Tag: chronic illness

I knew something was wrong in my early 20s.

It was hard enough worrying about fitting in with the popular sorority girls in college. Special dietary needs and digestive issues piled on added physical, emotional, and mental weight. My body image and food issues started at the age of eight, and exacerbated as I got older — food fear, disordered eating, orthorexia, gastrointestinal bleeding, chronic constipation, abdominal pain, fatigue, weight gain, and bloating… just to name a few.

Decades later, I finally received a diagnosis.

Crohn’s Disease can occur in people of any age. By simple definition, Crohn’s is an inflammatory bowel disease that causes chronic inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract.

In the years that I have been managing this disease, I have been able to find health, happiness and wellness, even living with Crohn’s. What I’ve discovered is that it’s all about boundaries and vocalizing specific needs that would have solved a lot of suffering over the years had I shared them sooner.

Have you ever stopped to think about how 90% of your relationships are arguing over picking out a place to eat then ending up smashing pizza or Mexican & sayin the word “babe?”

Don’t lie. Y’all know it’s true. 😂🤚

Now embracing my Crohn’s & Carnivore lifestyle, I realize sticking to my boundaries, non negotiables, & OWNING my special needs would’ve solved much suffering in my lifetime.

Dating & relationships are challenging enough, let alone the added stress if you struggle with any kind of special health & digestive needs.

It’s like the Bumble Prompt: “We’ll get along if…”

— literally have put “You aren’t vegan. 🥩“ there before.

(No diet dogma here, but let’s be real 😆)

I hardly think we’re gonna have a great relationship as you sit there with your kale salad glaring at me like I’m a degenerate as I’m devouring burger patties. 🥗🍔 

Ok, ok, joking aside, here are my top pieces of advice for successfully navigating dating and being social while living with Crohn’s. These tips are also helpful to those living with other special digestive needs and diets.

1.) Be honest and upfront about your needs.

Not only do you deserve the freedom to be yourself, others deserve to know who you truly are. Everyone deserves to know the real you and you deserve a real relationship. You do not want to jeopardize your health and eat or drink something that will trigger issues just because you are embarrassed to be yourself. Use it as an opportunity to educate. Embrace your uniqueness, most people don’t know what they don’t know. Education drives compliance and acceptance.

2.) Eat beforehand, bring your own food, and check the menu prior to your event.

This eliminates food issues completely. Social functions and dates do not need to be centered around food or cocktails. They should be centered around connection. By preparing ahead of time, you alleviate the stress of the unknown. Determine your nonnegotiables. They can be things like choosing to have a cocktail over a meal or choosing to savor a special meal from your favorite restaurant over your typical meal prep. I have literally brought @Zevia as a mixer or eaten an hour or two before dates/social functions.

Luckily with Carnivore, most places have a meat option. Custom order your food with specifics like grilled over fried, no oil, seasoning, sauces, or creams. Request an earlier time if later meals trigger gut symptoms and works better for your schedule.

My go to‘s when ordering out: 

• Burger patties
• Grilled chicken
• Chicken wings (naked, no seasoning)
• Grilled salmon, fish, scallops, shrimp 
• Chopped steak, steaks
• Fajita meat only when eating Mexican (ask for them to be cooked in no oil, seasonings, and no veggies)

COMMON FOOD TRIGGERS YOU MAY RELATE TO

3.) Request to have your cocktails crafted to your specific needs.

Most restaurants will cater to your food needs, don’t forget about cocktails, too. Read the ingredients in cocktails. Set drink limits. I have a two-three drink rule and personally avoid any calorically dense beverages with an abundance of sugar, carbs, or gluten. Remember that no one wants to be the girl or guy sitting on the corner trying to find your dignity down the street the next day. That look is not cute on anyone.

My Favorite Cocktails:

• Diet & vodka or Hiatus Tequila with lemon &/or lime
• Prosecco 
• Old fashioned (hold the simple syrup if concerned about carbs & sugar)
• Bourbon on the rocks

4.) Be an unapologetic question-asker and boundary-setter.

If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never know. Simple as that.

Boundaries are paramount. I struggled setting and standing by my boundaries when I was younger. I felt I was apologizing for everything whether I needed to apologize or not.

I had a professor tell me one time, “Never apologize for something you purposely set out to do with good intentions or a minor mistake simply because you’re human. If you go through life always apologizing, people will take you a lot less seriously, and so will you.”

Healthy boundaries are there to protect you. Don’t apologize for special needs, non-negotiables, and protecting your energy. Maybe you require more alone time or maybe you don’t feel like going out. Own your boundaries or people will continue to step over the line.

5.) Be a realistic relentless optimist.

Accept the facts but choose to always look for the silver linings.

Thoughts become things. Most would prefer to be around people who radiate joy and positivity.

I have a letter board in my kitchen that reads, “Stay close to the people who feel like sunshine.” I choose to be one of those people and bring the sunshine more than the rain.

Remember, just because you have special needs or a chronic illness does not mean you have to dull your sparkle!

Oxox Coach K

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