Therapy confessions👉Things people ask me that make me laugh, want to drink🥃 & smoke a cigar😂(💁🏼♀️like I need a reason sip bourbon & smoke a cigar but whatever🙃)
Why are you single?
Are you getting married again?
Don’t you want kids?
Listen, I admittedly was a serial monogamist the majority of my life. I was the girl that always had a boyfriend.
I had only dated & kissed 2 guys up until the age of 27. Don’t worry, I made up for it quickly after my 1st divorce😆why lie. They call it the “Hoe Phase” for y’all not familiar👀
I don’t think I ever really learned how to “date.”
I honestly had no idea WHAT I was doing.
It’s like I just wanna hang with an awesome person, go adventuring & do cool sh*t with. One I love being around, that’s easy & down the road if it turns into something more, that’s the end goal🤷♀️
Had a follower ask what I thought she should do about dating & marriage…everyone laugh now😹
So we talked…
Don’t know if I’ll ever get married again, never say never. I know the people meant for me, find me. Hell I’m not even sure what the right answer is anymore nor do I care.
I feel relationships are whatever you choose to define them as, not what society tells you. I don’t feel you need a contract for happiness or validation.
By dating you do figure out what you don’t like so you know what you do like.
THINGS NOT TO DO:
Don’t say yes to men or women who aren’t suitable for you, don’t ignore red flags just because you don’t want to be single. Don’t do things you don’t agree with just to keep a relationship going. Don’t dishonor your own values just so you aren’t lonely. Don’t lose yourself. Don’t lose faith in love.
One day, you’ll understand the price is too high to pay to lose yourself — the most important person in your life.
All of your painful experiences craft you into the impeccable person you are today.
And the right person will appreciate every part of you, your story & let you live life on your own terms.
The right person feels like freedom & home imo. You can’t read a book to tell you how to feel…
You can read all the books in the world but if you can’t read yourself you can’t efficiently execute anything.
#shitmytherapistsaid
Has anyone else felt they read all the books but in honesty you realized you were a really sh*tty executor, too?😆👋
A painful truth brought up in therapy one time was the realization that when I felt anything or anyone was touching the walls of my freedom or made me feel “unsafe” or “wrong” — I’d run.
Confessions of a recovered avoidant🙋♀️
It was fear. I had a follower ask me today if I’ve ever been afraid of anything so much that I ran from it. Fxck me.🤦♀️ It forced me to painfully sit there & reflect.
I realized thru experiences & relationships what I should’ve been asking myself during periods of discomfort was, “Is this relationship or experience making me want to up level into a better woman?”
I stayed in a LOT of situation-ships & cohabitations far longer than I should have because of fear.
I also RAN from a lot of potential relationships because of fear. Fear to be in a situation-ships or comfortably numb cohabitation again.
I didn’t have the tools back then or self awareness to assess/navigate relationships & life experiences effectively.
If you feel you have to appear a certain way to receive validation, respect, or love — you need to figure out what it is inside you that makes you want to change to be more accepted & worthy.
Look for the pebbles in your shoes, they may not be large stones but they will cut you after time.
All right, hope my ramblings and therapy sessions helped you toO!
Love & hugs,
Coach “no longer in my hoe phase (thank the Lord 🙏😄)” K
