Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
My favorite sport to watch is hockey 🏒 Used to see the @fwkomets ⚙️ play all the time. I love sports.
Random fun fact.
Actually there are tons of fun facts none of you know about me or the other people you scroll thru via social media or work beside on the daily.
I had a girl ask me how I handled people who say things like, “People only follow you because you’re pretty & show your body.” Someone had told her the same thing.
I said you just gotta learn to forgive & Love people.
That may be true for some accounts, seeking validation via their body, but I know I (& many others) also have shxt to say & a purpose behind our words & photos.
Thanks to all of you who read our words. You are our family.
And to the rest of you who choose to hate those of us who share openly & make waves, I’m sorry you feel that way.
I’ve learned thru my own shxt when you’re ready to be the person you’re meant to be, you’ll stop making excuses & choose to give fux about the ‘right’ things that light you up.
Things like love, coffee shops, sunsets, road trips, sports & concerts. Live music, new songs & old songs that bring back memories. And people more than anything else. You will need a tribe of the right people & you will need to be that person to someone else.
I choose to be the hope for someone else.
A lil bit savage & a whole lotta soul 😉🔥💋 And the shirt says it all — don’t think for 1 minute you can bullshxt me, Darlin.
NO.1 REGRET OF THE DYING: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
I had a terminal patient tell me this years back as I finished their CT scan.
@aubreymarcus posted a powerful reminder yesterday, a perfect reminder as we start another week:
“Your future self will look back on your life right now, & wish you could live it again. Not because you want to DO anything different. But because you wish you enjoyed it more.
The number 1 deathbed regret is, “I wish I would’ve let myself be happier.” At the end of our life we realize that happiness is a choice, made in the moment, in spite of whatever is happening.”
☝🏻If I could share only 1 life lesson with you, it would be this.
MANAGE YOUR MIND AND YOU CAN MANAGE ANYTHING.
We get lost in a storm of emotions & expectations — from others, from ourselves, from society.
Emotions around your body, career, & relationships. Some like:
BODY: I need to look like her/him to be more attractive & worthy. When in fact you need to love yourself & body for everything you are, not what you aren’t.
CAREER: I’m not “rich” or successful until I have x in the bank or achieved a certain status. When in fact you’re already rich if you have a career you love, a roof over your head, food to eat, & people who love you.
RELATIONSHIPS: I need a partner to be worthy. Which typically nudges us to settle for people not deserving, or seeking people for purely physical reasons. We blind ourselves to the real secret to finding a partner in life…being self aware, knowing your worth & theirs, learning to build a home in yourself 1st, & embodying the person you seek to be with. The ‘right’ one feels like freedom & home.❤️⠀
There will always be shxt that comes up & temporarily throws your life out of your control, but you choose your perspective & reaction.
When you’re working, work.
When you’re eating, eat.
When you’re listening, listen.
When you’re loving, LOVE.
We’re always living. But the question is, are you living YOUR best life?
I said, “Get a life.” Had the pleasure of snuggling up with a green beverage & answering questions with a digital friend yesterday on St. Patrick’s day. She said, “I just need to pick your brain about some relationship things I’m going through. I respect & appreciate your positive energy sprinkled with such blunt honesty.” I laughed 😄 Best compliment I had all day. My dad used to say I was a lot like a caged raccoon. They’re attracted to shiny things & look all cute & harmless, but as soon as you stick your fingers in the cage they bite’em off. Thanks Dad. If you don’t come from the Midwest or the South you may not understand that metaphor. Lol 😂 I swear I don’t bite 😉 Anywhoodle… She asked, “What’s the 1 piece of advice you would give to someone with codependency in every relationship they seem to have? Because that’s me. I feel I change for every relationship and rely on other people for my sense of happiness which in turn results in failed friendships & romantic relationships.” I don’t know about y’all but I felt this woman’s question in my soul. That used to be me. I wasn’t happy or felt any self worth unless I had a partner. I would let their energy affect my energy. I would change my interests, wants, & needs to suit their‘s. I would make their life, my life — to the point I felt my purpose was to simply serve them. If you don’t know what codependency means: noun
excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction. Apparently being in a relationship was an illness and an addiction. My Achilles’ heel per se. So I told her, “Get. A. Life.” You know why we struggle with relationships in today’s society? Because we don’t cultivate a self aware one with ourselves first. Because we don’t connect our souls with one another anymore, we like to connect our social media accounts & swipe right. We communicate with ambiguity. Vapid small talk just to fill silence. We ourselves don’t get clarity on what we really want. It seems when we do fall in love, it’s only after considering if we’re settling or not, whether a person can give us the life we want & fulfill unrealistic desires. We’re blinded by filters. We forget to date one another. We let passion & playfulness & adventure die. We don’t ask what the other needs to be seen, heard, loved, & supported. We look for someone perfect to complete us while we already have the best possible one within us. I’m just gonna say this, ‘singlehood’ has been vilified for way too long. I believe it’s actually the 1 thing people need to experience fully in order to cultivate more successful , meaningful relationships. If you don’t build a home in yourself first & don’t even know who you are as your authentic self, how do you expect to get to know someone else on a deeper level & accept them as they are? It truly goes back to self love & self worth. You are seeking these things from other people. High seekers do the same thing. Everything‘s great when it’s new & fun but as soon as the ‘real life’ mundane button is pushed, you become avoidant & seek new highs. Yup, calling myself out there too. Queen of the avoidants. Thanks to my therapist for pointing that out. Through therapy I learned how being made fun of as a kid affected my relationships & love life. I built walls so high around myself & guarded them with weapons of avoidant attachment, sarcasm & ambiguity. My therapist told me I am REALLY GOOD at acting like I don’t give a fxck. So much so I somehow taught myself how to shut my emotion off & that’s why I was able to cut people out of my life with no remorse. Oooof. Fxck me, right?! 😆 Sound familiar? Anyone else an avoidant like me? 🤚 Guys that liked me who were attractive, smart, & successful intimidated me whether I liked them or not because I felt I was still that fat girl & not successful enough to be worthy of a relationship with them. My therapist said I placed them in this box of the popular boys at school that used to make fun of me, which wasn’t fair to them or myself. So I’d ‘settle’ for less than men, frankly, as she put it, “Not on on the same level as me.” I did this because subconsciously I knew I was smarter, more successful, and more in control. Same with successful women, too. I felt I wasn’t good enough to “sit at the cool kids table.” Oooof. Another fxck me.😫 These are the things you need to hear. I understand it’s not what you want to hear. They’re dirty, & heavy, & gross. Find yourself. Date yourself. You have to be whole first. No one completes you or owns your relationship. A relationship is shared, it’s like a Google Drive. What happens is you get into a relationship & lose your life slowly. That relationship then becomes your life, your world. Then when something goes wrong in that relationship, or there is conflict, your world comes crashing down because you’ve made that relationship your world. We share our life with our partner we don’t give our life to our partner & vice versa. It doesn’t mean to love LESS it means to love SO MUCH your wholeness, & your partners wholeness mean more individually so you can both be POWERFUL AF together. Find someone carrying their own bag. Find someone that is willing to sit on the floor beside you. Y’all can pack & unpack your bags together. ❤️ I’ll be right there with you, with a cocktail or coffee, your choice 😉 Oxox Coach K
In case you needed the reminder, it’s OK to be sorta sweet, sorta Beth Dutton. 🤚🥃
Yellowstone.
I have not been so obsessed with a show since Grey’s Anatomy, One Tree Hill, & Sex and the City.
Who else?
I wanna hear what shows you love in comments!!!!👇🏻
Soooo I’m not naturally “feminine” per se.
4 words: Bull in China Shop. 🐮
3 words: Indiana. Corn. Fed. 🌽 😂
I guess I never noticed how rough around the edges I was until a boyfriend criticized me for always throwin sh*t around & slammin cabinet doors.
Drove him nuts.
I said we’ll maybe you’re just fragile🤷♀️😆
It made me wanna change myself, however. I thought, well dang, there’s something wrong with me.
I changed for him — & felt a pit of shame.
Ridiculed as my shyer, younger self, I felt less than. I didn’t fit the mold of the “pretty” girls at school.
So I spent the majority of my life tryna change & shrink myself.
I always find myself playing in the “boys club” — the guys girl. I have a very small intimate group of women I surround myself, but I find naturally I’m drawn to being friends with men.
I’m the oldest of 3, I have 2 younger brothers.
Played baseball until I was told I couldn’t play anymore because I was a girl. I still can’t throw underhand worth a sh*t.
I’m good at throwin a football but was told I’m a girl so I couldn’t play football. I have 1 helluva an arm. 💪🏼 My grandfather was the football coach.
I was raised on a farm in a small town in Indiana, treated no differently than my brothers.
We’re raised to be productive, strong, tough — rub some dirt in it you’ll be fine.
I excelled as a student, in the top part of my class, president of my 4-H & FFA clubs, had scholarships to Purdue & graduated magma cum laude. #boilerup
I’m grateful for every single piece of 50 shades of fxcked up that makes me — ME.
I’d tell my younger self 1 thing — you weren’t made to fit in, you were made to move mountains.🏔
I said, “Well I’m pretty easy to please, don’t tell me what to do, make me laugh, just give me a bowl of meat & I’m happy.” 😂
My gf & I FaceTimed. She said, “I must be too picky, wth is wrong with me.”
I said, “Bxtch you’re askin the girl who’s longest successful relationship has been with a cat named Pete 🐈⬛.”
Laughter is the best medicine😭
Some things I have learned in 38yrs…
✅You can’t send 2 questions to a man in the same msg or next msg before getting a reply to the 1st one. You’ll only get a reply to 1.
✅Stop being the person with a long list of expectations. Just enjoy the experience. If you feel in your gut they’re not someone you vibe with, you don’t owe them a long explanation. Be honest & strong, cut toxicity out of your life. Remember your list of values.
✅You spend the majority of your day rubbing a piece of glass 🤳🏻 Love life fiercely that’s all that matters. Not just the highlight reels. You don’t NEED someone to complete you. No one says you have to be married to be happy.
✅Grocery stores should put carts in the middle where my pride realizes I have too much shxt to carry. Dunno, maybe that’s just me🙃 #ThisIsWhyWeCrossFit
✅Stop thinkin “Nah, they wouldn’t do me like that.” Cause mfs will definitely do you like that. Choose your circle wisely.
✅Love someone enough their happiness is your happiness. Love them enough to know when you have to let them go. What’s meant for you will never miss you. Take risks.
✅When I was young I wanted 2 kids, a picket fence, & married by 21….lets all laugh together. 😂 Live your own timeline.
✅Part of me wants to be an independent woman who makes a shxt ton of money & the other part wants to be a trophy wife with new boobs & the most difficult decision of my day being what cocktail I wanna drink. Your wants & needs will change. Let them.😄
✅Beware of cocktails that taste like juice, before you know you it, you’ll have to pick up your dignity down the street. Treat your body like a trash can & you become the trash can.
✅It’s ok to go thru this phase called “fxck everything.” Do your squats & know your worth. People wanna be around people who bring the joy. Feel the feels but find the sunshine ☀️
This morning I read a post by @the.holistic.psychologist that said, “Not everyone wants to get better + & that’s ok. Some people have an identity tied to sickness. Others fear true wellness because it is the unknown + the unknown is unpredictable.”
Ooof. Felt that one in my soul. How about you?
A quote I live by, “At the end of our life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?” – Jack Kornfield
Maaaaaaaan have I loved 😆
Have I always loved well, however? No.
I’ve worked in healthcare for 16 years, a health coach for 6, had I can’t even count how many “failed” (I put this in quotes because it’s only a failure if you failed to learn the lessons 😉) romantic relationships & fizzed out friendships where this statement was applicable at some point.
A big lesson I learned, you can’t fully support &/or love a person for where you want them to be — you have to meet them where they are now.
No matter what type of relationship we’re talkin about. You can’t discount yourself based upon someone else’s potential. You only have the experience right now.
I don’t care if you’re a coach, doctor, married, divorced, partnered, a friend or family relationship — you can’t wish someone well, they HAVE to do the work & want to do/get better.
I brain dumped.
What can I teach you guys today that I wished I had known decades ago? And I’m still learning right along with y’all…
Here goes…
How to Love Yourself AND Love the People in Your Life:
1.) Always be honest no matter how bad it hurts.
2.) The true mark of expansion, self love, peace, & evolvement is recognizing someone else’s happiness is your happiness even if that means making a hard decision & lovingly letting them go.
3.) Tell people how brilliant & able they are. Sometimes they don’t see it for themselves. Kindness is always cool. Remember the Golden Rule✨
4.) It is possible to love someone but not be in love with them. You determine what kind of relationship you want, be HONEST.
5.) Be authentic. Give others the gift of the real you & a real relationship. Don’t people please + change yourself for any kind of relationship. It will always come back & bite you in the a$$.
6.) Listen more than you talk. People want to be seen, heard, loved, supported, & appreciated. And remember, the most interesting person in the room is the person who is the most interested. Ask questions.
7.) Be giving, but never sacrifice or compromise your integrity or authenticity. Boundaries change lives for the better. Strengthen yours.
8.) Always live by your values. Thoughts become things. What you focus on, you attract. Your habits & people you surround yourself make you. Choose wisely.
I’ve been re-reading the book,The Vortex. Incredible life changing gems in this one. I’ll highlight a few:
— You can get to where you want to be from where ever you are — but you must stop spending so much time noticing & talking about what you do not like about where you are.
— Be a more selective sifter, and make a list of the positive things you are living & the qualities of people you love to surround yourself with.
— Look forward to where you want to be & spend no time complaining about where you are. The responsive Universe makes no distinction between the thoughts you think about your current reality & what you think as you dream of your improved life. You are creating by virtue of what you are thinking about.
— Your sense of who you really are pulses so powerfully within you that you must always continue to reach for satisfying relationships, because you understand, at very deep levels, the potential for joy contained in relationships with others.
— Once you decide that your happiness depends on the intentions, beliefs, or behaviors of no other, but only upon your own alignment — over which you have complete control — then your relationships will not only no longer be uncomfortable, but they will be deeply satisfying.
Now, put these gems 💎 in your front pocket & go out & LOVE somebody today, especially YOURSELF!
I read, “You’re never going to be 100% ready and it’s never going to be just the right time, but that’s the point. It means that every moment is also the right moment. If you want it, you just have to do it.”
Hi five to whomever wrote that.🙋♀️
You wanna know why it’s so hard to get what you want (or what you think you want)?
Fear.
Doesn’t matter if it’s losing weight, talking to a person you like, moving, asking for a raise or going after that job you want.
Muscle ups scare the shit out of me but I commit to practicing relentlessly because I believe in my ability and deservingness of having what I want out of life.
**Some hard truths to take with you into 2021**
1.) You have a short term attitude that doesn’t align with your long-term intentions
Without a long term intention & approach to anything in life, you’re bound to suffer a rebound when you figure out it isn’t working. It’s that “oh fxck” moment…
How you respond afterwords determines everything.
Take weight loss for example. Say you go low carb, lose a few pounds of water weight after a couple days, then discover it’s harder than you thought, your body isn’t responding as quickly as you thought — so you go back to old self sabotaging habits.
How about we commit to something more than 2 weeks? Commit, experiment, try & THEN if it’s still not working, it’s OK, be proud of yourself for trying!
Part of success is willingness to take a risk, yet also being smart enough to own it if it’s not working and search for another solution.
2.) You lack a quality support system
Your environment is everything! Fitness, career, social media, relationship related — doesn’t matter.
Any source that makes you feel bad about yourself and drags your vibration down — get rid of it, unfollow, block, trash it. Replace them with sources and people who are positive & successful & living the life you desire.
I personally have been called a savage for the ability to cut people & things out of my life with no remorse if they are not serving my highest alignment, but guess what? I am a whole hxll of a lot happier because of this skill. Doesn’t mean you have to be an dxck, but be HONEST.
Don’t worry about what other people think of you, you will never be happy if you’re constantly people pleasing. Own your shxt, own your life.
You control your thoughts, environment, and reality of your life. Choose accordingly.
3.) You lack clarity & don’t really know what you want
Write out your thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Learn to BE with yourself. Align your thoughts & actions accordingly to be the person you want to embody and that life will follow.
If you’re chronically stressed, sleep deprived, overworked, & talk down to yourself, your life will be a helluva lot harder.
Set you day up for success. You should have a success routine & habits in place. I wrote a blog just the other day about 8 things you should do every single day to be more successful. I suggest you go back and look at that.
Keeping these 3 hard truths in mind will allow you to create the space to welcome more abundance in your life.
I deactivated my Facebook this weekend. Finally pulled the trigger.
After the last year & a half of life changing stillness, loss, & uncertainty, I’ve been reflecting on my life, especially my career & authenticity.
It’s a whole hxll of a lot easier to look back & reflect only on the highlight reels, wanting to fast-forward or delete the painful moments.
I realized Facebook no longer brought me joy, I felt it was more of a negative distraction to fill the uncomfortable voids in my day.
Recently, I find myself pushing the pause again – pushing myself to take time to ask myself what REALLY aligns for ME at this very moment. It’s hard. I know, however, it’s absolutely necessary to grow.
The truth is, when I’m honest, not only did many fantastic opportunities in my life pass by or end prematurely because I felt I wasn’t good enough AND/OR I made a decision because I was placing someone else’s needs, feelings, & journey above my own.
Regardless of the circumstance, I would find valid reasons (excuses) why I needed to people please, or be the ‘Good Girl’, or the job or time or diet or workout or guy was/wasn’t right – yet I’d leave out the part about me not doubting myself.
Reflecting on these cycles, I realized I was choking on imposter syndrome.
Impostor syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be.
Years ago, a Brooklyn based meal prep company hired me as their Midwest Nutrition Sales & Consulting Representative.
I knew jack about sales.
I knew people.
I knew how to care for people working in healthcare & radiology full time & coaching CrossFit & nutrition coaching as a side hustle.
I took that job & traveled for a whole year, learned a lot of life skills, made tons of connections, & also was scared shitless 99% of the time. My picture was even on the front page of their website.
Website Photo, Photo by Pamela Scott, Dreaming Willow Photography
I continuously told myself I wasn’t as good as the other reps. I made myself miserable. But I was really good at that ‘fake it till ya make it’ part. But it eats at you after time.
I was qualified, capable, and people loved me, but I wasn’t confident.
Have you ever felt like a complete fraud and that everyone was going to find out that you didn’t earn or deserving of your accomplishments?
Have you struggled with feeling like you don’t belong, don’t fit in?
Join the club. No one likes to talk about or admit it though.
So I started researching how to overcome my feelings. Reviewing Dr. Valerie Young’s research, she discovered specific imposter syndrome subgroups:
The Perfectionist – They have such high expectations for themselves that even small mistakes will make them feel like a failure.
The Superwoman/Superman – They put in longer hours, never take days off and must succeed in all aspects of life in order to prove they are the “real deal.”
The Natural Genius – They are used to things coming easily, so when something is too hard or they don’t master it on the first try, they feel shame and self-doubt.
The Soloist – They don’t like to ask for help, so when they do, they feel like a failure or a fraud.
The Expert – They continuously seek out additional certifications or training because they feel as though they will never know enough to be truly qualified.
I’d read through these and thought, dxmn, I fit into more than one of these.
Thank you, childhood trauma.
My parents set high expectations for me at a young age (I’m grateful they did tho).
I remember I got an 86%, my lowest grade ever, in Algebra, and I was devastated and thought my mom would hate me.
I graduated in the top of my class in high school, and on the Dean’s list in college at Purdue University, landed a huge internship at Eli Lilly my senior year of college too, yet for some reason, I still never felt good enough.
Today, it’s even harder. Social media has connected us all in ways I never thought possible. It’s a double edged sword I say. It’s wonderful to use for education, creativity, & connection but it also conjures a whole mess of negativity too.
I told you all before, I LOATHE the word ‘influencer.’ I feel it labels & places us in a shallow box of facades.
I’ve discussed with y’all how photoshop, & filters, & focusing on the highlight reels distort our feelings about ourselves, expectations of proper life timelines, public image, body image – the list goes on.
We place our worth and validation on likes & swipe rights.
So what do we do to overcome these faux feelings about ourselves? I though hard about this and came up with a few small steps that gave me solutions, comfort, & hope…
1.) Get Real Get Honest
When you feel like a fxck up, or unworthy, or you made a mistake, or you feel shame in some way – call yourself out & get real. You can only hide your feelings for so long, it’s just a Band-Aid.
2.) Emotions are Fleeting, Focus on Facts
We’re human, we change our minds and are emotional creatures. Write out the facts. Make a pros and cons list. You are qualified, capable, and worthy.
3.) Don’t Try to Fit In
Life would be boring if we were all the same.
Life would be boring if our lives always turned out as planned and perfect. You would never learn if you didn’t make mistakes. Your mess is your message. Be a trailblazer and own your shxt. Be kind always – to yourself and others. Seek first to understand before judging.
4.) Celebrate Every Win
Don’t downplay your accomplishments. No matter how small. Maybe you lost a couple lbs, maybe you got through your entire ‘To Do’ list, maybe you saved $100 this month, maybe you got a $2 raise, maybe you just got through the week and didn’t lose your shxt. High five sis, take’em all!
5.) Be The Person You Seek To Embody
I guess this is kind of like ‘fake it till you make it.’ All goes back to thoughts become things & you attract the vibe you put out.
“Watch your thoughts, they become words; Watch your words, they become actions; Watch your actions, they become habits; Watch your habits, they become character; Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
Embrace yourself, baby. You have permission to be a hot mess & hot shot at the same time.
Surround yourself by people who make you better, push you, love and support you through the highlight reels & REAL reels.
Remember these…
“Be yourself, an original is worth more than a copy.” – Unknown
and
“If you want to be original, be ready to be copied.” – Coco Chanel
They just rile me up. It means I have to choose something & release something else.
I realize now it gives me anxiety because I fear making the wrong choice & somehow that makes me a bad person. A failure. An imposter. Which are 2 of my worst fears.
How about guys? You feel this way too?
I feel if I make a ‘bad’ decision, I’m not achieving, I’m not people pleasing, & that makes me less worthy somehow.
I realized it was paralyzing me & there are no wrong decisions — only an experience.
That doesn’t make me a bad person that makes me human. I focused too much on the end product & not on the love of the journey & process.
This was applicable to my love life, my relationship with food & body image, career goals — you name it.
Also, let me remind you, nothing is irreversible. Picture the worst case outcome. Trust me, you’ll be fine.
Dr. Joe Dispenza preaches the POWER is in the present, becoming unattached to outcomes.
We can’t worry about the past, it doesn’t need us anymore. Learn the lessons.
Now, 2nd guessing.
This shows up in the smallest ways.
✅Ex: I choose the hamburger but 2nd guess myself when your wings come out.
✅Ex: I choose to go to CrossFit but Karen down the road went for a 5 mile run. Maybe I should’ve done that.
✅Ex: I chose Partner A because he feels comfortable & safe but I truly want Partner B but somehow don’t feel good enough for partner B.
✅Ex: I chose job 1 bc it gives me freedom. But I really need job 2 bc it’s stable yet I’m afraid of commitment.
Am I the biggest fxck up in the world because I did so? No.
So here’s what I want to reiterate, decisions are crossroads. You’re not less worthy because you make a decision that didn’t turn out.
You’re not indecisive or savage or weak or broken or stupid or whatever you tell yourself.
It’s simply your baggage being pulled out of your bag.
So sit yo 🍑on the floor & unpack your baggage — it’s not gonna unpack itself.
And I’ll be sittn on the floor, with a cocktail or coffee, unpacking my shxt with you. ❤️🥃☕️
