lil bit of fit

I’ll be the first to admit I realize now I was in an abusive relationship the majority of my life.

– with myself.

I did some pretty f*cked up things to this 5’1 frame. Reflecting back, they were a result of childhood trauma from bullying, being called the “fat girl” & believing the lie I wasn’t enough unless I was a certain teeny tiny size.

It caused food addiction, body dysmorphia, orthorexia, a cultivation of self sabotaging habits, scarcity mindset, & a dangerously poor relationship specifically with carbohydrates. They were my drug of choice.

Basically, dieting & chasing a smaller body were my hobbies. I thought, “Well, every woman I know talks about dieting. The most admired are thin. I must not be trying hard enough. Eat less & workout more.”

You’re brainwashed to think chronic dieting & living off diet & sugar free foods are just a “normal” part of being a female & a requirement to attaining better body. They can reap long lasting issues that affect every coat of paint you throw on your life.

I remember being as young as 8 comparing my body to skinnier girls in class. I was teased & the disordered eating & bad body image grew — to the point I remember putting a belt around my tummy rolls in middle school under my jeans so I looked thinner. I needed to “suck it in” then maybe they’ll be nicer to me.

At 16, lunch was cottage cheese & a few ritz crackers, no more than 5 crackers I reminded myself. And I thought that was too much. I wore restriction like a badge. The smaller I got, the more attention I got. After a traumatizing break up in high school, I lost 15lb in 2 weeks right before the end of summer break. Everyone raved how “good” I looked.

The more praise, the more I craved the look of bones in the mirror. 

Being thin meant I received love & was more worthy.

In college, I obsessed with working out to counter my binge drinking/eating. I threw up my food & took diet pills. I just wanted to be thin like the other sorority girls.

Even when I married at 22, I hid my binge eating & orthorexia. The drinking also spiraled out of control. I ended up in the hospital on a vent one time with a BAC (Blood Alcohol Content) of .346. Talk about a wake up call, I almost died.

I later divorced at 27, had a handful of failed relationships thereafter. I always numbed & sought control by not eating or excessive drinking. I’d take shots of cold medicine at night so I’d go to bed earlier to avoid eating.

I remember after one breakup I got so thin people started talking, I lost my period. I went to my OBGYN, she checked my urine. She said, “Your ketones are high, your weight has dropped. Has your diet changed? Are you feeling ok?” My blood pressure was 80/58. I didn’t know what that meant. My body was literally eating itself.

The bingeing, purging, restriction, & eating diet foods tore my gut up — all spiraled into a mess of health problems later. Which initially was diagnosed as IBS, then in 2018 as Crohn’s.

It didn’t stop there.

In 2013, my gallbladder quit functioning after so many years of disordered eating. I got cervical cancer, had to have part of cervix removed, & royalty f*cked up my hormones, metabolism, & gut function.

At 31, I discovered CrossFit. I dug myself a hole of further metabolic adaptation over training & undereating. Struggling with eating so many carbs & foods I didn’t realize my body wasn’t digesting and absorbing. It wasn’t that the carbs or foods were “bad,” it wasn’t that I didn’t need them for fuel or that they weren’t “healthy” – it was my relationship with them, the emotional triggers, & the physiological fact that my body couldn’t digest or absorb them properly.

One of the best gifts I ever gave myself was the permission to view these years of hardships as lessons to become a better human, and thus, help you all learn from my experiences.

True freedom is gained by learning to love your seasons, honoring what works for you as far diet and exercise, & simply appreciating your body for keeping you alive — not just for what you look like.

I 100% believe the Carnivore Diet put not only my Crohn’s in remission, but cured my disordered eating and food addiction. It gave me a new start at life.

My lens is clear now. Food doesn’t control my every thought. I don’t binge. I know exactly what to eat to stay my happiest & healthiest. It is simple & delicious. My health, mentally, emotionally, & physically haven’t been better.

It took faith, patience, & much experimentation. I had an interview where I talked about my whole first year and what I experienced going carnivore HERE. It will answer most of your questions.

Did you know about 45% of women and 23% of men within a healthy weight range think they are overweight, & at least 20% of women who are underweight think they are overweight, according to Eating Disorders Victoria.

How to learn to love your body

STOP IGNORING YOUR BODY

Get to know your body, it keeps you alive. Your body is a miraculous creature it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Every bump, crevice, scar, sunspot, stretch mark, freckle, wrinkle — those are badges of LIFE. You earned it!

•Don’t avoid mirrors.

•Spend more time naked.

•Wear the bathing suit 

•Buy clothes to flatter your body not the other way around. You wear clothes they don’t wear you. You don’t change your body just wear clothes.

•Touch your body, sexuality is NATURAL & NECESSARY. Take pictures. CELEBRATE your body.

•Learn your true hunger cues & when you’re emotional eating. If you have a poor relationship with specific foods, OWN IT. Make changes and choose different foods. For me, carbs trigger poor habits, meat and eggs are satiating, nourishing, and delicious. They give me food freedom. Yours may be different. Experiment.

•Eat what you’re craving & don’t restrict all the time.

•Ditch the scale and focus on how you FEEL. The more you do to get in contact with and accept your body the way that it is, the more you are likely to develop better body image.

STOP CHECKING YOUR IMPERFECTIONS 

Are you the one who does the ab check at every mirror? Pinch fat? Guess what? Our body changes & fluctuates every day, every hour sometimes. You don’t have flat abs all day, it’s called eating food, which keeps you alive. When you sit, we all have rolls! It’s called skin. 

Write a list of your “checking” behaviors. Once you become aware & how often, slowly try to reduce the times you engage in these behaviors. I promise it will become easier & less work time & awareness.

STOP COMPARING

It’s a challenge, I get it. Especially with social media at our fingertips. We spend so much time rubbing a freakin piece of glass. Make that time a positive impact on your life. Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Follow those who are uplifting, love their bodies, and resemble a body like yours! 

Again, note when this happens. What & who were you looking at? Is that body a realistic goal for you? How do you want to FEEL? Often that has nothing to do with your aesthetics. Happiness starts on the inside. Follow podcasts, accounts, YouTubes, whatever media you want that promote health and body positivity and acceptance.

SEPARATE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS FROM FEELING FAT

Often when we have a bad day, a fight with a friend or partner, maybe our clothes don’t fit “just right,” or someone made a comment that made us feeling uncomfortable, we let those emotions wreck our entire day. Those emotions have nothing to do with what we look like but what we feel about ourselves. 

They’re triggers. If I tried on a bathing suit & it looked hideous, I’d be pissed off all day & want to starve myself as punishment. Sound familiar?
When this happens, remind yourself that your weight & reflection were the same before the incident.

CHANGE YOUR SELF TALK & PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE

Would you talk to your best friend like you talked to yourself? Remember thoughts become things & you attract what you put out. 

The more negative self talk, the more it makes you feel awful, because you believe it. The more your feel awful the more likely you are to restrict, binge, emotional eat, & self sabotage because that is what you’re attracting into your life. 

Instead of saying, “I look horrible in this outfit, I need to lose 20lbs.” Say, “I’m excited to make healthier changes to feel my best. Everyday in every way I am better and better.”

A big key to changing negative body image is to kill the critic.

FORGIVE

For me, I forgive the human who made the human mistakes. For without that version, she wouldn’t have learned her lessons and turned into the woman she is today. ❤️

Sending you a great big virtual hug! If you need to talk, don’t hesitate to reach out on Instagram!

oxox Coach K

Hoosier farm girl & Purdue University grad, Katie is a multifaceted girlboss! She’s a nutritionist, radiologic technologist, personal coach, executive assistant, motivational speaker & writer, & brand growth consultant working with individuals, businesses, organizations, & executives.

She specializes in gut health, sports nutrition, disordered eating, social branding, human connection, and how to optimize life to attract health, wealth, & happiness.

Katie welcomes all preferences & skill levels with a no diet dogma or one size-size-fits-all approach to health, wellness, fitness, & nutrition.

After decades of struggling with her own health issues from Crohn’s, obesity, disordered eating, infertility, hormonal imbalances, & being a competitive athlete, she is passionate about helping others find self love, achieve their goals, & create sustainable success habits for an EXTRAordinary life!