Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
They just rile me up. It means I have to choose something & release something else.
I realize now it gives me anxiety because I fear making the wrong choice & somehow that makes me a bad person. A failure. An imposter. Which are 2 of my worst fears.
How about guys? You feel this way too?
I feel if I make a ‘bad’ decision, I’m not achieving, I’m not people pleasing, & that makes me less worthy somehow.
I realized it was paralyzing me & there are no wrong decisions — only an experience.
That doesn’t make me a bad person that makes me human. I focused too much on the end product & not on the love of the journey & process.
This was applicable to my love life, my relationship with food & body image, career goals — you name it.
Also, let me remind you, nothing is irreversible. Picture the worst case outcome. Trust me, you’ll be fine.
Dr. Joe Dispenza preaches the POWER is in the present, becoming unattached to outcomes.
We can’t worry about the past, it doesn’t need us anymore. Learn the lessons.
Now, 2nd guessing.
This shows up in the smallest ways.
✅Ex: I choose the hamburger but 2nd guess myself when your wings come out.
✅Ex: I choose to go to CrossFit but Karen down the road went for a 5 mile run. Maybe I should’ve done that.
✅Ex: I chose Partner A because he feels comfortable & safe but I truly want Partner B but somehow don’t feel good enough for partner B.
✅Ex: I chose job 1 bc it gives me freedom. But I really need job 2 bc it’s stable yet I’m afraid of commitment.
Am I the biggest fxck up in the world because I did so? No.
So here’s what I want to reiterate, decisions are crossroads. You’re not less worthy because you make a decision that didn’t turn out.
You’re not indecisive or savage or weak or broken or stupid or whatever you tell yourself.
It’s simply your baggage being pulled out of your bag.
So sit yo 🍑on the floor & unpack your baggage — it’s not gonna unpack itself.
And I’ll be sittn on the floor, with a cocktail or coffee, unpacking my shxt with you. ❤️🥃☕️
One change that will massively impact every facet of your life — find your magic time.
Everyone has a time a day where they are 10x more effective at the GSD than the rest of the day. FIND IT.
Most successful people have a refined early morning routine, habits, & thus, successful SYSTEM that ensures optimization.
Every day is a new day to make a different decision. No regrets. Learn from past decisions & choose to not stay there.
The past doesn’t need you & the future hasn’t happened yet, it hinges on your present 🎁
“You are where you are because of your choices. There is nothing to gain by regretting. Review your decisions for lessons and make a new decision to change.” @realcraigballantyne
When you read this title, most think of someone spending hours in the gym. If you would’ve asked me years ago, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, I would’ve thought the same thing.
The one exercise you MUST do…
…exercise your mind.
It never would have occurred to me the power and influence of our minds. How our minds push our bodies to defy expectations, beliefs, and even our own biology. Call’em miracles?
So lets chat about two habits I cultivated that can also help you change your life. You can start right now. It’s easy, promise!
I knew when I was in the pit of ONE of my rock-bottoms, cuz ya gurlz had many, I had to start changing my beliefs & mindset.
⁃ My health was not good. ⁃ I was bloated & constipated all the time it seemed no matter what I ate. ⁃ I was putting on weight (FYI when you hoard negative emotional energy, that can be the actual culprit literally weighing you down). ⁃ My performance in the gym sucked. ⁃ I didn’t wanna wear anything but baggy clothes, thank God I wear scrubs to work. Which also translated into me wanting to hide all the time. Hermit mode engaged. ⁃ I was in debt, yet I couldn’t stop myself from overspending because I was putting a fxcking Band-Aid on a bullet hole — I was unhappy. You know it’s a problem when you order shxt from Amazon & you forget you ordered shit from Amazon.
I felt like this was just my story & I could never get ahead. I can’t tell you how valuable to was to invest in coaches to guide me along my way: business coach, nutrition coach, therapist, functional medicine docs, family docs. Don’t be afraid to invest, you’ll get more back in return. And if you need someone to talk to, tell me about your story here. We’ll hop the phone & get some answers for you.
Despite me doing all the physical exercise known to man (president of the ‘habitual over exercisers club’ right hurrrr), the one exercise I was not doing — exercising changing my mindset to rewrite my story.
Sound familiar?
So what did I do?
The two habits that changed my life forever — GRATITUDE every morning & cultivating my ENVIRONMENT (mental & physical) to RECEIVE ABUNDANCE & what I wanted.
I started listening to podcasts and YouTube‘s to people I inspired to be like.
Successful people. Positive people. Learning about things that would make me better as a coach and human and partner and friend and daughter and coworker, etc.
First thing in the morning I say at least three things I am grateful for and something I love about myself.
Second thing, I check my podcasts and YouTube‘s to see what I wanna listen to today.
BONUSES…let me give you a couple more.
I detoxed my social media and unfollowed anything and anyone that made me feel negative energy or the need to compare & mourn past versions of my body (it only fuels disordered eating and body image.)
I also detoxed the people in my life. Yes, I understand this is a hard one especially when it comes down to friends and family. But it is absolutely necessary. Stop ignoring that nagging feeling that keeps telling you you don’t need to be around that friend or that person you keep dating but they treat you like yesterday’s trash.
Trash creates more trash. You attract the energy and vibe you put out.
When you fall in love with who you are, under any circumstance, you awaken the love you need within you and you naturally attract and experience more love and success in your life.
This is a lot easier to do when you cultivate a nourishing environment for you to grow into your fullest potential.
Some of my favorite podcasts, social media, & YouTubes:
Nailed my 13k steps today. That was my goal. Rounded them out tonight at home on the ole treadmill watching Real Housewives of New Jersey. 😆
I got to thinking about a therapy session I had where we were working on the feeling of “being alone.”
For me I struggled with the frustration that “no one will ever understand & accept the real me so I’m better of by myself.”
— I’m complex, I recharge in my alone time
I’m a bit of an a$$hole sometimes & hella fun too 😉
I change my mind a lot
I want to achieve & do so much & reach my full potential
I love soooo many different things & I want them all
I want to learn as much I can & soak up every bit of this life, even the mistakes.
Call me greedy, ambitious?
Whatever.
I’ve been called worse 😂
Anyone else feel this way?
I realized that in my life when I had felt alone it was because I wasn’t being vulnerable enough to let my guard down to be truly seen for who I was.
And that’s the person that’s not perfect, does not have her shxt together all the time, has no idea where the hxll she’s going or what the right answers are.
The reason we feel so alone is because we’re not allowing true connection.
It’s like social media & only showing the highlight reels. They’re masks we put on.
Just wanted to write these feelings down in case anyone else has felt like me.
I still shower with a shower cap. Not washing my hair is a sport I have mastered.
Pete can attest.
He sits on the side of the tub in between my shower curtains. Can’t get a moment alone I tell ya. Moms, ya feel me?! 🤚
One my favorite pics of Pete. RBF on fleek. Fun fact: I rescued Pete from Pet Smart over 2 years ago when I got my new apartment. I bought a bottle of Crown Royal & a cat, it was Valentines Day. LOL!
I’m not afraid to admit, however, there’s a lot of things I have not mastered.
“So what’s your 5 year plan?” Me — instant anxiety.
To be quite honest I can’t even tell you what I’m doing next weekend.
I mean, I can give you a generalization but I know as an emotional human being my wants & needs are going to change.
I’m a manifesting generator energy type ( human design ), it is what it is. I’ve learned to design my life around it, figured out how I’m wired, & I have manifested so much more abundance into my life since doing so.
I understand most of you, unless you fly your “woo flag” like me, have no idea what Human Design is or what that means — Google it. Links above! You’ll thank me later.
I had a phenomenal question by an instagram follower yesterday, which served as the inspiration behind this blog. I felt it was something everyone could use in their life.
I’ll summarize, she asked, “How do I effectively communicate to get what I want?”
I asked myself on numerous occasions over the years how in the hxll some people get whatever they want?
Let me paint a picture what my life used to be before halfway figuring this shxt out…
I too have been that human who: – was living in the cheapest apartment in Anderson, IN & had to listen to the people downstairs physically beating each other & arguing every night – was going through a divorce feeling like failure & confused about identity – had my car repoed, $40,000+ in debt, $5 to my name, basically living out of my office & car, eating at hotels to save money on food – was sick, struggling with Crohns, disordered eating & orthorexia feeling powerless & ugly – was comparing wanting to be someone else, coveting their life &/or body thinking that would make me successful & happy – was thinking being single meant there was something wrong with me & I needed to settle & find a partner fast to actually be worthy instead of realizing I needed to work on myself & be the person I wanted to be with first – was getting involved in relationships, jobs, social plans when I felt resistance & ignoring my intuition, excessive drinking, overspending, giving my body to people who didn’t deserve it
So what did I do?
I knew I had to learn, hustle, believe in myself, be relentless in the pursuit of betterment, be resilient, & learn how to communicate with people to get what I want.
I made a list of the things I would need to do & the person I would need to embody to achieve these things. Areas: Health, Wealth, Self, & Relationships. These are my life pillars.
⁃ The BODY(Health) — healing, health, rest, eating ENOUGH, working out because I love my body, vibrancy, food & body freedom, self love
⁃ The CAREER(Wealth) — freedom, loving what I do, making an impact, following purpose not a paycheck
⁃ The RELATIONSHIP (Relationships) — doing the inner work, believing in myself worth, getting rid of preconditions I learned over time, self awareness of my shadows and triggers, being the person I would want to be with
⁃ The MINDSET (Self) — telling myself I’m a survivor, a thriver, I lead with my heart & I deserve everything I desire so I can serve others & myself to the highest degree. I deserve QUALITY and refuse to discount myself any longer.
Steps to get anything you want:
1.) You have to make a decision & get clarity on what you want (even if you don’t know how to get it). Find out what kind of manifestor you are. Here’s a great article on Specific vs Non Specific Manifestors. If you’re a specific manifestor, use detailed decisive statements like, “I want a partner by my 30th birthday” or “I want to lose 20lbs in 3 months.”
If you’re a non specific manifestor, like me, we prefer open generalities about how we want to FEEL. My favorite affirmation, “I accept and am open to receive whatever is meant for my highest alignment or better.”
2.) Detach from the “How” & desired outcome. Not knowing how something will come to fruition holds a lot of people back. Two things: divine timing & the Universe always has your back. Throw worry out the window. You have to take emotion out of it & be grateful no matter what happens.
3.) Visualize and BELIEVE in the desired outcome. Focus on how you feel with that thing you want. It’s like how athletes visualize perfect performance that leads to a win.
4.) Gratitude. Do you you look at your struggles as opportunities to grow or road blocks holding you back? When you practice being grateful for everything in your life no matter how small, you’re ability to manifest & get you want accelerates. Getting what we want from others comes down to two things, awareness & communication. Being a good communicator opens the doors to so much abundance & opportunity in your life. It’s applicable in every facet of your life. Whether you’re a: ️- Mom or dad raising children – Entrepreneur growing a venture – Businessman or woman trying to make a sale – Coach working with athletes or clients – Boss or coworker or part of a team, community, or organization Awareness is being aware of the emotions, energy, & humanness of people & yourself. Communication is being a good conversationalist & making someone feel seen, heard, understood, supported, & significant. We live in a world of instant gratification, texts, swipes, & sliding into those DM’s. Having a meaningful conversation & connecting with a person is truly an art. I made an IG tv video on this very subject a few years ago. Check it out here on the gram!
Click image for link to full video on Instagram
I talk about being a good question asker, the difference between a shift & support response, & being an empath vs empathetic. If you learn how to understand & communicate with people (including yourself), you will learn how to get that easy button a lot quicker & get what you (and they) want!
Grateful I got to dress pretty & wear “real clothes” last night. Stitch Fix saves my life. I look forward to their deliveries. I only pay for I keep, can schedule deliveries whenever I want, & cancel at any time.
Obsessed with this soft and savy SKIES ARE BLUE Hannah Modal Scuba Blazer Size: XS
I get anxiety when I go shopping because I know I’m an impulse buyer. This actually helps me save a ton of money & dress well. (which in turn makes me feel good & brings more abundance into my life, another tip 😉)
Just like I should’ve bought an air fryer years ago♨️❤️ 😂
Here’s mine! On Amazon Fav list too! Click Image
A few quotes I love & reminders for you today:
“Beware of destination addiction. A preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job and with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.” – Robert Holden
“Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside of you.” – unknown
“Don’t wait for things to get easier, simple, better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now. Otherwise, you’ll run out of time.” – unknown
Had a message recently from a woman who asked me to list the one thing she needed to do to lose weight & be successful in life.
I thought, “Dayum, that’s a deep one.” I don’t have enough space on Instagram to answer this one!
So I brainstormed. Came up with one thing I felt could help you achieve & overcome anything in life. It’s dirty. It hurts. It makes your eyes well up. And it’s absolutely necessary — mental toughness.
A lil bit about my story…
This child was called fat. This child was called ugly. This child felt she would never be the girl that sparkles when she enters a room. This child is me.
Making cookies for 4-H. My first year of 10 years of 4-H.
Easter morning
I was told to lose weight & I tried to diet before I was 10 years old. My self-esteem & body issues started at 8 years old.
I hated my body.
I was told on numerous accounts, “If you just lost weight, you would be as pretty as all the other girls in school.” Hurt like a bxtch every time. Translated into: you won’t be successful &/or loved unless you’re thin & look the part.
I thought something was truly wrong with me & wanted so badly to be as thin as the women in my Seventeen magazine, the stars I idolized, & my thin, popular classmates.
This turned into decades of disordered eating — anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, orthorexia, you name it. My body has been all shapes and sizes and everything in between. Not to mention struggling with Crohns, chronic bloating, gut issues, gi bleeding, constipation, inflammation, allergies, infertility, cervical cancer, renal stones, GERD, & a cholecystectomy.
After suffering from poor body image basically the majority of my 38 years on this earth, now, I stand as a woman who loves herself more than anyone else in the world.
I learned to finally love my body for the first time in my life. It felt like a breath of fresh air which also ushered in emotional & mental transformations. These in turn brought more abundance into my life.
I truly accepted my unique self, my mess of a message & didn’t feel the need to change it because of someone else’s opinion.
I changed my inner voice to self love & never looked back. I’ve lost 50lbs from my heaviest weight, the biggest weight lost being self loathing & doubt.
The one thing I needed to develop was the product of my struggles — mental toughness.
The one thing you have to have to be successful.
How did I do this?
It’s easy. No, really, it is. It takes some time, but if you commit to yourself every single day, you’ll get there.
When you see yourself in the mirror, what do you say?
Do you make negative comments on your appearance?
Maybe you see your stretch marks that you wish you could erase. I have’em. Call’em my tiger stripes.
Society makes us think that any “imperfection” we may have is something we need to fix.
Your “imperfections” are NOT something to be ashamed of or fixed. They make you — YOU.
When you look at yourself in the mirror, give yourself a compliment. Every time you feel a negative thought creep in, shut it down & replace it with a positive.
If you hate your stretch marks, instead of thinking negatively about them, turn it into a positive & think about how it was an honor to stretch & grow your children or allow you to share your unique story to help another women hating hers. Some women can’t have children. Some women don’t know what it feels like to be overweight & hating themselves.
Or if you’ve struggled with gut issues & Crohns like me or any autoimmune or dis-ease, use your unique experiences to give others hope.
Fuel your fire y’all! Use that passion to help someone else. If someone asks you why you live & eat the way that you do, use that as an opportunity to educate them.
There was a time I was so afraid to gain a pound that I was eating about 800 calories a day.
Then I found CrossFit at 31, new obsessions appeared. I chased PR‘s & dug a hole so deep full of metabolic adaptation, gut & hormonal issues, working out for hours each day.
Although from the outside I looked “thin and healthy,” I was an absolute train wreck.
Still didn’t think I was successful at life, my relationships were less than optimal, I was in debt, my health was not good.
I basically put myself on the clearance rack.
You have to heal from the inside first. No matter what you look like on the outside or what the number says on the scale if you do not get to the root cause of any issue that brings negativity into your life, things will never change.
I started doing the inner work with a group called To Be Magnetic. I highly recommend checking them out, they changed my life.
They help me rewire my brain to one of lack to one of abundance & possibility. They helped me heal my trauma to step into the woman I am today. I’m confident and proud of my body!
Photo by: Jennifer Matteucci
Photo by: Jennifer Matteucci
I’ committed to an animal based diet this year. Down 15lbs & thriving!
All the shapes and sizes. Honor your seasons!
Photo by: Pamela Scott
— I payed off over $43,000 in debt during a pandemic — I work three fulfilling jobs in radiology for 3 of the biggest healthcare networks in Indianapolis.
— I’m also a private health coach & able to make my own schedule in tandem with my love of healthcare.
Click image for coaching inquiry. Excited to hear your story!
— I love where I live, never thought I’d be able to afford a “bougie” apartment.
— My health & relationship with my body is better than it’s ever been. — I’m surrounded by uplifting, successful, positive people. Cut out the toxicity.
— I unapologetically love myself more than anything in this world & I’m ok being alone. Learn to be your own best friend.
Realize life is an ongoing journey, there is no finish line, there are only experiences. And we are here to live in Joy.
Back to that mental toughness thing…
Qualities you need to develop mental toughness:
1.) Emotional Intelligence. It’s really the cornerstone of mental toughness. You cannot be mentally tough without the ability to fully understand and tolerate strong negative emotions and do something productive with them.
2.) Confidence.
“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t — you’re right.” Henry Ford
Mentally tough people know that your mentality has a powerful effect on your ability to succeed. Your confidence inspires others and helps them to make things happen.
3.) Ability to Remove Toxicity. Dealing with difficult people, self sabotaging habits, toxic environments are frustrating and exhausting. Be able to remove these from your life. You can’t grow in constant darkness, you also need the light.
4.) Saying No. Mentally tough people know that saying NO is healthy and absolutely necessary. Trust your gut. You don’t always owe people apologies either.
5.) Fear is the Source of Regret. When its all said and done, mentally tough people know the chances they didn’t take will haunt them far more than the risks. The worst thing that can happen to you is allowing yourself to die inside while you’re still alive.
6.) Embrace Failure. Failure is the road success is paved on. It’s how you grow. Live and learn. Don’t dwell on mistakes.
7.) Choose Your Joy. When your life and satisfaction is derived from comparing yourself with others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. You do you, boo.
8.) Movement & Health. People who place priority on health and exercise feel more socially, intellectually, emotionally, and physically competent. Discipline also fuels mental toughness. The majority of the most successful people in the world have an exercise regimen. That means SLEEP too.
9.) Relentlessly Positive. Control what you can control, let go of the rest. 92% of your worry is wasted worry.
I keep a copy of this sheet in my daily scheduler as a reminder when I feel the weight of stress
I hope this fueled the fxck out of your Sunday. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this for you and I can’t wait to chat with y’all via text, email, or social media!
When I get home, I’m tired AF. I have to make things as easy as possible for me to get my steps in if I haven’t hit my goal.
Today was 13k. Got’em in while watching Roadhouse. Classic!
Patrick Swayzee… no one will ever dance dirtier❤️ 👼🏻 (Dirty Dancing — probly one of my favorite movies too btw)
Anyways…got off track…🤔
It’s EASY to give an excuse not to get my goal.
So I don’t even make it out of my scrubs, I put my shoes on & GO.
I have slept in my workout clothes &/or layed them out for the morning. I have set my clothes out since elementary school.
This year I’ve made a bunch of new commitments & promises to myself.
Chasing more self care, financial freedom,
& minimalism.
I also had a corrective deep tissue massage today @massageheightsindy Fishers District by Armando — much needed & the best therapeutic massage I think I’ve ever had.
You know that saying, “hurt so good?” My dudes 👀 He had to tell me to breathe a few times 😆 …but this is a commitment & something I need to do to stay healthy & mobile.
Remember often what you need to do are the things you don’t want to do, so try & make them as easy as possible.
I learned to fall in love with the discipline & commitment to MYSELF, not just a goal or diet.
Like a fine wine 🍷 #fitterby40
Cheers 🥂
Ps @snkoontz is my fairy godmother, got my hair did today too. She keeps me from being impulsive & doing dumb shxt to my hair. Surround yourself with people who make you better❤️❤️
Let me see all the hands of the pros out there in the art of self sabotage like me!🙋🏼♀️
Introvert by nature, going after what I really wanted & the thought of being seen terrified me.
The fear of being wrong, judged, & accepted.
It transferred into me self sabotaging, resentment, playing small (literally & figuratively), & chasing a smaller version of myself the majority of my life.
If there was a pro league — I would be a member. 🥇
If you’re looking for clarity or understanding, the best thing I’ve found for me is to look at the pillars of my life.
I uncover the triggers, resentment, & blocks holding me back. Instead of making myself feel guilty I’ll use them as anchors for learning more about myself & how I choose to re write my story.
These are the areas you can improve to bring more of that good juju & alignment back into your front door of life.
Yeah, sometimes they’re icky & gross & hurt like a you know what but they’re necessary.
Now — the resentment. Resentment is a sign YOU didn’t honor YOUR boundaries.
In the past before I was self aware of the personal shxt storm I created for myself, I blamed this resentment on the other person or party or situation. When in fact, I was really the fire starter.
Now, when I start to feel resentment & triggered more often by comments &/or behaviors of others — they are a product of me not speaking up for myself & allowing others to cross boundaries I should have set clearly.
These are all things I coach you through as a health coaching client. Wellness encompasses all – body, mind, spirit.
