Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
Let me see all the hands of the pros out there in the art of self sabotage like me!šš¼āāļø
Introvert by nature, going after what I really wanted & the thought of being seen terrified me.
The fear of being wrong, judged, & accepted.
It transferred into me self sabotaging, resentment, playing small (literally & figuratively), & chasing a smaller version of myself the majority of my life.
If there was a pro league ā I would be a member. š„
If youāre looking for clarity or understanding, the best thing Iāve found for me is to look at the pillars of my life.
I uncover the triggers, resentment, & blocks holding me back. Instead of making myself feel guilty Iāll use them as anchors for learning more about myself & how I choose to re write my story.
These are the areas you can improve to bring more of that good juju & alignment back into your front door of life.
Yeah, sometimes theyāre icky & gross & hurt like a you know what but theyāre necessary.
Now ā the resentment. Resentment is a sign YOU didnāt honor YOUR boundaries.
In the past before I was self aware of the personal shxt storm I created for myself, I blamed this resentment on the other person or party or situation. When in fact, I was really the fire starter.
Now, when I start to feel resentment & triggered more often by comments &/or behaviors of others ā they are a product of me not speaking up for myself & allowing others to cross boundaries I should have set clearly.
These are all things I coach you through as a health coaching client. Wellness encompasses all – body, mind, spirit.
How successful people understand & utilize emotions.
For the past several years I’ve been paying more attention to my emotions & how they affect my life.
Theyāre fleeting. They change ā often. And thatās okay, weāre human theyāre supposed to.
I decided instead of letting them control & hinder, I wanted to learn how to harness my emotions to bring more positive things into my life, personally & professionally.
Donāt we all want to get what we want? ā The body ā The money ā The relationships ā The job
Happiness, right?
Things I learned that emotionally successful people do:
1. They acknowledge feelings. Emotionally successful people are able to identify emotions & understand how they influence behavior, thoughts, & conversations.
I noticed I could do this by observing ā myself & others.
Anyone else out there love to people watch?
Reflect on those observations. What did you notice? Did more negative emotions bring upon more negativity? Youāve heard me say it before, thoughts become things. This is what I noticed. I noticed the more I focused on what I didnāt want the more I attracted those into my life.
Like weight gain or fatigue. Gut problems, health issues. Toxic people. Arguments. Debt.
2. They take time for stillness. Emotions change at the drop of a hat or word. They often result in impulsive decisions which lead to regret.
I realized when I paused and took the time to think about what and how I wanted to articulate something, the more clarity & positive impact I received.
Iāve also said this before, donāt promise/buy/decide things when youāre happy/sad/angry. 9 times out of 10 it will bite you in the a$$.
3. They keep commitments to themselves & others. There are a number of ways we measure a personās worth or our own worth. They also can be the deciding factor of success or failure. Are you failing because youāre not keeping your commitments to yourself?
For example, youāre trying to improve your health & lose weight but instead of changing your eating habits & exercise, you give excuses instead.
Are your trying to improve your relationships? Are you putting in the work to improve those relationships or are you ignoring them? Same with you doing the inner work to heal whatever baggage is holding you back.
Words + action holdimmense power & emotion. Words are building blocks of your existence & they reflect the integrity of their creator. Since words hold power, itās both important to speak words that hold positive intentions & be prepared to keep your word to others, as theyāre a reflection of your intentions & integrity.
4. They make peace with what they can control, what they cannot, & their reactions. We can’t control other people & we can’t control our environment. We can create our realities just not completely control every variable. The one thing over which we can exert, & maintain control of, is ourself & the way we respond to every situation.
5. They learn & grow through mistakes. Be a forever student. Weāre human. Weāre gonna fxck up. Study, question, research. Success leaves clues. Learn from mentors, read, listen to podcasts, get a coach. One of my favorite apps is Blinkist. For my busy, GSD people – Blinkist condenses books into 10-15 short ‘blinks.’ Saves a ton of time rather than reading or listening to hours of a book.
6. Theyāre humble & kind. I donāt know many people that enjoy being around know it allās & narcissists. Thereās a fine line between confidence & arrogance. Value humility. Itās a strength not a weakness. Like my mom always told me, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
7. They practice & preach honesty, authenticity, & live by their values. Your word & integrity are everything – especially to yourself. Make a list of your values & how youād like to live & what kind of person youād like to embody. Base your decisions upon those.
A list of mine. I keep this in my daily scheduler. Update & change as needed — you’re meant to evolve <3
8. They seek first to understand before judging. Pause to listen, to understand. I promise it will lead to deeper, more meaningful relationships.
9. Theyāre able to apologize, communicate, compliment & deliver feedback effectively. Words have power. Give credit where credit is due. People are more likely to cooperate when they feel appreciated & understood. Whatās a persons favorite word? ā their name. Just a tip š
Remember & use peopleās names, it makes a lasting impression.
āA person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.ā ā Dale Carnegie.
Reframe criticism as constructive feedback. People are more likely to view it as helpful instead of hurtful.
10. They master the power of letting go. Forgive & forget. Hanging on to resentment is like continuously pouring salt in a wound. Thereās huge power in the art of letting go. Letting go of toxic people, habits, unnecessary things, social media, etc. Your environment is everything. Choose wisely.
11. They understand, set, & respect boundaries. Personal boundaries are important because they set the basic guidelines of how you want to be treated. Boundaries are basic guidelines that people create to establish how others are able to behave around them. Setting boundaries can ensure that relationships can be mutually respectful, appropriate, & meaningful.
Hopefully these tidbits Iāve learned help you change & leave your legacy, & as a result, positively change the world
We gettin deep today yāall. This is something Iāve never completely disclosed. I hope it helps you where you are right now twas a message I was nudged to share today.
So here goes…
Never did the world make a Queen of a girl who hides behind a facade of perfection in a house of guarded walls but an imperfect woman of wisdom in a house of mirrors & glass.
Are you just INTERESTED in being a Queen of high value building your empire or are you COMMITTED to being her?
I had a mentor ask me this.
Holy shit.
Another gut check moment.
You see our beliefs build habits & our habits reinforce those beliefs.
For those of you who are new around here & donāt know my story let me set a quick framework of my past that may resonate close to yours.Ā
I too have been that human:
ā½ļøgoing through a divorce feeling like failure & confused about identity
ā½ļøcar repoed, $40,000 in debt, $5 to your name, basically living out of your office & your car, eating at hotels to save money on food
ā½ļøcomparing wanting to be someone else, coveting their life or body thinking that would make me successful & happy
ā½ļøthinking being single means thereās something wrong with me & I needed to settle & find a partner fast to actually be worthy instead of realizing I needed to work on myself & be the person I wanted to be with first
ā½ļøgetting involved in relationships, jobs, social plans when I feel resistance & ignoring my intuition, excessive drinking, overspending, giving my body to people who didnāt deserve it
So what did I do?
I visualized & BELIEVED in the things I wanted to manifest. I made a list of the things I would need to do & the person I would need to embody to achieve these things.
The BODY ā healing, health, rest, eating ENOUGH, working out because I love my body, vibrancy, food & body freedom, self love
The CAREER ā freedom, loving what I do, making an impact, following purpose not a paycheck
The RELATIONSHIP ā doing the inner work, believing in my self worth, getting rid of pre-conditions I learned over time, self awareness of my shadows and triggers, being the person I would want to be with
The MINDSET ā believing in myself, telling myself Iām a mf Hustler, a survivor, a thriver, I lead with my heart & I deserve everything I desire so I can serve others & myself to the highest degree
I stepped into my worth, I said NO to people, social media, habits, self sabotage more than I said yes to consuming toxicity. I created a routine that helped me be the person I wanted to be in the areas of my life: self, health, wealth, & relationships.
Doesnāt mean I was perfect, but it meant I fully believed in myself enough to grant GRACE & laughter for my humanness (aka when I fugged up š), & refuse to put myself on the clearance rack.
THINGS I MANIFESTED DOIN THE WORK:
š«For decades I lived in debt, during this Quarantine I made my last payment & paid off $43,000. Debts paid.
š«My health was shit, my digestion & adrenals a wreck ā I finally got my health back & completed my most successful cut this past year.
š«I was basically living out of my office with 5$ in my account, barely having enough money for eggs, to having the apartment I always wanted.
š«I wanted freedom of schedule doing all the things I loved. I now have 4 different jobs in radiology as well as my coaching practice making my own schedule.
š«I wanted travel & to live in 2 different places. I traveled bw IN & MO, making them both home.
š«Iāve had a failed marriage, numerous failed relationships which broke me. I wanted a best friend & partner to live life with, one that is a life story not just a love story, one worthy of growth & future & feels like freedom & home. The Universe gave me a MarineĀ šŗšøā¤ļøĀ @_rottier_
š«Ā Iāve had car trouble for some time, transmission finally went out on my bugĀ šĀ I was devastated but knew I deserved better. Recently manifested the car of my dreams.
Meet Ruby š
This has been a huge source of anxiety for me because my car is freedom & my freedom means everything. Which is something I struggle with & Iāll admit to you all. These are tough shadows to talk about & reveal.
It goes back to me being a prisoner in the majority of my abusive relationships in the past. I refuse to rely on other people to take care of me, Iām an overachiever, I donāt like to ask for help, Iām afraid of commitment because of my past experiences & itās something Iām working on. I am independent & self-sufficient to a fault, causing me to put up a hard shell around my very soft center when fearful or threatened.
Thick skinned you could call it but I realize I come off as cold and heartless when this happens. When I reach a point of emotional exhaustion & frustration in a relationship, & Iāve said it before, I will cut a mf out of my life with no remorse & move on. (Friend, family, or romantic partner) Not proud of it. Again, with self-awareness comes the power of change. Iām working on it.
It affects every facet of my life & is one of my biggest fears.
My biggest fears: feeling insignificant, disrespected, unworthy, a failure, feeling like a prisoner whether itās financially, relationally, or with my food & body image.
Iāve come to realize I have a problem with authority & Iām not always in the ārightā for always doing what I want to do. I have constant discussions with my ego, Kathleen, as I like to call her. š
I get stuck in my own head & place so much pressure on myself to achieve & GSD to a degree it affects others & makes them feel inferior &/or insignificant. I apologize to anyone whom Iāve made feel this way through my ignorance.
In support, I told you before about a story where I had a performance review at work & my manager told me I needed to have more patience & empathy for other peopleās weaknesses. That was the first time I became self-aware of this shadow.
Kathleen is my masculine survivor. She is wolf.
Katie is my feminine caretaker. She is woman.
I know I need both of them. Finding the blend is the challenging part of being a human.
So a reminder to my fellow Type Aās, Ima get shit done 4x as fast as you, get out of my fuggin way I can do it better ā props to being efficient but please be kind to those who are different than you. Utilize it as a strength to help others become better. Lesson learned.
If you donāt know what your Human Design is, I highly suggest you look into it. Itāll help you understand how youāre wired & how youāre supposed to live this life & manifest more effortlessly.
I also suggest @tobemagnetic Her courses on doing the inner work we all talk about changed my life.
So some Sunday pondering, reflection, life lessons learned the hard way for yāall.
Remember the KING or QUEEN you wanna be.
Iād rather be a woman of imperfections & wisdom living in a transparent glass house than an imposter living within guarded walls. š
Iād love to hear your thoughts & comments or if youāve struggled with similar struggles like meš¤
And if you need someone to talk to & coach you through your own situation, Iād love to listen, link hereā¤ļø
