Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
8 years ago I had never touched a barbell or back squatted in my life.
At 8 yrs old, my food & body issues began.
It’s been 7 years since my first CrossFit competition which I entered only 3 months after my 1st foundations class.
I was scared & intimidated af at each stage.
Even as a CrossFit coach, I was still struggling with body image, digestive issues & had no idea how to properly nourish myself. Mentally, emotionally, and physically I may add.
Hot. Mess. Express.
I finally reached a point years later & knew it was time to quit trying to compete & eat a certain way & be something I simply was not.
No one equips you for the flood of emotions that come with changing the way you’ve lived for years & the body changes that come with it.
Doesn’t matter if you’re an athlete, a mom, have chronic illness, or disordered eating — we never look at food, exercise or our bodies the same ever again.
No one equips you with the knowledge that before, during that season, your body’s purpose was to be an athlete, or a dancer, or a mom & wife, or a nurse, or a fur mom & single girl just doin the best she can.
No one reassures you your body is supposed to change & your life & relationships & seasons are all going to change — & all those changes are totally OK.
We’re taught young that our worth & purpose are attached to live up to societies beauty standards.
I’ve gained weight, lost weight, gained muscle, lost muscle, been every shape & size & tried every diet always coveting the smaller, leaner version of myself.
Always jealous of the girls that could eat anything they wanted & live like a ‘normal person’ and not have to worry about bloating or constipation or diarrhea or nausea & vomiting just because she ate a salad or had pizza with friends or ate food too late.
With frustration, I started to hate what I saw in the mirror getting in the shower. I didn’t even want to take my clothes off half of the time. Seriously affected my sex life & honestly any kind of abundance I wanted to bring into my life.
Its taken took 30 years of struggling with IBS, Crohns, disordered eating & just being freakin human to realize that I don’t need to be a double 0, an athlete, an ‘Influencer,’ or whatever label you choose to have purpose & worth.
I found love in relationships, & food, & entrepreneurship, & exercise, & LIFE again.
That 8 year old little girl you see on the left didn’t know it then, but she is a mf Queen, an authority, & was meant to help others thru her challenges.
She was meant for greatness.
So are you.
I’m here to help you. Link here if you’re struggling like I did too.
Message me anytime on IG or Facebook. I know most of you follow me on the gram and I’m grateful to have such a wonderful fam like yall!
If there’s one thing I want you guys to focus on before starting this new week it’s cultivating a better relationship with yourself. Body image issues can stunt & affect any kind of progress or growth in every facet of your life. I can tell you after losing almost 50lbs over my 38 yrs on this earth, the weight loss doesn’t magically make you love yourself more or fix any problems. 10 Ways To Improve Body Image Issues Source: Myself & The National Eating Disorder Awareness 1️⃣ Stop comparing yourself to others. Love & appreciate your body for what it is & what it is becoming as you live a healthier life. 2️⃣ Remember that beauty is not just about appearance. 3️⃣ Question the media & things you consume. Especially social media. Most of what you see is photo shopped & the highlight reels. 4️⃣ Dress in clothes that make you feel your best! Wear literally whatever the hell you want. You wear your clothes they don’t wear you. 5️⃣ When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts. You are a beautiful sum of all your imperfections. 6️⃣ LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. What do you NEED? A walk? Yoga? A bath?! Listening help so much! 7️⃣ Use the time and energy you might have spent worrying about food, calories, and your weight to do something to help others. Sometimes helping out other people can help you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world. 8️⃣ Shut down those voices in your head that tell you your body is not “right” or that you are a “bad” person. 9️⃣ “I am” affirmations! Say them, write them, believe them! 🔟 Don’t rely on others for confidence boosts! Your worth comes from within. Also, seek help. Therapy does wonders❤️
I have no idea what kind of influence I actually have on people.
I have the tendency to just go about my life, hustlin, trying to be a good human. Tryin to be true to myself, basically spewing my heart & emotions on this thing called the gram.
It’s been really good for me. Therapeutic. Emotionally cleansing.
Like life, it has a dark side too. It can be very energetically heavy trying to be a light & lending ear to so many.
My tendency to live & do & say things unaware of how it really influences other people has its drawbacks too.
My independence alienates people unintentionally.
I don’t typically do things to be hurtful or malicious but they can come off that way.
Reason — I’m really shitty at communication. I don’t realize other people can’t read my mind or energy like I can read others.
I’m working on it.
I’m aware of it now so I don’t have any excuses for myself.
I really don’t know how I’ve affected other people’s decisions, how they feel about themselves, or their perceptions of things.
I do know I want to be the realist, most positive force I can be. I’m grateful y’all allow me to let you know you’re not alone & allow me to put my life, my emotions, my experiences & lessons into words.
I’m currently missing my best friend @_rottier_ like you wouldn’t believe. Japan is not 6 hrs away.
I pulled up my GPS today to take an alternate route to work & it still pulls up his Missouri address first.
Made me wanna cry & I was instantly pissed off at myself. I don’t like being weak. And I thought, “You ain’t got time for this shit, Katie, pull it together. Talk about whiskey glasses, @morganwallen , I’d like a few right now🥃.”
I’ve failed tests in school, I even got suspended in Xray school. 🤷🏼♀️ That authority thing has always been a struggle. 😆
My worst grade in high school was an 86% in Algebra & I thought my overachieving ass was gonna die. I obviously didn’t. And that doesn’t mean shit now.
I’ve been rejected from jobs I thought I wanted only for the right ones to come along later. Ive had hard times with family only to laugh about it later.
I’ve had friends disappoint me, men leave me, hell I’ve abused myself with all the addictions — it was never one thing: disordered eating, over exercising, drinking too much, settling, sabotaging myself, surrounding myself with a hard shell, wishing I could eat like a “normal” person without crohns & special needs.
I sat my plant children out on the patio this morning before CrossFit & work for some sun & fresh air. I feel they’re happier when they get some time out.
I named them all. This is one of my new ones, her name is Maggie.
It takes some time setting them all out & gets my patio messy. But they’re worth it. They make me happy when I see them when I come home. Like Pete 🐈, he runs to the door when I get there. Even though he eats all my succulents & opens cabinets & drawers — making a mess.
Your message is in your mess.
Healing is messy. Life is messy. There’s not a template for it.
Some hard things I’ve learned are first loves or fierce loves don’t always mean the best loves. Stable, loyal loves are timeless. And sometimes the relationship we need to work on for another is the one with yourself.
Best friends don’t always mean friends forever.
Money is energy & like a relationship too. It deserves to be appreciated, honored, & used for good. It comes & goes like everything else in life.
One thing they all mean no matter what the outcome, however, is someone at sometime — cared. And that’s worth it.
I have good & not so good days. I have days I feel like a rock star & other days I feel like an a$$hat.
Some days I reminisce on what I could’ve done differently to change the outcomes & other days I feel like I’m living my best life.
I have moments of heart break — a mistake you made you wish you could change, hearing a song that pours salt in a wound, a scent that brings back a certain place in time, the sight of a picture, the feel of an old sweatshirt or shirt that makes you smile & cry in both appreciation & mourning of a relationship or memory.
Through it all remember that you’re human. And you’re messy.
Feel the feels.
Take the time you need to begin again.
And thank God for things you prayed for that you didn’t get. You wouldn’t be the person you are today.
I remember days in my 20s waking up & absolutely dreading going to work & feeling a black heavy cloud over my life.
It was suffocating.
I’ve had a lot of jobs that were just that — jobs.
I really don’t think it was until my 30s that I truly appreciated & deeply loved my profession in radiology.
It took taking a lot of wrong turns to get to that place of gratitude.
Same thing for my love life.
The handful of serious relationships I’ve had, I’ve learned so much from every single one.
And I do take a piece of every single special person & take them with me in my heart.
Same thing for my jobs.
Today, I got to do one of my most favorite things in the whole world, which I was absolutely terrified of as an X-ray student — surgery.
I assisted in my first hip scope & labrum repair. Didn’t even know they used a C-arm for that. 😆 I truly appreciate the surgeon asking my name & then making sure he knew my name & thanked me as I exited.
Many times this is not commonplace.
And you’re called Xray or hey you or I’ve even had shit thrown at me, & called stupid in a case.
I’m not kidding some surgeons are just not so nice.
You learn to have really thick skin & not show fear. X-ray school & environments like this definitely do not help self-esteem or self-worth issues. 😂
I used to tell my Xray students don’t let them know you’re scared because they’ll eat you alive. You will be OK & you can do this!
Learn to think quick on your feet. Be nice to everyone in the OR & help out as much as you can within your scope of practice.
To anyone no matter what your role is in surgery knows how intimidating the environment is.
I have told you before I’m like a bull in a China shop, so for me having to have finesse in a sterile environment is not just a matter of me being polished — it is absolutely vital & necessary. It was a skill learned & refined with years of practice.
I remember having talks with myself before I went into the OR saying, “Katie do not fuck shit up. Do not contaminate or touch anything you are not supposed to!”
An entire surgery case can be dependent on one wrong move & if you don’t know what you’re doing the doctor can’t see what he’s doing.
Scary af right?!
I haven’t touched a C-arm in 3 years. Like riding a bike & it felt so good. 😉
I worked as an x-ray tech for 10 years at Community Anderson & left in 2015 when I moved to Lafayette.
My last 5 years have been the most life-changing & confusing & rewarding seasons all in one.
Points to this day in the life of scrubs & leggins:
1.) Treat everyone with respect no matter what their role, race, gender, whatever. No one is better than anyone else & you never know when you’re going to need someone’s help
2.) It’s never too late to start over. It’s never too late to refine your craft & your gifts. It’s never too late to follow what you love.
3.) Learn from your mistakes & all of the paths you take. You were placed there for a reason & you were always exactly where you’re meant to be.
We gettin deep today y’all. This is something I’ve never completely disclosed. I hope it helps you where you are right now twas a message I was nudged to share today.
So here goes…
Never did the world make a Queen of a girl who hides behind a facade of perfection in a house of guarded walls but an imperfect woman of wisdom in a house of mirrors & glass.
Are you just INTERESTED in being a Queen of high value building your empire or are you COMMITTED to being her?
I had a mentor ask me this.
Holy shit.
Another gut check moment.
You see our beliefs build habits & our habits reinforce those beliefs.
For those of you who are new around here & don’t know my story let me set a quick framework of my past that may resonate close to yours.
I too have been that human:
◽️going through a divorce feeling like failure & confused about identity
◽️car repoed, $40,000 in debt, $5 to your name, basically living out of your office & your car, eating at hotels to save money on food
◽️comparing wanting to be someone else, coveting their life or body thinking that would make me successful & happy
◽️thinking being single means there’s something wrong with me & I needed to settle & find a partner fast to actually be worthy instead of realizing I needed to work on myself & be the person I wanted to be with first
◽️getting involved in relationships, jobs, social plans when I feel resistance & ignoring my intuition, excessive drinking, overspending, giving my body to people who didn’t deserve it
So what did I do?
I visualized & BELIEVED in the things I wanted to manifest. I made a list of the things I would need to do & the person I would need to embody to achieve these things.
The BODY — healing, health, rest, eating ENOUGH, working out because I love my body, vibrancy, food & body freedom, self love
The CAREER — freedom, loving what I do, making an impact, following purpose not a paycheck
The RELATIONSHIP — doing the inner work, believing in my self worth, getting rid of pre-conditions I learned over time, self awareness of my shadows and triggers, being the person I would want to be with
The MINDSET — believing in myself, telling myself I’m a mf Hustler, a survivor, a thriver, I lead with my heart & I deserve everything I desire so I can serve others & myself to the highest degree
I stepped into my worth, I said NO to people, social media, habits, self sabotage more than I said yes to consuming toxicity. I created a routine that helped me be the person I wanted to be in the areas of my life: self, health, wealth, & relationships.
Doesn’t mean I was perfect, but it meant I fully believed in myself enough to grant GRACE & laughter for my humanness (aka when I fugged up 😂), & refuse to put myself on the clearance rack.
THINGS I MANIFESTED DOIN THE WORK:
💫For decades I lived in debt, during this Quarantine I made my last payment & paid off $43,000. Debts paid.
💫My health was shit, my digestion & adrenals a wreck — I finally got my health back & completed my most successful cut this past year.
💫I was basically living out of my office with 5$ in my account, barely having enough money for eggs, to having the apartment I always wanted.
💫I wanted freedom of schedule doing all the things I loved. I now have 4 different jobs in radiology as well as my coaching practice making my own schedule.
💫I wanted travel & to live in 2 different places. I traveled bw IN & MO, making them both home.
💫I’ve had a failed marriage, numerous failed relationships which broke me. I wanted a best friend & partner to live life with, one that is a life story not just a love story, one worthy of growth & future & feels like freedom & home. The Universe gave me a Marine 🇺🇸❤️ @_rottier_
💫 I’ve had car trouble for some time, transmission finally went out on my bug 🚘 I was devastated but knew I deserved better. Recently manifested the car of my dreams.
Meet Ruby 🙂
This has been a huge source of anxiety for me because my car is freedom & my freedom means everything. Which is something I struggle with & I’ll admit to you all. These are tough shadows to talk about & reveal.
It goes back to me being a prisoner in the majority of my abusive relationships in the past. I refuse to rely on other people to take care of me, I’m an overachiever, I don’t like to ask for help, I’m afraid of commitment because of my past experiences & it’s something I’m working on. I am independent & self-sufficient to a fault, causing me to put up a hard shell around my very soft center when fearful or threatened.
Thick skinned you could call it but I realize I come off as cold and heartless when this happens. When I reach a point of emotional exhaustion & frustration in a relationship, & I’ve said it before, I will cut a mf out of my life with no remorse & move on. (Friend, family, or romantic partner) Not proud of it. Again, with self-awareness comes the power of change. I’m working on it.
It affects every facet of my life & is one of my biggest fears.
My biggest fears: feeling insignificant, disrespected, unworthy, a failure, feeling like a prisoner whether it’s financially, relationally, or with my food & body image.
I’ve come to realize I have a problem with authority & I’m not always in the “right” for always doing what I want to do. I have constant discussions with my ego, Kathleen, as I like to call her. 😂
I get stuck in my own head & place so much pressure on myself to achieve & GSD to a degree it affects others & makes them feel inferior &/or insignificant. I apologize to anyone whom I’ve made feel this way through my ignorance.
In support, I told you before about a story where I had a performance review at work & my manager told me I needed to have more patience & empathy for other people‘s weaknesses. That was the first time I became self-aware of this shadow.
Kathleen is my masculine survivor. She is wolf.
Katie is my feminine caretaker. She is woman.
I know I need both of them. Finding the blend is the challenging part of being a human.
So a reminder to my fellow Type A’s, Ima get shit done 4x as fast as you, get out of my fuggin way I can do it better — props to being efficient but please be kind to those who are different than you. Utilize it as a strength to help others become better. Lesson learned.
If you don’t know what your Human Design is, I highly suggest you look into it. It’ll help you understand how you’re wired & how you’re supposed to live this life & manifest more effortlessly.
I also suggest @tobemagnetic Her courses on doing the inner work we all talk about changed my life.
So some Sunday pondering, reflection, life lessons learned the hard way for y’all.
Remember the KING or QUEEN you wanna be.
I’d rather be a woman of imperfections & wisdom living in a transparent glass house than an imposter living within guarded walls. 👑
I’d love to hear your thoughts & comments or if you’ve struggled with similar struggles like me🤗
And if you need someone to talk to & coach you through your own situation, I’d love to listen, link here❤️
I feel what the world needs right now isn’t another post about losing weight or body fat loss.
Right now, for most of us, we should be focusing on feeling our best — not shrinking our bodies because we think we’ll be happier taking up less space.
What we really need is S E L F LOVE
Beautiful design by my fav: @positivelypresent 💕
Cred: @positivelypresent
Ever wonder where negative talk comes from?
They’re rooted from experiences & traumas you’ve had in your past, often childhood. The more you focus on the familiar past, the more the predictable future repeats itself.
Just because something negative happened to you in the past, maybe someone called you ugly or stupid or pathetic or whatever — doesn’t mean that’s what you are.
Remember, what people do or say to you comes from how they view themselves &/or the product of their environment. Hurt people hurt people. As we like to say, “Haters gonna hate.”
On the other hand, if you believe you are unworthy/unloveable you may have biased expectations & reactions when approaching situations with others.
Thoughts become things. These thoughts contribute to your cycle of black cloud emotions & habits.
To cultivate more self-love you must break the cycle & challenge yourself away from negative thoughts, start enforcing boundaries with yourself & others, practice self-care, and distance yourself from toxicity (environment, people, food, social media, etc).
I talk about how habits make you a lot.
That it’s not exactly about picking the right foods or the right diets or the right workouts or the right macros.
Your habits will directly drive how successful you are in anything & everything you do.
Remember that Marshmallow Experiment done by Stanford professor Walter Mischel?
I had to Google that again actually🤓
Basically it found that children who had more willpower & delayed eating the marshmallow to receive a bigger treat later on were more successful in many areas of their lives than the children who couldn’t resist & chose temporary pleasure over long-term gain.
This experiment relates to our routine habit choices. We can choose habits that will serve us more later or ones that will not.
When working with clients one of the first things we work on is self & food awareness. Which includes creating healthier habits.
These can be as simple as eating more protein with each meal or reducing drinking from three days a week to one.
Change your habits, change your thoughts — change you.
I’m really tired of hearing about this quarantine.
I feel the reason people are having a hard time is because they’re forced to sit with their feelings, thoughts, & forced to manage their relationships with one another.
“You learn to love yourself in the context of relationships with others.”
-Ester Perel
I am one who’s love life with herself & others were a complete shit show until I started working on myself. My personal, emotional, & professional life struggled.
I had one failed relationship after another. I wandered around aimlessly from one job to another, not really knowing my place or purpose. Not really understanding why I like juggling so many different things and interests. I felt like there was something wrong with me – UNTIL I researched more about how I was wired, why, who I wanted to be, how I wanted to feel, what kind of partner made me FEEL the way I wanted to in a relationship, and what values & pillars were important to me in life.
Only then did my life start turning around and getting much clearer.
I researched Human Design, my astrology, started following accounts that made me feel good, and started doing the inner work with Lacy Phillips.
Call me woo-woo, call it BS, I DGAF. I respect everyone’s opinions on matters of spirituality & the Universe. All I know is my life is much clearer & #abundantAF
Go your own way 😉
Anywhoodle, back to the main question at hand…
I had a DM today & she asked me how I knew I was with the right person because she was unsure she was in the right relationship. That this quarantine was leaving her questioning things.
I asked her, “Are you looking for a LOVE story? Or a LIFE story?”
She asked what that meant & I explained via life thru my lens & things I learned from Ester— I was always searching for a LOVE story, the knight in shining armor, the perfect relationship, the fantasy — LOVE story. LOVE stories are not LIFE stories. They share different ingredients.
When you’re looking for the right person it’s not about what you’re attracted to it’s about who can you build a LIFE story with.
Things that are important to have in common with your partner:
–Your relationship with others. Do they like community or do they like spending time alone? How do they treat their family? How do they treat other people? Were you/they raised for autonomy or were you/they raised for loyalty & working together as a team? Children?
–Emotional availability & compatibility. Love languages, understanding of these. Outlook & attitude on life.
–Understanding the conditioning of their environment before judging. Why do they do/think/act the way they do? It’s a product of how they were raised in the environment they live in. Can you live with this & evolve together?
“What about expectations?” she asked.
The moment you have an expectation you create dependence. That dependence means you or they have power.
You create a condition that can be broken resulting in disappointment. Have you communicated this expectation with them?
The answer is what do you do with that power?
How do you use it? How do they respond to it?
Do you/they get defensive or do you/they try to understand & ask questions. That’s how you deal with struggles. You repair via communication & healing.
If communication & trust aren’t there, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in — it will never thrive!
Show the other they still matter.
Get them their favorite book, drink, give them a hug, LISTEN, let them speak, give them their space.
Self-awareness, trust, appreciation, & accountability are true freedom & home.
Successful, thriving relationships have a high degree of appreciation.
Negative, failing relationships highlight the negative.
This not only applies at home this also applies out in society & with yourself.
If someone asked me what are 3 pieces of advice to keep in your front pocket today they would be:
1.) The quality of your relationships determine the quality of your life.
A.k.a. make sure you have a rich life.
Don’t be a dick, follow the Golden rule.
2.) Invest in your relationships
No one has ever died hoping they had worked more.
Make it your purpose that when people think of you they smile. That’s your legacy you leave in the hearts & minds of others.
3.) If you have a dream, a person, a ping that has been in your heart & your mind — do it, follow it.
