Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
I deactivated my Facebook this weekend. Finally pulled the trigger.
After the last year & a half of life changing stillness, loss, & uncertainty, I’ve been reflecting on my life, especially my career & authenticity.
It’s a whole hxll of a lot easier to look back & reflect only on the highlight reels, wanting to fast-forward or delete the painful moments.
I realized Facebook no longer brought me joy, I felt it was more of a negative distraction to fill the uncomfortable voids in my day.
Recently, I find myself pushing the pause again – pushing myself to take time to ask myself what REALLY aligns for ME at this very moment. It’s hard. I know, however, it’s absolutely necessary to grow.
The truth is, when I’m honest, not only did many fantastic opportunities in my life pass by or end prematurely because I felt I wasn’t good enough AND/OR I made a decision because I was placing someone else’s needs, feelings, & journey above my own.
Regardless of the circumstance, I would find valid reasons (excuses) why I needed to people please, or be the ‘Good Girl’, or the job or time or diet or workout or guy was/wasn’t right – yet I’d leave out the part about me not doubting myself.
Reflecting on these cycles, I realized I was choking on imposter syndrome.
Impostor syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be.
Years ago, a Brooklyn based meal prep company hired me as their Midwest Nutrition Sales & Consulting Representative.
I knew jack about sales.
I knew people.
I knew how to care for people working in healthcare & radiology full time & coaching CrossFit & nutrition coaching as a side hustle.
I took that job & traveled for a whole year, learned a lot of life skills, made tons of connections, & also was scared shitless 99% of the time. My picture was even on the front page of their website.
Website Photo, Photo by Pamela Scott, Dreaming Willow Photography
I continuously told myself I wasn’t as good as the other reps. I made myself miserable. But I was really good at that ‘fake it till ya make it’ part. But it eats at you after time.
I was qualified, capable, and people loved me, but I wasn’t confident.
Have you ever felt like a complete fraud and that everyone was going to find out that you didn’t earn or deserving of your accomplishments?
Have you struggled with feeling like you don’t belong, don’t fit in?
Join the club. No one likes to talk about or admit it though.
So I started researching how to overcome my feelings. Reviewing Dr. Valerie Young’s research, she discovered specific imposter syndrome subgroups:
The Perfectionist – They have such high expectations for themselves that even small mistakes will make them feel like a failure.
The Superwoman/Superman – They put in longer hours, never take days off and must succeed in all aspects of life in order to prove they are the “real deal.”
The Natural Genius – They are used to things coming easily, so when something is too hard or they don’t master it on the first try, they feel shame and self-doubt.
The Soloist – They don’t like to ask for help, so when they do, they feel like a failure or a fraud.
The Expert – They continuously seek out additional certifications or training because they feel as though they will never know enough to be truly qualified.
I’d read through these and thought, dxmn, I fit into more than one of these.
Thank you, childhood trauma.
My parents set high expectations for me at a young age (I’m grateful they did tho).
I remember I got an 86%, my lowest grade ever, in Algebra, and I was devastated and thought my mom would hate me.
I graduated in the top of my class in high school, and on the Dean’s list in college at Purdue University, landed a huge internship at Eli Lilly my senior year of college too, yet for some reason, I still never felt good enough.
Today, it’s even harder. Social media has connected us all in ways I never thought possible. It’s a double edged sword I say. It’s wonderful to use for education, creativity, & connection but it also conjures a whole mess of negativity too.
I told you all before, I LOATHE the word ‘influencer.’ I feel it labels & places us in a shallow box of facades.
I’ve discussed with y’all how photoshop, & filters, & focusing on the highlight reels distort our feelings about ourselves, expectations of proper life timelines, public image, body image – the list goes on.
We place our worth and validation on likes & swipe rights.
So what do we do to overcome these faux feelings about ourselves? I though hard about this and came up with a few small steps that gave me solutions, comfort, & hope…
1.) Get Real Get Honest
When you feel like a fxck up, or unworthy, or you made a mistake, or you feel shame in some way – call yourself out & get real. You can only hide your feelings for so long, it’s just a Band-Aid.
2.) Emotions are Fleeting, Focus on Facts
We’re human, we change our minds and are emotional creatures. Write out the facts. Make a pros and cons list. You are qualified, capable, and worthy.
3.) Don’t Try to Fit In
Life would be boring if we were all the same.
Life would be boring if our lives always turned out as planned and perfect. You would never learn if you didn’t make mistakes. Your mess is your message. Be a trailblazer and own your shxt. Be kind always – to yourself and others. Seek first to understand before judging.
4.) Celebrate Every Win
Don’t downplay your accomplishments. No matter how small. Maybe you lost a couple lbs, maybe you got through your entire ‘To Do’ list, maybe you saved $100 this month, maybe you got a $2 raise, maybe you just got through the week and didn’t lose your shxt. High five sis, take’em all!
5.) Be The Person You Seek To Embody
I guess this is kind of like ‘fake it till you make it.’ All goes back to thoughts become things & you attract the vibe you put out.
“Watch your thoughts, they become words; Watch your words, they become actions; Watch your actions, they become habits; Watch your habits, they become character; Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
Embrace yourself, baby. You have permission to be a hot mess & hot shot at the same time.
Surround yourself by people who make you better, push you, love and support you through the highlight reels & REAL reels.
Remember these…
“Be yourself, an original is worth more than a copy.” – Unknown
and
“If you want to be original, be ready to be copied.” – Coco Chanel
They just rile me up. It means I have to choose something & release something else.
I realize now it gives me anxiety because I fear making the wrong choice & somehow that makes me a bad person. A failure. An imposter. Which are 2 of my worst fears.
How about guys? You feel this way too?
I feel if I make a ‘bad’ decision, I’m not achieving, I’m not people pleasing, & that makes me less worthy somehow.
I realized it was paralyzing me & there are no wrong decisions — only an experience.
That doesn’t make me a bad person that makes me human. I focused too much on the end product & not on the love of the journey & process.
This was applicable to my love life, my relationship with food & body image, career goals — you name it.
Also, let me remind you, nothing is irreversible. Picture the worst case outcome. Trust me, you’ll be fine.
Dr. Joe Dispenza preaches the POWER is in the present, becoming unattached to outcomes.
We can’t worry about the past, it doesn’t need us anymore. Learn the lessons.
Now, 2nd guessing.
This shows up in the smallest ways.
✅Ex: I choose the hamburger but 2nd guess myself when your wings come out.
✅Ex: I choose to go to CrossFit but Karen down the road went for a 5 mile run. Maybe I should’ve done that.
✅Ex: I chose Partner A because he feels comfortable & safe but I truly want Partner B but somehow don’t feel good enough for partner B.
✅Ex: I chose job 1 bc it gives me freedom. But I really need job 2 bc it’s stable yet I’m afraid of commitment.
Am I the biggest fxck up in the world because I did so? No.
So here’s what I want to reiterate, decisions are crossroads. You’re not less worthy because you make a decision that didn’t turn out.
You’re not indecisive or savage or weak or broken or stupid or whatever you tell yourself.
It’s simply your baggage being pulled out of your bag.
So sit yo 🍑on the floor & unpack your baggage — it’s not gonna unpack itself.
And I’ll be sittn on the floor, with a cocktail or coffee, unpacking my shxt with you. ❤️🥃☕️
One change that will massively impact every facet of your life — find your magic time.
Everyone has a time a day where they are 10x more effective at the GSD than the rest of the day. FIND IT.
Most successful people have a refined early morning routine, habits, & thus, successful SYSTEM that ensures optimization.
Every day is a new day to make a different decision. No regrets. Learn from past decisions & choose to not stay there.
The past doesn’t need you & the future hasn’t happened yet, it hinges on your present 🎁
“You are where you are because of your choices. There is nothing to gain by regretting. Review your decisions for lessons and make a new decision to change.” @realcraigballantyne
Heart wrenching conversation with a client yesterday I’m certain all of us have encountered & then realized how interconnected emotions & outcomes are.
She told me, she knows he doesn’t love her for her, but she keeps holding on which is affecting her weight & basically everything else in her life.
So I started off with this: Our job on this earth is not to have to sell or transform ourselves to earn someone’s love. It’s just to simply be loved for exactly who we are & we are to do the same.
Relationships & your worth are determined by your own definition, not society’s definition or timelines you think you need to be living.
I’ve said this before, I fully stand by it, people can choose to evolve with you or without you in any kind of relationship, romantic or platonic.
The people you surround yourself with, make you. They are a reflection of your values & integrity.
It’s OK to grow out of relationships. It’s OK if those people choose to part. It takes a BIG, evolved person to lovingly release someone you care deeply for.
You can’t build a relationship with a person you love for who you want them to be.
Honor your individuality.
Don’t be afraid to take chances on experiences if they feel right, don’t hoard shame if they didn’t work out the way you thought.
Be proud of yourself for choosing love, especially love for yourself. It’s the only relationship you’re going to have forever. If you’re not happy, you’re not going to make anyone else happy. The negative energy you put out if you don’t feel aligned will only further grow & bring more negative.
It’s pretty simple really. Give love away like there are no conditions attached, and this goes for letting it go too. By doing this we enable the alignment & flow that is supposed to happen in this life experience.
You can begin creating the life, body, & love you desire right now, even if you don’t have the pieces in place you think you need in order to start.
All it takes is acceptance, intention, effort, & LOVE.
I prefer my beef ribs in the crockpot (or smoked), they come out fall off the bone tender vs in the airfryer.
I like my pork back ribs crispy on the outside. Prefer them in the airfryer. I cut them up into singles or doubles so the outside edges are all crispy!
When choosing your ribs, remember there are different kinds of ribs.
Beef short ribs have the meat on the top of the bone. They’re a cut of beef taken from the brisket, chuck, plate, or rib areas of beef cattle. They consist of a short portion of the rib bone, which is overlain by meat which varies in thickness.
Pork back ribs are taken from around loin, the muscle that runs along the back on either side of the spine. They’re curvier & shorter than spareribs (hence why they call them “baby” back ribs) with lean meat both between & on top of the bones. They’re leaner, smaller, & slightly more expensive than spareribs.
Pork spare ribs come from the belly area. They’re thicker, meatier, fattier ribs.
Beef flank ribs are typically used for faster cooking in Asian dishes when the ribs are cooked hot & fast. In the flanken style of short rib, this thin cut, which is about 1/2-inch thick, goes across the bones so that each slice contains a few pieces of bone.
Airfryer Instructions
Optional: Season the ribs with bbq spice rub or your preference covering both sides
Cut rack of ribs into sections 4-5 ribs to fit
Preheat air fryer to 380, place ribs in the air fryer, meat side down, cook for 20 minutes.
Flip ribs over, cook for an additional 10 minutes on 380.
Optional: Once the timer is up, cover with bbq sauce. Cook for 5 minutes on 400.
Quick Tips: I cut my pork ribs into 1-2 bone sections so the outsides come out crispy. You can also throw them in the air fryer for around 22 minutes at 380-400 (no preheat). Set it & forget it. Season with salt. Mine still come out good if you’re in a hurry. I prefer just salt as seasoning.
My Basic Crockpot Instructions
Set crockpot on low.
Cut rib rack in half, place in crockpot with 1 cup water.
Cover, cook over night 8-10 hrs. They fall off the bone. Add whatever sauces or seasoning you like.
Got up at 4am, went to the gym expecting a 5am workout, not sure what happened but no one was there to open the gym. Shxt happens, right?!
So I thought, I can choose to be angry or I can choose Plan B & not let emotions control me.
I’m a big believer in the Universe gives you what you need for your highest alignment, always.
Repeat after me, “Things happen FOR me not TO me.”
I chose plan B. Went to @hotworx.fishers & got in an amazing hot cycle active recovery day. This is probably the Universe telling me I needed to take it easy.
Read an article on investing this morning, now I know nothing about stocks & investing, but I’ve always been intrigued. So I’m taking aligned action to learn. Work smarter not harder. It’s time I learn & not fear.
Oh and before I forget, 2 questions I learned that will help you avoid conflict in your relationship with yourself & others:
1.) Does your EARNING power or SAVING power make you feel more safe & secured?
(Helpful with saving and spending habits)
2.) Do you want SUPPORT or a SOLUTION?
(Helpful when facing a problem)
I felt these were huge & wanted to share.
Our differences and not letting emotions control us apply to us all because the same secrets can be applied to your fitness journeys, money journeys, relationship journeys, healing journeys — you name it.
This article was talking about the secret to staying IN THE GAME. That’s the key to wealth building.
And that secret is learning how to control your emotions and not let them control you.
LIFE in general, I feel is like 5% theory, 5% execution, & 90% managing your emotions. Similar to the article I read this morning.
The THEORY part, you can learn and research all the things, but if you don’t take aligned action you’re still going to be in the same place.
This applies to money, love, & health.
The EXECUTION part, that’s the aligned action. LFG. You’ve heard me say it before, you either DO or you DON’T. Your choice. I prefer to be a doer.
You either go workout or you don’t. You choose to eat well or you don’t. You choose to save and invest wisely, or you don’t. You choose to evolve with your partner or you don’t.
The MANAGING YOUR EMOTIONS part, you either work with your emotions for your benefit or you let them control you. Sometimes the best thing to do, and this is what I’ve started doing, take the emotion out of it. Then reflect before making a decision.
The gym wasn’t open this morning, ok. Plan B, what can I do in this moment to make it more magic to my benefit?
— Go get in a short workout, chalk it up to an active recovery day. Give gratitude I have options & my health.
Say you invested, then you lost money, then you learned from said experience, made a different choice, doubled your money 💰
Really y’all, everything comes down to mindset. Thoughts become things. Money is just energy. You control your energy and relationship with things & people. Love, money, & health are connected.
I’ll leave you with a favorite quote for #mindsetmonday
I keep this in my daily scheduler & as an alarm that goes off at 11:11 every day along with the reminder to live by my authentic values:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words; Watch your words, they become actions; Watch your actions, they become habits; Watch your habits, they become character; Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
I love this Hormel Bacon, its all natural with no preservatives
Bacon Instructions
Heat air fryer to 350°F
Arrange the bacon slices, twisting slightly to fit.
Cook for 6 minutes, flip.
Cook for 4-6 more minutes, check for doneness.
Casserole Instructions
Cook bacon first. Add ground beef to skillet and cook until browned. Drain fat.
Add the onion and garlic to the skillet with the beef and cook until translucent, about 5 minutes if you’re adding them
Add the cream cheese, ketchup, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, and salt to the skillet and cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until combined.
Spread the beef mixture into a greased 8×8 baking dish. Top with the cooked bacon.
Crack the eggs into a medium bowl and whisk together with the heavy cream until combined. Stir in the pepper.
Pour the egg mixture over the beef and bacon.
Top with the cheddar cheese.
Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until set and golden on top. Sprinkle with dill before serving if using
RECIPE NOTES
GAPS: Use sugar-free bacon
KETO: Consider omitting the ketchup or lessening the amount, depending on your carb tolerance.
CARNIVORE/ZERO-CARB: Seasonings & sauces are personal preference. Omit any ingredients that cause gut issues. Be creative and construct to your own recipe!
