Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
I’ve always hated my back. Rarely ever take back progress pictures. I feel partly because I don’t want to give a reason for negative thoughts to creep in & pick myself apart when I know I have to love myself for the sum of who I am in my entirety.
There’s 5 months & 11lbs between these pictures. I love this woman & her season in both pictures. The left is now, the right was on family vacation in October.
Things I used to loathe:
My scoliosis – it throws my hips off. My body is not symmetrical, I squat lopsided.
My left boob is bigger than my right & neither boob is as big as I would like. Hey there’s at least a handful, I’ve been told that’s all you need right?! 😂
My elbows don’t straighten. I can’t fully lock out in any lift which limits my abilities. My CrossFit coaches used to yell at me, not knowing it was a defect.
I have stretch marks & cellulite from gaining & losing 50 lbs over my lifetime. I always wanted slender legs, it’s just not the way I’m built. But my ham hocks are strong.
I have a red sun spot on my nose I have to cover from getting burned as a child on vacation & bailing hay on our farm.
I chew on the inside of my lip, still don’t know why.
From being the girl who refused to take the T-shirt off at the beach or pool to the woman now brave enough to show the canvas God gave her — hats off to you sis.
Wanted to remind y’all you can’t hate yourself happy, skinny, strong, successful, worthy, or LOVED.
Stop putting new energy in old containers.
@jamesclear said, “The events of your past are fixed. The meaning of your past is not. The influence of every experience is determined by the meaning you assign to it. Assign a more useful meaning to your past & it becomes easier to take a more useful action in the present.”
I put a Post-it on this mirror of a reminder I saw yesterday: “This Chapter of my life is called: now that I know better, I must do better.”
Have a beautiful bootylicious weekend y’all! ❤️🍑🦾 I’d love to chat with y’all on the gram, never hesitate to reach out!
Where do your thoughts go during the day? Are you always worrying about the past or future?
Which, I’ll cut to the chase, all you really have is right now.
Are you so caught up in the fear of the past & future that you miss out on the magic of your current experience & all the possibilities?
I know I did for the majority of my life.
I had a lot of ‘One days I’ll do this’ or ‘There’s no way I’m talented enough to do this’ or ‘If only I could change the past.’ Sound familiar?
I love to write.
It’s just something that comes natural to me — putting emotions & thoughts into words. I don’t plan my blogs or IG posts, I let the inspiration come to me & I put those on paper in hopes of helping someone else out there.
I don’t worry about proper grammar or punctuation. I like to write the way I talk. Because that is me. I never thought I was polished or talented enough to actually be called a “writer.”
I ignored the doubt & followed my passion. This last week, I was honored to be asked to write an article for the blog site, Thought Catalogue. My first payed publication.🙌
I never would’ve started writing blogs if it wasn’t for my friend @rossmiller1132 years ago telling me it was something I should look into. I thank him for that!
Another example of believing in yourself, this book I’m holding, I rushed downstairs to pick up this @amazon package yesterday.
I mean, let’s not bullshxt around, I know I’m not the only one that gets excited for Amazon deliveries…so much so, I forget what I order half the time😂🤚
The author is my cousin @meanmattygreen This is his 1st published book! I cannot be more proud of him! I guess the writing gene runs in the family 😉
This book is a breath of fresh air about being present, doing what you love, self awareness, & believing in yourself.
It oozes real life shxt & authenticity. I can hear him thinking & speaking thru his words.
Y’all know I’m about that real reel life!
It’s a short easy read well worth your time & full of words that are the very thing you may need to hear to change your life.
NO.1 REGRET OF THE DYING: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
I had a terminal patient tell me this years back as I finished their CT scan.
@aubreymarcus posted a powerful reminder yesterday, a perfect reminder as we start another week:
“Your future self will look back on your life right now, & wish you could live it again. Not because you want to DO anything different. But because you wish you enjoyed it more.
The number 1 deathbed regret is, “I wish I would’ve let myself be happier.” At the end of our life we realize that happiness is a choice, made in the moment, in spite of whatever is happening.”
☝🏻If I could share only 1 life lesson with you, it would be this.
MANAGE YOUR MIND AND YOU CAN MANAGE ANYTHING.
We get lost in a storm of emotions & expectations — from others, from ourselves, from society.
Emotions around your body, career, & relationships. Some like:
BODY: I need to look like her/him to be more attractive & worthy. When in fact you need to love yourself & body for everything you are, not what you aren’t.
CAREER: I’m not “rich” or successful until I have x in the bank or achieved a certain status. When in fact you’re already rich if you have a career you love, a roof over your head, food to eat, & people who love you.
RELATIONSHIPS: I need a partner to be worthy. Which typically nudges us to settle for people not deserving, or seeking people for purely physical reasons. We blind ourselves to the real secret to finding a partner in life…being self aware, knowing your worth & theirs, learning to build a home in yourself 1st, & embodying the person you seek to be with. The ‘right’ one feels like freedom & home.❤️⠀
There will always be shxt that comes up & temporarily throws your life out of your control, but you choose your perspective & reaction.
When you’re working, work.
When you’re eating, eat.
When you’re listening, listen.
When you’re loving, LOVE.
We’re always living. But the question is, are you living YOUR best life?
I invested $224 on a @scentsy order from a coworker just starting her side hustle last week.
She’s SO excited & eager.
I can see the sparkle ✨ of hustle in her eyes. My fellow entrepreneurs, you know what I’m talkin about: those dreamy, first time virgin optimism I’m gonna hustle&grind till I bleed, feels.
You also know what it feels like to think you’re a failure, not good enough, & an ‘imposter.’
So I wanted to do something nice for her like others had done for me in the past — build her confidence.
She said, “I took a chance, I dunno if I can do it.” 🤷♀️
I sat down.
I explained the power of her thoughts & vibration. She had to believe she was worthy & successful for the Universe to bring the right people & opportunities.
It takes aligned thoughts, feelings, & ACTION — not from a place of desperation or lack but of ease & abundance.
Did I need said $224 worth of the scent ‘Mystery Man’ in my life?
Maybe, maybe not 😂
Girls you know what I’m talkin about — God love the scent of a nice smelling man.
Am I right?!
Like not the ‘walking by Abercrombie & Hollister, overpowering, tryin too hard’ scent but the ‘confident, walking on the line of arrogance, sharp dressed man’ scent 🤤 Think Mr. Big. All my ‘Sex & the City’ 🌃 📺 👠 fans.
Someone stole my Fitbit watch last week as well. My fault, left it in the sauna bathroom when I changed. You would think most people would turn an item like that in.
They notified me no one turned it in. I replied, “That’s OK! I suppose someone needed my watch more than I did.” They were surprised with my response.
You see I’m grateful someone got pleasure out of me leaving my watch, & I’m grateful I have the finances to purchase another one, which is supporting someone else’s job too.
Look for the 💫 gold linings y’all & do something nice for someone. Your life will be so much sweeter.
And now…I can walk in my apartment to the delectable aroma of my Mystery Man ❤️🤗
I read, “You’re never going to be 100% ready and it’s never going to be just the right time, but that’s the point. It means that every moment is also the right moment. If you want it, you just have to do it.”
Hi five to whomever wrote that.🙋♀️
You wanna know why it’s so hard to get what you want (or what you think you want)?
Fear.
Doesn’t matter if it’s losing weight, talking to a person you like, moving, asking for a raise or going after that job you want.
Muscle ups scare the shit out of me but I commit to practicing relentlessly because I believe in my ability and deservingness of having what I want out of life.
**Some hard truths to take with you into 2021**
1.) You have a short term attitude that doesn’t align with your long-term intentions
Without a long term intention & approach to anything in life, you’re bound to suffer a rebound when you figure out it isn’t working. It’s that “oh fxck” moment…
How you respond afterwords determines everything.
Take weight loss for example. Say you go low carb, lose a few pounds of water weight after a couple days, then discover it’s harder than you thought, your body isn’t responding as quickly as you thought — so you go back to old self sabotaging habits.
How about we commit to something more than 2 weeks? Commit, experiment, try & THEN if it’s still not working, it’s OK, be proud of yourself for trying!
Part of success is willingness to take a risk, yet also being smart enough to own it if it’s not working and search for another solution.
2.) You lack a quality support system
Your environment is everything! Fitness, career, social media, relationship related — doesn’t matter.
Any source that makes you feel bad about yourself and drags your vibration down — get rid of it, unfollow, block, trash it. Replace them with sources and people who are positive & successful & living the life you desire.
I personally have been called a savage for the ability to cut people & things out of my life with no remorse if they are not serving my highest alignment, but guess what? I am a whole hxll of a lot happier because of this skill. Doesn’t mean you have to be an dxck, but be HONEST.
Don’t worry about what other people think of you, you will never be happy if you’re constantly people pleasing. Own your shxt, own your life.
You control your thoughts, environment, and reality of your life. Choose accordingly.
3.) You lack clarity & don’t really know what you want
Write out your thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Learn to BE with yourself. Align your thoughts & actions accordingly to be the person you want to embody and that life will follow.
If you’re chronically stressed, sleep deprived, overworked, & talk down to yourself, your life will be a helluva lot harder.
Set you day up for success. You should have a success routine & habits in place. I wrote a blog just the other day about 8 things you should do every single day to be more successful. I suggest you go back and look at that.
Keeping these 3 hard truths in mind will allow you to create the space to welcome more abundance in your life.
I could talk all day about the mistakes I’ve made throughout my fitness journey.
To name a few:
Feeling I had to earn food or use it as a reward
Yo-yo dieting & falling for fads, pills, & what Karen down the road was doing
Wearing restriction as a badge of honor then falling victim to self-loathing, disordered eating & exercise habits
Eating all the wrong foods for me physically and mentally causing paralyzing G.I. distress
Equating my worth with abs & a number displayed on a dirty box which sits on my bathroom floor
Losing weight doesn’t have to feel like a punishment, in fact that’s the one thing you must avoid.
Think about it, if you hate what you’re eating and how you’re training, do you think you’re going to stick to it?
— Heck no.
Losing weight is simple, but it’s not EASY. Ultimately it comes down to being in an energy deficit. (Taking in less energy than you are expending)
We over complicate the process. We set ourselves up for failure by chronically dieting, picking the wrong kinds of workouts, picking the wrong kinds of foods we cannot digest & absorb properly, we over stress, under eat, under educate ourselves, under execute, & over train.
Don’t even get me started on the negative self talk & shxtty mindset syndrome.
30 years ago (I’m almost 39 now😬) my fitness journey began. I was 8 years old. My heaviest weight was 160 lbs on a 5’1 frame.
Right now is actually the lowest weight (avg 107-110lbs) & best health I’ve ever been. And I’m eating at my true maintenance (calories around 2000-2200 daily). Maintenance is we all should be hanging out the majority of our lives.
I’ve made the same mistake as you have. We are all different as far as what foods & training work best for you.
Here are some examples of hacks that have helped me keep the weight off and I hope it helps you find the right tools for your toolbelt too!
Abstainer: cannot have just 1 cookie without then eating or wanting to eat the whole pan. Does better with food rules and a more “all or none approach.” More prone to binge eating.
Moderator: can have 1 cookie and be satisfied. Needs more flexibility.
Are you a food addict? Get real with yourself. I understand this stuff isn’t pretty.
What is your relationship with carbohydrates? Are they like drugs which trigger self sabotaging habits? How do they make you feel? Do you need them for your health & fitness goals for optimal health, performance, & recovery? What is your daily threshold that makes you feel your best?
2.) CHOOSE THE FOODS & TRAINING YOU LOVE AND HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH
For me, it’s animal based nutrition. Protein & healthy fats are the center of my meals. I do not have a good relationship with carbohydrates and have many emotional and physical trigger foods. I only consume carbohydrates when I need them for optimal health, performance, and recovery. I find eating carbohydrates makes me crave more carbohydrates & I’m not satiated as sticking with meat only.
I prefer CrossFit like training. I love the community, I love the variety, I love it combines strength and aerobic conditioning. It’s effective af & keeps me happy. Therefore it’s easy for me to stick to my routine.
3.) EAT & TRAIN INTENTIONALLY & MINDFULLY
The food you eat literally makes you. Choose accordingly. Slow down when you eat, enjoy every bite, chew thoroughly, eat till you’re 80% full. Same with your training. Pick a goal and stick with it. Keep your commitments to yourself. Work hard & rest when you need to and be intentional about both! Motivation is fleeting, your integrity & character are forever.
4.) SET YOUR NONNEGOTIABLES & FLEXIBILITY
Especially important when it comes to social functions & family. Set step goals. Mine are between 13-15k on average. Maybe you allow yourself 2 cocktails on the weekends, maybe it’s one untracked meal with family, maybe it’s 2 refeed days on the weekends, maybe it’s more carbohydrates one day a week, maybe it’s dessert a couple times a week, maybe you do better being strict for a couple weeks & taking a week off, maybe you prefer to take your own food when you go out. Anything goes, you are your own boss, but OWN IT.
5.) GRATITUDE AND CELEBRATE EVERY WIN
Y’all gratitude is everything. You can’t hate yourself healthy and love yourself healthy at the same time. Which one would you rather choose? Take progress pictures, the scale isn’t the only indicator of success. Maybe you’re eating for better energy and better biofeedback. Maybe you’re trying to get stronger. The number on the scale does not dictate your worth or achievement.
6.) MANAGE YOUR MINDSET & OWN YOUR DAY
You should have a success routine nailed down. I talked about 8 things you should do every day that will change your life, yesterday. Check out that post and blog. If you continuously tell yourself you are a failure & always fxck up, guess what? That’s what you’ll attract & become. Talk to yourself like your best friend. What would you say, what advice would you give her or him? Be the person you want to embody.
You can make moves or excuses. You either DO or your DON’T.
I deactivated my Facebook this weekend. Finally pulled the trigger.
After the last year & a half of life changing stillness, loss, & uncertainty, I’ve been reflecting on my life, especially my career & authenticity.
It’s a whole hxll of a lot easier to look back & reflect only on the highlight reels, wanting to fast-forward or delete the painful moments.
I realized Facebook no longer brought me joy, I felt it was more of a negative distraction to fill the uncomfortable voids in my day.
Recently, I find myself pushing the pause again – pushing myself to take time to ask myself what REALLY aligns for ME at this very moment. It’s hard. I know, however, it’s absolutely necessary to grow.
The truth is, when I’m honest, not only did many fantastic opportunities in my life pass by or end prematurely because I felt I wasn’t good enough AND/OR I made a decision because I was placing someone else’s needs, feelings, & journey above my own.
Regardless of the circumstance, I would find valid reasons (excuses) why I needed to people please, or be the ‘Good Girl’, or the job or time or diet or workout or guy was/wasn’t right – yet I’d leave out the part about me not doubting myself.
Reflecting on these cycles, I realized I was choking on imposter syndrome.
Impostor syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be.
Years ago, a Brooklyn based meal prep company hired me as their Midwest Nutrition Sales & Consulting Representative.
I knew jack about sales.
I knew people.
I knew how to care for people working in healthcare & radiology full time & coaching CrossFit & nutrition coaching as a side hustle.
I took that job & traveled for a whole year, learned a lot of life skills, made tons of connections, & also was scared shitless 99% of the time. My picture was even on the front page of their website.
Website Photo, Photo by Pamela Scott, Dreaming Willow Photography
I continuously told myself I wasn’t as good as the other reps. I made myself miserable. But I was really good at that ‘fake it till ya make it’ part. But it eats at you after time.
I was qualified, capable, and people loved me, but I wasn’t confident.
Have you ever felt like a complete fraud and that everyone was going to find out that you didn’t earn or deserving of your accomplishments?
Have you struggled with feeling like you don’t belong, don’t fit in?
Join the club. No one likes to talk about or admit it though.
So I started researching how to overcome my feelings. Reviewing Dr. Valerie Young’s research, she discovered specific imposter syndrome subgroups:
The Perfectionist – They have such high expectations for themselves that even small mistakes will make them feel like a failure.
The Superwoman/Superman – They put in longer hours, never take days off and must succeed in all aspects of life in order to prove they are the “real deal.”
The Natural Genius – They are used to things coming easily, so when something is too hard or they don’t master it on the first try, they feel shame and self-doubt.
The Soloist – They don’t like to ask for help, so when they do, they feel like a failure or a fraud.
The Expert – They continuously seek out additional certifications or training because they feel as though they will never know enough to be truly qualified.
I’d read through these and thought, dxmn, I fit into more than one of these.
Thank you, childhood trauma.
My parents set high expectations for me at a young age (I’m grateful they did tho).
I remember I got an 86%, my lowest grade ever, in Algebra, and I was devastated and thought my mom would hate me.
I graduated in the top of my class in high school, and on the Dean’s list in college at Purdue University, landed a huge internship at Eli Lilly my senior year of college too, yet for some reason, I still never felt good enough.
Today, it’s even harder. Social media has connected us all in ways I never thought possible. It’s a double edged sword I say. It’s wonderful to use for education, creativity, & connection but it also conjures a whole mess of negativity too.
I told you all before, I LOATHE the word ‘influencer.’ I feel it labels & places us in a shallow box of facades.
I’ve discussed with y’all how photoshop, & filters, & focusing on the highlight reels distort our feelings about ourselves, expectations of proper life timelines, public image, body image – the list goes on.
We place our worth and validation on likes & swipe rights.
So what do we do to overcome these faux feelings about ourselves? I though hard about this and came up with a few small steps that gave me solutions, comfort, & hope…
1.) Get Real Get Honest
When you feel like a fxck up, or unworthy, or you made a mistake, or you feel shame in some way – call yourself out & get real. You can only hide your feelings for so long, it’s just a Band-Aid.
2.) Emotions are Fleeting, Focus on Facts
We’re human, we change our minds and are emotional creatures. Write out the facts. Make a pros and cons list. You are qualified, capable, and worthy.
3.) Don’t Try to Fit In
Life would be boring if we were all the same.
Life would be boring if our lives always turned out as planned and perfect. You would never learn if you didn’t make mistakes. Your mess is your message. Be a trailblazer and own your shxt. Be kind always – to yourself and others. Seek first to understand before judging.
4.) Celebrate Every Win
Don’t downplay your accomplishments. No matter how small. Maybe you lost a couple lbs, maybe you got through your entire ‘To Do’ list, maybe you saved $100 this month, maybe you got a $2 raise, maybe you just got through the week and didn’t lose your shxt. High five sis, take’em all!
5.) Be The Person You Seek To Embody
I guess this is kind of like ‘fake it till you make it.’ All goes back to thoughts become things & you attract the vibe you put out.
“Watch your thoughts, they become words; Watch your words, they become actions; Watch your actions, they become habits; Watch your habits, they become character; Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
Embrace yourself, baby. You have permission to be a hot mess & hot shot at the same time.
Surround yourself by people who make you better, push you, love and support you through the highlight reels & REAL reels.
Remember these…
“Be yourself, an original is worth more than a copy.” – Unknown
and
“If you want to be original, be ready to be copied.” – Coco Chanel
They just rile me up. It means I have to choose something & release something else.
I realize now it gives me anxiety because I fear making the wrong choice & somehow that makes me a bad person. A failure. An imposter. Which are 2 of my worst fears.
How about guys? You feel this way too?
I feel if I make a ‘bad’ decision, I’m not achieving, I’m not people pleasing, & that makes me less worthy somehow.
I realized it was paralyzing me & there are no wrong decisions — only an experience.
That doesn’t make me a bad person that makes me human. I focused too much on the end product & not on the love of the journey & process.
This was applicable to my love life, my relationship with food & body image, career goals — you name it.
Also, let me remind you, nothing is irreversible. Picture the worst case outcome. Trust me, you’ll be fine.
Dr. Joe Dispenza preaches the POWER is in the present, becoming unattached to outcomes.
We can’t worry about the past, it doesn’t need us anymore. Learn the lessons.
Now, 2nd guessing.
This shows up in the smallest ways.
✅Ex: I choose the hamburger but 2nd guess myself when your wings come out.
✅Ex: I choose to go to CrossFit but Karen down the road went for a 5 mile run. Maybe I should’ve done that.
✅Ex: I chose Partner A because he feels comfortable & safe but I truly want Partner B but somehow don’t feel good enough for partner B.
✅Ex: I chose job 1 bc it gives me freedom. But I really need job 2 bc it’s stable yet I’m afraid of commitment.
Am I the biggest fxck up in the world because I did so? No.
So here’s what I want to reiterate, decisions are crossroads. You’re not less worthy because you make a decision that didn’t turn out.
You’re not indecisive or savage or weak or broken or stupid or whatever you tell yourself.
It’s simply your baggage being pulled out of your bag.
So sit yo 🍑on the floor & unpack your baggage — it’s not gonna unpack itself.
And I’ll be sittn on the floor, with a cocktail or coffee, unpacking my shxt with you. ❤️🥃☕️
One change that will massively impact every facet of your life — find your magic time.
Everyone has a time a day where they are 10x more effective at the GSD than the rest of the day. FIND IT.
Most successful people have a refined early morning routine, habits, & thus, successful SYSTEM that ensures optimization.
Every day is a new day to make a different decision. No regrets. Learn from past decisions & choose to not stay there.
The past doesn’t need you & the future hasn’t happened yet, it hinges on your present 🎁
“You are where you are because of your choices. There is nothing to gain by regretting. Review your decisions for lessons and make a new decision to change.” @realcraigballantyne
