Mental Health – Page 11 – lil bit of fit

May 11, 2020

5 Year Plans, Emotional Eating, & the Buzz of Busy

“What’s your 5 year plan?” She asked.

I laughed.

Sister, 2 months ago I wouldn’t have thought one of the most important decisions of my week would be what sweatpants I’m wearing to the living room today?

I stumbled across a to do list as I flipped back through my daily planner…

…I welled with emotion.

It was so BUSY.

Busy with apts, shopping lists, workouts, work schedules, errands to run, consults, projects ideas, meetings, down to what color scrubs I needed to wear to make sure I went to the right hospitals.

Stress — on my body, mind, & spirit.

I felt ashamed to discover it. Time & life have changed so much. Forced to slow down. To long for that old life, the “normalcy.”

It was also a great reminder.

A reminder of how we’ve transformed busyness into beingness.

I’m different now. I long for pieces of that old “normalcy” but not the busy.

I loathe the word busy. I used it as a bullshit excuse & conversation filler for years. I catch myself doing it now.

I used it for not doing things I wanted to.

Travel. Vacation.

Spend time with friends & loved ones.

Invest in a new project, job, or venture.

Move.

Just fucking BE & do what I want to in a day.

Mostly out of fear of not having enough money or being seen as lazy. BUSY made me feel safe & worthy.

Same with control. If I control my body, my food, my workouts, my schedule — everything will be ok. Which in the past I’ve realized leads to disordered eating & body image & a poor relationship with food, myself, & exercise.

You place your worth on what you look like & how much you’re achieving.

So when you’re not “busy” what initially happens?

You emotionally eat.

You doubt yourself.

You compare.

You get anxiety.

You lose your labels & sense of self.

Your relationships suffer.

Basically you step on the hot mess express full speed ahead.

Emotional eating is a biggie.

So here are some things to help you:

🌞 Stay occupied, halfway organize your day and do a brain dump the night before. That way you kind of know what to expect & can set a semischedule.

🌞 Jot down tentative eating times so you have something to stick to — expectations & commitments to yourself. And this way you can plan around your activities for the day.

🌞 Good activities that help pass the time positively:

-Cleaning house

-Purging old things from closets and spaces it makes way for new positive energy

-Take a nap, most of us don’t get enough sleep anyways

-Read — Knowledge + action is power

-Invest in a new learning course or workshop — be a forever student

-Color or pick up a creative hobby that keeps your mind and hands busy

-Go for a walk or do a mini workout for 20 minutes

-Call a friend

-Brain dump and schedule your week

-Listen to a podcast or write in your journal

-Go shopping, run errands, get out of the house

-Keep trigger foods out of the house if you know you can’t control yourself well around certain foods

– Eat a big breakfast with plenty of proteins and fats they will keep you fuller the majority of the day: things like eggs and sausage, eggs and bacon, burgers, roasts, it doesn’t have to be breakfast food

It’s ok to plan, but leave room for grace, flexibility & adventure.

Next time when I’m sitting in traffic, running late, I’ll reflect on the time of not having anywhere to run to. I’ll remember in the midst of confusion & suffocating stillness I grew strong, calm, & found a new appreciation of life & control.

Xoxo Coach K

May 7, 2020May 7, 2020

Exercise & Food Anxiety – The Obsession with Control

I didn’t know whether to laugh or throw up.

Can I just wrap up in a warm blanket & eat Texas Roadhouse rolls all day???

Quarantine hit. My workout routine was ripped from my life. Anxiety hit. The thoughts of past self sabotaging behavior started to creep up.

Should I restrict?

How many more steps do I need?

Fugggg I can’t sweat.😩 I’m gonna pack on 20lbs, better cut food.

What if my “safe” foods are taken away?

When I began specializing in gut issues & primarly women’s relationship with food & body image, I saw a pattern. I LIVED the pattern — basically an obsession about control over food & exercise.

We deny we have an eating or behavioral disorder — we DO, sister. But you don’t have to stay there.❤️

Signs include:

Feeling panicked when sick, injured, or vacation jacks up our workout routine
Feeling like walking “isn’t enough”
Restricting or allowing food based on exercise that day.
Feeling we have to “earn” food.
Fear about gaining weight
Feeling worthless if any weight gain occurs, obsession with the scale & letting it dictate our attitude for the day

One client said, “I feel like I MUST control & workout everyday. If I don’t, I feel worthless & obsess about it until I do workout.”

We talked about how that disordered need for control is taking over our ability to intuitively listen to our body’s cues to rest. It also affects our energy, hunger, sleep, digestion, hormones, & bluntly— our ability to give a shit.

This relationship with food & exercise tends to make us miserable. Paralyzing us from enjoying the important things in life.

Here’s how I help clients (& myself) establish a better relationship with our food & exercise:

Disconnect the connection of “perfection” with food & exercise to our worth & obsession with having to earn food.

I used to count every calorie I consumed, down to the gum I excessively chewed. I only ate the calories I burned that day. I only ate diet food, hoping to save calories & carbs. I was chained to numbers. My macros were shackles. My mindset & perception of my methods & myself were the enemy. It wasn’t the food or exercise.

When we were young, we knew when we were hungry & we stopped when we were full. Because of environmental & emotional factors, getting stuck in cycles, many of us lose touch with our true hunger cues.

This is where I find intermittent fasting & or setting a meal schedule or eating window is helpful, teaching us when we’re actually hungry & preventing mindless/emotional eating.

Also viewing food as fuel for our day & workouts instead of a reward is a helpful way to rewire our brains from earning to nourishing.

2. Focus on simply moving your body.

Workouts should be enjoyed. Walking IS ENOUGH. Shoot for 10k steps per day or simply increasing your steps by 1k each week till you reach your goal. If you have a good relationship with food, there is no need to kill yourself in the gym 7 days per week. Spend adequate time eating at your true maintenance calories. You should not be dieting more than 1-2 times per year.

Before quarantine, I would walk, CrossFit &/or bodybuilding 5 times per week with one rest day and one active recovery day. I love the community & push of a group Wod.

Intra quarantine, I don’t have access to the equipment or facilities for specific workouts. I’ve worked out at home 3 days per week with minimal equipment and walked.

Haven’t gained, inflammation is actually down, & I’ve become more in tune with my body, hunger cues, & how to adjust my food & eating schedule based upon what my body is craving.

3. Surrender to the seasons. We aren’t meant to look the same.

Binges, disordered eating & body image, cravings, & anxiety for control flare up when we’re living in a chronic deficit &/or chasing a size we’re not meant to naturally be.

Your hunger &/or lack of are signs your body is simply trying to survive. Lack of resources trigger our bodies to down regulate systems, cycles, & hormones. Wonder why you lost your period or you’re cold all the time, you plateau on 1200 calories & gain when you eat anything above 1600? BINGO. Don’t be afraid to Reverse Diet. Invest in a coach!

We’re really chasing a feeling, not a number. We want to feel worthy, loved, significant, safe, heard, seen, & happy.

These are all a state of being my loves.

It didn’t matter if I was 100lbs or 160lbs, happy was a state I FELT about my life at whatever season. If you don’t do the inner work & address the root cause, it’s like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound.

You’re afraid to surrender because you don’t want to give up control. Especially for my fellow Type A’s.

Guess what?

You never had control, you became you’re own prisoner.

One of my favorite IG accounts, @maryscupofteaa wrote a new blog post for you: 7 books about self-love every woman needs to read.

CHECK IT OUT!

Educate yourself. Self love is a skill we sharpen. Surround yourself with people & environment full of positivity. Everything you consume, down to social media makes an impact on your perspective.

Cut the toxicity & self sabotage.

Food & body freedom are just one decision away.

The decision to choose YOU. ❤️

Whether you’re struggling with gut issues, trying to learn macros, fuel for your workouts, or fighting for your food & body freedom, I’m here for you.

Xoxo Coach K

March 29, 2020

Sobremesa & Sweet Presence

S O B R E M E S A

[noun] • Spanish

(n.) the time after a meal spent around the table with loved ones; a time to digest food, love, & friendship.

I was reading about the Spanish tradition where people sit at the table after a meal, talk, & connect with friends & loved ones.

Sweet presence — that’s what it is.

And I thought to myself, how did we lose this in our lives?

The savor of the truly important things in life?

—> the feel of sunlight on your skin

—> long, lingering hugs & the smell of fresh flowers

—> the taste of a home cooked meal with family

—> laughing with friends & meaningful conversations

—> the ability to simply move your body, health

—> peaceful sleep, clean sheets, the taste of fresh coffee

—> the feeling of the first time someone looked at you & told you they loved you

—> knowing you have the entire day to sit in your pjs & the freedom to do absolutely nothing

As basically the entire world has been forced to stay home due to the recent pandemic, I feel we’ve discovered we’ve lost our gift of presence through constant numbing & hustle.

I thought this was fitting to serve as a reminder both to ourselves whether we’re working or home or everything in between — the people you come home to…

family

friends

friends that become family

those you can’t wait to get on the phone with

those you connect with via social media

the simple feelings & emotions we experience in our everyday “mundane”…

These are the things that truly matter & we mustn’t forget when we’re feeling lost.

For me, I’d be more interested to learn from 80 people in their 80’s who were totally lost in their 20’s & 30’s that figured out what was truly more meaningful in life than 80 people in their 20’s & 30’s that figured it out early & never got lost.

It’s in the lost where we discover truth & ourselves again. 💟

Xoxo Coach K

March 23, 2020

Times are Changing – “The Purge”

Sometimes people, places, things, our comfortably controlled routines — the old you — must be lifted from the VIP seats of your life to allow the aligned ones in.

Hello #covid19

This removal usually hurts like hell.

It usually is a big kick in the azzzz frankly.

It creates scars.

Scars we don’t other people to see so we hide them. We mold into people & titles we think other people will like to approve of.

What happens when they’re stripped away? What do you cling to?

What do you discover?

What do you let go?

This time has been challenging for me too. I’ve had to basically relearn how to live & sit uncomfortably in my feelings. I don’t sit & rest well. #gsdqueen

I am beyond grateful, however. For some downtime & slowdown to refocus on what makes me unique, refocus, gratitude for simple things, & realizing I am fuggin awesome no matter if I’m being productive or not.

Don’t put yourself on the clearance rack — I tell my clients this all the time. With anything in life — dating, fitness, food, career, personal development.

People doubt their ability, they’re ashamed of their scars when there are people out there in awe of their potential. ⁣

I remind myself to savor relationships & connections made, no matter what the outcome, to not doubt my abilities & worth, to not settle, & to share my scars freely, & choose gratitude ALWAYS.

Here’s to service, presence, & new beginnings.

Xray on 🤘🏻💀😷

Gimme a ❤️ & one thing you’re grateful for today!🙏🏻👇🏻

⁣

March 23, 2020

Emotional times & Emotional Eating

“It’s always a beautiful day to save lives.”

Insert cheesy #greysanatomy quote here⬆️💙😷

But for real…I’ve received an influx of messages about emotional eating during this time of heightened emotions.

As one who suffered from disordered eating, body dysmorphia, bulimia, orthorexia…all the deep 💩 — I HEAR YOU❤️🙏🏻

FOOD & FEELS

They go hand-in-hand.

We use them for celebration, socializing, fitness, etc. They’re a necessity. We need food to LIVE. BUT if you feel like food is your go-to coping strategy, it may mean that you’re not actually meeting your needs — emotional &/or physical.

How to approach emotional eating:⁣

❤️Like not having your period ladies, categorize emotional eating as a red flag 🚩 Something is off balance. Physically &/or emotionally your needs aren’t being met.

❤️Journal. Let’s get to the root issue. Ask yourself “What am I feeling ?” “What do I need?”⁣⁣

❤️Braindump. How can you meet your needs?

✅journal, read, walk outside, sauna, read, listen to a podcast, workout, talk to someone, what puts you in a better mood?

EAT ENOUGH FOOD in the first place, we binge most often because we’re restricting in some way, positive self talk.

❤️Know thy self. If you know you can’t control yourself from trigger foods, get them out of your home. Find an approach to redirect those thoughts from ones that are hurting you to one a that are helping you.

The point is to become a mf boss at identifying & meeting your needs before they own you.

Emotional eating, like any gut &/or hormonal dis-ease, is a complex topic that affects many differently.

Please seek help from a qualified individual🥰

Leave advice & your thoughts for others in comments🙏🏻👇🏻

Rose 🌹 are red, my scrubs are blue💙……& I ❤️you🤗

-Hugs xoxo Coach K

March 23, 2020

Self Love & Success Habits

I feel what the world needs right now isn’t another post about losing weight or body fat loss.

Right now, for most of us, we should be focusing on feeling our best — not shrinking our bodies because we think we’ll be happier taking up less space.

What we really need is S E L F LOVE

Beautiful design by my fav: @positivelypresent⁠ 💕

Ever wonder where negative talk comes from?

They’re rooted from experiences & traumas you’ve had in your past, often childhood. The more you focus on the familiar past, the more the predictable future repeats itself.

Just because something negative happened to you in the past, maybe someone called you ugly or stupid or pathetic or whatever — doesn’t mean that’s what you are.

Remember, what people do or say to you comes from how they view themselves &/or the product of their environment. Hurt people hurt people. As we like to say, “Haters gonna hate.”

On the other hand, ⁠if you believe you are unworthy/unloveable you may have biased expectations & reactions when approaching situations with others.

Thoughts become things. These thoughts contribute to your cycle of black cloud emotions & habits.

To cultivate more self-love you must break the cycle & challenge yourself away from negative thoughts, start enforcing boundaries with yourself & others, practice self-care, and distance yourself from toxicity (environment, people, food, social media, etc).

I talk about how habits make you a lot.

That it’s not exactly about picking the right foods or the right diets or the right workouts or the right macros.

Your habits will directly drive how successful you are in anything & everything you do.

Remember that Marshmallow Experiment done by Stanford professor Walter Mischel?

I had to Google that again actually🤓

Basically it found that children who had more willpower & delayed eating the marshmallow to receive a bigger treat later on were more successful in many areas of their lives than the children who couldn’t resist & chose temporary pleasure over long-term gain.

This experiment relates to our routine habit choices. We can choose habits that will serve us more later or ones that will not.

When working with clients one of the first things we work on is self & food awareness. Which includes creating healthier habits.

These can be as simple as eating more protein with each meal or reducing drinking from three days a week to one.

Change your habits, change your thoughts — change you.

Make them better ones. 💕

⁠

March 19, 2020

Quarantine & Finding “The One”

I’m really tired of hearing about this quarantine.

I feel the reason people are having a hard time is because they’re forced to sit with their feelings, thoughts, & forced to manage their relationships with one another.

AND examine the one they have with themselves.

I listened to a podcast I shared this morning on my Instagram stories about relationships. Lewis Howes & Ester Perel – phenomenal!

“You learn to love yourself in the context of relationships with others.”
-Ester Perel

I am one who’s love life with herself & others were a complete shit show until I started working on myself. My personal, emotional, & professional life struggled.

I had one failed relationship after another. I wandered around aimlessly from one job to another, not really knowing my place or purpose. Not really understanding why I like juggling so many different things and interests. I felt like there was something wrong with me – UNTIL I researched more about how I was wired, why, who I wanted to be, how I wanted to feel, what kind of partner made me FEEL the way I wanted to in a relationship, and what values & pillars were important to me in life.

Only then did my life start turning around and getting much clearer.

I researched Human Design, my astrology, started following accounts that made me feel good, and started doing the inner work with Lacy Phillips.

Call me woo-woo, call it BS, I DGAF. I respect everyone’s opinions on matters of spirituality & the Universe. All I know is my life is much clearer & #abundantAF

Go your own way 😉

Anywhoodle, back to the main question at hand…

I had a DM today & she asked me how I knew I was with the right person because she was unsure she was in the right relationship. That this quarantine was leaving her questioning things.

I asked her, “Are you looking for a LOVE story? Or a LIFE story?”

She asked what that meant & I explained via life thru my lens & things I learned from Ester— I was always searching for a LOVE story, the knight in shining armor, the perfect relationship, the fantasy — LOVE story. LOVE stories are not LIFE stories. They share different ingredients.

When you’re looking for the right person it’s not about what you’re attracted to it’s about who can you build a LIFE story with.

Things that are important to have in common with your partner:

–Your relationship with others. Do they like community or do they like spending time alone? How do they treat their family? How do they treat other people? Were you/they raised for autonomy or were you/they raised for loyalty & working together as a team? Children?

–Emotional availability & compatibility. Love languages, understanding of these. Outlook & attitude on life.

–Understanding the conditioning of their environment before judging. Why do they do/think/act the way they do? It’s a product of how they were raised in the environment they live in. Can you live with this & evolve together?

“What about expectations?” she asked.

The moment you have an expectation you create dependence. That dependence means you or they have power.

You create a condition that can be broken resulting in disappointment. Have you communicated this expectation with them?

The answer is what do you do with that power?

How do you use it? How do they respond to it?

Do you/they get defensive or do you/they try to understand & ask questions. That’s how you deal with struggles. You repair via communication & healing.

If communication & trust aren’t there, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in — it will never thrive!

Show the other they still matter.

Get them their favorite book, drink, give them a hug, LISTEN, let them speak, give them their space.

Self-awareness, trust, appreciation, & accountability are true freedom & home.

Successful, thriving relationships have a high degree of appreciation.

Negative, failing relationships highlight the negative.

This not only applies at home this also applies out in society & with yourself.

If someone asked me what are 3 pieces of advice to keep in your front pocket today they would be:

1.) The quality of your relationships determine the quality of your life.

A.k.a. make sure you have a rich life.

Don’t be a dick, follow the Golden rule.

2.) Invest in your relationships

No one has ever died hoping they had worked more.

Make it your purpose that when people think of you they smile. That’s your legacy you leave in the hearts & minds of others.

3.) If you have a dream, a person, a ping that has been in your heart & your mind — do it, follow it.

There are no failures only experiences.

Blessings & love to y’all <3

— Xoxo Coach K