Life thoughts lately….a page from my diary.
“Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up.”
🎥 Hope Floats. One of my favorite movies!
I sat the other morning with coffee ☕️, talking with my plants about personal awakenings surrounding partnership & relationship 🪷🪴☺️ (I’m weird. It’s ok 😆 At least I’m high vibe🥰 haha! High five 🙌 to all my fellow woke weirdos)
Maybe y’all can relate to some of my thoughts & feelings 🤷♀️ Hope they resonate in a way that you need to find clarity, clear the cobwebs, or serve as a provoking thought conversation starter.
For those of you who are new here, I’ve struggled with relationships basically my entire life. It’s been about remembering myself. Not losing myself in another. Building a home in myself so that I can be that safe space and partner for another, too.
I’ve been divorced twice. Casually dated all different kinds of men. I’m really proud of myself for creating a kick ass self partnered life that I am so grateful for. But I do truly believe we are not meant to go through this life alone. I just haven’t quite been sure what kind of a partnership is right for me. I acknowledge not every relationship is meant to last forever, honoring whatever time a contract serves.
I understand now that I simply need a partner that sees & accepts me as I am, my whole self. “Flaws” quirks & all. Not just for my looks. One that does not judge/criticize but allows me to be my weird little self.
Someone who can fall in love with their safe space. One like simply sitting in solitude appreciating the sweet sounds & murals of nature outside.
I understand that I do have to be emotionally, mentally, AND physically attracted initially to a person, because that does not develop later. (For me) I’ve tried to force this in the past. Doesn’t work.
I no longer allow myself to let relationships romantically continue if I do not feel romantically attracted to that person.
I’ve realized I have had a lot of wonderful friendships with men, i’m naturally a “guys girl” being raised with brothers & on a farm. What I thought potentially was a romantic relationship on many occasions was a platonic attraction to someone.
So yes, I feel I have broken a lot of hearts, but I’m proud of myself for being honest. Honest in telling those people that I love them (because I do), but our relationship was more in the “friend zone” kind of way.
I align to someone that loves me not just for my looks or what I can do for them. I desire a partner that simply makes me feel safe & protected, special & appreciated. Money comes and goes. But I know you can always build a better life together with someone that makes you feel the way you want feel & aligned with your energy.
Memories & experiences are everything & meant to be shared. We weren’t meant to go through this life alone forever.
I used to think I needed a super successful, rich business man type. And I have dated many wealthy men because I needed those experiences. But what I discovered was that I actually wanted that success for myself so I had to go out and create that for myself. Which I did 👏🏼 I didn’t need that through another.
I had to show myself that I could travel and be free and be successful and create my own business & opportunities scaled to my needs, on my own. I didn’t need someone else to do that for me.
I realized I needed the aligned partner that made me feel emotionally & physically the way I wanted to feel, and that gift, that package, was probably going to be different than what I expected.
So I opened my mind and my heart to that concept and simply followed what I loved & was drawn to. I followed what I felt was right, and listened to the signs and the things, places, & people that I was drawn to whether I understood it or not.
I admit, there were/are many times I’m like l. “Katie you are f*cking crazy. I do not understand why you resonate & are so drawn to certain things.”
BUT… I know that I walk by FAITH, not by sight.
I enjoy & admire partners that let me take care of them. Not in the mommy role kind of way. But in the energy of allowing my to embrace my feminine strengths. To be soft & let a man take care of me, too.
I know my “role and my place.” I know my strengths and my weaknesses. I don’t say that in a disrespectful way, but one of self-awareness and appreciation.
i’m very very good at taking care of a household and I make shit happen because I am driven and I am strong. I am the glue. I am a natural caretaker. I am able and extremely resourceful and resilient because this life has made me that way and I’m grateful.
I cannot thank my parents enough for helping me build a solid foundation in myself. Same for people who were cruel and harsh to me. I appreciate every time they were hard on me &/or had high expectations because it made me the woman that I am today.
Although I do not wish to fall into the role of mother & teacher, as I know, I deserve an equal partner, I do acknowledge that I excel in both of these places, but I do so respectively.
I do not desire to be more masculine than my other half, I understand some women are guarded, and maybe a little defensive sometimes when it comes to allowing a man to be a man and take care of them. “Men” are natural providers and I feel that that is their right.
Loyalty, honor, duty, understanding, & respect are vital, really when it comes to supporting men especially in a certain environment.
I had to understand throughout my journey that I had to love myself as I was, first. That I didn’t always need to change to suit someone else or have materialistic items, titles, things outside of myself. But, on the other hand, that it was OK to love the things that I loved that made me feel amazing from a place of self-love and not by ego.
We all deserve abundance & everything that we desire. We weren’t meant to go through this life miserable, living in scarcity & fear.
Abundance is everywhere & love is everywhere if we let it in. And all of this comes via our unique journey and self-awareness, unlocking the doors to everything we have ever desired.
Thank you for reading my thoughts from the pages of my heart, my storybook, that I pour into the notes pages of my iPhone 📲 💕
Oxox Coach K
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