I deactivated my Facebook this weekend. Finally pulled the trigger.
After the last year & a half of life changing stillness, loss, & uncertainty, I’ve been reflecting on my life, especially my career & authenticity.
It’s a whole hxll of a lot easier to look back & reflect only on the highlight reels, wanting to fast-forward or delete the painful moments.
I realized Facebook no longer brought me joy, I felt it was more of a negative distraction to fill the uncomfortable voids in my day.
Recently, I find myself pushing the pause again – pushing myself to take time to ask myself what REALLY aligns for ME at this very moment. It’s hard. I know, however, it’s absolutely necessary to grow.
The truth is, when I’m honest, not only did many fantastic opportunities in my life pass by or end prematurely because I felt I wasn’t good enough AND/OR I made a decision because I was placing someone else’s needs, feelings, & journey above my own.
Regardless of the circumstance, I would find valid reasons (excuses) why I needed to people please, or be the ‘Good Girl’, or the job or time or diet or workout or guy was/wasn’t right – yet I’d leave out the part about me not doubting myself.
Reflecting on these cycles, I realized I was choking on imposter syndrome.
Impostor syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be.
Years ago, a Brooklyn based meal prep company hired me as their Midwest Nutrition Sales & Consulting Representative.
I knew jack about sales.
I knew people.
I knew how to care for people working in healthcare & radiology full time & coaching CrossFit & nutrition coaching as a side hustle.
I took that job & traveled for a whole year, learned a lot of life skills, made tons of connections, & also was scared shitless 99% of the time. My picture was even on the front page of their website.
I continuously told myself I wasn’t as good as the other reps. I made myself miserable. But I was really good at that ‘fake it till ya make it’ part. But it eats at you after time.
I was qualified, capable, and people loved me, but I wasn’t confident.
Have you ever felt like a complete fraud and that everyone was going to find out that you didn’t earn or deserving of your accomplishments?
Have you struggled with feeling like you don’t belong, don’t fit in?
Join the club. No one likes to talk about or admit it though.
So I started researching how to overcome my feelings. Reviewing Dr. Valerie Young’s research, she discovered specific imposter syndrome subgroups:
- The Perfectionist – They have such high expectations for themselves that even small mistakes will make them feel like a failure.
- The Superwoman/Superman – They put in longer hours, never take days off and must succeed in all aspects of life in order to prove they are the “real deal.”
- The Natural Genius – They are used to things coming easily, so when something is too hard or they don’t master it on the first try, they feel shame and self-doubt.
- The Soloist – They don’t like to ask for help, so when they do, they feel like a failure or a fraud.
- The Expert – They continuously seek out additional certifications or training because they feel as though they will never know enough to be truly qualified.
I’d read through these and thought, dxmn, I fit into more than one of these.
Thank you, childhood trauma.
My parents set high expectations for me at a young age (I’m grateful they did tho).
I remember I got an 86%, my lowest grade ever, in Algebra, and I was devastated and thought my mom would hate me.
I graduated in the top of my class in high school, and on the Dean’s list in college at Purdue University, landed a huge internship at Eli Lilly my senior year of college too, yet for some reason, I still never felt good enough.
Today, it’s even harder. Social media has connected us all in ways I never thought possible. It’s a double edged sword I say. It’s wonderful to use for education, creativity, & connection but it also conjures a whole mess of negativity too.
I told you all before, I LOATHE the word ‘influencer.’ I feel it labels & places us in a shallow box of facades.
I’ve discussed with y’all how photoshop, & filters, & focusing on the highlight reels distort our feelings about ourselves, expectations of proper life timelines, public image, body image – the list goes on.
We place our worth and validation on likes & swipe rights.
So what do we do to overcome these faux feelings about ourselves? I though hard about this and came up with a few small steps that gave me solutions, comfort, & hope…
1.) Get Real Get Honest
When you feel like a fxck up, or unworthy, or you made a mistake, or you feel shame in some way – call yourself out & get real. You can only hide your feelings for so long, it’s just a Band-Aid.
2.) Emotions are Fleeting, Focus on Facts
We’re human, we change our minds and are emotional creatures. Write out the facts. Make a pros and cons list. You are qualified, capable, and worthy.
3.) Don’t Try to Fit In
Life would be boring if we were all the same.
Life would be boring if our lives always turned out as planned and perfect. You would never learn if you didn’t make mistakes. Your mess is your message. Be a trailblazer and own your shxt. Be kind always – to yourself and others. Seek first to understand before judging.
4.) Celebrate Every Win
Don’t downplay your accomplishments. No matter how small. Maybe you lost a couple lbs, maybe you got through your entire ‘To Do’ list, maybe you saved $100 this month, maybe you got a $2 raise, maybe you just got through the week and didn’t lose your shxt. High five sis, take’em all!
5.) Be The Person You Seek To Embody
I guess this is kind of like ‘fake it till you make it.’ All goes back to thoughts become things & you attract the vibe you put out.
“Watch your thoughts, they become words; Watch your words, they become actions; Watch your actions, they become habits; Watch your habits, they become character; Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
Embrace yourself, baby. You have permission to be a hot mess & hot shot at the same time.
Surround yourself by people who make you better, push you, love and support you through the highlight reels & REAL reels.
Remember these…
“Be yourself, an original is worth more than a copy.” – Unknown
and
“If you want to be original, be ready to be copied.” – Coco Chanel
Oxox – Coach K