DM of the day, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”
I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.
How bout we start there before we talk about anyone changing anyone else.
I’ll ask y’all something my mom asked me before, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”
I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino
There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection.
Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man — or a perfect ME.
I’ve had a hard time letting people love me.
I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really f*cked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get hurt.
I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.
To the recovering avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shxt ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.
My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun — it’s a verb.
It’s something you choose, it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of ribs (but that’s would be nice sign me up btw 🤚)
A hard lesson I’ve learned is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying or believing in love.
Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fxcked. 🤷🏼♀️😂
The grass is greener where you water it. Don’t forget to water yours first.
Oxox