Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
There hasn’t been a day of my life where I haven’t needed to read a quote, a poem, an affirmation, a book, or beautiful words from a talented creator to express how I feel, give me a hug, punch me in the gut, break my heart, or put it back together.
You know what I mean?
I told a friend one time I understood the feeling of that hopeless pit. I said, “I hope you find love, but most importantly, I hope you love yourself more to be strong enough to walk away from what love isn’t & find peace in the realization that you are already love.”
In my 20s/early 30s I made plenty of bad decisions after my 1st divorce at 27.
Plenty of fast & furious acquaintances, some more longer-term, they all aided in growth (some more enjoyable than others 😂)
Hxll, let’s be honest, some I don’t even remember. It’s like that person you put in your phone as “Joe Bumble” or “Dude from Texas” 😆📲
I talked about this in therapy. My therapist said it’s because when I was younger I didn’t believe I was worthy of love I desired.
Which is why I picked men that were not on my level, & to be frank, EASY for me. 🤦🏼♀️fxck me, she’s right.
She said now I’m “selective & guarded”because I’m actually afraid I might find someone & be forced to choose between my happiness & freedom of autonomy & that person. I’m afraid to make the same mistakes like being a people pleaser & losing myself.
Today was an absolute sh*t show at work. One of those days the ER is completely full all day, like a waterfall that never stops. Don’t get me wrong, I love busy days. I love the rush. It’s an addiction & a high for me.
Like working.
I know it’s an addiction. I love working to the point of exhaustion, same with physical labor.
💁🏼♀️I’m a special kind of crazy, I know.
And I realized this week I use it partly as a shield. It’s really hard for me to get truly close to someone, to crack open & completely expose myself emotionally.
I know I don’t NEED anyone. I love myself & my life so much it’s kind of embarrassing.
Not in a narcissistic way but I have so much appreciation for the woman writing these words today compared to the woman 5 years, 10 years, 20 years ago.
I can bleed my heart via words with y’all & I’m not ashamed to talk about heartache or things I really just am not good at.
My last marriage ripped me to shreds. I hadn’t taken a chance & loved someone like that in a long time.
I come back even better every time I experience a failure whether it’s in life, love, or fitness.
I hate heights. I’m even more afraid of falling. I’m not afraid of love, I’m more afraid of rejection & the scattered pieces of my heart that follow.
I’m not afraid of being alone, I’m more afraid of committing to a relationship & feeling lonely, again.
I’m proud of my risks & mistakes. I would never know how good it feels to realize you love someone so much it brings you to tears & no matter how much that other person pisses you off, you can look at them & you’re like, “Yeah, that’s my person.”
The thing is – I’m not the same woman as I used to be, & neither are you. We have the privilege to learn from our past experiences, good & bad, to find US & THEM.
Tips if you’re stuck in this rut:
– Take off the mask & filters. Perfection isn’t needed, the “real life shxt” is what builds a solid foundation.
– Own your baggage. Have the hard conversations you don’t want to have, with yourself & the people in your relationship.
– Be open to meeting someone with the same level of consciousness. You attract the energy you put out. You also have to be open to receive & believe you’re worthy of your desires.
– Live with JOY & Unattachment to outcomes. You have control over your reactions, which means you choose whether it is a positive experience or a negative one. It’s simply an experience, not a right or wrong decision.
Feeling pretty & PRETTY STRONG this mornin. Shamelessly admiring my arms in the freakin awesome lighting🦾 @hotworx.fishers
Your homework is to take time to simply love on yourself today, too. You’re magnificent!
Photo dump on IG of my morning success habits which includes me writing to y’all (& myself) every single day.
Workout at HotWorx Fishers. Loving the new Blast workout!
Post workout breakfast. 1.25 lbs of 80% ground beef #meatbars Airfry. 380. 12 minutes. Did not consume the fat in the bottom of the airfyer to make it leaner. Recipe is on my IG, link in bio & in highlights. I bring an Airfryer to work . Instant Vortex 6qt.
Happy light! I use this portable light everyday for 30 minutes. On Amazon Favorites List on IG. Link in IG Bio.
I had a great workout & sweat sesh while learning & listening to @iamsahararose & @itskrista talk about The Law of One. Well done sisters👏🏼 this was mind-blowing 🤯 & remarkably expansive!
Sparked what I felt nudged to channel & share with you guys:
Uncomfortable truths I wished I had realized & accepted earlier in life …
Here goes…
Happiness is the byproduct of living your purpose. Happiness doesn’t make you happy, having purpose makes you happy. Once you become at peace with your purpose, your life & your body will fall in line. You won’t feel the need to numb & self sabotage with emotional eating, gluttony, self-loathing, overspending, sleeping around, excessive drinking – pick your poison.
Talking with clients & reflecting on my own journey, the reason we self sabotage is because we’re trying to find love & stimuli outside of ourselves & feel we have no purpose, no significance.
It’s like eating when you’re bored. It’s like the elderly & their partner dies or they’re put in a nursing home or you take their keys away, they often expire shortly after. It’s like taking away their purpose.
Gut check moment, right?!
Learn to redirect your mind & you then learn how to redirect your life. It’s your choice.
We all have definitions of heaven & hell. We are all deliciously unique individuals. Just let people BE. Loving someone in the hopes that they will change is not truly loving someone. Truly loving someone is giving them the free will to live as they choose. This includes learning to lovingly release & let people go. Remember everything happens for you not to you. Stop trying to cram a round peg into a square hole.
Not everyone wants to be in the same kind of “relationships.” The definition of a relationship will be different for us all. We’re all One. One Love. There is no right or wrong way to live your life, it’s all an experience of your choosing.
I personally feel there is no requirement to have to slap labels or legally binding contracts on relationships to make them more significant or lucrative.
What “successful” looks like, what “beautiful” looks like…if they make you happy & fulfill some part of you, let it BE & savor the moments. And if you choose at some time to be exclusive or to change your definition in a different way, let that BE & savor the moment or the season. Stop over complicating shxt.
Have a partner who wants to see you thrive & evolve WITH YOU or no partner at all. Y’all, being around energy vampires who’re trying to keep you small is painful af – AND your decision. One of my best friends, as well as myself, have been in a relationship(s) where the other persons needs & goals were always way more important. You felt all that mattered was that you made it as easy as possible for THEM to move forward & be comfortable. If you achieved success, they were jealous, felt you were overshadowing, it was never as good as theirs, & your goals were ridiculous.
Even though we sometimes can’t choose whether we fall in love or not, we can indeed choose whether we stay with someone. There’s a big difference in being alone & lonely. I will repeat this to my very last breath. If your partner constantly dulls your shine & all you feel is your energy waning & seeking to people please, it’s probably the wrong partner.
A rich relationship should be full of support, nourishing challenge, & encouragement. If someone doesn’t want to see you achieve your dreams, they won’t be there when you hit rock bottom either. Sorry Sis, no, quit bullshxttin yourself. And just because a relationship has lasted “a long time” doesn’t mean it’s working.
Life isn’t “fair” it just “is.” If you expect life to be fair, you’ll be disappointed & never reach your potential. Shxt happens, & sometimes, there’s no reasonable explanation for why things happen or why people do what they do.
Ultimately I do believe we manifest our lives & attract what we get, we attract what we are. So think about that & control what you can control, which is your vibration & reaction to things.
There won’t ever be a better time to start. Most people waste their lifetime procrastinating instead of living their desired life because they think there will be a “better time to start.” You never know how much time you have left, & life is certainly too short to postpone experiences that bring you joy. Making a wrong decision is better than making no decision. It’s like that saying I love SO much, “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” 😂
Money is simply energy & it has power. No matter if you like it or not — money matters. Learn to love it. Learn to appreciate it. It isn’t bad. It doesn’t make people bad. The vast majority of the global population spends 40+ hours per week working for money. Most people hate their jobs, but stay because they need to “pay the bills.”
Many of us spend a significant part of our lives working for money, I personally LOVE working, it brings me happiness & a feeling of purpose, but most people deny its importance or they let it define them.
Stop denying the power & importance of money & start learning how to use it to your advantage & give back. Make it work FOR you, stop wasting it on useless things, use things love people, invest only in things that bring you joy & upleveling.
Money isn’t everything, but it certainly brings you freedom, the ability to give back, & makes life a whole helluva lot easier & more fun.
Social media can steal your time, energy, & your soul but it doesn’t have to. I have a love-hate relationship with Social media. The trolls make it unbearable some days, haters gonna hate, hurt people hurt people, etc. etc.
Your voice matters, don’t let other people stifle what you want to share with the world. Be proud of your life & your body. You can decide whether you use social media to make your life better or worse. You have control over what you consume & what you see.
Choose to be a creator, not a consumer of content. I loathe the word influencer, I choose to be an Authority. Sorta sweet, sorta Beth Dutton vibes. 🙅🏼♀️😉 Where my Yellowstone fans at?! 👋
Final thoughts… Life ain’t always easy but it’s always good. It’s a privilege to wake up & be alive. Don’t expect life to be fair, create your own rules. Or do as I do, I don’t do rules I do what feels right.🙃
If you constantly choose comfort & ignorance over courage & awareness, you’ll end up being the puppet of others. If you, however, manage to embrace the following truths, you might be able to design an extraordinarily fulfilling, purpose-driven life earlier than I did.❤️❤️🩹❤️🔥
This morning I I realized how messed up my relationships were.
I thought about chapters in the past, the struggles in particular. I talked about overcoming struggle yesterday.
(If you haven’t, check that blog out. I needed to hear it myself too. A swift kick in the🍑)
Food, body image, money, & love are all connected. My 29 year old self & sure as sh*t my 19 year old self had NO IDEA.
It all comes down to energetics & the way you FEEL about yourself.
I told y’all my body image issues, eating disorders, & fxckd up relationship with food & myself started at the age of 8.
I never felt pretty or significant. We had “enough” as a hardworking family of 5, growing up on a farm.
But as a child, often material “wealth” outweighs the truly important things like kindness & service.
So if you don’t have certain things or dress like the cool kids, you’re picked on & told that you’re poor & less worthy.
If you’re not skinny like the popular kids you’re told you’re fat & not worthy of love.
This wrecked my relationships with love, food, & money for decades.
As a result I racked up credit card debt to buy things to make myself feel more worthy.
I over ate & under ate to control my body thinking reaching a certain size would make me worthy of love. Exacerbating my poor health, disordered eating, & gut issues.
My romantic relationships we’re like rainbows of confusion, struggle, & continuously feeling lost.
We place value & control on specific things for validation in hopes of making ourselves FEEL a certain way.
Usually the feelings we’re chasing are to be loved, seen, heard, worthy, significant, & included.
We want to be CHOSEN & LOVED.
Over spending
Discounting & under valuing
Emotional eating & Disordered eating
Over exercising
Giving our bodies to people who don’t deserve them
People pleasing & playing small
Excessive drinking & drug use
In American society we tend to value thin bodies, financial wealth, titles, material wealth, “fitting in & following suit.”
Improvement in all of these areas of my life started with changing my mindset, my energetics around my worth, reminding myself money is just energy, thoughts became things & I controlled my reality by my reaction, reminding myself there is so much abundance in this world, I matter simply because I exist & because I have a kind heart & choose a life of service & purpose.
I felt some of you out there may have needed to hear this message this morning & know that you’re not alone.
I may be known as a “nutrition coach” & “Xray tech”, but a reminder there are so many more facets to you than labels, food, money, & body image.
And my doors are open if you need a listening ear who accepts you as perfectly imperfect as you are.
And what you are is incredible simply because you’re YOU.💕
During therapy, she said, “I don’t feel you really have social anxiety & neither do you, I feel, & as self-aware as you are, you feel, you’re surrounded by the wrong people & always seeking truth. Why stay in circles you’ve grown out of? You already know the truth you’re seeking.”
Fxck me. She right. Does this every time.🙄🤔🤦🏼♀️😄
I keep it real with y’all. I don’t just post health & “fitnessey” stuff. Yes, y’all need to learn that content too, but the meat 🥩 (lol always makes me giggle 😆) of what you need work on is self healing, self love, self awareness, & bluntly put – owning your shxt.
🔆The biggest pillars my clients & I work on.
That’s truly how you get what you want – the abundance, love, happiness, body we all dream of.
So, let me share some of my real life lessons that may just help you…
💡 The entire time you may think it’s you but what it really is is the people & environment you surround yourself is toxic & misaligned. Be choosy who you let in your circle.
💡 I will never go thru another stage of life depending on someone to take care of me, validate my worth, have to tell a man/friend/etc – how to treat me.
💡 I do not need to explain my beliefs, definitions, & choices on diet, relationships, religion, politics, or what I choose to do with my body.
💡 Never be embarrassed or ashamed of your current situation. Most people in this world are covering up the same situations with filters & fake smiles.
💡 Choose people who understand, don’t judge, & lovingly allow you to be yourself. Those people feel like sunshine, gravitate to the energy givers.
💡 Relationships truly meant for you should come easily & feel like freedom & home. Any one you have to keep secret, force, chase, change or censor yourself – is most likely one that will end & teach you a hard lesson.
💡 The best decision I ever made was to promise myself I would have the hard conversations I didn’t want to have because those are the ones that matter. I decided hiding my words was hiding me, & they may just be the words someone else needs to here to change their life. Your message & voice matter.
How do you know you’ve found the truth to what you’re seeking?
You get to the point where you feel like your life depends on constantly research, studying, & seeking. When we’re in school, often times it does, our life trajectory depends on our studies.
As we age I feel we more study & seek truth about life, our purpose, & who we are in general. We try to make sense of it all. I can tell you I’ve been doing this constantly my entire life.
So the question has been asked, “How do you know when you found the truth to what you’re seeking?”
👉🏻The way you know you’ve found the truth is the truth that you’re seeking is the residence of who you’ve become.
It feels like home.
It’s easy.
It flows like water.
You’ll hear me say be like water, you have to learn to flow like water throughout life.
The problem is for many of us growing up we are taught the truths of all the other people & society. We’re told we have to blend & fit into all the truths. Which then feels heavy, puts many of us into a box or forces us to feel we have to slap a label on our diets, our relationships, & about who we are as humans.
Like we have to fit in a file cabinet in exactly just the right spot or we’re tainted & to be thrown in the trash.
Blend with the loudest most powerful & most authentic truths.
💡Ask yourself, “What if it does work out exactly how I imagined, or greater?”
How bout we end on that note & entertain that thought?! 🌈
