There’s a difference between being alone and lonely, it’s your choice

Had a follower ask how I stay so happy & positive being alone. Because being alone is something she struggles with.

I felt her emotions to my core, for I used to be the girl always in a relationship, one right after the other.

I responded with, “Well there’s a difference between being alone & being lonely. Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you have to choose to be lonely. 

For example, I met new friends this weekend at the pool. 

It’s amazing how the right people come into your life when you choose to do things by yourself with an open heart & an open mind. 

We talked about this very subject. One gentleman, also single & vintage like myself 😄, stated this very thing. He was definitely an extrovert, vibrant personality, & stated the majority of his married friends envy his single life & are unhappy in their marriages.

I’ve observed similar experiences. Like I’ve said before, I believe the most creative couples who define their own relationships openly are the happiest.

I’ve observed some monogamous, some in open relationships, some polyamorous, different sexual preferences, didn’t matter – “happiness” & “fulfillment” in those relationships came down to common denominators: those people having self-love within themselves, being able to evolve together, & open communication.

I told this particular follower, I didn’t know everything — I don’t & I’m still learning just like her & everybody else out there.

I said I can’t say when you’ll get love or how you’ll find it or even promise that it will happen. I can only tell you, & you have to believe this yourself, you are worthy of it. 

It’s never too much to ask for & you’re not crazy to fear you’ll never have it again, we’re human. I will tell you your fears are probably wrong, though.

Love is like the most nourishing & essential nutrient of life. Without it life has a little meaning. And this could be love for yourself, love for a greater purpose, or love for another. 

It is the most important thing we have to give freely & the most valuable thing we can be receive.

You can have love without being in a contractual relationship or “relationship” that society deems the norm. You have to Believe you are deserving & open yourself up to receive love in whatever version or person or people the Universe & God give you. 

You don’t have to & shouldn’t settle for anything that is less than. And you shouldn’t have to abandon yourself for said love.

Looking back, I always thought I was the sole problem in my past relationships. I was too deep, emotional. Maybe too needy. My personality was too big. I was simply too much. 

And I did display unhealthy behaviors, trauma, & actions in past relationships, I own that. I have worked diligently doing my own work & in therapy to learn how to develop healthy patterns, beliefs, self-love, & grace, a WHOLE LOTTA grace when old behaviors want to come back. You have to learn to let them go. 

Our job is to not settle for love or a life that is lackluster, abusive, emotionally damaging, or vanilla. Equally important we cannot settle for that kind of love from ourselves. 🤍

Oxox Coach K

What to do instead when you feel less than after someone devalues you

“You’re just too big to be a cheerleader, hon.” -cheerleading coach, middle school

“Pretty girls are in the front, you fit better in the back.” -a mom, childhood birthday party pictures

“Well, you’re just not polished enough.” -recruiter, job fair in college

“I’m sorry I cheated, I like you, it’s just, she was prettier.”

-someone not even worth mentioning here🖕🏻

Naturally I’d be lying if a part of me didn’t want to tell these people of past chapters of my life they can sxck it. 🙅🏼‍♀️🤣 but I’ll take the high road🌈 & use it to help y’all if you’ve ever struggled when someone has devalued you. 

People will teach you how to love well by hurting you. They will teach you how to love yourself by not loving you back. Life will teach you evolution & growth thru pain & stagnation. Pay attention to the wisdom the Universe is trying to teach you. Gold is found sifting thru gravel & diamonds are created under pressure.

Hxll, crispy airfryer meat bars were discovered by me being late to work & literally throwin the shizzle my nizzle in the airfryer basket. Now we can’t live without them! 😆♨️❤️

In these situations I should have not taken these statements as a reflection of my worth, simply moved on, & not allowed a single encounter to take up so much energy in my heart & taint decades of my being with negativity & shame.

I’m not sharing this for pity, I’m sharing this because I talk to a lot of you who are still choking & drowning on past trauma/shame which are transpiring into every facet of your lives from your relationships to your body to your careers.

This world is made up of a plethora of different people with different priorities with different life situations all 50 shades of fxcked up. 

You’re not alone, the difference is how you react to what life throws at you.

People who have broken my spirit have actually led me to having more empathy, more self worth & appreciation for who I am, & the desire to reach out to all of you because I have felt what a lack of human acknowledgment & compassion can do to a person.

Know that your feelings have a real place, & this life can be so much more beautiful & grander if we let love & optimism fully into our hearts.

Now go enjoy your weekend y’all 

Oxox Coach K

Goal Setting & Sunday Ponderings…

Stuck between young enough to do it often, old enough to do it right & old enough to know better, young enough not to care.

-mood.

Anyone else? 😆 

2020 was hard work, 2021 has been no different. It’s like we thought with a new year everything would magically be rainbows & sunshine, right?! 

Reflecting back, I feel the years 2018-today have been the most transformative (painful & pleasurable) years of my life, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, & relationally.

Doesn’t matter what level of 50 shades of fxcked up I wade thru, even in a global pandemic, I love having something to work towards. Call it an obsession, whatever, kind of like the obsession I have with my airfryer & crisy meat bars. 

Y’all can thank me, I know I’m not the only one out there 🙃🥩♨️❤️

Where To Begin

One thing I learned the last 2 years was that things can change in a heart beat! Relationally speaking, I went from being single, to a solid relationship, to single again, to married, to divorced. Some would be devastated, however, being the relentless optimist, I am so grateful for every sweet & sour drop of experience I gained thru that chapter of my life. No ragrets , no what if’s, y’all🙏 Not one bit.

I always go back to how I want to FEEL in my life (on all levels), I romanticize about specific things I desire but I leave the specificity to the Universe (God, whatever you choose to believe in. FYI, I am a non-specific manifestor, manifesting generator energy type #humandesign for all my people of WOO✨ out there)

I believe in divine timing, that I deserve everything I desire, & the Universe will bring me that – OR BETTER. (That “or better”part is important. Setting intentions I always add that to the end of my statements.)

So it was important for me to begin with thinking how I want to FEEL in 12 months time. 

I started by writing a long list of all the descriptive words that resonated with me. Words such as authentic, healthy, successful, wealthy, luscious, thriving, vibrant, loving, grateful, loved, significant, creative, satisfied, joyful. 

I kept thinking them through until I decided on the word, NOURISHED. 

Immediately I knew that was how I wanted to feel.

Nourishment is usually associated with food however I want to apply that feeling to all parts of my life.

By focusing on how I want to FEEL, it reminds me what I could influence regardless of what was happening in the world❤️

Have you set yourself any goals? Or are you just seeing how the year pans out?

As always I would love to hear your thoughts & I appreciate y’all reading the ramblings of @lil_bit_of_fit 💕

Peace, love, & 🥩 

Oxox -Coach K

What To Do When You Feel Like You’re About To Lose Your Shit – Simple Exercises to Help You

Me – eat meat bars. 😂 🥩 ♨️

But really…

I know I’m not the only one out there that has let themselves get to the point where your mood is basically, “Fxck EVERYTHING.” That deserves an LOL fo sho!

There’s no way to sugarcoat this – I’m just telling ya like it is. Coach “Keepin it Real” K 🙋‍♀️ 

We can’t BS ourselves & say we don’t know how we got here, because in retrospect – WE DO. This is a big topic my clients & I talk about & how we can prevent these roadblocks from stopping us in our tracks.

To offer a lil bit of help, so this “mood” doesn’t swallow & paralyze you to the point that overwhelm, poor health, weight gain, hopelessness, depression, & normal functioning stops (as you see it impacts you both emotionally & physically) — here are some exercises that have helped me & my clients avoid major catastrophes!

Create a “Control & Release” List

One of the first things I do with clients who are dealing with burnout or hopelessness is have them write a list of everything that’s stressing them out, or making them angry & upset. 

Then, we go through the list & divide it into things that are within their control, & things that are beyond their control. Like a pros & cons list.

You can’t avoid work hours or certain bills or social/family commitments but you can control how are you react to them, things like your sleep, over training or lack of movement, choosing foods that make you feel nourished & fantastic vs guilty & bloated, self-care time. 

The point is to get familiar with what’s demanding the bulk of your time & energy, assessing how you’re reacting to it, & controlling only what you can control.

Create “You Time”

We need time to ground. Setting aside time each day that are completely your own will only serve you positively in every facet of your life. Doesn’t matter what it is. It could be getting a pedicure, taking a walk, coloring, journaling, meditating, catching a workout, taking yourself out on a date.  I would even suggest putting it in your scheduler as an appointment to keep “work” from bleeding into your time.

Invest In A Coach or Mentor

We live in a society & culture that is all hustle. Seek out those people who seem to balance it well and embody the life and the person you desire to be. I call them expanders.  

“Success leaves clues.” – Tony Robbins 

“If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.” – quoted by so many top leaders

You’ve probably heard it more times than you can count…

“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn. 

There’s also the “show me your friends & I’ll show you your future” derivative.

Whichever you’ve heard, the intent is the same. Audit the people around you!

Create “Personal Success Boundaries” to help you navigate socializing.

While I agree one of the preventative tactics for burnout is to have a robust & fulfilling social & home life, constantly getting texts/calls/DMs/Snapchats, whatever, can be taxing, & energetically draining too. Especially for us introverts & empaths.

To avoid getting into the “I have no people juice left or fxcks to give” zone, you gotta set boundaries, sis.

This can look however you want it to. Maybe it’s letting people know that you’ll be slow to text back or “off the grid” till Monday. Or it could be as simple as saying NO to certain people & things, because you’ve decided they’re energy draining vs energy giving. Or maybe it interferes with your workout time or Netflix & chill time, whatevs.

Whatever your success boundaries, stick to them as best as you can AND communicate your “rules” to folks in your inner circle as they come up. 

If somebody doesn’t understand them or can’t evolve WITH YOU — they’re NOT your people. I don’t care how hot they are, this especially matters in romantic relationships. The people meant to be in your life align with you at this very moment. Learn to be unattached to outcomes & lovingly release what is not meant for you. Anything meant for you you should not have to chase and it shouldn’t be hard.

Balance shxtty tasks with things that bring you JOY

Know what brings you joy, unapologetically.

I say this all the time, “Self-awareness is your superpower.” 

If lifting weights doesn’t bring you joy, and running does – run. And vice versa. 

If you love staying at home but your friends &/or other half likes to be social, find a balance! Stay home this weekend and go out the next.

If you hate your job or relationship or financial situation or the fact you don’t feel well & don’t like your body – you have the power to choose again & choose a thought or something that brings you JOY

There is so much abundance out there if you keep an open mind & heart, just focus on doing what makes you happy & give up expectations, control, & worry. 

I keep this reminder in my scheduler. Anytime I feel overwhelm, I pull it out and read it aloud to myself.

I hope these exercises help you feel a lil better on a day to day basis, which is a sunnier place to launch & will give you the ability to advocate for the bigger inner, & subsequently, outer changes we desperately seek ❤️🌈

And if you need to book a consultation and talk, about whatever is hindering you – nutrition, health, life, relationship related – fill out an inquiry HERE and we’ll schedule time.

Oxox Coach K

If you needed permission, here it is

Sometimes in life you get a lil thirsty… ☕️ 

Thirsty for body goals

Thirsty for professional goals, relationship goals, self healing goals

Thirsty for freedom & adventure

Thirsty for peace

Thirsty for ambition

Thirsty for love

Thirsty for clarity

— Thirsty for all kinds of things & I don’t want any of you to apologize for your needs, wants, successes, &/or “failures.”

I spent so many decades feeling shame for not living up to other peoples expectations, timelines, & living a life that wasn’t authentic to my story. 

Do you know that’s one of the biggest regrets of the dying? – Not living a life authentic to you.

Guess what? 

My life is a BIG beautiful cocktail of chaos & joy. 🥃

It is never boring. 😉

I wanted to remind you guys today you don’t need to apologize or explain your life to anyone.

You don’t need to people please.

You don’t need to disclose everything if you don’t want to.

You don’t need to let that nagging pit of shame  we all get we think we’re wrong or we’re not doing what is expected of us or we’re ebarrassed we changed our minds or we think we “failed” — whatever — control your thoughts 

& actions

& belief about yourself.

Let your hair down & live a little, ya know?!

One of the biggest lessons I learned in my 20s & early 30s was that I didn’t have to EARN food, anyone’s approval other than my own, & that enjoying the present moment was more precious than waiting to lean into life waiting for the some days when…

when I’d lost weight

when I earned more money

when I was “pretty” enough

when I had achieved more

when I had the perfect relationship

We all deserve to write our own dxmn story, to eat the diet that helps us thrive, to choose movement & workouts our bodies & minds love, to choose the people we love, to give into our wildest dreams, spontaneity, sink into our routines, & fxck up. 

You’re gonna fxck up a lot. — ENJOY life!

There’s your permission.

Cheers y’all!

Happy Monday

Stay Thirsty 😉 

Every uplevel of life requires a different you: a guide to get there

You’re not going to get THERE, by doing what you did to get HERE. Every uplevel in life requires a different you. Stop shrinking yourself to fit places you’ve outgrown. 

These photos – just a couple of my seasons. I love them both & they both required a completely different woman.

If you’re gonna change – positive, upleveling change looks like:

  • Asking for what you want & being assertive in situations where you would’ve been silent
  • Not feeling bad or apologetic for asking for what you want, your needs, your dreams, your voice, your opinion, your authenticity, your space, your introvert, or your extrovert
  • Setting boundaries, having those conversations you don’t want to have
  • Acknowledging your deservingness & worth, opening yourself up to receive abundance, unapologetically requesting & accepting being paid for your time
  • Accepting help when offered, it’s not a sign of weakness
  • Allowing yourself to feel & be whatever feels intuitively right for you without worrying about labels or judgment. We matter simply because we exist
  • Celebrating every win, every joyous moment, receiving & giving acts of kindness & love
  • Cultivating self helping habits, routines, grace

Some of my favorite Jim Rohn quotes:

“Don’t say, ‘If I could, I would.’ Say, ‘If I can, I will.’”

“Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.”

“If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.”

“Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.”

“You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.”

“You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour.”

“Life and business is like the changing seasons. You cannot change the seasons, but you can change yourself. Therein lies the opportunity to live an extraordinary life–the opportunity to change yourself.”

I don’t know about you, but these lit me up today! Enjoy Loves oxox

Why you can’t live a BIG life always playing it small

I used to want to be the smallest girl in the room. Because thin meant she was the prettiest & worth being loved & admired.

Then I wanted to be BIG & small at the same time. I wanted to be BIG & STRONG & live a BIG life but I still wanted a small body.

Taking up less space may get you complements, it may change the way people see you, but it won’t change your worth or the relationship you have with yourself. 

How you see yourself at your core will not change simply because of your weight. That’s part of the work you have to put in.

Your worth is also not based upon you accomplishing everything on your to do list, or over eating, or looking good in an outfit, or having too many cocktails or none at all, or plain just not knowing where you are in life or where you’re going.⁣⁣

⁣⁣

The only way to throw those weights in the trash & rid yourself of feelings of being viewed as “less” is to cloak yourself with new, real truths & an entirely new narrative. ⁣

⁣⁣

I’ll leave you with words from @annelamott 👇🏻⁣

“What if you wake up some day, & you’re 65, or 75, & you never got your memoir or novel written, or you didn’t go swimming in those warm pools & oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly & you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism & people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination & radical silliness & staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.” — Anne Lamott⁣

Go live that big juicy creative life, of imagination & radical silliness. ⁣

Stay thirsty

xoxo ⁣

She told me she feels like she lost the spark and her relationship & this is what I said…

DM of the day, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”

I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.

How bout we start there before we talk about anyone changing anyone else.

I’ll ask y’all something my mom asked me before, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”

I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino

There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection. 

Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man — or a perfect ME.

I’ve had a hard time letting people love me. 

I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really f*cked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get hurt.

I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.

To the recovering avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shxt ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.

My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun — it’s a verb. 

It’s something you choose, it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of ribs (but that’s would be nice sign me up btw 🤚)

A hard lesson I’ve learned is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying or believing in love.

Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fxcked. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

The grass is greener where you water it. Don’t forget to water yours first. 

Oxox

There’s more behind a picture than a wall

What I do & look like now really doesn’t mean jack or offer you as much value than the story that got me here today.

I can give you all the advice on what I practice & preach daily, but you can’t replace life experience, feeling emotions, & putting in the work.

I don’t know everything & I’m not an expert. But I have lived similar struggles just like all of you & I know what it feels like to sit in a shxt pool of self loathing.

🖤I was the fat girl. Kids were mean.

🖤In the 6th grade I was told I was too big to be a cheerleader.

🖤This one’s for the 14 yr old me that thought rice cakes & sugar free jello were meals & restriction was the only way to be thin & thus loved.

🖤This one’s for the 16 yr old me that thought skinny & having a boyfriend was all she needed for happiness & worth.

🖤This one’s for the 18 yr old me that beat herself up for gaining 20lbs in college bc she made memories w/friends. 

🖤This one’s for the 20 yr old me that binged & purged & let food consume her every thought because she wasn’t as pretty or skinny as other sorority girls. 

🖤This one’s for the 22 yr old me that got married too young, was a people pleaser, & turned to drinking to numb the feelings.

🖤This one’s for the 28yr old me, divorced, lost, partying, gut issues, & starving bc her body was the only thing she thought she could control.

🖤This one’s for the 32 yr old me that discovered Crossfit & fell in love with being strong, but let PR’s & comparison lead her to overtraining & completely fxckin up her hormones & gut for yrs.

🖤This one’s for the 36 yr old me struggling to figure out how to date & live in a world as an athlete with Crohn’s & special needs.

🖤This one’s for the 38 yr old me that continues to grow & evolve in a life that constantly changes.

For all the humans who scroll, comparing when they see a beautiful photo, know there’s a story & a lifetime of struggle there too.

What we do now is not a reflection of livin a perfect picture life, it’s a reflection of a lifetime of scars which are far from picture perfect —we should wear them proudly.

There is HOPE💓 

Link HERE if you need a consultation & pep talk to get back on the right health journey for you🙏

Lack of honesty in relationships — the actual “weight” you need to lose to gain

I was never prepared for half of the shxt I’ve gone through, but I got thru it.

During a client consult call yesterday, the conversation turned into more about her habits & relationships than macros or diet — which often is the “weight” we are carrying around.

Our relationships with other people, food, ourselves, exercise — weigh enormously on our overall health (mental &physical).

Laughter, sleep, nature, nourishing food, sun, friends, alone time — all the best medicines.

My client said she didn’t think she was meant to be in a relationship because they never seem to work out.

I asked her if she was being honest with herself, honest with her partners & really clear on what she wants (or lack of). 

She said she thought so. 

And I said, “That’s your answer, you don’t just think so — you gotta know.”

I explained people come into your life as mirrors & teachers & if you’re lucky enough, you find a human you align positively with & fancy incredibly well. But that was up to her & the energy she was putting out there.

She said she feels timing is always off.

Sometimes honest feelings & bad timing make the most painful combination.

Thinking you met the right person but at the wrong time. You want so badly for things to work out but there’s that nagging “ I don’t think this is right” ache that won’t go away. Usually ends in dragging things out or hiding feelings which lead to resentment.

A quote that hit me hard in the past: “Some people keep changing partners to avoid changing themselves.”

READ THAT AGAIN

You can insert food & exercise there as well.

I was like, fxck me. I have done this for years🤦🏼‍♀️

I broke relationships & friendships because speaking up & healing myself didn’t feel “safe.”

I’d cut people out with no remorse without explaining how I was feeling. Because navigating conflict felt like I either had to be the villain or the victim, & that made me weak.

Fears, attachment styles, self sabotaging habits, etc — don’t be afraid to dig your own dirt. This could be the very thing keeping you from losing weight, attracting success, finding love or keeping the one you have or had right in front of your eyes.

Lots of love y’all ❤️❤️❤️