forget to date one another. We let passion & playfulness & adventure die. We don’t ask what the other needs to be seen, heard, loved, & supported. ⁣
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    We look for someone perfect to complete us while we already have the best possible one within us. ⁣
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    I’m just gonna say this, ‘singlehood’ has been vilified for way too long. I believe it’s actually the 1 thing people need to experience fully in order to cultivate more successful , meaningful relationships. ⁣
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    If you don’t build a home in yourself first & don’t even know who you are as your authentic self, how do you expect to get to know someone else on a deeper level & accept them as they are?⁣
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    It truly goes back to self love & self worth. You are seeking these things from other people. ⁣
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    High seekers do the same thing. Everything‘s great when it’s new & fun but as soon as the ‘real life’ mundane button is pushed, you become avoidant & seek new highs.⁣
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    Yup, calling myself out there too. Queen of the avoidants. Thanks to my therapist for pointing that out.⁣
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    Through therapy I learned how being made fun of as a kid affected my relationships & love life. I built walls so high around myself & guarded them with weapons of avoidant attachment, sarcasm & ambiguity. ⁣
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    My therapist told me I am REALLY GOOD at acting like I don’t give a fxck. So much so I somehow taught myself how to shut my emotion off & that’s why I was able to cut people out of my life with no remorse.⁣
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    Oooof. Fxck me, right?! 😆⁣
    Sound familiar? ⁣
    Anyone else an avoidant like me? 🤚 ⁣
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    Guys that liked me who were attractive, smart, & successful intimidated me whether I liked them or not because I felt I was still that fat girl & not successful enough to be worthy of a relationship with them. My therapist said I placed them in this box of the popular boys at school that used to make fun of me, which wasn’t fair to them or myself. ⁣
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    So I’d ‘settle’ for less than men, frankly, as she put it, “Not on on the same level as me.” I did this because subconsciously I knew I was smarter, more successful, and more in control.⁣
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    Same with successful women, too. I felt I wasn’t good enough to “sit at the cool kids table.”⁣
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    Oooof. Another fxck me.😫⁣
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    These are the things you need to hear. I understand it’s not what you want to hear. They’re dirty, & heavy, & gross.⁣
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    Find yourself. Date yourself. You have to be whole first. No one completes you or owns your relationship. A relationship is shared, it’s like a Google Drive. ⁣
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    What happens is you get into a relationship & lose your life slowly. That relationship then becomes your life, your world.⁣
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    Then when something goes wrong in that relationship, or there is conflict, your world comes crashing down because you’ve made that relationship your world.⁣
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    We share our life with our partner we don’t give our life to our partner & vice versa. It doesn’t mean to love LESS it means to love SO MUCH your wholeness, & your partners wholeness mean more individually so you can both be POWERFUL AF together.⁣
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    Find someone carrying their own bag. ⁣
    Find someone that is willing to sit on the floor beside you. Y’all can pack & unpack your bags together. ❤️⁣
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    I’ll be right there with you, with a cocktail or coffee, your choice 😉 ⁣
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    Oxox Coach K⁣
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Sorta Sweet, Sorta Beth Dutton

In case you needed the reminder, it’s OK to be sorta sweet, sorta Beth Dutton. 🤚🥃 

Yellowstone. 

I have not been so obsessed with a show since Grey’s Anatomy, One Tree Hill, & Sex and the City. 

Who else?

I wanna hear what shows you love in comments!!!!👇🏻

Soooo I’m not naturally “feminine” per se. 

4 words: Bull in China Shop. 🐮 

3 words: Indiana. Corn. Fed. 🌽 😂 

I guess I never noticed how rough around the edges I was until a boyfriend criticized me for always throwin sh*t around & slammin cabinet doors.

Drove him nuts. 

I said we’ll maybe you’re just fragile🤷‍♀️😆

It made me wanna change myself, however. I thought, well dang, there’s something wrong with me.

I changed for him — & felt a pit of shame.

Ridiculed as my shyer, younger self, I felt less than. I didn’t fit the mold of the “pretty” girls at school.

So I spent the majority of my life tryna change & shrink myself.

I always find myself playing in the “boys club” — the guys girl. I have a very small intimate group of women I surround myself, but I find naturally I’m drawn to being friends with men. 

I’m the oldest of 3, I have 2 younger brothers.

Played baseball until I was told I couldn’t play anymore because I was a girl. I still can’t throw underhand worth a sh*t.

I’m good at throwin a football but was told I’m a girl so I couldn’t play football. I have 1 helluva an arm. 💪🏼 My grandfather was the football coach.

I was raised on a farm in a small town in Indiana, treated no differently than my brothers.

We’re raised to be productive, strong, tough — rub some dirt in it you’ll be fine.

I excelled as a student, in the top part of my class, president of my 4-H & FFA clubs, had scholarships to Purdue & graduated magma cum laude. #boilerup

I’m grateful for every single piece of 50 shades of fxcked up that makes me — ME.

I’d tell my younger self 1 thing — you weren’t made to fit in, you were made to move mountains.🏔 

Now, remember to be yourself. 

Oh, & go light some shxt on🔥✨

#mindsetmonday