A Simple Guide to Embracing Solitude and Being Uncomfortable AF Through Transformation

Cocoon vs Chrysalis…journal message today not only for myself but for others who are feeling the uncomfortable heaviness of change right now…

The words cocoon & chrysalis are often used interchangeably. However, I learned they are 2 completely different things!

Cocoons are specific to moths, while chrysalises are formed by butterflies. When you compare the 2, although both beautiful in their own right, we attach vibrant beauty to the butterfly. They are more colorful.

𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘺𝘴·𝘢·𝘭𝘪𝘴
𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯
– 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘺𝘴𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴.”𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘺𝘴𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴”

I feel I am at a huge pivotal transformation time right now. I’m super anxious, curious, frustrated, excited, scared, confused, uncomfortable, appreciative, grateful, & joyful all at the same time.

I feel like I’m in a snow globe that’s continuously being shaken. And I’m OK with it, this is nothing new in the 40 years I’ve been on this earth, but at the same time it’s still uncomfortable af.

For me, I intuitively know myself extremely well, that means going inward & spending quality time in selective solitude.

It means grinding at what I do well to build a solid foundation of stability as well as resting to allow the blanket of peace to appease & rejuvenate holistically to contrast the hustle.

As an Empath, healer, & feeler, I have to be alone to center, ground, & find my process out of my chrysalis to discover & embrace my new season/path.

I soak up other people’s energies, trauma, & emotions easily, which means to find MY TRUE SELF & PATH, that means saying NO to that which feels heavy, resistant, misaligned, & a sacral (think gut feeling) NO.

I understand as an ever evolving people pleaser & overachiever this feels icky because you don’t want to disappoint or let anyone “down.”

Psychologists tell us we’re social animals, & therefore solid social connections are vital to mental & physical well-being. For those of us who naturally lean more towards introversion, we can be seen as antisocial, unhappy, & lonely to our more extraverted counterparts.

There’s a HUGE difference between loneliness & solitude in my opinion:

Loneliness is a negative feeling, lower on the emotional spectrum. It’s a sadness characterized by a sense of isolation.
Solitude, on the other hand, is a physical & more often temporary period, one that can be undesirable for some, but for others is highly sought as a preference for some marvelous rejuvenation & much needed time for transformation.

Maybe you’re like me. I crave solitude. Especially when I’m around a lot of people often & large crowds. After a 12 hr shift (I work in radiology for those new around here), I have no more people juice left, I say. The last thing I wanna do is go out when I’m off work.

To be honest, my loneliest moments often come when I’m around others but feel on the outskirts of their social circle. This typically happens when I say yes to an event when I in fact know I should’ve said no.

While I can be comfortable in a small group or even a mass gathering for a stretch, ultimately I just love being alone.

Has it posed some challenges? I’d be lying if I said no. Seeking solitude has definitely probably closed some doors. I’m a GREAT networker when I wanna be, but I’m selective about those times.

I’m a responder by nature when it comes to communication which can make me come off as antisocial, stoic, or sometimes not the best friend or team player. But I thrive on my alone time & have found I am more successful & abundant in life when I follow the right path for me. I hope you do too!

I recognize the trade-offs & work to balance them so that I’m content & productive, even happy, while maintaining my most treasured relationships without coming off as “stuck up” or a cold-hearted bish. LOL!

In my opinion, solitude as a method of up leveling & self preservation is a SKILL.

Thuy-vy Nguyen, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Durham University in England stated that individuals most likely to seek & value solitude are not introverts. Rather, they rank high in “dispositional autonomy,” defined by three tendencies:

• Being the person they actually want to be
• Being resistant to pressure from other people
• Being interested in exploring their own experiences & emotions

So take what you need from this message & glimpse into my vulnerability as permission:

To say NO to what doesn’t feel aligned at the moment.
To rest or grind & do whatever feels right to you.
To say YES to what lights you up.
To embrace the pause.
To change your mind.

Love y’all!

Oxox
Coach K