11 Ways Successful People Utilize Emotions

How successful people understand & utilize emotions.

For the past several years I’ve been paying more attention to my emotions & how they affect my life.

They’re fleeting. They change — often. And that’s okay, we’re human they’re supposed to.

I decided instead of letting them control & hinder, I wanted to learn how to harness my emotions to bring more positive things into my life, personally & professionally.

Don’t we all want to get what we want?
— The body
— The money
— The relationships
— The job

Happiness, right?

Things I learned that emotionally successful people do:

1. They acknowledge feelings.
Emotionally successful people are able to identify emotions & understand how they influence behavior, thoughts, & conversations.

I noticed I could do this by observing — myself & others.

Anyone else out there love to people watch?

Reflect on those observations. What did you notice? Did more negative emotions bring upon more negativity? You’ve heard me say it before, thoughts become things. This is what I noticed. I noticed the more I focused on what I didn’t want the more I attracted those into my life.

Like weight gain or fatigue.
Gut problems, health issues.
Toxic people. Arguments.
Debt.

2. They take time for stillness.
Emotions change at the drop of a hat or word. They often result in impulsive decisions which lead to regret.

I realized when I paused and took the time to think about what and how I wanted to articulate something, the more clarity & positive impact I received.

I’ve also said this before, don’t promise/buy/decide things when you’re happy/sad/angry. 9 times out of 10 it will bite you in the a$$.

3. They keep commitments to themselves & others.
There are a number of ways we measure a person’s worth or our own worth. They also can be the deciding factor of success or failure. Are you failing because you’re not keeping your commitments to yourself?

For example, you’re trying to improve your health & lose weight but instead of changing your eating habits & exercise, you give excuses instead.

Are your trying to improve your relationships? Are you putting in the work to improve those relationships or are you ignoring them? Same with you doing the inner work to heal whatever baggage is holding you back.

Words + action hold immense power & emotion. Words are building blocks of your existence & they reflect the integrity of their creator. Since words hold power, it’s both important to speak words that hold positive intentions & be prepared to keep your word to others, as they’re a reflection of your intentions & integrity.

4. They make peace with what they can control, what they cannot, & their reactions.
We can’t control other people & we can’t control our environment. We can create our realities just not completely control every variable. The one thing over which we can exert, & maintain control of, is ourself & the way we respond to every situation.

5. They learn & grow through mistakes.
Be a forever student. We’re human. We’re gonna fxck up. Study, question, research. Success leaves clues. Learn from mentors, read, listen to podcasts, get a coach. One of my favorite apps is Blinkist. For my busy, GSD people – Blinkist condenses books into 10-15 short ‘blinks.’ Saves a ton of time rather than reading or listening to hours of a book.

6. They’re humble & kind.
I don’t know many people that enjoy being around know it all’s & narcissists. There’s a fine line between confidence & arrogance. Value humility. It’s a strength not a weakness. Like my mom always told me, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

7. They practice & preach honesty, authenticity, & live by their values.
Your word & integrity are everything – especially to yourself. Make a list of your values & how you’d like to live & what kind of person you’d like to embody. Base your decisions upon those.

A list of mine. I keep this in my daily scheduler. Update & change as needed — you’re meant to evolve <3

8. They seek first to understand before judging.
Pause to listen, to understand. I promise it will lead to deeper, more meaningful relationships.

9. They’re able to apologize, communicate, compliment & deliver feedback effectively.
Words have power. Give credit where credit is due. People are more likely to cooperate when they feel appreciated & understood. What’s a persons favorite word? — their name. Just a tip 😉

Remember & use people’s names, it makes a lasting impression.

“A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” – Dale Carnegie.

Reframe criticism as constructive feedback. People are more likely to view it as helpful instead of hurtful.

10. They master the power of letting go.
Forgive & forget. Hanging on to resentment is like continuously pouring salt in a wound. There’s huge power in the art of letting go. Letting go of toxic people, habits, unnecessary things, social media, etc. Your environment is everything. Choose wisely.

11. They understand, set, & respect boundaries.
Personal boundaries are important because they set the basic guidelines of how you want to be treated. Boundaries are basic guidelines that people create to establish how others are able to behave around them. Setting boundaries can ensure that relationships can be mutually respectful, appropriate, & meaningful.

Hopefully these tidbits I’ve learned help you change & leave your legacy, & as a result, positively change the world

❤

️oxox Coach K

More life lessons by me

They asked her, “What is real freedom?”

She answered, 

“Freedom is mental clarity combined with inner peace. Freedom is when you can see without projecting and when you can live without causing yourself unnecessary mental tension or stress. It happens every moment you are not craving for more. Happiness and freedom are one.”

@yung_pueblo | A Clear Mind 

————————————

I had an 80 year old patient ask me this past week where I pictured my life in a year. She was telling me about her marriage & life when she was my age.

I told her if she had asked me that question even three months ago I probably would’ve had a completely different answer.

The most beautiful thing about life is that no matter what happened in the past you can always begin again.

You can have a change of heart. You can make mistakes & grow. You can endure the hurt from other beings. You can change your mind. You can forgive. You can change your plans of what you thought life was going to look like. You can choose to embody whatever person you wanna be. YOU choose your definition of happiness, love, & freedom.

I thought I was destined to just forever work my fingers to the bone here in Indy. It is where my roots are planted deep. 🌽 

And yeah, right now I’m puttin in 50hrs minimum a week. Honestly that’s bullsht — I’m workin more like 60 hours a week.

I love my jobs, however. I have purpose & in the end it gives me financial freedom & peace of mind & so much soul food. They are my gifts & I was given these gifts for a reason so I’m gonna use’em.

But I know I don’t wanna do this forever. I’m not really living life.

Anyone else feel like this too?

I am intentionally grindin right now to get where I want to be because I’m not afraid to make sacrifices & work hard to get what I want.

I have goals I’m working towards & an epic life I’m ready to build.

Let the space between where you are, who you are, & where you wanna be & who you wanna be motivate the fck outta your life.

Fill your time with only people & things that matter.

And LOVE.

Love is always the answer❤️

Like my Mama always told me, let your roots run deep but let your heart have wings 🦋

Lashes: @eyelash_extensions_by_vanessa

Lipstick: @maybelline super stay matte ink,

Color-Ruler (Lover is my fav color)

Scrubs: @urbanescrubs

Scrub jacket: @wearfigs

It’s not always butterfly’s…

She said, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”

I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.

How bout we start there. 

And I’ll ask y’all something my momma asked me recently, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”

I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino

There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection. 

Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man or a perfect ME.

I’ve had a hard time letting people love me. 

I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really fucked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get to that point of being the one that was hurt.

I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.

To the recovering calloused avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shit ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.

My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun, now knowing it’s a verb. 

It’s something you choose, & it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of tacos & tequila (but that’s would be nice 😆🖐🏻🌮🍹sign me up btw)

A hard lesson I’ve learned recently is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying.

And things you nitpick may just be your ego talkin. Just because a day, a month, or a year doesn’t seem to align right now, doesn’t mean you set the whole damn thing on fire & watch it burn. 

Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fucked up. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

Jus sayin.

So I’ll be patient & wait…

…for that endless buffet of tacos & tequila

…with a splash of @morganwallen

…and my best friend by my side. ✌🏻🏝 

Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto

Xoxo

Like a Messy Patio…

I sat my plant children out on the patio this morning before CrossFit & work for some sun & fresh air. I feel they’re happier when they get some time out. 

I named them all. This is one of my new ones, her name is Maggie.

It takes some time setting them all out & gets my patio messy. But they’re worth it. They make me happy when I see them when I come home. Like Pete 🐈, he runs to the door when I  get there. Even though he eats all my succulents & opens cabinets & drawers — making a mess. 

Your message is in your mess.

Healing is messy. Life is messy. There’s not a template for it. 

Some hard things I’ve learned are first loves or fierce loves don’t always mean the best loves. Stable, loyal loves are timeless. And sometimes the relationship we need to work on for another is the one with yourself.

Best friends don’t always mean friends forever.

Money is energy & like a relationship too. It deserves to be appreciated, honored, & used for good. It comes & goes like everything else in life.

One thing they all mean no matter what the outcome, however, is someone at sometime — cared. And that’s worth it.

I have good & not so good days. I have days I feel like a rock star & other days I feel like an a$$hat. 

Some days I reminisce on what I could’ve done differently to change the outcomes & other days I feel like I’m living my best life. 

I have moments of heart break — a mistake you made you wish you could change, hearing a song that pours salt in a wound, a scent that brings back a certain place in time, the sight of a picture, the feel of an old sweatshirt or shirt that makes you smile & cry in both appreciation & mourning of a relationship or memory.

Through it all remember that you’re human. And you’re messy. 

Feel the feels. 

Take the time you need to begin again.

And thank God for things you prayed for that you didn’t get. You wouldn’t be the person you are today. 

Fresh lashes: @Eyelash_extensions_by_vanessa

I’d love to hear how y’all are doing🌻👇🏻

Xoxo 

Life lessons in this day in the life of scrubs & leggins

4am comes early. In the OR by 6:20 this mornin. 

I woke up with such a grateful heart. 

I remember days in my 20s waking up & absolutely dreading going to work & feeling a black heavy cloud over my life.

It was suffocating.

I’ve had a lot of jobs that were just that — jobs.

I really don’t think it was until my 30s that I truly appreciated & deeply loved my profession in radiology.

It took taking a lot of wrong turns to get to that place of gratitude.

Same thing for my love life. 

The handful of serious relationships I’ve had, I’ve learned so much from every single one.

And I do take a piece of every single special person & take them with me in my heart.

Same thing for my jobs.

Today, I got to do one of my most favorite things in the whole world, which I was absolutely terrified of as an X-ray student — surgery. 

I assisted in my first hip scope & labrum repair. Didn’t even know they used a C-arm for that. 😆 I truly appreciate the surgeon asking my name & then making sure he knew my name & thanked me as I exited.

Many times this is not commonplace.

And you’re called Xray or hey you or I’ve even had shit thrown at me, & called stupid in a case.

I’m not kidding some surgeons are just not so nice.

You learn to have really thick skin & not show fear. X-ray school & environments like this definitely do not help self-esteem or self-worth issues. 😂

I used to tell my Xray students don’t let them know you’re scared because they’ll eat you alive. You will be OK & you can do this!

Learn to think quick on your feet. Be nice to everyone in the OR & help out as much as you can within your scope of practice.

To anyone no matter what your role is in surgery knows how intimidating the environment is.

I have told you before I’m like a bull in a China shop, so for me having to have finesse in a sterile environment is not just a matter of me being polished — it is absolutely vital & necessary. It was a skill learned & refined with years of practice.

I remember having talks with myself before I went into the OR saying, “Katie do not fuck shit up. Do not contaminate or touch anything you are not supposed to!”

An entire surgery case can be dependent on one wrong move & if you don’t know what you’re doing the doctor can’t see what he’s doing. 

Scary af right?!

I haven’t touched a C-arm in 3 years. Like riding a bike & it felt so good. 😉

I worked as an x-ray tech for 10 years at Community Anderson & left in 2015 when I moved to Lafayette.

My last 5 years have been the most life-changing & confusing & rewarding seasons all in one.

Points to this day in the life of scrubs & leggins:

1.) Treat everyone with respect no matter what their role, race, gender, whatever. No one is better than anyone else & you never know when you’re going to need someone’s help 

2.) It’s never too late to start over. It’s never too late to refine your craft & your gifts. It’s never too late to follow what you love. 

3.) Learn from your mistakes & all of the paths you take. You were placed there for a reason & you were always exactly where you’re meant to be.

Keep calm & Xray on bishes. 💀🙅🏼‍♀️💕

Till next time 🤘🏻

Xoxo

5 Year Plans, Emotional Eating, & the Buzz of Busy

“What’s your 5 year plan?” She asked.

I laughed. 

Sister, 2 months ago I wouldn’t have thought one of the most important decisions of my week would be what sweatpants I’m wearing to the living room today?

I stumbled across a to do list as I flipped back through my daily planner…

…I welled with emotion.

It was so BUSY.

Photo credit: @doot_doodler

Busy with apts, shopping lists, workouts, work schedules, errands to run, consults, projects ideas, meetings, down to what color scrubs I needed to wear to make sure I went to the right hospitals.

Stress — on my body, mind, & spirit. 

I felt ashamed to discover it. Time & life have changed so much. Forced to slow down. To long for that old life, the “normalcy.”

It was also a great reminder. 

A reminder of how we’ve transformed busyness into beingness.

I’m different now. I long for pieces of that old “normalcy” but not the busy.

I loathe the word busy. I used it as a bullshit excuse & conversation filler for years. I catch myself doing it now.

I used it for not doing things I wanted to. 

Travel. Vacation.

Spend time with friends & loved ones.

Invest in a new project, job, or venture.

Move.

Just fucking BE & do what I want to in a day.

Mostly out of fear of not having enough money  or being seen as lazy. BUSY made me feel safe & worthy.

Same with control. If I control my body, my food, my workouts, my schedule — everything will be ok. Which in the past I’ve realized leads to disordered eating & body image & a poor relationship with food, myself, & exercise.

You place your worth on what you look like & how much you’re achieving.

Photo credit: @what.is.mental.illness

So when you’re not “busy” what initially happens?

You emotionally eat.

You doubt yourself.

You compare.

You get anxiety.

You lose your labels & sense of self.

Your relationships suffer.

Basically you step on the hot mess express full speed ahead.

Emotional eating is a biggie. 

So here are some things to help you:

🌞 Stay occupied, halfway organize your day and do a brain dump the night before. That way you kind of know what to expect & can set a semischedule. 

🌞 Jot down tentative eating times so you have something to stick to — expectations & commitments to yourself. And this way you can plan around your activities for the day. 

🌞 Good activities that help pass the time positively:

-Cleaning house

-Purging old things from closets and spaces it makes way for new positive energy

-Take a nap, most of us don’t get enough sleep anyways

-Read — Knowledge + action is power

-Invest in a new learning course or workshop — be a forever student

-Color or pick up a creative hobby that keeps your mind and hands busy

-Go for a walk or do a mini workout for 20 minutes

-Call a friend 

-Brain dump and schedule your week

-Listen to a podcast or write in your journal

-Go shopping, run errands, get out of the house

-Keep trigger foods out of the house if you know you can’t control yourself well around certain foods

– Eat a big breakfast with plenty of proteins and fats they will keep you fuller the majority of the day: things like eggs and sausage, eggs and bacon, burgers, roasts, it doesn’t have to be breakfast food

It’s ok to plan, but leave room for grace, flexibility & adventure.

Next time when I’m sitting in traffic, running late, I’ll reflect on the time of not having anywhere to run to. I’ll remember in the midst of confusion & suffocating stillness I grew strong, calm, & found a new appreciation of life & control.

Xoxo Coach K

Sobremesa & Sweet Presence

S O B R E M E S A 

[noun] • Spanish

(n.) the time after a meal spent around the table with loved ones; a time to digest food, love, & friendship.

I was reading about the Spanish tradition where people sit at the table after a meal, talk, & connect with friends & loved ones.

Sweet presence — that’s what it is.

And I thought to myself, how did we lose this in our lives?

The savor of the truly important things in life?

—> the feel of sunlight on your skin

—> long, lingering hugs & the smell of fresh flowers 

—>  the taste of a home cooked meal with family

—>  laughing with friends & meaningful conversations

—> the ability to simply move your body, health

—> peaceful sleep, clean sheets, the taste of fresh coffee

—> the feeling of the first time someone looked at you & told you they loved you

—> knowing you have the entire day to sit in your pjs & the freedom to do absolutely nothing

As basically the entire world has been forced to stay home due to the recent pandemic, I feel we’ve discovered we’ve lost our gift of presence through constant numbing & hustle. 

I thought this was fitting to serve as a reminder both to ourselves whether we’re working or home or everything in between — the people you come home to…

family

friends

friends that become family

those you can’t wait to get on the phone with

those you connect with via social media 

the simple feelings & emotions we experience in our everyday “mundane”…

These are the things that truly matter & we mustn’t forget when we’re feeling lost. 

For me, I’d be more interested to learn from 80 people in their 80’s who were totally lost in their 20’s & 30’s that figured out what was truly more meaningful in life than 80 people in their 20’s & 30’s that figured it out early & never got lost. 

It’s in the lost where we discover truth & ourselves again. 💟

Xoxo Coach K 

Times are Changing – “The Purge”

Sometimes people, places, things, our comfortably controlled routines — the old you — must be lifted from the VIP seats of your life to allow the aligned ones in. 

Hello #covid19 

This removal usually hurts like hell. 

It usually is a big kick in the azzzz frankly. 

It creates scars. 

Scars we don’t other people to see so we hide them. We mold into people & titles we think other people will like to approve of. 

What happens when they’re stripped away? What do you cling to?

What do you discover?

What do you let go?

This time has been challenging for me too. I’ve had to basically relearn how to live & sit uncomfortably in my feelings. I don’t sit & rest well. #gsdqueen 

I am beyond grateful, however. For some downtime & slowdown to refocus on what makes me unique, refocus, gratitude for simple things, & realizing I am fuggin awesome no matter if I’m being productive or not. 

Don’t put yourself on the clearance rack — I tell my clients this all the time. With anything in life — dating, fitness, food, career, personal development. 

People doubt their ability, they’re ashamed of their scars when there are people out there in awe of their potential. ⁣

I remind myself to savor relationships & connections made, no matter what the outcome, to not doubt my abilities & worth, to not settle, & to share my scars freely, & choose gratitude ALWAYS.

Here’s to service, presence, & new beginnings. 

Xray on 🤘🏻💀😷

Gimme a ❤️ & one thing you’re grateful for today!🙏🏻👇🏻

Self Love & Success Habits

I feel what the world needs right now isn’t another post about losing weight or body fat loss. 

Right now, for most of us, we should be focusing on feeling our best — not shrinking our bodies because we think we’ll be happier taking up less space.

What we really need is S E L F  LOVE

Beautiful design by my fav: @positivelypresent⁠ 💕

Cred: @positivelypresent

Ever wonder where negative talk comes from?

They’re rooted from experiences & traumas you’ve had in your past, often childhood. The more you focus on the familiar past, the more the predictable future repeats itself.

Just because something negative happened to you in the past, maybe someone called you ugly or stupid or pathetic or whatever — doesn’t mean that’s what you are. 

Remember, what people do or say to you comes from how they view themselves &/or the product of their environment. Hurt people hurt people. As we like to say, “Haters gonna hate.”

On the other hand, ⁠if you believe you are unworthy/unloveable you may have biased expectations & reactions when approaching situations with others. 

Thoughts become things. These thoughts contribute to your cycle of black cloud emotions & habits.

To cultivate more self-love you must break the cycle & challenge yourself away from negative thoughts, start enforcing boundaries with yourself & others, practice self-care, and distance yourself from toxicity (environment, people, food, social media, etc).

I talk about how habits make you a lot.

That it’s not exactly about picking the right foods or the right diets or the right workouts or the right macros.

Your habits will directly drive how successful you are in anything & everything you do.

Remember that Marshmallow Experiment done by Stanford professor Walter Mischel?

I had to Google that again actually🤓

Basically it found that children who had more willpower & delayed eating the marshmallow to receive a bigger treat later on were more successful in many areas of their lives than the children who couldn’t resist & chose temporary pleasure over long-term gain.

This experiment relates to our routine habit choices. We can choose habits that will serve us more later or ones that will not. 

When working with clients one of the first things we work on is self & food awareness. Which includes creating healthier habits. 

These can be as simple as eating more protein with each meal or reducing drinking from three days a week to one. 

Change your habits, change your thoughts — change you. 

Make them better ones. 💕 

The New Chapter Begins

A lil bit wolf, a lil bit woman — it’s the wild that made her beautiful. @lil_bit_of_fit

She finally started to love the pieces of herself she used to hide & run from.

The scars, the imperfections, the things that made her different — like her Indiana twang, the way a strategically placed cuss word just rolls off her tongue a little bit sweeter, & the way she loves selflessly without abandon.

The scars physical & mental.

The ones on her shin missing a box jump.

The ones on her chest from falling off a tractor in childhood.

The ones from having her gallbladder removed, cervical cancer, Crohn’s, umpteendozen farm injuries.

The ones on her heart from self loathing, disordered eating, overtraining, periods of debt, failed relationships, food fear, fear of failure, fear of fucking up societal timelines & wondering if she’ll ever have her shit figured out.

Livin life somewhere among boots, scrubs, & lessons…

She stared at her picture & out the window, always something on her mind, & finally felt the peace & acceptance of her past, present, & future, all the knowns & unknowns, & realized the experiences & pieces that made her beautiful…

…a lil bit wolf, a lil bit woman — it’s the wild that made her beautiful. – @lil_bit_of_fit

And with that…I finally got my shit together this morning & launched my website, my little writing space to hopefully add value, laughs, mentoring, coaching, & shine some light in this world.

It’s official — lilbitoffit.com

Working on a blog for y’all later, stay tuned: 10 HABITS HAPPY & SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE DO DIFFERENTLY.

xoxo -Coach K

Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto

Lashes: @kyra_coleman2488 @thelashloungefishersdt

Wardrobe: @tjmaxx

Hair: @skoontz1

Makeup: @sweatcosmetics @elfcosmetics

Lip: @maybelline superstay matte ink