Category: Personal Development

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Why does marriage always have to be the end goal?

She said, “Everyone would be happier if they would settle down & get married.”

Had a lady tell me this yesterday.

Well I have some shxt to say about that…

Why does marriage always have to be the end goal? 

I’ve asked myself this on several occasions. Like can’t I just have a life partner I love to build an empire with? Have conversations, travel, ENJOY LIFE with?

I vow to be honest with y’all, as one who has gone thru divorce (twice), & also lived as a girl who always had to be in a relationship in my younger years — this statement could not be more false.

We vilify singledom. Why?

The years I spent single have been the most transformative — & painful. But absolutely necessary.

You have to take time to be the person you wanna be with. That means nurturing yourself, loving yourself, being ok with making mistakes & relationships not working out.

People are our teachers, some relationships are only meant to last a season. Some are meant to last a lifetime. Surrender & let them happen. 

You also can’t be afraid to take risks & choose love. Building walls around yourself & not allowing yourself to experience love in whatever context or relationship you need, is also paralyzing. That’s not living life.

Am I proud to say I’ve been thru 2 divorces, no. But I am super proud of myself for trying. I am not afraid to choose love & neither should you but make sure you’re doing it on your own terms & for the right reasons.

You’re going to fxck up in life & others will too. I’m just gonna leave it like this, find the right person or people to fxck up with.

Life is so much sweeter when you live it on your own terms, don’t be influenced by other people’s or society’s expectations of you.

I don’t know who may need to hear these but I’m gonna say it anyways, many of you need a therapist & to date yourself for a while, not another relationship or government sponsored life binding contract.

— Because I care. 

Wishing you guys so much love & confidence today, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in❤️

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A simple guide to help you attract high-quality relationships

Smiling cuz I spent the mornin with a barbell & B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend.)🍆⚡️ 

Just kiddin. (Maybe😂)

Ladies, come on, you know exactly what I’m talkin about. A girl has needs🤷‍♀️

Mom & Dad — just ignore that statement, earmuffs.🙉

Actually I did spend the morning with Bob — Bob Proctor, & Lewis Howes. Lewis’s podcast talked about the law of attraction, creating wealth, & manifesting abundance. BTW, that’s your podcast recommendation for the day. I’ll post in IG stories too, swipe up.

A woman asked me yesterday via Dm, “How do I make a good impression & attract the right kind of people?”

Phenomenal question.

You know that anxiety-invoking moment you’re asked, “So tell me about yourself?” 

I don’t care if it’s a job interview, conference, date, or a frickin dating app bio 😩 — it’s like what do I say here? 

Or more like, what level of my weird do I not disclose? I got 50+ shades to play with here🤷‍♀️😆 

I responded with a quote, “Chandeliers don’t go looking for rooms to save from the darkness; they’re attractive because they just hang there, illuminating, sparkling, & shining their light.”

I also told her she only needed to do 2 things no matter what the situation: be authentic & be memorable.

As for attracting high value people, I journaled these following words years ago. 

Ways to attract higher quality relationships:

1. Be authentic & be the person you want to be with. We can have all the checklists we want, but how many of those qualities are we committed to embodying? You attract the energy you put out.

2. Be fierce with your boundaries. You don’t have to include everyone, & everyone doesn’t have to include you. Don’t take things personally. Remove toxicity, & send them love from afar.

3. Reflect back the magic you see in someone. Don’t hesitate to tell someone why you think they’re marvelous. Remind them, all the time. This is so important. And smiles are FREE.

4. Put yourself out there. Go to events, join groups, do what you can to place yourself in rooms with people light years ahead of you & living the life you desire. Never be the smartest person in the room. These people will push the hxll out of you to level up as a human.

5. Be the last person to speak. Listen – like, really listen. Remember that thing I told you about the most interesting person in the room is the most interested? Being a good listener means holding space for the other person to be seen & heard & not judging them for what their truth is.

6. Own your power & remember The Four Agreements: 

Be Impeccable With Your Word.

Don’t Take Anything Personally.

Don’t Make Assumptions.

Always Do Your Best.

If you haven’t read that book, do it. Now.

Let your light shine & be CONFIDENT as hxll in who you are.

Our goal is to simply be authentic, & memorable.

Own your weird.

Now, every time you hear the name, B.O.B, you’ll remember this message.😉

How’s that for memorable? 😄⚡️

Oxox Coach K

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The one thing you need to do right now: stop living your life through your phone

My mom told me, “Stop living your life through your phone.” Ooof like a punch in the gut. I knew she was right. (Dxmnit she always is 😆)

I love social media for connection, education, & inspiration. I wouldn’t have a wonderful digital family like y’all without it.

But I knew I needed to set boundaries & clear toxicity around it.

So I detoxed social media accounts. Unfollowed accounts I no longer align with. 

I deactivated Facebook for a while, I now only use it for events, clients, & family.

I wrote these words this morning, let this be thought provoking, a conversation starter, & your inspiration for the week. Feel free to tag & share on instagram HERE

Be so in love with your life that watching another person love theirs makes your heart happy, not sad, jealous, or angry.

Be so confident you’re exactly where you’re meant to be, no black cloud of FOMO can swallow you, dim your light, question your worth, significance, or timeline.

Be so obsessed with nurturing your own gifts, abilities, & desires you don’t have time or energy to criticize others because your fulfillment, impact, & journey are more important.

Be the captain of your life. Determine what values matter to you, what life experiences you want, what relationships you want, what body you want, what career you want, the person you want to embody — let those things be your map.

Stop letting other people’s lives & living with expectations & control be your compass & your map.

There’s so much abundance & love out there. Focus on the positive feelings & outcomes you deserve. Everything you want is waiting for you to receive when you learn to fall in love with your life right now, & NOW is all that matters.

You’re exactly where you’re meant to be🤍

I’d love to hear your thoughts & Sunday reflections! Leave’em in comments!👇🏻

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Learning how to love your imperfections

I’ve always hated my back. Rarely ever take back progress pictures. I feel partly because I don’t want to give a reason for negative thoughts to creep in & pick myself apart when I know I have to love myself for the sum of who I am in my entirety.

There’s 5 months & 11lbs between these pictures. I love this woman & her season in both pictures. The left is now, the right was on family vacation in October.

Things I used to loathe:

  • My scoliosis – it throws my hips off. My body is not symmetrical, I squat lopsided.
  • My left boob is bigger than my right & neither boob is as big as I would like. Hey there’s at least a handful, I’ve been told that’s all you need right?! 😂
  • My elbows don’t straighten. I can’t fully lock out in any lift which limits my abilities. My CrossFit coaches used to yell at me, not knowing it was a defect.
  • I have stretch marks & cellulite from gaining & losing 50 lbs over my lifetime. I always wanted slender legs, it’s just not the way I’m built. But my ham hocks are strong.
  • I have a red sun spot on my nose I have to cover from getting burned as a child on vacation & bailing hay on our farm.
  • I chew on the inside of my lip, still don’t know why.

From being the girl who refused to take the T-shirt off at the beach or pool to the woman now brave enough to show the canvas God gave her — hats off to you sis.

Wanted to remind y’all you can’t hate yourself happy, skinny, strong, successful, worthy, or LOVED.

 Stop putting new energy in old containers.

@jamesclear said, “The events of your past are fixed. The meaning of your past is not. The influence of every experience is determined by the meaning you assign to it. Assign a more useful meaning to your past & it becomes easier to take a more useful action in the present.”

I put a Post-it on this mirror of a reminder I saw yesterday: “This Chapter of my life is called: now that I know better, I must do better.”

Have a beautiful bootylicious weekend y’all! ❤️🍑🦾 I’d love to chat with y’all on the gram, never hesitate to reach out!

http://www.instagram.com/lil_bit_of_fit

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Are you paying attention? The Magical Now

Are you paying attention? 

Where do your thoughts go during the day? Are you always worrying about the past or future? 

Which, I’ll cut to the chase, all you really have is right now.

Are you so caught up in the fear of the past & future that you miss out on the magic of your current experience & all the possibilities?

I know I did for the majority of my life.

I had a lot of ‘One days I’ll do this’ or ‘There’s no way I’m talented enough to do this’ or ‘If only I could change the past.’ Sound familiar?

I love to write. 

It’s just something that comes natural to me — putting emotions & thoughts into words. I don’t plan my blogs or IG posts, I let the inspiration come to me & I put those on paper in hopes of helping someone else out there.

I don’t worry about proper grammar or punctuation. I like to write the way I talk. Because that is me. I never thought I was polished or talented enough to actually be called a “writer.”

I ignored the doubt & followed my passion. This last week, I was honored to be asked to write an article for the blog site, Thought Catalogue. My first payed publication.🙌

I never would’ve started writing blogs if it wasn’t for my friend @rossmiller1132 years ago telling me it was something I should look into. I thank him for that!

Another example of believing in yourself, this book I’m holding, I rushed downstairs to pick up this @amazon package yesterday. 

I mean, let’s not bullshxt around, I know I’m not the only one that gets excited for Amazon deliveries…so much so, I forget what I order half the time😂🤚

The author is my cousin @meanmattygreen This is his 1st published book! I cannot be more proud of him! I guess the writing gene runs in the family 😉

This book is a breath of fresh air about being present, doing what you love, self awareness, & believing in yourself.

It oozes real life shxt & authenticity. I can hear him thinking & speaking thru his words.

Y’all know I’m about that real reel life!

It’s a short easy read well worth your time & full of words that are the very thing you may need to hear to change your life.

On my @amazon favorites list:

https://amzn.to/2QDNavr

Swipe up link in stories on Instagram

http://www.instagram.com/lil_bit_of_fit

You can do anything you put your mind to. The question is…

“Are you paying attention?”

Oxox Coach K

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What being the good girl got me

Who else here is a recovering obliger? A recovering ‘Good Girl or Guy?’🙋‍♀️

Like it didn’t matter what context of life I was obliging, I wanted to oblige because I wanted to be ‘The Good Girl.’ 

‘Good Girls’ were accepted & safe. They did what was expected of them.

‘Nice’ was accepted & safe. If you’re ’Nice’ then everyone has to like you, right?!

‘Vanilla’ was accepted & safe. It’s like the default choice because you can’t make up your mind what ice cream you want.

The problem I later found as I aged, was ‘Good’ & ‘Nice’ & ‘Vanilla’ really didn’t get me anywhere.

In fact, I loathe the words ‘Good,’ ‘Nice,’ & ‘Vanilla.’

I don’t care if you’re talkin about food, sex, or money, Honey, if you’re describing them as good, nice, or vanilla — I ain’t interested anymore.

I feel they’re the default, you choosing to settle. It’s like being someone’s side chick or guy. You want someone to see you as ‘The One’ — the one that walks in a room & sparkles. Everyone stares. But instead, you were chosen as the default, not ‘The One.’ 

I feel everyone has had the same experience at some point in their lives, whether it was a friendship, a romantic relationship, or professionally. 

My definition of ‘Good Girlitis’ is the unproductive thoughts, feelings, & behaviors that inhibit one’s potential, growth, perception, & enjoyment of the experience & entirety of life.

So think about this if you feel you’re livin life like a watered down cocktail. Are you living as a watered down version of yourself?

I want exquisite, extraordinary, luscious.

Rolls off the tongue a lil sweeter don’t it? 😉 

I’d rather be the human that doesn’t do rules, I do what feels right✨

Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto Can’t wait to do another one of these!

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They only follow you because you’re pretty

My favorite sport to watch is hockey 🏒 Used to see the @fwkomets ⚙️ play all the time. I love sports.

Random fun fact. 

Actually there are tons of fun facts none of you know about me or the other people you scroll thru via social media or work beside on the daily.

I had a girl ask me how I handled people who say things like, “People only follow you because you’re pretty & show your body.” ⁣ Someone had told her the same thing.

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I said you just gotta learn to forgive & Love people.

That may be true for some accounts, seeking validation via their body, but I know I (& many others) also have shxt to say & a purpose behind our words & photos.

⁣

Thanks to all of you who read our words. You are our family.

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And to the rest of you who choose to hate those of us who share openly & make waves, I’m sorry you feel that way.

⁣

I’ve learned thru my own shxt when you’re ready to be the person you’re meant to be, you’ll stop making excuses & choose to give fux about the ‘right’ things that light you up. 

Things like love, coffee shops, sunsets, road trips, sports & concerts. Live music, new songs & old songs that bring back memories. And people more than anything else. You will need a tribe of the right people & you will need to be that person to someone else.

I choose to be the hope for someone else. 

A lil bit savage & a whole lotta soul 😉🔥💋 And the shirt says it all — don’t think for 1 minute you can bullshxt me, Darlin. 

Shirt: @amandaradke

Xoxo Coach K

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If I could share only 1 life lesson it would be this

NO.1 REGRET OF THE DYING: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

I had a terminal patient tell me this years back as I finished their CT scan.

@aubreymarcus posted a powerful reminder yesterday, a perfect reminder as we start another week:

“Your future self will look back on your life right now, & wish you could live it again. Not because you want to DO anything different. But because you wish you enjoyed it more.

The number 1 deathbed regret is, “I wish I would’ve let myself be happier.” At the end of our life we realize that happiness is a choice, made in the moment, in spite of whatever is happening.”

☝🏻If I could share only 1 life lesson with you, it would be this.

MANAGE YOUR MIND AND YOU CAN MANAGE ANYTHING.

We get lost in a storm of emotions & expectations — from others, from ourselves, from society.

Emotions around your body, career, & relationships. Some like:

BODY: I need to look like her/him to be more attractive & worthy. When in fact you need to love yourself & body for everything you are, not what you aren’t. 

CAREER: I’m not “rich” or successful until I have x in the bank or achieved a certain status. When in fact you’re already rich if you have a career you love, a roof over your head, food to eat, & people who love you. 

RELATIONSHIPS: I need a partner to be worthy. Which typically nudges us to settle for people not deserving, or seeking people for purely physical reasons. We blind ourselves to the real secret to finding a partner in life…being self aware, knowing your worth & theirs, learning to build a home in yourself 1st, & embodying the person you seek to be with. The ‘right’ one feels like freedom & home.❤️⠀

There will always be shxt that comes up & temporarily throws your life out of your control, but you choose your perspective & reaction. 

When you’re working, work. 

When you’re eating, eat. 

When you’re listening, listen. 

When you’re loving, LOVE. 

We’re always living. But the question is, are you living YOUR best life?   

Drop a ❤️ if you’re ready. I am. 🤘🏻🔥

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The One Thing You Need to Do To Attract Successful Relationships

I said, “Get a life.”⁣
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Had the pleasure of snuggling up with a green beverage & answering questions with a digital friend yesterday on St. Patrick’s day.⁣
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She said, “I just need to pick your brain about some relationship things I’m going through. I respect & appreciate your positive energy sprinkled with such blunt honesty.” ⁣
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I laughed 😄 ⁣
Best compliment I had all day.⁣
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My dad used to say I was a lot like a caged raccoon. They’re attracted to shiny things & look all cute & harmless, but as soon as you stick your fingers in the cage they bite’em off. ⁣
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Thanks Dad. ⁣
If you don’t come from the Midwest or the South you may not understand that metaphor. Lol 😂 ⁣
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I swear I don’t bite 😉⁣
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Anywhoodle…⁣
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She asked, “What’s the 1 piece of advice you would give to someone with codependency in every relationship they seem to have? Because that’s me. I feel I change for every relationship and rely on other people for my sense of happiness which in turn results in failed friendships & romantic relationships.”⁣
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I don’t know about y’all but I felt this woman’s question in my soul. That used to be me.⁣
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I wasn’t happy or felt any self worth unless I had a partner. I would let their energy affect my energy. I would change my interests, wants, & needs to suit their‘s. I would make their life, my life — to the point I felt my purpose was to simply serve them. ⁣
⁣
If you don’t know what codependency means:⁣
⁣
noun⁣

  1. excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.⁣
    ⁣
    Apparently being in a relationship was an illness and an addiction. My Achilles’ heel per se.⁣
    ⁣
    So I told her, “Get. A. Life.”⁣
    ⁣
    You know why we struggle with relationships in today’s society? Because we don’t cultivate a self aware one with ourselves first. ⁣
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    Because we don’t connect our souls with one another anymore, we like to connect our social media accounts & swipe right. ⁣
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    We communicate with ambiguity. Vapid small talk just to fill silence. We ourselves don’t get clarity on what we really want. ⁣
    ⁣
    It seems when we do fall in love, it’s only after considering if we’re settling or not, whether a person can give us the life we want & fulfill unrealistic desires. ⁣
    ⁣
    We’re blinded by filters. We forget to date one another. We let passion & playfulness & adventure die. We don’t ask what the other needs to be seen, heard, loved, & supported. ⁣
    ⁣
    We look for someone perfect to complete us while we already have the best possible one within us. ⁣
    ⁣
    I’m just gonna say this, ‘singlehood’ has been vilified for way too long. I believe it’s actually the 1 thing people need to experience fully in order to cultivate more successful , meaningful relationships. ⁣
    ⁣
    If you don’t build a home in yourself first & don’t even know who you are as your authentic self, how do you expect to get to know someone else on a deeper level & accept them as they are?⁣
    ⁣
    It truly goes back to self love & self worth. You are seeking these things from other people. ⁣
    ⁣
    High seekers do the same thing. Everything‘s great when it’s new & fun but as soon as the ‘real life’ mundane button is pushed, you become avoidant & seek new highs.⁣
    ⁣
    Yup, calling myself out there too. Queen of the avoidants. Thanks to my therapist for pointing that out.⁣
    ⁣
    Through therapy I learned how being made fun of as a kid affected my relationships & love life. I built walls so high around myself & guarded them with weapons of avoidant attachment, sarcasm & ambiguity. ⁣
    ⁣
    My therapist told me I am REALLY GOOD at acting like I don’t give a fxck. So much so I somehow taught myself how to shut my emotion off & that’s why I was able to cut people out of my life with no remorse.⁣
    ⁣
    Oooof. Fxck me, right?! 😆⁣
    Sound familiar? ⁣
    Anyone else an avoidant like me? 🤚 ⁣
    ⁣
    Guys that liked me who were attractive, smart, & successful intimidated me whether I liked them or not because I felt I was still that fat girl & not successful enough to be worthy of a relationship with them. My therapist said I placed them in this box of the popular boys at school that used to make fun of me, which wasn’t fair to them or myself. ⁣
    ⁣
    So I’d ‘settle’ for less than men, frankly, as she put it, “Not on on the same level as me.” I did this because subconsciously I knew I was smarter, more successful, and more in control.⁣
    ⁣
    Same with successful women, too. I felt I wasn’t good enough to “sit at the cool kids table.”⁣
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    Oooof. Another fxck me.😫⁣
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    These are the things you need to hear. I understand it’s not what you want to hear. They’re dirty, & heavy, & gross.⁣
    ⁣
    Find yourself. Date yourself. You have to be whole first. No one completes you or owns your relationship. A relationship is shared, it’s like a Google Drive. ⁣
    ⁣
    What happens is you get into a relationship & lose your life slowly. That relationship then becomes your life, your world.⁣
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    Then when something goes wrong in that relationship, or there is conflict, your world comes crashing down because you’ve made that relationship your world.⁣
    ⁣
    We share our life with our partner we don’t give our life to our partner & vice versa. It doesn’t mean to love LESS it means to love SO MUCH your wholeness, & your partners wholeness mean more individually so you can both be POWERFUL AF together.⁣
    ⁣
    Find someone carrying their own bag. ⁣
    Find someone that is willing to sit on the floor beside you. Y’all can pack & unpack your bags together. ❤️⁣
    ⁣
    I’ll be right there with you, with a cocktail or coffee, your choice 😉 ⁣
    ⁣
    Oxox Coach K⁣
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What fitness and being raised on a farm taught me

Life ain’t always tacos & tequila 🌮🍸but it should be 🎉 😝 (more like beef & bourbon🥩🥃 for this girl.)

In other words, you don’t always get whatcha want but ya get whatcha need. It hinges on your perspective & reaction.

Yes, ‘whatcha’ is a word. Hxll my talk & text can’t even decipher my Indiana twang. Anybody else have that problem? 📲 

Raised on a cattle & crop farm in small town Indiana I grew up hearin things like, “Sexy as socks on a rooster” and “Quit your dickin around” an awful lot. 😂 

Cleaning the barn 💩🐮 was punishment. That and picking up rocks out of the field.

And you did not wanna hear mom say I’m gonna call dad — you knew your a$$ was in trouble.

I wouldn’t have changed my childhood for anything. Priceless life lessons that never could’ve been taught sitting in a classroom — the value of hard work, honesty, the Golden Rule, love, teamwork, responsibility, discipline, & the relentless pursuit of betterment.

Katie what the hxll does this have to do with your bathroom photo this mornin half naked in @Amazon underwear? 😆 — I’m getting to that.

You see these life lessons were the foundational bricks that transferred into my success habits AND fitness.

Most people scroll & look at the after photo & want to be &/or look like that person but they’re not willing to commit & do the work behind it. That’s what you need to think about. 

Can you do what that person had to do to get where they are? (Eat more food, reverse diet, commit to healing & rest, work thru the hunger in a cut, etc)

Is that your story & authentic self?

Have you learned the correct bricks to build your foundation? (Macros, eating maintenance, what foods you can digest, trigger foods, eating schedules, workout schedule, etc)

Growing up on a farm & fitness taught me a few things:

— They taught me I CAN do the hard things. I’m stronger than I think.

— They taught me how to stay committed, not just by what I looked like in the mirror, but simply by keeping the promises I made to myself to be healthy.

— They taught me discipline. Getting those workouts in, working with my 4H calves, hitting the macros, eating foods I can digest vs crap, sleeping over drinking all night.

— They taught me the value of hardwork & that I can do anything I put my mind to.

— They taught me having a serving & loving heart is more important than having a set of abs or five grand champions. 

As creatures on this earth, we either find comfort in not trying or comfort in the extreme. It’s difficult to find comfort in the balance.

There will be bumps along the way. They’re called lessons and remember you don’t always get what you want you get what you need 🌱 🪴 

Cheers y’all happy St. Patrick’s Day from Kelly Farms🍀🍻 

Go make memories, have fun, remember no good story started with a salad 🥩🥗🥂😄