How limiting beliefs & identity impact your weight (& your life)
I experienced trauma when I was very young. It shaped my life from the moment it occurred & the effects have stayed with me ever since. I still sometimes well up when I think about it while talking with clients. The body remembers those emotions.
I say this not for sympathy, but to let other people who may have experienced something similar that they are not alone in their feelings, & that they don’t need to carry the shame that often comes with trauma.
I carried my shame, held onto it tightly for probably 3 decades of my 40 years. This shame caused me to form an identity that shaped my future & saw me struggle with Crohn’s disease, weight, anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, low self-worth, debt, poor relationships, & self-doubt.
In elementary school, a boy I liked told my friend he would never like me because I was fat. A teacher told me in middle school I was too big to be a cheerleader. Kids in high school called me poor & a chubby farmer’s daughter.
With the wisdom I have now, I understand those comments were made by people who didn’t know me nor have my best interests at heart.
But as soon as those words came out of those people’s mouths, my life changed & another wound slashed through my soul & left me bleeding.
I felt ashamed of my body & questioned its validity & my worth. I felt a burning shame about what my body looked like. I wore a t-shirt over my bathing suits & swim class was a nightmare. I felt embarrassed, & I wanted to hide. I hid my binge eating & wore anorexia as a badge.
As a young girl & young adult, I took the comments at face value, & believed them wholeheartedly.
These labels caused me to identify as someone who was fatter than she should have been, & the only way to prove my worth & beauty were to be skinny & lose weight.
Not only did I feel shame about what my body looked like, I developed shame around what it couldn’t do. I was not the fastest runner or athlete.
The kids at school laughed & teased me about how slow I was when I ran. I was always one of the last picked in gym class for teams.
The identity of being someone who needed to lose weight caused me to question my body so much I was extremely conscious of what I looked like & felt uncomfortable & disconnected in my own body.
I compared myself with other people all the time, always feeling ashamed because I believed I was ‘bigger’ than they were. So I started dieting to whittle my body into the smallest version of itself.
Obsession with weight, body shape & dieting took its hold in my early teens & 20s. I would jump from one diet to another, often ending up bingeing because I was eating so little during the day. I also used to use food to soothe my emotions.
With every failed diet, I slowly began to take on another layer to my identity. I became the girl who needs to lose weight but struggles to look the way she envied in her head.
The emotional weight I carried weighed more than my body did.
I celebrate my body every day now. I have done a lot of work in the past decade unlearning, unbecoming, & rising as a Phoenix. I write this to share with all of you to give you hope.
You see, what I have learned — & it’s been a painful learning, as I look back on how much my life has been affected by the words that I heard when I was a young girl — is that I was never a chubby girl who needed to lose weight. I never needed to go on all those diets in the first place. And, it’s only because of dieting that my weight became a problem.
My body was never the problem. My identity was.
So, I choose everyday to no longer identify as the person who is overweight, sick, broke, & can’t love herself.
I identify as the person I’ve always wanted to be.
Confident & happy in her body.
Able to wear whatever clothes she likes.
Strong & self-assured.
Proud of what she looks like & how she serves others.
Someone who celebrates & loves her body.
Someone who is proud of her struggles because they made her strong.
And hello to a sexy woman who celebrates her body in all its forms, & who will never be defined by her weight, other people’s opinions, or the need to shrink herself again.
And you can, too!
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford
Right on, Mr. Ford.
oxox Coach K
Hoosier farm girl & Purdue University grad, Katie is a multifaceted girlboss! She’s a nutritionist, radiologic technologist, personal coach, executive assistant, motivational speaker & writer, brand growth consultant, & connection maker working with individuals, businesses, organizations, & executives.
She specializes in gut health, sports nutrition, disordered eating, social branding, human connection, and how to organize/optimize life for better health, increased wealth & happiness!
Katie welcomes all preferences & skill levels with a no diet dogma or one size-size-fits-all approach to health, fitness, & nutrition.
After decades of struggling with her own health issues from Crohn’s, obesity, disordered eating, infertility, hormonal imbalances, & being a competitive athlete, she is passionate about helping others find self love, achieve their goals, & create sustainable success habits for an EXTRAordinary life!
Katie currently resides in Fishers, IN where she has worked in the health, sales, and nutrition field for over 17 years.