Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
I respect & love everyone regardless of their status & beliefs on relationships, food, fitness, parenthood — whatever you wanna fill in the blank here…
I started my social media over 10 yrs ago with the hopes of sharing my life, words, & emotions to become something greater than myself to help others out there just tryna to be a better human.
I refer to myself as “self partnered”. Ive openly been divorced twice.
No ragrets.
I’m grateful for every multi dimensional & faceted relationship in my life.
I’m surrounded by infinite love, abundance, wealth & riches. Prosperity that isn’t simply monetary in nature.
Forms of wealth: self mastery, self awareness, family, health, craft, personal development, money, time, freedom, charity, adventure, circle of genius & environment.
The contrast lies in people cultivating actions & beliefs out of obligation rather than authenticity.
Thru the years, having a specific status like being married or a parent became like a status symbol or achievement. Like somehow you’re better, more successful — more LOVED than your single or childless self.
I want to remind y’all today — your whole life is Love.
“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning.” – Joseph Campbell
I’ll leave you with this… Don’t be afraid to love. Yourself, other people, experiences — fall in love with as many things as possible!
I carry a piece of every relationship in my heart. I carry them because they made me a better woman — the confident, compassionate, hopeful, self-partnered human that is ready to openly welcome her next one
I cringed. Conversation starter…saw a T-shirt this mornin that said, “The best man for the job is a woman.”🫣
Why do we feel the need to have to hate on the opposite sex? I’m so grateful my parents taught me it’s OK to be a “girl” & it’s OK to be strong like a “man” too. They just wanted my brothers & I to be ourselves.
Listen Linda, I’ve been divorced twice, but I still LOVE & appreciate men. I’m grateful for y’all. I acknowledge there are some things you men do way better than me, & I’m totally OK letting you do it.
I love everything about women, too, we’re both simply unique. (get yer minds out of the gutter, because I know they went there😂)
My mom taught me I can do anything a man can do, & if I can’t, I can hire it done.
💁🏼♀️Girl boss shi*t level 100
— THIS is more about being a self-sufficient human, not hating on the other sex.
It’s like when I get questions when you could’ve simply Googled & YouTubed that shiz
Ima straight shooter, we real talk on this channel. Y’all can do your own life admin.
I know I don’t need someone to take care of me nor do I feel like I have to have a man to be happy, but I do love the feeling of having someone to protect & take care of me because they want to.
Successful relationships thrive because you see each other as equals & want the best for one another. Your happiness is my happiness.
Not because either one feels they can’t take care of themselves or are incomplete without the other.
A negative pattern I used to fall into, I would attract partners where I quickly fell into the role of mom, teacher, &/or enabler.
Karen, we ain’t got time for that.
And neither do you guys. Choose a woman that makes you want to be a better man, that lets you be yourself, lets you be the provider, lets you be the more masculine, enjoys taking care of you & most importantly, is your best friend.
Ladies, vice versa.
A healed, confident person is honest, blunt af, & tells you exactly who they are & what they want. If you’re confused, there’s your answer.
How bout we all simply love people for the humans we are & what we bring to the table?!
As one who has made all the wrong decisions before making the right ones, one thing in life I am most grateful are all the things I’ve done wrong that didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped because they taught me how to do things right & how to roll with life.
I made all the wrong decisions with my health, relationships, & finances.
Had a message from a gal this mornin, she stated she was single, broke, & miserable. I felt her anguish, & I’m here to tell you you define your reality. It is what YOU make it.
Sometimes it takes a heart break &/or us f*cking up in business/health/relationships to shake us awake & help us see we are so much more than what we’re settling for.
I refuse to live a life of mediocracy. I decided this yrs ago, 2018 to be exact, when I was living out of my office, showering at gyms, going thru a heartbreak, barely had enough money to purchase groceries, & no idea what the f*ck I was doing or where I was going. I just knew I was meant for more.
Things still aren’t perfect but I am so grateful for what I have, hopeful & excited for what’s ahead. I am ruthlessly resilient & diligent. Mental fortitude, getcha some. Ain’t nobody gonna save you or cut you a check but YOU.
I responded to this gal, “There’s always something to be grateful for & if you’re not living life happy, you’re doing it all wrong. But that’s OK because along the way you’ll figure out what to do right.”
She said she couldn’t find anyone she was compatible, no one checked the boxes.🤔
Y’all, everyone will tell you to find someone with the same interests as yours, same values, yada yada…like it’s a parameter instead of a goal that can develop. And none of us are easy to be with, let’s be honest. You shouldn’t be trying to change anyone else in the process either. Let people be. And don’t accept any less yourself.
Don’t settle for ambiguous texts. Stop idolizing men or women that don’t also put you on a pedestal & do for you. If you’re wanting to up level & be a high value person, stop dating beneath your standards because you’re lonely.
Don’t settle for scraps when you deserve that whole piece of prime rib, baby🥩
Yes, you have to have some common ground. But come on, how many failed relationships have you had that started out with this criteria of checking boxes & looking for compatibility?
I’m embarrassed to say how many I’ve had 👀
They fail overtime because you don’t leave room to learn from each other, you don’t go into a relationship open minded & realize you’re both going to change as people & you have to learn how to evolve & grow together or you’re better off growing apart.
That doesn’t mean you have to hate each other. That means you have to love the other person enough AND yourself enough to know the difference. Lovingly let people go. That’s you loving yourself. And if you can’t do that you have a lot of inner work & baggage to unpack.
My perspective has changed, I view compatibility as loves achievement – not criteria that has to be met prior to trying to get to know someone.
Imagine creating & transforming a life with the right person. The one you chose to be your favorite.
“Your favorite” should not only be the one who makes you happy but they should be the one who pisses you off, who challenges you, who loves you for all your weirdness, who tells you what you don’t want to hear but need to hear, & continues to choose you every day.
Live life happy. Compatibility is loves achievement.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer
As for me, I have no interest in settling. I read a quote that said, “Settling is what sediment does when it falls to the bottom of a sea or lake, right before it compresses for several million years & turns in to a fossil.”
I’d rather be a fine wine🍷, expensive glass of bourbon 🥃, & some Waygu beef 🥩 than a fossil.
Love is a classroom not a candy shop. — Life lessons I’ve learned from the school of hard knocks 📸 : simply showin love for this lil meat sack in the mirror.
Self love is the best love.
Love is the most powerful force in the world. In my opinion, the only thing that matters. For nothing would exist in this world, including you, without love.
I used to think there was only one soulmate out there made specifically just for you. After 39 years I’ve learned you’ll meet many people & things throughout your life that will be your “soulmate.” Some for seasons & others maybe for life.
I define “soulmate” now as a mate that helps you find your soul. This includes yourself, memories, places, things, friends, family, lovers, & enemies.
A book that changed my life 15 years ago, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I discovered it in a desk drawer at work & no one knew how it got there. I was miserable at this time struggling in my marriage & with mental & physical health. It taught me the power of my thoughts, love, & perspective.
Lessons I’ve learned about love that may help spark thought & introspection for you today…
-When you seek pleasure & lust it always runs away from you but when you seek purpose, understanding & connection, pleasure comes towards you because it’s a byproduct of you putting in the work.
Learn about yourself & your person. Understand what you both love, how you’re both wired, love languages, etc.
Things that helped me understand myself & other people… FUN STUFF ABOUT ME👇 ▪️Manifesting Generator (Human Design) basically get sh*t done & move at the speed of thought. Busy bodies, worker bees, get more done before 9am than most do in a week.
▪️ENFJ (Myers Briggs) among the rarest of the 16 types, only 2-3% of the population. The ENFJ is warm, extroverted, engaging, charismatic, persuasive, & talkative. Oprah, Barack Obama, Maya Angelou.
▪️2w3 (Enneagram) The helper/achiever, desire to fulfill the needs of others & can sense emotions with clarity & precision. Helping & achieving brings us Joy.
▪️Astrology: I’m a Rising Scorpio ♏️ , Cancer ♋️ Sun, Sagittarius ♐️ moon. Basically a contradictory Unicorn because I love deep thinking, caretaking, & solitude, but the Sag loves freedom, extroversion & adventure. I’m freedom & home❤😘
All of these things craft a completely unique & wonderful individual. You can always know someone deeper.
This is why there is so much infidelity because we are addicted to newness. So why don’t you learn something new about your other half? It’s just like walking down the same path every day, why don’t you try to notice a new flower, rock, or tree? Then you’ll discover the same old paths can always be new & exciting. Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary.
Be playful but don’t play mind games. If you’re interested, make the move & observe. If they don’t respond, move on. We build strength when we make the move because we build confidence. This is you being in charge of your destiny. Mind games destroy the authenticity of a relationship.
Making someone feel bad doesn’t make them good. You change because of love, clarity, & communication. We don’t change because of judgment, guilt, & expectation
Any recurring issues you need to solve for the long run.
Prepare your partner for your mood swings & schedule. Communicate what makes you feel safe. For example, ask, “Do you need support or a solution.?” “Does saving make you feel safe or your earning power?” Check in with your other half. Pick one day a week & have a date check in. Ask them, “What was the highlight of your week & how can I help you?
Focus on how you can complement, not compete or complete. When you compete you’re trying to be everything. When you compliment, you are just being you. Take a moment & recognize what your other half brings to the relationship.
Happy Super Bowl Sunday & Valentine’s Eve, squad! Go out there & love someone today!
Feeling pretty & PRETTY STRONG this mornin. Shamelessly admiring my arms in the freakin awesome lighting🦾 @hotworx.fishers
Your homework is to take time to simply love on yourself today, too. You’re magnificent!
Photo dump on IG of my morning success habits which includes me writing to y’all (& myself) every single day.
Workout at HotWorx Fishers. Loving the new Blast workout!
Post workout breakfast. 1.25 lbs of 80% ground beef #meatbars Airfry. 380. 12 minutes. Did not consume the fat in the bottom of the airfyer to make it leaner. Recipe is on my IG, link in bio & in highlights. I bring an Airfryer to work . Instant Vortex 6qt.
Happy light! I use this portable light everyday for 30 minutes. On Amazon Favorites List on IG. Link in IG Bio.
I had a great workout & sweat sesh while learning & listening to @iamsahararose & @itskrista talk about The Law of One. Well done sisters👏🏼 this was mind-blowing 🤯 & remarkably expansive!
Sparked what I felt nudged to channel & share with you guys:
Uncomfortable truths I wished I had realized & accepted earlier in life …
Here goes…
Happiness is the byproduct of living your purpose. Happiness doesn’t make you happy, having purpose makes you happy. Once you become at peace with your purpose, your life & your body will fall in line. You won’t feel the need to numb & self sabotage with emotional eating, gluttony, self-loathing, overspending, sleeping around, excessive drinking – pick your poison.
Talking with clients & reflecting on my own journey, the reason we self sabotage is because we’re trying to find love & stimuli outside of ourselves & feel we have no purpose, no significance.
It’s like eating when you’re bored. It’s like the elderly & their partner dies or they’re put in a nursing home or you take their keys away, they often expire shortly after. It’s like taking away their purpose.
Gut check moment, right?!
Learn to redirect your mind & you then learn how to redirect your life. It’s your choice.
We all have definitions of heaven & hell. We are all deliciously unique individuals. Just let people BE. Loving someone in the hopes that they will change is not truly loving someone. Truly loving someone is giving them the free will to live as they choose. This includes learning to lovingly release & let people go. Remember everything happens for you not to you. Stop trying to cram a round peg into a square hole.
Not everyone wants to be in the same kind of “relationships.” The definition of a relationship will be different for us all. We’re all One. One Love. There is no right or wrong way to live your life, it’s all an experience of your choosing.
I personally feel there is no requirement to have to slap labels or legally binding contracts on relationships to make them more significant or lucrative.
What “successful” looks like, what “beautiful” looks like…if they make you happy & fulfill some part of you, let it BE & savor the moments. And if you choose at some time to be exclusive or to change your definition in a different way, let that BE & savor the moment or the season. Stop over complicating shxt.
Have a partner who wants to see you thrive & evolve WITH YOU or no partner at all. Y’all, being around energy vampires who’re trying to keep you small is painful af – AND your decision. One of my best friends, as well as myself, have been in a relationship(s) where the other persons needs & goals were always way more important. You felt all that mattered was that you made it as easy as possible for THEM to move forward & be comfortable. If you achieved success, they were jealous, felt you were overshadowing, it was never as good as theirs, & your goals were ridiculous.
Even though we sometimes can’t choose whether we fall in love or not, we can indeed choose whether we stay with someone. There’s a big difference in being alone & lonely. I will repeat this to my very last breath. If your partner constantly dulls your shine & all you feel is your energy waning & seeking to people please, it’s probably the wrong partner.
A rich relationship should be full of support, nourishing challenge, & encouragement. If someone doesn’t want to see you achieve your dreams, they won’t be there when you hit rock bottom either. Sorry Sis, no, quit bullshxttin yourself. And just because a relationship has lasted “a long time” doesn’t mean it’s working.
Life isn’t “fair” it just “is.” If you expect life to be fair, you’ll be disappointed & never reach your potential. Shxt happens, & sometimes, there’s no reasonable explanation for why things happen or why people do what they do.
Ultimately I do believe we manifest our lives & attract what we get, we attract what we are. So think about that & control what you can control, which is your vibration & reaction to things.
There won’t ever be a better time to start. Most people waste their lifetime procrastinating instead of living their desired life because they think there will be a “better time to start.” You never know how much time you have left, & life is certainly too short to postpone experiences that bring you joy. Making a wrong decision is better than making no decision. It’s like that saying I love SO much, “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” 😂
Money is simply energy & it has power. No matter if you like it or not — money matters. Learn to love it. Learn to appreciate it. It isn’t bad. It doesn’t make people bad. The vast majority of the global population spends 40+ hours per week working for money. Most people hate their jobs, but stay because they need to “pay the bills.”
Many of us spend a significant part of our lives working for money, I personally LOVE working, it brings me happiness & a feeling of purpose, but most people deny its importance or they let it define them.
Stop denying the power & importance of money & start learning how to use it to your advantage & give back. Make it work FOR you, stop wasting it on useless things, use things love people, invest only in things that bring you joy & upleveling.
Money isn’t everything, but it certainly brings you freedom, the ability to give back, & makes life a whole helluva lot easier & more fun.
Social media can steal your time, energy, & your soul but it doesn’t have to. I have a love-hate relationship with Social media. The trolls make it unbearable some days, haters gonna hate, hurt people hurt people, etc. etc.
Your voice matters, don’t let other people stifle what you want to share with the world. Be proud of your life & your body. You can decide whether you use social media to make your life better or worse. You have control over what you consume & what you see.
Choose to be a creator, not a consumer of content. I loathe the word influencer, I choose to be an Authority. Sorta sweet, sorta Beth Dutton vibes. 🙅🏼♀️😉 Where my Yellowstone fans at?! 👋
Final thoughts… Life ain’t always easy but it’s always good. It’s a privilege to wake up & be alive. Don’t expect life to be fair, create your own rules. Or do as I do, I don’t do rules I do what feels right.🙃
If you constantly choose comfort & ignorance over courage & awareness, you’ll end up being the puppet of others. If you, however, manage to embrace the following truths, you might be able to design an extraordinarily fulfilling, purpose-driven life earlier than I did.❤️❤️🩹❤️🔥
I’ve never been good at asking for help. Not in school, not from friends, not from the doctor, therapy, not from mom & dad, not from anyone really.
Always had that “figure this shxt out for yourself” mindset.
I know now this stemmed from fear of being judged – fear of being wrong, fear of being viewed as weak & stupid & not being able enough to take care of myself.
In my 1st marriage, I was not the breadwinner. I depended on him for numerous things. To put a roof over my head. More expensive items & investments. Paying for vacations & when we went out to eat. And he provided, which I’m grateful. He’s a good man & I wish him the best to this day.
I didn’t have a lot of money. I was in debt. Still a hard worker but could just never get my head above water. I felt like a prisoner & hopeless & weak. I should’ve left years before I did for the both of us to thrive.
This fear of having to rely on someone else grew throughout my following relationships. I was the breadwinner for the majority of them. Fear of commitment & dependency turned me into the stereotypical emotionally & relationally avoidant. You could imagine the pain of having to say I was a “dependent” when I married a US Marine. Omg the sting.
Growing up on a farm you’re raised to be strong, productive, resislient, & self-sufficient. There wasn’t always someone there to help you. You had to learn to figure things out for yourself.
Which I guess is why I do well in radiology, too. We have to think on our feet, outside of the box. We often times work alone, we have to move patients by ourselves, we have to learn to get images & diagnostic exams done for your doctors with as much precision as possible so we can help save peoples lives.
We are the eyes of your physicians. If we don’t do an exam correctly & efficiently, a diagnosis could be missed or misdiagnosed which changes the trajectory of your life. If we inject the wrong contrast or don’t follow proper protocol, we can kill you.
Talk about pressure right?!
We’re not just monkey button pushers.
Xray school just exacerbated my issues with not asking for help. Stubborn. As. Hxll. I hated every moment of Xray school. You feel like you’re under constant scrutiny & criticism. It’s true, survival of the fittest & only the strongest survive
One of my favorite mentors, Dr. Stephen Cabral, sent an email yesterday about this very topic. Him & his team helped me heal from SIBO & a bacterial overgrowth years ago. I learned much from them about proper functional nutrition.
This really hit home for me too… You can apply it to any area of your life.
“If you encounter a forest & you know on the other side are your hopes & dreams, you’d want to get through the woods as fast as you can…
But most of us struggle, forever hacking through the bushes & branches, changing directions, getting lost, & wasting time…
While all along if we had just stopped before making the treacherous journey on our own & found a local guide that had traversed this forest thousands of times, that person could simply show us the paths they’ve cleared over the years.”
I don’t know if I needed to hear this, or someone else out there too, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I know I’m not the only one out there that has been conditioned to believe “figuring it out for yourself” is some badge of honor. Like I used to think not eating & beating the
out of my body was too.
I’ve learned I NEED to ask for help & it’s ok. That’s what we’re here for to help support, learn, & grow together, united.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak, stupid, or incompetent. It means you’re smart because no one knows everything & you should never be the smartest one in the room or you’re in the wrong room.
This is the fastest & most guaranteed path to success. On every level: health, weight, relationships, career, finances, spirituality.
If I can ever help in anyway, I am honored to be your guide. This was way longer than I expected but obviously a message that needed to get out there.
Wish you all the best Monday & start to your week!
This morning I I realized how messed up my relationships were.
I thought about chapters in the past, the struggles in particular. I talked about overcoming struggle yesterday.
(If you haven’t, check that blog out. I needed to hear it myself too. A swift kick in the🍑)
Food, body image, money, & love are all connected. My 29 year old self & sure as sh*t my 19 year old self had NO IDEA.
It all comes down to energetics & the way you FEEL about yourself.
I told y’all my body image issues, eating disorders, & fxckd up relationship with food & myself started at the age of 8.
I never felt pretty or significant. We had “enough” as a hardworking family of 5, growing up on a farm.
But as a child, often material “wealth” outweighs the truly important things like kindness & service.
So if you don’t have certain things or dress like the cool kids, you’re picked on & told that you’re poor & less worthy.
If you’re not skinny like the popular kids you’re told you’re fat & not worthy of love.
This wrecked my relationships with love, food, & money for decades.
As a result I racked up credit card debt to buy things to make myself feel more worthy.
I over ate & under ate to control my body thinking reaching a certain size would make me worthy of love. Exacerbating my poor health, disordered eating, & gut issues.
My romantic relationships we’re like rainbows of confusion, struggle, & continuously feeling lost.
We place value & control on specific things for validation in hopes of making ourselves FEEL a certain way.
Usually the feelings we’re chasing are to be loved, seen, heard, worthy, significant, & included.
We want to be CHOSEN & LOVED.
Over spending
Discounting & under valuing
Emotional eating & Disordered eating
Over exercising
Giving our bodies to people who don’t deserve them
People pleasing & playing small
Excessive drinking & drug use
In American society we tend to value thin bodies, financial wealth, titles, material wealth, “fitting in & following suit.”
Improvement in all of these areas of my life started with changing my mindset, my energetics around my worth, reminding myself money is just energy, thoughts became things & I controlled my reality by my reaction, reminding myself there is so much abundance in this world, I matter simply because I exist & because I have a kind heart & choose a life of service & purpose.
I felt some of you out there may have needed to hear this message this morning & know that you’re not alone.
I may be known as a “nutrition coach” & “Xray tech”, but a reminder there are so many more facets to you than labels, food, money, & body image.
And my doors are open if you need a listening ear who accepts you as perfectly imperfect as you are.
And what you are is incredible simply because you’re YOU.💕
Had a follower ask how I stay so happy & positive being alone. Because being alone is something she struggles with.
I felt her emotions to my core, for I used to be the girl always in a relationship, one right after the other.
I responded with, “Well there’s a difference between being alone & being lonely. Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you have to choose to be lonely.
For example, I met new friends this weekend at the pool.
It’s amazing how the right people come into your life when you choose to do things by yourself with an open heart & an open mind.
We talked about this very subject. One gentleman, also single & vintage like myself 😄, stated this very thing. He was definitely an extrovert, vibrant personality, & stated the majority of his married friends envy his single life & are unhappy in their marriages.
I’ve observed similar experiences. Like I’ve said before, I believe the most creative couples who define their own relationships openly are the happiest.
I’ve observed some monogamous, some in open relationships, some polyamorous, different sexual preferences, didn’t matter – “happiness” & “fulfillment” in those relationships came down to common denominators: those people having self-love within themselves, being able to evolve together, & open communication.
I told this particular follower, I didn’t know everything — I don’t & I’m still learning just like her & everybody else out there.
I said I can’t say when you’ll get love or how you’ll find it or even promise that it will happen. I can only tell you, & you have to believe this yourself, you are worthy of it.
It’s never too much to ask for & you’re not crazy to fear you’ll never have it again, we’re human. I will tell you your fears are probably wrong, though.
Love is like the most nourishing & essential nutrient of life. Without it life has a little meaning. And this could be love for yourself, love for a greater purpose, or love for another.
It is the most important thing we have to give freely & the most valuable thing we can be receive.
You can have love without being in a contractual relationship or “relationship” that society deems the norm. You have to Believe you are deserving & open yourself up to receive love in whatever version or person or people the Universe & God give you.
You don’t have to & shouldn’t settle for anything that is less than. And you shouldn’t have to abandon yourself for said love.
Looking back, I always thought I was the sole problem in my past relationships. I was too deep, emotional. Maybe too needy. My personality was too big. I was simply too much.
And I did display unhealthy behaviors, trauma, & actions in past relationships, I own that. I have worked diligently doing my own work & in therapy to learn how to develop healthy patterns, beliefs, self-love, & grace, a WHOLE LOTTA grace when old behaviors want to come back. You have to learn to let them go.
Our job is to not settle for love or a life that is lackluster, abusive, emotionally damaging, or vanilla. Equally important we cannot settle for that kind of love from ourselves. 🤍
Had a DM this mornin that made me chuckle, he asked, “How in tarnation (I appreciate the word usage of tarnation btw 😄) are you single? You poor thing.”
This is something that has been nagging at me to be talked about. I know I am not the only one out here in a similar situation.
If I had a fxcking dollar for every time I had someone ask me this or “I just can’t believe you’re single” & then stare at me with that look somewhere between pity & “there must be something wrong with you” …😂
To all my fellow singles, especially my more seasoned or “vintage” comrades as I like to say, I know – you KNOW.
I wanna reply with, “Well, apparently I make a really good fxckin ex-wife, & if you really wanna unpack my bag, I’ve been divorced twice & my last marriage lasted about 6 months & I almost moved to Japan.”
💁🏼♀️Pretty sure that would shut them up.🤣
I regret nothing & my past relationship experiences have made me who I am & I love every single person I have been blessed to have been part of their lives & in a relationship with.
My most recent divorce, was handled with maturity, love, respect, & was more conscious uncoupling than the typical, divorce.
I had people reach out, & I appreciate y’all‘s thoughts, but you guys were thinkin that I was devastated & destroyed like a fragile flower. Yes it was hard, any “divorce” is, but y’all, it’s gonna take more than that to shatter this girl.
I’ve had cattle beat the shxt out of me worse than that. I’m so grateful to have such wonderful loving people in my life both digital & “real” life.
I realize I am one of the fortunate ones with no negative “baggage” with exes.
Why is it that we have to put such a negative connotation with, “single” like it’s a bad thing?
Being single used to give me anxiety as my younger self as I used to see being partnered as having more worth & being more desirable. Thought I had to be married & then had to have kids to be seen as successful.
Now as my almost 39 self I know that’s not the case, I see it as a blessing, a privilege, & like to refer to myself as being “self partnered.”
I have a healthy relationship now with myself & because of everything I’ve experienced & spending time being single I feel now I can be a much better partner to someone else.
We learn & grow through the contrast in our experiences. That’s how we learn where we need to change & what we truly like & desire.
Doesn’t mean I don’t LOVE & desire having someone to live life with, but I feel I can live life with whomever I choose whenever I want & I don’t have to put a label on anything to justify & validify the experience – I can choose to be happy & have what I want right now without the anxiety & contractual nature of societal expectations & “norms.”
In my experience, “creative couples” are the happiest, & those couples can be married or not. The common denominators are they choose the definition, rules or lack of, & context of their relationship.
They also evolve together AND as separate people. You are still 2 separate people but should be better together. The “right” relationships, in my opinion, should feel like freedom, adventure, & home.
I made a promise to myself to never put someone in a box where they feel trapped to not be themselves in the fullest most authentic form. Because I would not want someone to do that to me again as I’ve had done in the past.
You should never feel like you have to get married or put a label on anything because that is what is expected of you. That’s why so many marriages end. You don’t have to be married to be happy.
Just a tip from someone who’s been there on both ends of the spectrum, this is a conversation you need to have with your other half because it is a dealbreaker, same with talks of children.
So all of you young 20 somethings & even some young 30 somethings that are getting married right now, here are some things to think about.
All your shxt needs to be laid out on the table no matter how painful it is or how fearful you are of being judged. And if you are seeking attention from someone else other than your significant other & your significant other is not open minded to being in an open kind of relationship — that is a red flag that you probably need to put on the brakes.
There are needs not being met & some things you most likely need to work out with yourself. And that’s totally OK.
That is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I have been that person, it doesn’t make you a piece of shxt, it makes you human.
And to me the most attractive humans are the flawed ones that can own their shxt & be honest.
It’s OK to be what I refer to as “single at heart.” I feel that means if I had to describe it as people who will find their greatest fulfillment & meaning without a romantic partner.
The touchstone for people who are single at heart is authenticity. This can mean things like traveling, finding hobbies & your purpose that light you up, career aspirations, artistic creation — all these things can bring the passion of a romantic relationship.
Refrain your way of thinking.
Stop romanticizing about past & future relationships, I know it’s tempting to think that all of your problems will be solved once you meet your prince or princess but you might just be missing out on potential experiences that are right in front of you.
Take the more negative experiences as stepping stones to more confidently know what you do want. Whether it’s a bad date or you called off an engagement because you weren’t ready, or another divorce — who the hxll cares. All just experiences.
Alfred Lord Tennyson, “’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
DM of the day, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”
I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.
How bout we start there before we talk about anyone changing anyone else.
I’ll ask y’all something my mom asked me before, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”
I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino
There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection.
Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man — or a perfect ME.
I’ve had a hard time letting people love me.
I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really f*cked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get hurt.
I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.
To the recovering avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shxt ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.
My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun — it’s a verb.
It’s something you choose, it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of ribs (but that’s would be nice sign me up btw 🤚)
A hard lesson I’ve learned is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying or believing in love.
Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fxcked. 🤷🏼♀️😂
The grass is greener where you water it. Don’t forget to water yours first.
