Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
Photo dump: Meals. Muscles. Words. Resonance. Fall feels.
Thoughts of the morning…
🎃Home is where YOU are.
🎃Home is where your soul is at peace.
🎃You can make any place home when you make it in yourself first & leave life open to possibilities everywhere 🌠❤️🏠
I need a lot of solitude. So much so, that at times I am potentially perceived as detached.
In reality tho, solitude is how I process to love myself & others more fully. I go to my sanctuaries (nature, my family farm, the gym) or take off on a random trip!
Solitude is how I come home to my center, gather data from the day & tune into my feelings (my internal GPS)
I require solitude for clarity on direction in life. Alone, I block out the noise & allow my lenses to clear to see the path, the intuitive direction I’m meant to embrace.
I realize I am one of those humans that come with an extra potent dose of empathy👉the capacity to sense & feel others.
This can be extraordinarily overwhelming.
In the past I’d attempt to numb it out thru excessive drinking (I love savoring beverages, but don’t drink to excess or to get drunk anymore) or turning to food by binge eating.
Now, I have a deeper understanding.
Empathy & intuition are huge gifts. It can also be a curse if you don’t know how to manage.
There is a monumental difference between solitude & loneliness, alone & lonely.
I am the LEAST lonely when I am processing in solitude despite what other people think.
I am the MOST lonely when surrounded by misaligned people who have turned themselves off to their sensitivity & vulnerability & controlled by ego.
I invite you all to take a small moment of solitude today & every day, in your special places, alone or with your special people to tap into your own internal roadmap for clarity🧡
HAPPY almost NOVEMBER 🍁🦃🙏
Hailing from Fishers, Indiana, Katie is an aficionado of healthcare, fitness, & personal development. Travel Radiographer, motivational writer, nutritionist, Medium — gifts of many things, she grew up on her family’s beef cattle & crop farm where agriculture & healthcare were her first loves.
She is a Purdue University graduate well known for her storytelling of life lessons & personal transformation through Crohn’s disease & life as a radiologic technologist with 18 years experience!
After decades of struggling with her own health issues from Crohn’s, obesity, disordered eating, infertility, hormonal imbalances, & being a competitive CrossFit athlete, she is passionate about helping others find self love, embrace their gifts, achieve their goals, & create sustainable success habits for an EXTRAordinary life!
I ain’t here to preach or convince you I know everything or am the best coach in the world. I’m here to speak to my younger self, to remind my current self, & anyone else out there needing hope.
My rules for a good life are based on years of struggle, both personally, & seeing others fall deeper & deeper into the dark abyss of 50 shades of fucked up.
Now is always the time to get into the best shape & live your best life.
When you want to help people, you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear. I’m not here to tell you what you want to hear.
I don’t provide cures. If I know anything about self-improvement it’s because I battle & struggle with it every day, too. Most self-improvement writers & coaches are writing & coaching to themselves, with the hopes that it helps you.
So use the concept of radical honesty, with yourself & with others, to fight the uphill battle needed to change your life. Be honest with yourself about who you are, what you want, & what you need to do to stay true to both.
Let’s go!
Rules To Live Your Best Life
If you’re anxious, slow down. If you’re depressed, speed up.
Anxiety means we’re doing too much & overthinking. Slowing down consciously helps with this. Being depressed is often remedied by leaning into action & getting busy.
Never make big decisions when you’re emotional.
Take your time & give the decision as much time as possible. It’s ok if you’re scared, but if you know it’s right in your gut, then act. We feel our thoughts. If our thinking makes us doubtful & fearful, those thoughts are not serving us. We don’t need to be at the mercy of a thought.
If you’re self-conscious, focus on serving others.
Self-consciousness has brought me little but misery. When I feel anxious, it’s time to focus on making someone else smile & serving. This takes the pressure off me & instantly makes me feel better because I’m helping someone else.
Drink coffee.
Coffee (caffeine) is a fat loss cheat code when used optimally. It’ll help you burn fat through a few different mechanisms: Fat mobilization (moving fat out of storage), Fat oxidation (burning fat), Increased adrenaline (the release of adrenaline leads to more fat burning)
Eat 1g of protein/lb of body weight or goal weight if you have more to lose.
Protein is crucial for optimizing body composition & controlling hunger/satiety. Aim for 30–40g/meal through things like: meat, seafood, eggs, & dairy (if you’re not sensitive)
Time-restricted eating (Intermittent Fasting).
Eat all of your meals within a 12 hour or less window each day. Choose a fasting window that works for you like: 12/12, 14/10, 16/8, 18/6, etc. Don’t snack or eat outside of this. TRE will accelerate your fat loss by letting your body tap into its fat stores, autophagy, & giving your digestive system a break.
Avoid seed, veggie, & low quality oils (fats).
Things like: canola (rapeseed) oil, corn oil, cottonseed oil, grapeseed oil, rice bran oil, soybean oil, safflower oil, & sunflower oil. They’re highly inflammatory & are destroying your health, metabolism, & weight loss efforts. If you want to get in the best shape of your life, avoid these at all costs.
Morning fasted walk/movement.
During a fasted walk, your body has minimal stores of available energy (glycogen) from the foods you eat. Your body needs to tap into energy stores in the body (stored fat) plus its good for the mind.
Get 7+ hours of high-quality sleep & walk 10k steps/day.
If you’re not getting 7 hours of sleep, you’re sabotaging your efforts. Your hormones will be out of whack — leading to increased hunger/ cravings. Your body is also more likely to hold onto fat & is going to struggle to build muscle. If you want to transform your body, you need to walk more. Walking 10k steps/day might be the highest ROI habit in this list. This one habit can dramatically improve your ability to lose fat & will improve your energy, mood, & productivity too.
Make the first move & be a role model.
Stop waiting to be a follower. Stop waiting for permission to create something cool. Start a conversation with a stranger. Experiment first. Lean in first & make it a habit. Now you’re the leader, & you set the precedent for creating success that others will admire & follow.
Walk tall, always look & do your best.
Posture has been known to directly affect our chemical composition, among other benefits. Walk a fraction taller with a skip in your step. Your self-image will improve by doing this alone. The little things regarding your appearance make a huge difference in how you perceive yourself & how others perceive you. Be extra. Clean your dirty-ass shoes. Iron your shirt. It will infect your confidence (the good way).
Do what most others refuse to do.
What interests you? How bad do you want something? Your drive, commitment, & work ethic set you apart by doing what others do NOT have the patience or fortitude to do. That’s how you separate yourself from the pack.
Eat nourishing, single-ingredient foods.
You need to eat high-quality foods if you want to be healthy & lose weight. By prioritizing single-ingredient foods (i.e., foods as they come in nature), you’ll make massive progress. Eat these foods 80-90% of the time & be flexible with the other 10-20%. (Shit like Beyond Meat & packaged diet foods are NOT one of them. Read your labels!)
Lift weights at least 3x a week.
Lifting weights is key if you want to transform your body. Lifting weights: burns a lot of fat, increases your metabolism, improves your body comp (what you look like aka looking good nekkid), builds muscle (which will also lead to you burning more calories at rest).
Minimize alcohol consumption.
It wrecks your sleep, sabotages your weight loss efforts, & leads to many other unhealthy habits. Stick to an allocated 1–2 drinks/wk. Plan ahead & find alternatives so that you don’t give in in the moment.
Get your heart rate up & do HIIT 1–2x a week.
High-intensity interval training, or HIIT, is another great tool for fat loss. It involves exercising at a higher intensity for a short period of time, followed by a period of rest. I personally love CrossFit because it combines strength training sprinkled with a little HIIT.
Fat doesn’t make us fat, despite what we’ve been told. We need fats — our cells are made up of this vital macronutrient & they are the precursors to our hormones. Prioritize things like: eggs, fatty fish/seafood, avocados (if you’re not sensitive), & fatty cuts of meat.
Measure & track progress (especially if things aren’t working).
You need objective data to ensure you’re making progress & proper adjustments. You can measure: food (calories/macros), body weight, body fat %, lean muscle mass, blood glucose, ketones, performance (cardio/endurance/strength) in the gym, body measurements, etc.
Manage stress.
Stress is an overlooked aspect of body transformation. Cortisol (our stress hormone) disrupts insulin activity & leads to weight gain. It also makes it hard to build muscle. Include de-stressing practices like walking, coloring, yoga, working out, & meditation.
Make a habit of asking.
Many people fall short of their dreams & potential because they don’t want to rock the boat, ask for help, seek coaching or mentorship, & let their ego get the best of them. You can be, do, or have anything you want if you’re willing to do what you need to do & learn to achieve it.
Create something & smile every day.
Journal your thoughts. Brainstorm ideas. Design. Share your stories. Build a following with your advice. There’s little downside & massive upside to daily creating. Also, smiles are free & contagious. It can change your &/or someone else’s entire day!
Don’t be a whiner, moaner, complainer, or fun-hater.
No one likes a Debbie Downer. Whining reaffirms a negative reality. Focusing on what’s good brings more good in.
Mind what you consume.
What you consume, consumes you & what consumes you, controls your life. It’s not only what we eat & drink but also what we watch, listen to, media, & environment. If you want to change, become a better version of yourself, you have to change your habits. Listen to a podcast, motivational speakers, surround yourself with successful, positive minded people – create yourself a new environment.
Final Thoughts
If you want better health, a better body, & a better life, it’s gonna take work. For some of us, maybe you’re simply not disciplined enough. It is what it is – you either do or you don’t.
There’s nothing worse than rolling through life in the passenger’s seat.
I don’t know about you, but I would rather be a DOer. Goals don’t mean anything unless you act. Just like knowledge isn’t power unless there’s application. We were made to be ACTIVE participants in life. The word ATTRACTION includes the word ACTION.
Do these sound familiar?
“I want this, but not bad enough to do what is required to achieve it”
“I can’t cut back on workouts.” (even though they’re stressing my body out even more which is actually hindering progress)
“I can’t give up sugar/bangs/etc.” (even though my glucose/cortisol are jacked up thru the roof & I can’t sleep at night)
“I can’t give up sweets & snacking at night.” (even though they’re causing inflammation, gut problems, high glucose, fat gain, & more cravings)
“I can’t reverse diet because I’ll gain weight.” (even though you’ve been eating less than a toddler for 20+ yrs & still don’t have the health or body you want)
Thank you for reading & allowing me to add value to your lives! Link here to resources, guides, coaching & more!
Life is the dash between the dates on your tombstone. What you do with it is your choice.
Katie Kelly @lil_bit_of_fit
While the inevitable is bound to happen, my goal is to carpe diem my way thru life & make my dash everything I want it to be. People will remember how you made them feel. Treat each other with respect & smile more. Remember this special dash might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy is being read, would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent YOUR dash?
Recap
23 Rules:
If you’re anxious, slow down. If you’re depressed, speed up.
Never make big decisions when you’re emotional.
If you’re self-conscious, focus on serving others.
Drink coffee.
Eat 1g of protein/lb of body weight or goal weight if you have more to lose.
Time-restricted eating (Intermittent Fasting).
Avoid seed, veggie, & low quality oils (fats).
Morning fasted walk/movement.
Get 7+ hours of high-quality sleep & walk 10k steps/day.
Make the first move & be a role model.
Walk tall, always look & do your best.
Do what most others refuse to do.
Eat nourishing, single-ingredient foods.
Lift weights at least 3x a week.
Minimize alcohol consumption.
Get your heart rate up & do HIIT 1–2x a week.
Eat healthy fats.
Measure & track progress (especially if things aren’t working).
Manage stress.
Make a habit of asking.
Create something & smile every day.
Don’t be a whiner, moaner, complainer, or fun-hater.
Mind what you consume.
Hailing from Fishers, Indiana, Katie is an aficionado of health, mindset, human connection, & entrepreneurship. Motivational writer, speaker, doer of many things, she grew up on her family’s beef cattle & crop farm where agriculture was her first love. She is a Purdue University graduate well known for her storytelling of life lessons & personal transformation through her own relationships, financial struggles, Crohn’s Disease, disordered eating, body transformation, & adapting to a carnivore diet lifestyle.
Katie also has over 17 years experience as a Registered Radiologic Technologist, Nutritionist, Brand Growth & Sales Consultant. She works with people of all walks of life as a nutritionist & life coach to help them authentically optimize their lives to find health, wealth, & happy!
It was like getting glasses & actually seeing for the first time. Those “blobs” – they were trees. They were flowers & so much more. Most people spend the first half of their lives collecting and the second half choosing what to keep.
“So now that you’re 40, which lessons do you plan to carry with you?” A friend asked me this question on my 40th birthday. At the time, I didn’t have a great answer. Actually I think my eyes glazed over a lil bit from the enormous amount of information running through my brain. Looking back, I realized the reason I write to y’all is so you can learn from not only what I have learned, but from my mistakes & experiences so that you can be a better human faster than I was. THAT is being a good leader. It’s not about acting like you know everything or being “sugar & spice & everything nice.” “Nice,” in my opinion, is telling the truth & that doesn’t always make you the most popular, but it does make you someone who stands for something larger than themselves & accountable. I started my fitness, nutrition coaching, & social media journey 15+ years ago. During that time, I’ve written & shared thousands of blogs, posts, & videos, most rooted in life lessons learned & weeding out what matters from what doesn’t & what’s gonna help the most people out there. Here are more lessons the world — and the amazing people (like you) I’m lucky to have along with me for the ride — have taught me that I plan to carry with me as long as the Universe will have me here. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you’re in motion. The less time you spend thinking and the more time you spend doing, the closer you’ll get to the life you want. Try some of these on for size and just run with’em. Report back to me when your life is awesome. I’m grateful for each & every one of you that read, share, & unpack your bags of life right beside me. oxox Coach K
One of the best lines I’ve ever heard was delivered to me by a terminally ill man. He knew I was looking for something more, more specifically something within myself. Guess I looked like I needed a laugh!
I was working in patient access as a phlebotomist & registration right out of college (Which I LOVED!). I didn’t know if I needed to go back to school, I was unhappily married & more so unhappy with myself, physically & mentally.
He said, “I hope you know CPR, because you just took my breath away! So, aside from taking my breath away, what do you like to do?”
I laughed, “Self sabotage, apparently.”
He passed away from lung cancer a few months later. He was one of many people I got to know (& lose) in my time working in healthcare.
The message I want to share with all of you is just a short synopsis of the golden nuggets he shared with me.
He said, “Being close to fear & death, in many ways, taught me to live. Successful & happy people don’t self-sabotage. They quietly quit the past. So what is it you need to let go of? What lights you up & fills you with purpose & fulfillment? That’s your answer to making changes to live your heaven everyday.”
It wasn’t a transformation overnight but decades of making different decisions & shifting my perspective because of that one conversation.
I went to radiology school. I started doing sh*t I loved. I started slowly forgiving & loving myself. I started releasing people & habits that didn’t serve (which meant a divorce years later). It meant changing numerous jobs, failed relationships, & trying on a multitude of hats in every facet of life over my 40 years. And I continue evolving, trying on new hats, & making mistakes, too.
Life (& the world) is a malfunctioning machine, the more pissed off we let ourselves become about it, the more likely we are to crash. Try again.
Happiness is not a consumable product or end goal. It is not something you find by searching or achieving. It is an arising byproduct of a fulfilling, well-lived life.
A well-lived life has more to do with perspective than anything else. As long as you can evolve & laugh, there is hope.
oxox Coach K
Hailing from Fishers, Indiana, Katie is an aficionado of health, mindset, human connection, & entrepreneurship. Motivational writer, speaker, doer of many things, she grew up on her family’s beef cattle & crop farm where agriculture was her first love. She is a Purdue University graduate well known for her storytelling of life lessons & personal transformation through her own relationships, financial struggles, Crohn’s Disease, disordered eating, CrossFit, & adapting a carnivore diet lifestyle.
Katie also has over 17 years experience as a Registered Radiologic Technologist, Nutritionist, & Sales Consultant. She works with people of all walks of life as a nutritionist & personal life coach to help them authentically optimize their lives to find health, wealth, & happy!
You can catch her via Instagram @lil_bit_of_fit & blog, Lilbitoffit.com
“I embrace uncertainty and uncomfortable life situations with courage. I face new experiences with my mind and heart wide open. I choose growth and expansion with roots that run deep & a heart with great wings.”
Home Sweet Home
The roads less traveled lead you to some of the most important places you’re meant to be.
Had a chat with a follower this morning and she said she just felt lost and asked how I found my way to my present day life. She asked what it was like growing up as a Farmer’s daughter.
I’ve posted about this before. This mornin I glanced at the number of followers I had, 25K. Holy crap. It’s exciting & terrifying at the same time.
Y’all are my digital family & I realize the last time I talked about this that was about 15,000 followers ago…
…and I felt the sense of humility, awe, & honor wash over me.
A lot of people over my 39 yrs have asked me:
“So what was it like growing up as a farmer’s daughter?” and “How did you get here?”
Never in a million years did I ever dream so many people would give a shit as to what I had to say or felt.
Walmart & hand me down born y’all. Raised on Spam, bologna & cheese, baby. 🥪
Humble beginnings🙏🏻🇺🇸 & if you ask me how to prepare tofu or fake meat I’m gonna tell you to throw it in the trash.
Eat your BEEF.
If you’re new here, I’m not one to sugarcoat, literally or metaphorically, so if you’re lookin for a watered down PC version of a girl who simply poses in her underwear & posts nothin but a inspirational quote without grit, purpose & somethin to say behind what she shares…go somewhere else.
And if you don’t like what you see on my feed or what my followers support, bless your heart, go somewhere else.
It’s hard to sum up completely to do it justice on the impact of the roads less traveled in my life but here goes…
Being raised on a beef cattle & crop farm in small town USA, Indiana, is one of my favorite things in the world. It’s the dirt, literally, I grew my life on.
Not only are my parents my heros, my teachers, my protectors, & my role models — they are my best friends & easily the hardest working people I’ve ever met in my life.
Doesn’t mean we’ve always seen eye to eye, doesn’t mean I haven’t gotten my a$$ kicked a time or 2 (or 10 😂). I always know I have a forever home to go back to.
And that doesn’t always mean a piece of land but the people. My family & friends that would become family are where my home is.
My dad & mom taught me 2 of the coolest jobs in the world — a farmer & what it means to be a caretaker.
I don’t think you fully realize as a kid the impact & importance of growing up rural, provided for but not rich in terms of money by any means, & being a caretaker of people, animals, & the land.
Now, thinkin back when other kids at school talked about what their parents did — doctors, lawyers, business people (all great professions, no disrespect) — how incredible is it that I got to say my parents help feed the world?
Pretty fxckin awesome if I don’t say so myself.
From early mornins & late nights workin cattle, to vacations being whatever cattle show we were going to, I was taught always be the hardest worker in the room & your character & integrity are everything — nothin has shaped my life & personality more.
Things I learned:
work 1st, play 2nd, family is everything
don’t leave the gate open. Ever. But learn to live like someone left the gate open
strength is everything. Physically, mentally, emotionally.
just when you think they won’t do you like that, a mf will def do you like that. Be honest & keep your integrity.
if you can handle weaning calves with your family, you can do anything.
how to cook, clean, drive, & do your laundry by the age of 10
the circle of life & being tough
keep your skin thick & immunity high, rub some dirt on it
importance of seasons
the feel of rubbin your fingers through a calf’s hair & the soft feel of holding a purple champion banner after working your a$$ off
you’re never too good to pray or better than anyone else
nothin tastes better than an ice cold crown and Coke, cheap pizza, & home grown meats after a hard days work sitting on a show box or tailgate, dirty af, with your people
Hats off to all my fellow farm people & livestock people, you’re the best in the world!
The second half of her question, how I got here?
My first job ever was working on the family farm.
My second was working as a lab assistant in an animal science lab at Purdue University where I graduated magna cum laude with a bachelors of science degree.
My third job was a vet tech.
My fourth was a well-paying job with a pharmaceutical company after landing a competitive internship.
I hated it.
I was making good money but I was miserable. It was cut throat, money & number driven, & I felt like I wasn’t helping anyone.
I felt lost.
After swallowing my pride & many tears later, I made the decision my happiness was worth more than a paycheck.
I went back to doing what I loved, which was healthcare — went back to working as a vet tech. And for anyone who has worked in this field, you know we don’t do it for the paycheck or benefits. We do it for love.
I married a farmer young at 22 (divorced at 27). Self employed, we needed insurance & benefits. So being the martyr & people pleaser I was — I made another sacrifice & got a job as a phlebotomist in patient access at a local hospital.
Turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. I met my second love — healthcare, for my first will always & forever be agriculture.
I’ve worked in healthcare now for 16 years, it’s been full of struggles, numerous jobs, healthcare facilities, positions, learning new skills, a lot of tears & a lot of time aboard the hot mess express — with my health, personal life, relationships, my addictions, disordered eating, shitty mindset syndrome, debt, & trying to figure out what the fugg my purpose was.
I then fell in love with CrossFit & nutrition in my early 30’s & the rest was history.
I now balance my personal business as a blogger/nutritionist/coach along with being a radiographer, the best career in the world & I love it.
Guess what? I’m still getting my shit together! 😂 It’s a forever process because we never stay the same, we’re always evolving.
You only fail if you stay stagnant & fail to learn the lessons.
If you have a goal & are pulled to something bigger than yourself, if you have something you really really want — GO FOR IT!
I was once told, “You will never make it without me.”
Deuces✌🏻 I think I’m doin all right 😉
No obstacle will stay in your path if you have the strength to find the solution to go around it & an appreciation of your story along the way.
The roads less traveled lead you to some of the most important places you’re meant to be.❤️
I was never prepared for half of the shxt I’ve gone through, but I got thru it.
During a client consult call yesterday, the conversation turned into more about her habits & relationships than macros or diet — which often is the “weight” we are carrying around.
Our relationships with other people, food, ourselves, exercise — weigh enormously on our overall health (mental &physical).
Laughter, sleep, nature, nourishing food, sun, friends, alone time — all the best medicines.
My client said she didn’t think she was meant to be in a relationship because they never seem to work out.
I asked her if she was being honest with herself, honest with her partners & really clear on what she wants (or lack of).
She said she thought so.
And I said, “That’s your answer, you don’t just think so — you gotta know.”
I explained people come into your life as mirrors & teachers & if you’re lucky enough, you find a human you align positively with & fancy incredibly well. But that was up to her & the energy she was putting out there.
She said she feels timing is always off.
Sometimes honest feelings & bad timing make the most painful combination.
Thinking you met the right person but at the wrong time. You want so badly for things to work out but there’s that nagging “ I don’t think this is right” ache that won’t go away. Usually ends in dragging things out or hiding feelings which lead to resentment.
A quote that hit me hard in the past: “Some people keep changing partners to avoid changing themselves.”
READ THAT AGAIN
You can insert food & exercise there as well.
I was like, fxck me. I have done this for years🤦🏼♀️
I broke relationships & friendships because speaking up & healing myself didn’t feel “safe.”
I’d cut people out with no remorse without explaining how I was feeling. Because navigating conflict felt like I either had to be the villain or the victim, & that made me weak.
Fears, attachment styles, self sabotaging habits, etc — don’t be afraid to dig your own dirt. This could be the very thing keeping you from losing weight, attracting success, finding love or keeping the one you have or had right in front of your eyes.
What if instead of trying to fix your entire story, just focus on writing one extraordinary story at a time. Then commit to planting those extraordinary seeds every day and watch your story grow. I write everyday. Stories. Stories are important. For they create your identity. The book, Atomic Habits talks about stories. What stories are you telling yourself? What identity do you want to embody? What systems do you have in place to help you achieve your goals? I feel there are 3 big areas of emotion affected by the stories we tell ourselves. Money stories. Relationship stories. Health (Food & Body) stories. What I did wrong: all 3 of these in some way I discounted my worth & desires. I set blocks instead of boundaries — there’s a difference. For example, relationships: If I was asked out & I really liked a guy, I’d lose myself & completely change my plans to do what they wanted to do. This was me not valuing my needs. A block. Now, instead of completely denying myself of my plans/needs I would simply say, “Let me get my workout in (or insert whatever plan I had for myself). I will connect & confirm plans later because I would like to spend time with you.” This is me setting a boundary not a block. This application can be used across the board. Example, Health: instead of saying, “I’m not a morning person, I don’t have time to meal prep.” Set a system & a boundary. “I don’t like to get up early but I will commit to 3 mornings this week & meal prep lunches because I want to be healthy.” Choose extraordinary actions because you deserve to write extraordinary stories. Write the identity you want to embody around money, relationships, & health. Mine👇🏻 MONEY: I am safe, able, deserving, successful & abundant. RELATIONSHIP: I am loved, seen, heard, safe, & significant. My relationships feel like freedom & home. I want my future partner to feel the same in the way they need. HEALTH: I am healthy, energetic, thriving, strong, intelligent, & beautiful in every season. Inner calm, outer order😉 Share yours!
A client got pissed at me yesterday. I said, “Good, then I’m doin my job.”
I had several conversations yesterday via dm with people letting their mindsets & emotional heaviness get the best of them.
On repeat: You attract what you put out. You cannot become what you want by remaining where you are.
You gotta shift your mindset. Mindset is part of the work.
This particular client, flat refuses to eat more food yet wants to gain muscle & heal. And I get it, it’s a mindfxck.
And I don’t care what goal y’all are chasin in whatever facet of life — DON’T BE UPSET ABOUT THE RESULTS YOU AREN’T GETTING FROM THE WORK YOU DIDN’T DO.
4 things I live by…& letting my weight or my Crohn’s or excuses control me — NOT any of those 3 things…
1.) Be mentally attractive, kind, & be worth knowing. You attract what you put out.
2.) Thou shall not judge because thou has fxcked up too.
3.) You either DO or you DON’T.
4.) 2 things I don’t like to share, toothbrushes & wieners.
💁🏼♀️Slap that last one on a T-shirt.
January 2021 I picked my word. Actually I picked 2: JOY & SURRENDER.
Where do your thoughts go during the day? Are you always worrying about the past or future?
Which, I’ll cut to the chase, all you really have is right now.
Are you so caught up in the fear of the past & future that you miss out on the magic of your current experience & all the possibilities?
I know I did for the majority of my life.
I had a lot of ‘One days I’ll do this’ or ‘There’s no way I’m talented enough to do this’ or ‘If only I could change the past.’ Sound familiar?
I love to write.
It’s just something that comes natural to me — putting emotions & thoughts into words. I don’t plan my blogs or IG posts, I let the inspiration come to me & I put those on paper in hopes of helping someone else out there.
I don’t worry about proper grammar or punctuation. I like to write the way I talk. Because that is me. I never thought I was polished or talented enough to actually be called a “writer.”
I ignored the doubt & followed my passion. This last week, I was honored to be asked to write an article for the blog site, Thought Catalogue. My first payed publication.🙌
I never would’ve started writing blogs if it wasn’t for my friend @rossmiller1132 years ago telling me it was something I should look into. I thank him for that!
Another example of believing in yourself, this book I’m holding, I rushed downstairs to pick up this @amazon package yesterday.
I mean, let’s not bullshxt around, I know I’m not the only one that gets excited for Amazon deliveries…so much so, I forget what I order half the time😂🤚
The author is my cousin @meanmattygreen This is his 1st published book! I cannot be more proud of him! I guess the writing gene runs in the family 😉
This book is a breath of fresh air about being present, doing what you love, self awareness, & believing in yourself.
It oozes real life shxt & authenticity. I can hear him thinking & speaking thru his words.
Y’all know I’m about that real reel life!
It’s a short easy read well worth your time & full of words that are the very thing you may need to hear to change your life.
I said, “Get a life.” Had the pleasure of snuggling up with a green beverage & answering questions with a digital friend yesterday on St. Patrick’s day. She said, “I just need to pick your brain about some relationship things I’m going through. I respect & appreciate your positive energy sprinkled with such blunt honesty.” I laughed 😄 Best compliment I had all day. My dad used to say I was a lot like a caged raccoon. They’re attracted to shiny things & look all cute & harmless, but as soon as you stick your fingers in the cage they bite’em off. Thanks Dad. If you don’t come from the Midwest or the South you may not understand that metaphor. Lol 😂 I swear I don’t bite 😉 Anywhoodle… She asked, “What’s the 1 piece of advice you would give to someone with codependency in every relationship they seem to have? Because that’s me. I feel I change for every relationship and rely on other people for my sense of happiness which in turn results in failed friendships & romantic relationships.” I don’t know about y’all but I felt this woman’s question in my soul. That used to be me. I wasn’t happy or felt any self worth unless I had a partner. I would let their energy affect my energy. I would change my interests, wants, & needs to suit their‘s. I would make their life, my life — to the point I felt my purpose was to simply serve them. If you don’t know what codependency means: noun
excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction. Apparently being in a relationship was an illness and an addiction. My Achilles’ heel per se. So I told her, “Get. A. Life.” You know why we struggle with relationships in today’s society? Because we don’t cultivate a self aware one with ourselves first. Because we don’t connect our souls with one another anymore, we like to connect our social media accounts & swipe right. We communicate with ambiguity. Vapid small talk just to fill silence. We ourselves don’t get clarity on what we really want. It seems when we do fall in love, it’s only after considering if we’re settling or not, whether a person can give us the life we want & fulfill unrealistic desires. We’re blinded by filters. We forget to date one another. We let passion & playfulness & adventure die. We don’t ask what the other needs to be seen, heard, loved, & supported. We look for someone perfect to complete us while we already have the best possible one within us. I’m just gonna say this, ‘singlehood’ has been vilified for way too long. I believe it’s actually the 1 thing people need to experience fully in order to cultivate more successful , meaningful relationships. If you don’t build a home in yourself first & don’t even know who you are as your authentic self, how do you expect to get to know someone else on a deeper level & accept them as they are? It truly goes back to self love & self worth. You are seeking these things from other people. High seekers do the same thing. Everything‘s great when it’s new & fun but as soon as the ‘real life’ mundane button is pushed, you become avoidant & seek new highs. Yup, calling myself out there too. Queen of the avoidants. Thanks to my therapist for pointing that out. Through therapy I learned how being made fun of as a kid affected my relationships & love life. I built walls so high around myself & guarded them with weapons of avoidant attachment, sarcasm & ambiguity. My therapist told me I am REALLY GOOD at acting like I don’t give a fxck. So much so I somehow taught myself how to shut my emotion off & that’s why I was able to cut people out of my life with no remorse. Oooof. Fxck me, right?! 😆 Sound familiar? Anyone else an avoidant like me? 🤚 Guys that liked me who were attractive, smart, & successful intimidated me whether I liked them or not because I felt I was still that fat girl & not successful enough to be worthy of a relationship with them. My therapist said I placed them in this box of the popular boys at school that used to make fun of me, which wasn’t fair to them or myself. So I’d ‘settle’ for less than men, frankly, as she put it, “Not on on the same level as me.” I did this because subconsciously I knew I was smarter, more successful, and more in control. Same with successful women, too. I felt I wasn’t good enough to “sit at the cool kids table.” Oooof. Another fxck me.😫 These are the things you need to hear. I understand it’s not what you want to hear. They’re dirty, & heavy, & gross. Find yourself. Date yourself. You have to be whole first. No one completes you or owns your relationship. A relationship is shared, it’s like a Google Drive. What happens is you get into a relationship & lose your life slowly. That relationship then becomes your life, your world. Then when something goes wrong in that relationship, or there is conflict, your world comes crashing down because you’ve made that relationship your world. We share our life with our partner we don’t give our life to our partner & vice versa. It doesn’t mean to love LESS it means to love SO MUCH your wholeness, & your partners wholeness mean more individually so you can both be POWERFUL AF together. Find someone carrying their own bag. Find someone that is willing to sit on the floor beside you. Y’all can pack & unpack your bags together. ❤️ I’ll be right there with you, with a cocktail or coffee, your choice 😉 Oxox Coach K
