I’m really tired of hearing about this quarantine.
I feel the reason people are having a hard time is because they’re forced to sit with their feelings, thoughts, & forced to manage their relationships with one another.
AND examine the one they have with themselves.
I listened to a podcast I shared this morning on my Instagram stories about relationships. Lewis Howes & Ester Perel – phenomenal!
“You learn to love yourself in the context of relationships with others.”
-Ester Perel
I am one who’s love life with herself & others were a complete shit show until I started working on myself. My personal, emotional, & professional life struggled.
I had one failed relationship after another. I wandered around aimlessly from one job to another, not really knowing my place or purpose. Not really understanding why I like juggling so many different things and interests. I felt like there was something wrong with me – UNTIL I researched more about how I was wired, why, who I wanted to be, how I wanted to feel, what kind of partner made me FEEL the way I wanted to in a relationship, and what values & pillars were important to me in life.
Only then did my life start turning around and getting much clearer.
I researched Human Design, my astrology, started following accounts that made me feel good, and started doing the inner work with Lacy Phillips.
Call me woo-woo, call it BS, I DGAF. I respect everyone’s opinions on matters of spirituality & the Universe. All I know is my life is much clearer & #abundantAF
Go your own way 😉
Anywhoodle, back to the main question at hand…
I had a DM today & she asked me how I knew I was with the right person because she was unsure she was in the right relationship. That this quarantine was leaving her questioning things.
I asked her, “Are you looking for a LOVE story? Or a LIFE story?”
She asked what that meant & I explained via life thru my lens & things I learned from Ester— I was always searching for a LOVE story, the knight in shining armor, the perfect relationship, the fantasy — LOVE story. LOVE stories are not LIFE stories. They share different ingredients.
When you’re looking for the right person it’s not about what you’re attracted to it’s about who can you build a LIFE story with.
Things that are important to have in common with your partner:
–Your relationship with others. Do they like community or do they like spending time alone? How do they treat their family? How do they treat other people? Were you/they raised for autonomy or were you/they raised for loyalty & working together as a team? Children?
–Emotional availability & compatibility. Love languages, understanding of these. Outlook & attitude on life.
–Understanding the conditioning of their environment before judging. Why do they do/think/act the way they do? It’s a product of how they were raised in the environment they live in. Can you live with this & evolve together?
“What about expectations?” she asked.
The moment you have an expectation you create dependence. That dependence means you or they have power.
You create a condition that can be broken resulting in disappointment. Have you communicated this expectation with them?
The answer is what do you do with that power?
How do you use it? How do they respond to it?
Do you/they get defensive or do you/they try to understand & ask questions. That’s how you deal with struggles. You repair via communication & healing.
If communication & trust aren’t there, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in — it will never thrive!
Show the other they still matter.
Get them their favorite book, drink, give them a hug, LISTEN, let them speak, give them their space.
Self-awareness, trust, appreciation, & accountability are true freedom & home.
Successful, thriving relationships have a high degree of appreciation.
Negative, failing relationships highlight the negative.
This not only applies at home this also applies out in society & with yourself.
If someone asked me what are 3 pieces of advice to keep in your front pocket today they would be:
1.) The quality of your relationships determine the quality of your life.
A.k.a. make sure you have a rich life.
Don’t be a dick, follow the Golden rule.
2.) Invest in your relationships
No one has ever died hoping they had worked more.
Make it your purpose that when people think of you they smile. That’s your legacy you leave in the hearts & minds of others.
3.) If you have a dream, a person, a ping that has been in your heart & your mind — do it, follow it.
There are no failures only experiences.
Blessings & love to y’all <3
— Xoxo Coach K