Tag: Self Love

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Why you can’t live a BIG life always playing it small

I used to want to be the smallest girl in the room. Because thin meant she was the prettiest & worth being loved & admired.

Then I wanted to be BIG & small at the same time. I wanted to be BIG & STRONG & live a BIG life but I still wanted a small body.

Taking up less space may get you complements, it may change the way people see you, but it won’t change your worth or the relationship you have with yourself. 

How you see yourself at your core will not change simply because of your weight. That’s part of the work you have to put in.

Your worth is also not based upon you accomplishing everything on your to do list, or over eating, or looking good in an outfit, or having too many cocktails or none at all, or plain just not knowing where you are in life or where you’re going.⁣⁣

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The only way to throw those weights in the trash & rid yourself of feelings of being viewed as “less” is to cloak yourself with new, real truths & an entirely new narrative. ⁣

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I’ll leave you with words from @annelamott 👇🏻⁣

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“What if you wake up some day, & you’re 65, or 75, & you never got your memoir or novel written, or you didn’t go swimming in those warm pools & oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly & you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism & people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination & radical silliness & staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.” — Anne Lamott⁣

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Go live that big juicy creative life, of imagination & radical silliness. ⁣

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Stay thirsty

xoxo ⁣

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She told me she feels like she lost the spark and her relationship & this is what I said…

DM of the day, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”

I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.

How bout we start there before we talk about anyone changing anyone else.

I’ll ask y’all something my mom asked me before, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”

I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino

There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection. 

Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man — or a perfect ME.

I’ve had a hard time letting people love me. 

I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really f*cked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get hurt.

I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.

To the recovering avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shxt ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.

My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun — it’s a verb. 

It’s something you choose, it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of ribs (but that’s would be nice sign me up btw 🤚)

A hard lesson I’ve learned is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying or believing in love.

Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fxcked. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

The grass is greener where you water it. Don’t forget to water yours first. 

Oxox

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There’s more behind a picture than a wall

What I do & look like now really doesn’t mean jack or offer you as much value than the story that got me here today.

I can give you all the advice on what I practice & preach daily, but you can’t replace life experience, feeling emotions, & putting in the work.

I don’t know everything & I’m not an expert. But I have lived similar struggles just like all of you & I know what it feels like to sit in a shxt pool of self loathing.

🖤I was the fat girl. Kids were mean.

🖤In the 6th grade I was told I was too big to be a cheerleader.

🖤This one’s for the 14 yr old me that thought rice cakes & sugar free jello were meals & restriction was the only way to be thin & thus loved.

🖤This one’s for the 16 yr old me that thought skinny & having a boyfriend was all she needed for happiness & worth.

🖤This one’s for the 18 yr old me that beat herself up for gaining 20lbs in college bc she made memories w/friends. 

🖤This one’s for the 20 yr old me that binged & purged & let food consume her every thought because she wasn’t as pretty or skinny as other sorority girls. 

🖤This one’s for the 22 yr old me that got married too young, was a people pleaser, & turned to drinking to numb the feelings.

🖤This one’s for the 28yr old me, divorced, lost, partying, gut issues, & starving bc her body was the only thing she thought she could control.

🖤This one’s for the 32 yr old me that discovered Crossfit & fell in love with being strong, but let PR’s & comparison lead her to overtraining & completely fxckin up her hormones & gut for yrs.

🖤This one’s for the 36 yr old me struggling to figure out how to date & live in a world as an athlete with Crohn’s & special needs.

🖤This one’s for the 38 yr old me that continues to grow & evolve in a life that constantly changes.

For all the humans who scroll, comparing when they see a beautiful photo, know there’s a story & a lifetime of struggle there too.

What we do now is not a reflection of livin a perfect picture life, it’s a reflection of a lifetime of scars which are far from picture perfect —we should wear them proudly.

There is HOPE💓 

Link HERE if you need a consultation & pep talk to get back on the right health journey for you🙏

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Lack of honesty in relationships — the actual “weight” you need to lose to gain

I was never prepared for half of the shxt I’ve gone through, but I got thru it.

During a client consult call yesterday, the conversation turned into more about her habits & relationships than macros or diet — which often is the “weight” we are carrying around.

Our relationships with other people, food, ourselves, exercise — weigh enormously on our overall health (mental &physical).

Laughter, sleep, nature, nourishing food, sun, friends, alone time — all the best medicines.

My client said she didn’t think she was meant to be in a relationship because they never seem to work out.

I asked her if she was being honest with herself, honest with her partners & really clear on what she wants (or lack of). 

She said she thought so. 

And I said, “That’s your answer, you don’t just think so — you gotta know.”

I explained people come into your life as mirrors & teachers & if you’re lucky enough, you find a human you align positively with & fancy incredibly well. But that was up to her & the energy she was putting out there.

She said she feels timing is always off.

Sometimes honest feelings & bad timing make the most painful combination.

Thinking you met the right person but at the wrong time. You want so badly for things to work out but there’s that nagging “ I don’t think this is right” ache that won’t go away. Usually ends in dragging things out or hiding feelings which lead to resentment.

A quote that hit me hard in the past: “Some people keep changing partners to avoid changing themselves.”

READ THAT AGAIN

You can insert food & exercise there as well.

I was like, fxck me. I have done this for years🤦🏼‍♀️

I broke relationships & friendships because speaking up & healing myself didn’t feel “safe.”

I’d cut people out with no remorse without explaining how I was feeling. Because navigating conflict felt like I either had to be the villain or the victim, & that made me weak.

Fears, attachment styles, self sabotaging habits, etc — don’t be afraid to dig your own dirt. This could be the very thing keeping you from losing weight, attracting success, finding love or keeping the one you have or had right in front of your eyes.

Lots of love y’all ❤️❤️❤️

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The stories you tell yourself can create blocks or boundaries. How to create healthy boundaries for extraordinary stories!

What if instead of trying to fix your entire story, just focus on writing one extraordinary story at a time. Then commit to planting those extraordinary seeds every day and watch your story grow.⁣
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I write everyday.⁣
Stories.⁣
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Stories are important. For they create your identity. The book, Atomic Habits talks about stories.⁣
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What stories are you telling yourself? ⁣
What identity do you want to embody? ⁣
What systems do you have in place to help you achieve your goals?⁣
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I feel there are 3 big areas of emotion affected by the stories we tell ourselves.⁣
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Money stories. ⁣
Relationship stories. ⁣
Health (Food & Body) stories.⁣
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What I did wrong: all 3 of these in some way I discounted my worth & desires.
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I set blocks instead of boundaries — there’s a difference. ⁣
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For example, relationships: If I was asked out & I really liked a guy, I’d lose myself & completely change my plans to do what they wanted to do. This was me not valuing my needs. A block. ⁣
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Now, instead of completely denying myself of my plans/needs I would simply say, “Let me get my workout in (or insert whatever plan I had for myself). I will connect & confirm plans later because I would like to spend time with you.”⁣
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This is me setting a boundary not a block. This application can be used across the board.⁣
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Example, Health: instead of saying, “I’m not a morning person, I don’t have time to meal prep.” Set a system & a boundary. “I don’t like to get up early but I will commit to 3 mornings this week & meal prep lunches because I want to be healthy.” ⁣
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Choose extraordinary actions because you deserve to write extraordinary stories.⁣
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Write the identity you want to embody around money, relationships, & health.⁣
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Mine👇🏻⁣
MONEY: I am safe, able, deserving, successful & abundant.⁣
RELATIONSHIP: I am loved, seen, heard, safe, & significant. My relationships feel like freedom & home. I want my future partner to feel the same in the way they need.⁣
HEALTH: I am healthy, energetic, thriving, strong, intelligent, & beautiful in every season.⁣
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Inner calm, outer order😉⁣
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Share yours!⁣
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Sometimes the struggle bus is worth it

The hug from @claytonanderson at the Slippery Noodle & 4 hrs of sleep last night were totally worth it. 🎶 🎸🎤

@russell_me22 & I danced our a$$es off. I had over 27,000 steps yesterday.

I have no voice today & my legs are sore af. Got in an easy mile walk this mornin to wake up. I get to work this weekend, it’s gonna be a long two 12-hour shifts 💀🏥 😆 

My God I missed concerts.

Talk about soul food. And I ain’t talking about my crispy airfryer meat bars (which I’m gonna smash later.)

Your Saturday reminder to do whatever the hxll you wanna do that lights you up. Be whoever you wanna be. 

You also have permission to change your mind. Too many people think they have to live by the rules or they can’t change their minds if things aren’t workin out whether it’s a job or food or workout or relationship. 

Learn to roll with life. Roll with JOY & SURRENDER. (My words for this year)

This is for the human who falls in love. With others, but struggles to love themselves.

This is for the human who never feels good enough no matter what the scale reads or weight is on your barbell.

This is for the human who selflessly gives everything to everyone else but themselves.

This is for the human whose heart & intelligence run deep but still fails to see their own beauty.

This is for the human who doesn’t know what it feels like to feel alive & energized & not worry about food or what others think of them.

This is for the human who is 100% real & refuses to be anything other than themselves.

If you do ☝🏻 thing today, love yourself a little bit more💕

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Don’t be upset about the results you aren’t getting from the work you didn’t do

A client got pissed at me yesterday. I said, “Good, then I’m doin my job.”

I had several conversations yesterday via dm with people letting their mindsets & emotional heaviness get the best of them.

On repeat: You attract what you put out. You cannot become what you want by remaining where you are.

You gotta shift your mindset. Mindset is part of the work.

This particular client, flat refuses to eat more food yet wants to gain muscle & heal. And I get it, it’s a mindfxck. 

And I don’t care what goal y’all are chasin in whatever facet of life — DON’T BE UPSET ABOUT THE RESULTS YOU AREN’T GETTING FROM THE WORK YOU DIDN’T DO.

4 things I live by…& letting my weight or my Crohn’s or excuses control me — NOT any of those 3 things…

1.) Be mentally attractive, kind, & be worth knowing. You attract what you put out.

2.) Thou shall not judge because thou has fxcked up too.

3.) You either DO or you DON’T.

4.) 2 things I don’t like to share, toothbrushes & wieners. 

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💁🏼‍♀️Slap that last one on a T-shirt.⁣

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January 2021 I picked my word. Actually I picked 2: JOY & SURRENDER.

⁣Book Recommendation: One Word

How I choose mine:⁣

Step 1: Determine the person you want to be & embody. ⁣

Step 2: Identify the characteristics & things you need to do to be that person. ⁣

Step 3: Choose the word that resonates with your person & the life you want to create. ⁣

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I want to know what y’all chose for 2021! What’s your word?👇🏻⁣

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Why does marriage always have to be the end goal?

She said, “Everyone would be happier if they would settle down & get married.”

Had a lady tell me this yesterday.

Well I have some shxt to say about that…

Why does marriage always have to be the end goal? 

I’ve asked myself this on several occasions. Like can’t I just have a life partner I love to build an empire with? Have conversations, travel, ENJOY LIFE with?

I vow to be honest with y’all, as one who has gone thru divorce (twice), & also lived as a girl who always had to be in a relationship in my younger years — this statement could not be more false.

We vilify singledom. Why?

The years I spent single have been the most transformative — & painful. But absolutely necessary.

You have to take time to be the person you wanna be with. That means nurturing yourself, loving yourself, being ok with making mistakes & relationships not working out.

People are our teachers, some relationships are only meant to last a season. Some are meant to last a lifetime. Surrender & let them happen. 

You also can’t be afraid to take risks & choose love. Building walls around yourself & not allowing yourself to experience love in whatever context or relationship you need, is also paralyzing. That’s not living life.

Am I proud to say I’ve been thru 2 divorces, no. But I am super proud of myself for trying. I am not afraid to choose love & neither should you but make sure you’re doing it on your own terms & for the right reasons.

You’re going to fxck up in life & others will too. I’m just gonna leave it like this, find the right person or people to fxck up with.

Life is so much sweeter when you live it on your own terms, don’t be influenced by other people’s or society’s expectations of you.

I don’t know who may need to hear these but I’m gonna say it anyways, many of you need a therapist & to date yourself for a while, not another relationship or government sponsored life binding contract.

— Because I care. 

Wishing you guys so much love & confidence today, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in❤️

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Are you paying attention? The Magical Now

Are you paying attention? 

Where do your thoughts go during the day? Are you always worrying about the past or future? 

Which, I’ll cut to the chase, all you really have is right now.

Are you so caught up in the fear of the past & future that you miss out on the magic of your current experience & all the possibilities?

I know I did for the majority of my life.

I had a lot of ‘One days I’ll do this’ or ‘There’s no way I’m talented enough to do this’ or ‘If only I could change the past.’ Sound familiar?

I love to write. 

It’s just something that comes natural to me — putting emotions & thoughts into words. I don’t plan my blogs or IG posts, I let the inspiration come to me & I put those on paper in hopes of helping someone else out there.

I don’t worry about proper grammar or punctuation. I like to write the way I talk. Because that is me. I never thought I was polished or talented enough to actually be called a “writer.”

I ignored the doubt & followed my passion. This last week, I was honored to be asked to write an article for the blog site, Thought Catalogue. My first payed publication.🙌

I never would’ve started writing blogs if it wasn’t for my friend @rossmiller1132 years ago telling me it was something I should look into. I thank him for that!

Another example of believing in yourself, this book I’m holding, I rushed downstairs to pick up this @amazon package yesterday. 

I mean, let’s not bullshxt around, I know I’m not the only one that gets excited for Amazon deliveries…so much so, I forget what I order half the time😂🤚

The author is my cousin @meanmattygreen This is his 1st published book! I cannot be more proud of him! I guess the writing gene runs in the family 😉

This book is a breath of fresh air about being present, doing what you love, self awareness, & believing in yourself.

It oozes real life shxt & authenticity. I can hear him thinking & speaking thru his words.

Y’all know I’m about that real reel life!

It’s a short easy read well worth your time & full of words that are the very thing you may need to hear to change your life.

On my @amazon favorites list:

https://amzn.to/2QDNavr

Swipe up link in stories on Instagram

http://www.instagram.com/lil_bit_of_fit

You can do anything you put your mind to. The question is…

“Are you paying attention?”

Oxox Coach K

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What being the good girl got me

Who else here is a recovering obliger? A recovering ‘Good Girl or Guy?’🙋‍♀️

Like it didn’t matter what context of life I was obliging, I wanted to oblige because I wanted to be ‘The Good Girl.’ 

‘Good Girls’ were accepted & safe. They did what was expected of them.

‘Nice’ was accepted & safe. If you’re ’Nice’ then everyone has to like you, right?!

‘Vanilla’ was accepted & safe. It’s like the default choice because you can’t make up your mind what ice cream you want.

The problem I later found as I aged, was ‘Good’ & ‘Nice’ & ‘Vanilla’ really didn’t get me anywhere.

In fact, I loathe the words ‘Good,’ ‘Nice,’ & ‘Vanilla.’

I don’t care if you’re talkin about food, sex, or money, Honey, if you’re describing them as good, nice, or vanilla — I ain’t interested anymore.

I feel they’re the default, you choosing to settle. It’s like being someone’s side chick or guy. You want someone to see you as ‘The One’ — the one that walks in a room & sparkles. Everyone stares. But instead, you were chosen as the default, not ‘The One.’ 

I feel everyone has had the same experience at some point in their lives, whether it was a friendship, a romantic relationship, or professionally. 

My definition of ‘Good Girlitis’ is the unproductive thoughts, feelings, & behaviors that inhibit one’s potential, growth, perception, & enjoyment of the experience & entirety of life.

So think about this if you feel you’re livin life like a watered down cocktail. Are you living as a watered down version of yourself?

I want exquisite, extraordinary, luscious.

Rolls off the tongue a lil sweeter don’t it? 😉 

I’d rather be the human that doesn’t do rules, I do what feels right✨

Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto Can’t wait to do another one of these!