Had a message recently from a woman who asked me how she could feel like a woman of worth walking into a room.
Some deep sh*t, right?! I’m thinkin now what kind of baggage do we have to unpack for this one? 🤔😆cause we all got our bags.
So I brainstormed.
It really comes down to charisma & mental toughness. As you sharpen your ability to be more charismatic, you open up so many more doors for yourself.
The work is dirty. It may hurt. It may make your eyes well up. And it’s absolutely necessary sometimes to find your sparkle ❇️
A lil bit about my story…
This child was called fat. This child was called ugly. This child felt she would never be the girl that sparkles when she enters a room. This child is me.
I was told to lose weight & I tried to diet before I was ten years old. My self-esteem & body issues started at 8 years old.
I hated my body.
I was told on numerous accounts, “If you just lost weight, you would be as pretty as all the other girls in school.”
Hurt like a bxtch every time.
Translated into: You’re not special. You won’t be successful &/or loved unless you’re thin & look the part.
Swipe through the slides on IG, continued with much love, growth, & inspiration on your Monday❤️ I’ll add the content & slides below for my non-social media peeps.
Oxoxo Coach K
5 habits I learned that make you the most charismatic mofo in the room
You Listen More Than You Speak
You like to be heard & understood, right?! Take time to lend a listening ear.
The most interesting person in the room is the most interested. Be curious about what other people have to say. The best way to learn is to listen.
I’ve found this also keeps you from saying something ignorant or rude. LOL! Goes both ways too. Sometimes you gotta let someone else make their own mistakes, that’s how we learn.
This also allows you to listen to your own thoughts before you respond. You’ll be amazed the things you learn & notice when you observe. Be hungry AND humble.
How You Do It:
Let the other person finish before you reply.
Empathize with what they have to say.
Reflect on what they said later & how you can apply this to your own life.
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” Bryant H. McGill
You Love Yourself As You Are
You see yourself as a confident, smart, & uniquely amazing human. You understand this is not being selfish, but necessary. You catch yourself before letting self sabotaging thoughts take over, you pause & say “I’m worthy simply because I exist.”
You carry yourself like a high value human with purpose. You believe in yourself & your ability to achieve anything in this world. You wake up to positive, healthy affirmations, thoughts, & gratitude about yourself & life before starting your day.
You’re confident affirming things like, “Everyone likes to be around me because I’m me.” & “I’m attractive, confident, successful, abundant, & able.” You do not align to speak negative words to yourself because you know words have power & thoughts become things.
How You Do It:
Affirm kind words to yourself every day & visualize becoming better!
“Self-confidence is a superpower. Once you start to believe in yourself, the magic starts happening.” Unknown.
You Realize Emotions Are Fleeting
Charismatic people are calm, collected, & confident in challenging situations. You choose to seek solutions & embrace rock bottoms & “failures” as lessons, simply experiences, & opportunities for growth instead of shame.
You know that emotions & motivation aren’t always logical, they’re ever changing. You understand motivation is unreliable but discipline will get it done. Cultivate discipline & you can do anything despite motivation or lack of.
You live by the 4 Agreements & never take anything personally.
When your emotions are being challenged in a moment, you handle it like a PRO not an AMATEUR.
How You Do It:
Pause & take a deep/slow breath before reacting. Add self care everyday & fill your cup. Remind yourself anything meant for you will not miss you & a no means there’s something better.
“You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather.” Pema Chodron.
You Speak Up Confidently & Clearly
Frankly you don’t give a sh*t about what people say about you or your experiences. You trust & stand strong in your word, worth, creditability, & authenticity.
You’re okay with learning, apologizing, & constructive criticism. You’re not quick to judge, seek first to understand, & understand hurt people hurt people. Always choose to high road & remember the Law of Karma.
You embody essential qualities of a leader: Integrity, Ability to delegate, Communication, Self-awareness, Gratitude, Learning agility, Influence, Empathy, Courage, Respect, Ability to also Follow. Maybe being a “leader” is not for you, but you still have the charisma to help someone else by giving them the confidence & tools to be a better human.
How You Do It:
Practice expressing what you’re passionate about. Journal your thoughts & opinions. Push yourself outside your comfort zone, no matter how shaky your legs are, that’s how your grow & find answers.
“You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that makes you laugh.” Joe Rogan.
You Live By The Golden Rule
Golden Rule, precept in the Gospel of Matthew (7:12): “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” You treat everyone with kindness & respect, even if you’ve been wronged. You make sure everyone feels welcomed in a room & genuinely want to get to know people every day. You smile at everyone you meet.
John Antonakis from the University of Lausanne has studied charisma for over a decade. He stated, “Charismatic leaders can be loved by those who share their values & loathed by those who don’t.” You, however, focus on adding value to the lives of everyone around you. You also remember to set healthy boundaries for yourself. Don’t let the hate of this world stop you from being kind.
How You Do It:
Greet everyone with a smile. Be present, engage in conversation, make eye contact. Be supportive of your fellow human, there’s more than enough abundance in this world.
“I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.” Albert Einstein.
Final Thoughts
You can be charismatic no matter who you are or where you come from. Charisma is a skill that can be taught & developed. It will become second nature after repetition just like anything else.
You could change someone’s life just by lending a listening ear, sharing your story, inspiring someone else by your discipline, speaking & standing up for your beliefs, & treating others as you would wish to be treated or better.
And here’s your reminder you’re badass no matter what.
