Tag: Self Love

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Life Truths and Real Steps to Successful “Dieting”

You know what’s really, powerfully sexy?

  • A sense of humor
  • A taste for adventure
  • A healthy glow
  • Openness
  • Depth
  • Confidence
  • Intelligence
  • Humility
  • Appetite
  • Intuition
  • Ambition
  • Presence

I’d choose the above over abs any day.

You see there are different seasons of life I’ve in catagories:

The Mundane – the everyday “boring” stuff. Routine, chores, work, etc.

The Mess – the chaos, the road blocks, the f*ck ups, the contrast, the things & shadows we don’t like about ourselves.

The Magic – the sweet spots, the little things, the peace, the moments that make your heart sing with joy & make everything else melt away.

We must learn to nurture & love every season with grace. They make us – US.

My body has been all shapes and sizes through the years.

When I first started struggling with body image I was around 8 years old.

I was labeled as the “fat” girl and that label stuck with me for years. It paralyzed me from reaching my potential. Total mindf*ck. When you’re attached with a powerful label, it’s hard to simply pull that label off like a tag on a new pair of leggins. It takes the dirty work to remove.

I’m almost 60lbs lighter now today, after going meat-based with my diet over a year ago to manage my crohn’s. I’m a lot less f*cks lighter too than I was decades ago. Most of all I’m proud to love ALL my seasons, and I know my worth is not based on a number on the scale or my barbell.

My biggest pain point of criticism – I loathed my legs. I hated the way they looked. I hated the way they rubbed together. I hated the cellulite, the stretch marks. I hated the way they jiggled.

I spent years trying to attain slender legs with fasted cardio, strict low fat & low calorie dieting, binging, purging, running and walking often 30,000 steps a day – that’s not a typo.

What did I lose? Not the legs I was trying to get rid of. I lost friends, and memories, my health, and MYSELF along the way.

Here are some life truths I discovered along my journey that I hope can help reframe your life wherever it may be…

1.) You will never become the person you want to be if you don’t take care of your body. Do you perform, feel your best, & serve your family at your highest when you’re tired, overweight, your gut is a mess, and/or you’re obsessed with food, exercise, & basically hating life? Didn’t think so. Invest in yourself, it’s not being selfish.

2.) You are the sum of your surroundings. This includes your friends, your work, your hobbies, your food, and what you mentally consume. Are they nourishing you or depleting you on your path to who you want to be?

3.) A wish is not a goal. Make a plan and ACT. THAT is when your dream becomes a goal. You know my MO, you either DO or you DON’T. You wanna be a DOer or a DON’Ter?

4.) The most important relationship you have is with yourself. Noone can make you happy but yourself. If you can’t love the reflection in the mirror with tummy rolls, you can’t love the reflection with a six-pack. Appreciate your seasons. Losing lbs is not the answer to gaining your happiness. It’s a band-aid.

5.) The beauty is in the mess. It’s ok to try and chase the best version of your life, but if you’re constantly dreaming & searching for the perfect life you’re never truly living in the now. You’ll be forever unsatisfied.

6.) Rich is in the eye of the beholder. Rich doesn’t always mean money or material things. In fact, the most important things aren’t seen or felt. They’re experienced-freedom, peace, pride, laughter, love.

As we grow older, and hopefully wiser, we realize that a $300 or a $30 watch both tell the same time. You will realize that your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world. Whether you fly first class or economy, if the plane goes down-you go down with it. -Steve Jobs

7.) The most important food in the world is soul food. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

“Find what makes your soul sing with joy & try, as much as you can, to let that happen as often as possible. Listen to the inner-workings of your mind and be honest with yourself when things don’t feel right. Leave what doesn’t sit well and walk into new relationships, connections, & places with open arms. Forgive yourself for the shortcomings you’ve had (or think you’ve had) & celebrate where you will go next. And most of all, know that what you have to offer this world is valuable. And noone else can do it.” -Marisa Donnelly

Real Steps to consider for Successful “Dieting”

Everyday I have beautiful women come to me wanting to lose body fat. Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to see what your body can do. Change is good. Change is energy. We are entitled to see what our bodies can do no matter what season we choose.

The question: have you earned the right to lose body fat and are you mentally ready?

Avoid Common Mistakes:

  • Not being clear about what your goal really is? Do you want to gain muscle or lose fat? Two different things. Two different requirements, one a calorie surplus, one a calorie deficit.
  • Not setting a realistic goal and not being honest about how flexible or strict you want to be. Eating for general health and wellness is more flexible. You can go out with friends and have those occasional cocktails. Cutting for a photo shoot or competition? That means strict diet, training, and minimal “cheats.”

These require different levels of commitment:

  • Not periodizing your nutrition. You should not be “cutting” or “dieting” forever. Keep cuts 8-16 weeks MAX, limit to 1-2 times per year. Follow up with 4-6 months of maintenance or surplus calories to upregulate body systems.
  • Automatically assume you need to cut carbs to lose weight. Carnivore, low carb, & keto absolutely have their place. They work wonderful for people who need an insulin reset, an elimination diet, have autoimmune disorders, poor relationships with carbs, etc, but they’re also not “right” for everyone if they don’t suit your needs or preferences. What kind of training are you doing? Are you doing CrossFit, HIIT training, Orange Theory, Bootcamps, marathon training? You may do better utilizing some quantity of carbs in your diet. All of our bodies are different. YOU have to eat for YOU!
  • You think punching numbers in myfitnesspal, an online calculator, or following a template will spit out magic macros to solve all your problems. Do you think a calculator or template cares you’ve been surviving on poverty macros, struggle with work stress, travel, kids back talking and getting in trouble at school, gut issues, and can’t sleep at night? All affect your mindset, digestion, recovery, relationships with food, relationships with other people, and most importantly yourself. INVEST in a qualified coach! I offer consults every single day, even weekends and holidays for YOU. Inquiry HERE.
These were from a fat loss cut for photo shoot prep. I reversed for 3 months prior and then ate at surplus (2300 calories daily) for 2 months prior to going into my cut. I didn’t have to drop below 1500 calories during my 12 week cut BECAUSE I did my due diligence to heal and recover FIRST.

Truths about Fat Loss:

  • Healthy, nourished bodies lose body fat. Eating 1000 calories a day, surviving on sugar-free jello & lettuce is not a balanced diet, nor a protocol to set you up for a successful fat loss phase. You need to work on yourself for months to get your calories up & your body functioning like a normal human being.
  • All your systems should be in check BEFORE considering diving into a cut: your metabolism, your hormones, your period, your mindset, your stress level.
  • Ladies, your period is like your internal gauge your body is functioning properly. If you’re not having a period that is the biggest red flag. Did you know your body can conserve 30,000 cal/year by not having a period. Why? If your body takes away a natural process to conserve energy, that’s called survival because reproducing is not a priority. This also goes for down regulating your metabolism, your thyroid, & your sex hormones.
  • Your metabolism is not one singular thing like your brain or your arm or your liver. Your metabolism encompasses everything it’s everywhere. Your brain, your digestive system, your reproductive system – they all contribute. It will adjust to low calories and this is when you plateau. We can’t cut you any lower as a coach when you come to us eating 1200 calories a day.
  • Your body will not respond to a cut if you have not properly taken care of it before hand. This could take months or even years. Your body does AMAZING things on the daily. Appreciate it. It’s main priority is keeping you alive & guess what?

Your body gives two f*cks that you want to have abs & look good in a bikini. #REALtalk

I empathize with your frustrations. It took me years to work my calories up to true maintenance, 4 years to be exact. Took me even longer to heal my gut, manage triggers, and most importantly, step into my worth and cultivate a growth mindset.

My door is always open. Feel free to message, dm, or email. I would love to help you on your journey!

If you’re ready, start HERE! 🥰

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Why you can’t live a BIG life always playing it small

I used to want to be the smallest girl in the room. Because thin meant she was the prettiest & worth being loved & admired.

Then I wanted to be BIG & small at the same time. I wanted to be BIG & STRONG & live a BIG life but I still wanted a small body.

Taking up less space may get you complements, it may change the way people see you, but it won’t change your worth or the relationship you have with yourself. 

How you see yourself at your core will not change simply because of your weight. That’s part of the work you have to put in.

Your worth is also not based upon you accomplishing everything on your to do list, or over eating, or looking good in an outfit, or having too many cocktails or none at all, or plain just not knowing where you are in life or where you’re going.⁣⁣

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The only way to throw those weights in the trash & rid yourself of feelings of being viewed as “less” is to cloak yourself with new, real truths & an entirely new narrative. ⁣

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I’ll leave you with words from @annelamott 👇🏻⁣

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“What if you wake up some day, & you’re 65, or 75, & you never got your memoir or novel written, or you didn’t go swimming in those warm pools & oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly & you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism & people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination & radical silliness & staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.” — Anne Lamott⁣

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Go live that big juicy creative life, of imagination & radical silliness. ⁣

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Stay thirsty

xoxo ⁣

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She told me she feels like she lost the spark and her relationship & this is what I said…

DM of the day, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”

I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.

How bout we start there before we talk about anyone changing anyone else.

I’ll ask y’all something my mom asked me before, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”

I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino

There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection. 

Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man — or a perfect ME.

I’ve had a hard time letting people love me. 

I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really f*cked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get hurt.

I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.

To the recovering avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shxt ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.

My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun — it’s a verb. 

It’s something you choose, it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of ribs (but that’s would be nice sign me up btw 🤚)

A hard lesson I’ve learned is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying or believing in love.

Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fxcked. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

The grass is greener where you water it. Don’t forget to water yours first. 

Oxox

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There’s more behind a picture than a wall

What I do & look like now really doesn’t mean jack or offer you as much value than the story that got me here today.

I can give you all the advice on what I practice & preach daily, but you can’t replace life experience, feeling emotions, & putting in the work.

I don’t know everything & I’m not an expert. But I have lived similar struggles just like all of you & I know what it feels like to sit in a shxt pool of self loathing.

🖤I was the fat girl. Kids were mean.

🖤In the 6th grade I was told I was too big to be a cheerleader.

🖤This one’s for the 14 yr old me that thought rice cakes & sugar free jello were meals & restriction was the only way to be thin & thus loved.

🖤This one’s for the 16 yr old me that thought skinny & having a boyfriend was all she needed for happiness & worth.

🖤This one’s for the 18 yr old me that beat herself up for gaining 20lbs in college bc she made memories w/friends. 

🖤This one’s for the 20 yr old me that binged & purged & let food consume her every thought because she wasn’t as pretty or skinny as other sorority girls. 

🖤This one’s for the 22 yr old me that got married too young, was a people pleaser, & turned to drinking to numb the feelings.

🖤This one’s for the 28yr old me, divorced, lost, partying, gut issues, & starving bc her body was the only thing she thought she could control.

🖤This one’s for the 32 yr old me that discovered Crossfit & fell in love with being strong, but let PR’s & comparison lead her to overtraining & completely fxckin up her hormones & gut for yrs.

🖤This one’s for the 36 yr old me struggling to figure out how to date & live in a world as an athlete with Crohn’s & special needs.

🖤This one’s for the 38 yr old me that continues to grow & evolve in a life that constantly changes.

For all the humans who scroll, comparing when they see a beautiful photo, know there’s a story & a lifetime of struggle there too.

What we do now is not a reflection of livin a perfect picture life, it’s a reflection of a lifetime of scars which are far from picture perfect —we should wear them proudly.

There is HOPE💓 

Link HERE if you need a consultation & pep talk to get back on the right health journey for you🙏

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Lack of honesty in relationships — the actual “weight” you need to lose to gain

I was never prepared for half of the shxt I’ve gone through, but I got thru it.

During a client consult call yesterday, the conversation turned into more about her habits & relationships than macros or diet — which often is the “weight” we are carrying around.

Our relationships with other people, food, ourselves, exercise — weigh enormously on our overall health (mental &physical).

Laughter, sleep, nature, nourishing food, sun, friends, alone time — all the best medicines.

My client said she didn’t think she was meant to be in a relationship because they never seem to work out.

I asked her if she was being honest with herself, honest with her partners & really clear on what she wants (or lack of). 

She said she thought so. 

And I said, “That’s your answer, you don’t just think so — you gotta know.”

I explained people come into your life as mirrors & teachers & if you’re lucky enough, you find a human you align positively with & fancy incredibly well. But that was up to her & the energy she was putting out there.

She said she feels timing is always off.

Sometimes honest feelings & bad timing make the most painful combination.

Thinking you met the right person but at the wrong time. You want so badly for things to work out but there’s that nagging “ I don’t think this is right” ache that won’t go away. Usually ends in dragging things out or hiding feelings which lead to resentment.

A quote that hit me hard in the past: “Some people keep changing partners to avoid changing themselves.”

READ THAT AGAIN

You can insert food & exercise there as well.

I was like, fxck me. I have done this for years🤦🏼‍♀️

I broke relationships & friendships because speaking up & healing myself didn’t feel “safe.”

I’d cut people out with no remorse without explaining how I was feeling. Because navigating conflict felt like I either had to be the villain or the victim, & that made me weak.

Fears, attachment styles, self sabotaging habits, etc — don’t be afraid to dig your own dirt. This could be the very thing keeping you from losing weight, attracting success, finding love or keeping the one you have or had right in front of your eyes.

Lots of love y’all ❤️❤️❤️

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The stories you tell yourself can create blocks or boundaries. How to create healthy boundaries for extraordinary stories!

What if instead of trying to fix your entire story, just focus on writing one extraordinary story at a time. Then commit to planting those extraordinary seeds every day and watch your story grow.⁣
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I write everyday.⁣
Stories.⁣
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Stories are important. For they create your identity. The book, Atomic Habits talks about stories.⁣
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What stories are you telling yourself? ⁣
What identity do you want to embody? ⁣
What systems do you have in place to help you achieve your goals?⁣
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I feel there are 3 big areas of emotion affected by the stories we tell ourselves.⁣
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Money stories. ⁣
Relationship stories. ⁣
Health (Food & Body) stories.⁣
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What I did wrong: all 3 of these in some way I discounted my worth & desires.
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I set blocks instead of boundaries — there’s a difference. ⁣
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For example, relationships: If I was asked out & I really liked a guy, I’d lose myself & completely change my plans to do what they wanted to do. This was me not valuing my needs. A block. ⁣
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Now, instead of completely denying myself of my plans/needs I would simply say, “Let me get my workout in (or insert whatever plan I had for myself). I will connect & confirm plans later because I would like to spend time with you.”⁣
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This is me setting a boundary not a block. This application can be used across the board.⁣
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Example, Health: instead of saying, “I’m not a morning person, I don’t have time to meal prep.” Set a system & a boundary. “I don’t like to get up early but I will commit to 3 mornings this week & meal prep lunches because I want to be healthy.” ⁣
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Choose extraordinary actions because you deserve to write extraordinary stories.⁣
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Write the identity you want to embody around money, relationships, & health.⁣
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Mine👇🏻⁣
MONEY: I am safe, able, deserving, successful & abundant.⁣
RELATIONSHIP: I am loved, seen, heard, safe, & significant. My relationships feel like freedom & home. I want my future partner to feel the same in the way they need.⁣
HEALTH: I am healthy, energetic, thriving, strong, intelligent, & beautiful in every season.⁣
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Inner calm, outer order😉⁣
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Share yours!⁣
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Sometimes the struggle bus is worth it

The hug from @claytonanderson at the Slippery Noodle & 4 hrs of sleep last night were totally worth it. 🎶 🎸🎤

@russell_me22 & I danced our a$$es off. I had over 27,000 steps yesterday.

I have no voice today & my legs are sore af. Got in an easy mile walk this mornin to wake up. I get to work this weekend, it’s gonna be a long two 12-hour shifts 💀🏥 😆 

My God I missed concerts.

Talk about soul food. And I ain’t talking about my crispy airfryer meat bars (which I’m gonna smash later.)

Your Saturday reminder to do whatever the hxll you wanna do that lights you up. Be whoever you wanna be. 

You also have permission to change your mind. Too many people think they have to live by the rules or they can’t change their minds if things aren’t workin out whether it’s a job or food or workout or relationship. 

Learn to roll with life. Roll with JOY & SURRENDER. (My words for this year)

This is for the human who falls in love. With others, but struggles to love themselves.

This is for the human who never feels good enough no matter what the scale reads or weight is on your barbell.

This is for the human who selflessly gives everything to everyone else but themselves.

This is for the human whose heart & intelligence run deep but still fails to see their own beauty.

This is for the human who doesn’t know what it feels like to feel alive & energized & not worry about food or what others think of them.

This is for the human who is 100% real & refuses to be anything other than themselves.

If you do ☝🏻 thing today, love yourself a little bit more💕

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Don’t be upset about the results you aren’t getting from the work you didn’t do

A client got pissed at me yesterday. I said, “Good, then I’m doin my job.”

I had several conversations yesterday via dm with people letting their mindsets & emotional heaviness get the best of them.

On repeat: You attract what you put out. You cannot become what you want by remaining where you are.

You gotta shift your mindset. Mindset is part of the work.

This particular client, flat refuses to eat more food yet wants to gain muscle & heal. And I get it, it’s a mindfxck. 

And I don’t care what goal y’all are chasin in whatever facet of life — DON’T BE UPSET ABOUT THE RESULTS YOU AREN’T GETTING FROM THE WORK YOU DIDN’T DO.

4 things I live by…& letting my weight or my Crohn’s or excuses control me — NOT any of those 3 things…

1.) Be mentally attractive, kind, & be worth knowing. You attract what you put out.

2.) Thou shall not judge because thou has fxcked up too.

3.) You either DO or you DON’T.

4.) 2 things I don’t like to share, toothbrushes & wieners. 

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💁🏼‍♀️Slap that last one on a T-shirt.⁣

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January 2021 I picked my word. Actually I picked 2: JOY & SURRENDER.

⁣Book Recommendation: One Word

How I choose mine:⁣

Step 1: Determine the person you want to be & embody. ⁣

Step 2: Identify the characteristics & things you need to do to be that person. ⁣

Step 3: Choose the word that resonates with your person & the life you want to create. ⁣

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I want to know what y’all chose for 2021! What’s your word?👇🏻⁣

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Why does marriage always have to be the end goal?

She said, “Everyone would be happier if they would settle down & get married.”

Had a lady tell me this yesterday.

Well I have some shxt to say about that…

Why does marriage always have to be the end goal? 

I’ve asked myself this on several occasions. Like can’t I just have a life partner I love to build an empire with? Have conversations, travel, ENJOY LIFE with?

I vow to be honest with y’all, as one who has gone thru divorce (twice), & also lived as a girl who always had to be in a relationship in my younger years — this statement could not be more false.

We vilify singledom. Why?

The years I spent single have been the most transformative — & painful. But absolutely necessary.

You have to take time to be the person you wanna be with. That means nurturing yourself, loving yourself, being ok with making mistakes & relationships not working out.

People are our teachers, some relationships are only meant to last a season. Some are meant to last a lifetime. Surrender & let them happen. 

You also can’t be afraid to take risks & choose love. Building walls around yourself & not allowing yourself to experience love in whatever context or relationship you need, is also paralyzing. That’s not living life.

Am I proud to say I’ve been thru 2 divorces, no. But I am super proud of myself for trying. I am not afraid to choose love & neither should you but make sure you’re doing it on your own terms & for the right reasons.

You’re going to fxck up in life & others will too. I’m just gonna leave it like this, find the right person or people to fxck up with.

Life is so much sweeter when you live it on your own terms, don’t be influenced by other people’s or society’s expectations of you.

I don’t know who may need to hear these but I’m gonna say it anyways, many of you need a therapist & to date yourself for a while, not another relationship or government sponsored life binding contract.

— Because I care. 

Wishing you guys so much love & confidence today, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in❤️

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Are you paying attention? The Magical Now

Are you paying attention? 

Where do your thoughts go during the day? Are you always worrying about the past or future? 

Which, I’ll cut to the chase, all you really have is right now.

Are you so caught up in the fear of the past & future that you miss out on the magic of your current experience & all the possibilities?

I know I did for the majority of my life.

I had a lot of ‘One days I’ll do this’ or ‘There’s no way I’m talented enough to do this’ or ‘If only I could change the past.’ Sound familiar?

I love to write. 

It’s just something that comes natural to me — putting emotions & thoughts into words. I don’t plan my blogs or IG posts, I let the inspiration come to me & I put those on paper in hopes of helping someone else out there.

I don’t worry about proper grammar or punctuation. I like to write the way I talk. Because that is me. I never thought I was polished or talented enough to actually be called a “writer.”

I ignored the doubt & followed my passion. This last week, I was honored to be asked to write an article for the blog site, Thought Catalogue. My first payed publication.🙌

I never would’ve started writing blogs if it wasn’t for my friend @rossmiller1132 years ago telling me it was something I should look into. I thank him for that!

Another example of believing in yourself, this book I’m holding, I rushed downstairs to pick up this @amazon package yesterday. 

I mean, let’s not bullshxt around, I know I’m not the only one that gets excited for Amazon deliveries…so much so, I forget what I order half the time😂🤚

The author is my cousin @meanmattygreen This is his 1st published book! I cannot be more proud of him! I guess the writing gene runs in the family 😉

This book is a breath of fresh air about being present, doing what you love, self awareness, & believing in yourself.

It oozes real life shxt & authenticity. I can hear him thinking & speaking thru his words.

Y’all know I’m about that real reel life!

It’s a short easy read well worth your time & full of words that are the very thing you may need to hear to change your life.

On my @amazon favorites list:

https://amzn.to/2QDNavr

Swipe up link in stories on Instagram

http://www.instagram.com/lil_bit_of_fit

You can do anything you put your mind to. The question is…

“Are you paying attention?”

Oxox Coach K