Therapy confessionsšThings people ask me that make me laugh, want to drinkš„ & smoke a cigarš(šš¼āāļølike I need a reason sip bourbon & smoke a cigar but whateverš)ā£
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Why are you single?ā£
Are you getting married again?ā£
Donāt you want kids?ā£
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Listen, I admittedly was a serial monogamist the majority of my life. I was the girl that always had a boyfriend.
I had only dated & kissed 2 guys up until the age of 27. Donāt worry, I made up for it quickly after my 1st divorcešwhy lie.ā£ They call it the āHoe Phaseā for yāall not familiarš
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I donāt think I ever really learned how to ādate.ā ā£
I honestly had no idea WHAT I was doing.
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Itās like I just wanna hang with an awesome person, go adventuring & do cool sh*t with. One I love being around, thatās easy & down the road if it turns into something more, thatās the end goalš¤·āāļø ā£
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Had a follower ask what I thought she should do about dating & marriageā¦everyone laugh nowš¹ ā£
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So we talkedā¦ā£
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Donāt know if Iāll ever get married again, never say never. I know the people meant for me, find me. Hell Iām not even sure what the right answer is anymore nor do I care.ā£
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I feel relationships are whatever you choose to define them as, not what society tells you. I donāt feel you need a contract for happiness or validation.ā£
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By dating you do figure out what you donāt like so you know what you do like.ā£
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THINGS NOT TO DO:ā£
Donāt say yes to men or women who arenāt suitable for you, donāt ignore red flags just because you donāt want to be single. Donāt do things you donāt agree with just to keep a relationship going. Donāt dishonor your own values just so you arenāt lonely. Donāt lose yourself. Donāt lose faith in love.ā£
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One day, youāll understand the price is too high to pay to lose yourself ā the most important person in your life.ā£
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All of your painful experiences craft you into the impeccable person you are today. ā£
And the right person will appreciate every part of you, your story & let you live life on your own terms.ā£
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The right person feels like freedom & home imo.ā£ You canāt read a book to tell you how to feelā¦
You can read all the books in the world but if you canāt read yourself you canāt efficiently execute anything.ā£
#shitmytherapistsaid
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Has anyone else felt they read all the books but in honesty you realized you were a really sh*tty executor, too?ššā£
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A painful truth brought up in therapy one time was the realization that when I felt anything or anyone was touching the walls of my freedom or made me feel āunsafeā or āwrongā ā Iād run.ā£
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Confessions of a recovered avoidantšāāļø
It was fear. I had a follower ask me today if Iāve ever been afraid of anything so much that I ran from it. Fxck me.š¤¦āāļø It forced me to painfully sit there & reflect.
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I realized thru experiences & relationships what I shouldāve been asking myself during periods of discomfort was, āIs this relationship or experience making me want to up level into a better woman?ā
I stayed in a LOT of situation-ships & cohabitations far longer than I should have because of fear.
I also RAN from a lot of potential relationships because of fear. Fear to be in a situation-ships or comfortably numb cohabitation again.
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I didnāt have the tools back then or self awareness to assess/navigate relationships & life experiences effectively.
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If you feel you have to appear a certain way to receive validation, respect, or love ā you need to figure out what it is inside you that makes you want to change to be more accepted & worthy.ā£
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Look for the pebbles in your shoes, they may not be large stones but they will cut you after time.ā£
All right, hope my ramblings and therapy sessions helped you toO!
Love & hugs,
Coach āno longer in my hoe phase (thank the Lord šš)ā K
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