Category: Relationships

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If you’ve ever been afraid to ask for help, maybe you need to read this

I’ve never been good at asking for help. Not in school, not from friends, not from the doctor, therapy, not from mom & dad, not from anyone really.

Always had that “figure this shxt out for yourself” mindset.

I know now this stemmed from fear of being judged – fear of being wrong, fear of being viewed as weak & stupid & not being able enough to take care of myself.

In my 1st marriage, I was not the breadwinner. I depended on him for numerous things. To put a roof over my head. More expensive items & investments. Paying for vacations & when we went out to eat.
And he provided, which I’m grateful. He’s a good man & I wish him the best to this day.

I didn’t have a lot of money. I was in debt. Still a hard worker but could just never get my head above water. I felt like a prisoner & hopeless & weak. I should’ve left years before I did for the both of us to thrive.

This fear of having to rely on someone else grew throughout my following relationships. I was the breadwinner for the majority of them. Fear of commitment & dependency turned me into the stereotypical emotionally & relationally avoidant.
You could imagine the pain of having to say I was a “dependent” when I married a US Marine.
Omg the sting.

😵‍💫

Growing up on a farm you’re raised to be strong, productive, resislient, & self-sufficient. There wasn’t always someone there to help you. You had to learn to figure things out for yourself.

Which I guess is why I do well in radiology, too. We have to think on our feet, outside of the box. We often times work alone, we have to move patients by ourselves, we have to learn to get images & diagnostic exams done for your doctors with as much precision as possible so we can help save peoples lives.

We are the eyes of your physicians. If we don’t do an exam correctly & efficiently, a diagnosis could be missed or misdiagnosed which changes the trajectory of your life. If we inject the wrong contrast or don’t follow proper protocol, we can kill you.

Talk about pressure right?! 

👀

 We’re not just monkey button pushers. 

🙈
💀
💕
🦾

Xray school just exacerbated my issues with not asking for help. Stubborn. As. Hxll. I hated every moment of Xray school. You feel like you’re under constant scrutiny & criticism. It’s true, survival of the fittest & only the strongest survive 

😂

One of my favorite mentors, Dr. Stephen Cabral, sent an email yesterday about this very topic.
Him & his team helped me heal from SIBO & a bacterial overgrowth years ago. I learned much from them about proper functional nutrition.

This really hit home for me too…
You can apply it to any area of your life.

“If you encounter a forest & you know on the other side are your hopes & dreams, you’d want to get through the woods as fast as you can…

But most of us struggle, forever hacking through the bushes & branches, changing directions, getting lost, & wasting time…

While all along if we had just stopped before making the treacherous journey on our own & found a local guide that had traversed this forest thousands of times, that person could simply show us the paths they’ve cleared over the years.”

I don’t know if I needed to hear this, or someone else out there too, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I know I’m not the only one out there that has been conditioned to believe “figuring it out for yourself” is some badge of honor. Like I used to think not eating & beating the 

💩

 out of my body was too.

I’ve learned I NEED to ask for help & it’s ok. That’s what we’re here for to help support, learn, & grow together, united.

It doesn’t mean you’re weak, stupid, or incompetent. It means you’re smart because no one knows everything & you should never be the smartest one in the room or you’re in the wrong room.

This is the fastest & most guaranteed path to success. On every level: health, weight, relationships, career, finances, spirituality.

If I can ever help in anyway, I am honored to be your guide. This was way longer than I expected but obviously a message that needed to get out there.

Wish you all the best Monday & start to your week!

Oxox Coach K

Helpful links:

All info: https://linktr.ee/lil_bit_of_fit

IG: http://www.instagram.com/lil_bit_of_fit

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How love, food, & money are all connected & how I changed

This morning I I realized how messed up my relationships were. 

I thought about chapters in the past, the struggles in particular. I talked about overcoming struggle yesterday. 

(If you haven’t, check that blog out. I needed to hear it myself too. A swift kick in the🍑)

Food, body image, money, & love are all connected. My 29 year old self & sure as sh*t my 19 year old self had NO IDEA.

It all comes down to energetics & the way you FEEL about yourself. 

I told y’all my body image issues, eating disorders, & fxckd up relationship with food & myself started at the age of 8.

I never felt pretty or significant. We had “enough” as a hardworking family of 5, growing up on a farm. 

But as a child, often material “wealth” outweighs the truly important things like kindness & service. 

So if you don’t have certain things or dress like the cool kids, you’re picked on & told that you’re poor & less worthy. 

If you’re not skinny like the popular kids you’re told you’re fat & not worthy of love. 

This wrecked my relationships with love, food, & money for decades. 

As a result I racked up credit card debt to buy things to make myself feel more worthy.

I over ate & under ate to control my body thinking reaching a certain size would make me worthy of love. Exacerbating my poor health, disordered eating, & gut issues.

My romantic relationships we’re like rainbows of confusion, struggle, & continuously feeling lost.

We place value & control on specific things for validation in hopes of making ourselves FEEL a certain way. 

Usually the feelings we’re chasing are to be loved, seen, heard, worthy, significant, & included.

We want to be CHOSEN & LOVED.

Over spending

Discounting & under valuing 

Emotional eating & Disordered eating

Over exercising

Giving our bodies to people who don’t deserve them

People pleasing & playing small

Excessive drinking & drug use

In American society we tend to value thin bodies, financial wealth, titles, material wealth, “fitting in & following suit.”

Improvement in all of these areas of my life started with changing my mindset, my energetics around my worth, reminding myself money is just energy, thoughts became things & I controlled my reality by my reaction, reminding myself there is so much abundance in this world, I matter simply because I exist & because I have a kind heart & choose a life of service & purpose.

I felt some of you out there may have needed to hear this message this morning & know that you’re not alone.

I may be known as a “nutrition coach” & “Xray tech”, but a reminder there are so many more facets to you than labels, food, money, & body image. 

And my doors are open if you need a listening ear who accepts you as perfectly imperfect as you are.

And what you are is incredible simply because you’re YOU.💕

Happy Monday loves!

Oxox Coach K

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A message to those who struggle & 4 tips to drag your azz out of it

I would say up until, let’s say a few years ago, it’s hard to pin down exactity (I made that word up btw), I feel I lived my life in a constant struggle.

Occasionally I still do, except now, I see the beauty & gift that comes from the grit of the struggle. We wouldn’t understand the contrast or be able to savor the warmth & joy of the good times. 

We all struggle with our own demons in some way because we’re human.

The most common messages I receive are “How do I overcome X struggle?” In one short-ISH response, I’m gonna give you the advice I would give my own children if I had any. 

Know I’m also writing this not just for y’all who are strugglin, but also to my former self & a reminder to this present woman. Advice I wish I had when I felt worthless, ugly, fat, insignificant, unloved, & like my whole world was collapsing around me & I just couldn’t dig my way out. 

When I thought darkness & scarcity & sickness was just “My Story” until I realized it was more about changing my desires & how I felt vs changing my beliefs. There’s a difference. Changing your vibration & feelings will attract what you want much quicker than simply stating a changed belief. Attraction includes the word ACTION.

Going through struggle is not about focusing on the suffering or avoidance of, it’s about embracing overcoming adversity. 

So my top 4 tips to those who are constantly on the struggle bus & hot mess express:

1. BEcome MORE
When my life kicked me in the face, one thing that always snapped me back to my desired reality: the realization that I had to actually had to BEcome MORE. I had to BE & DO who I want to BEcome.

For me, I struggled with the facade I wasn’t a significant person worth knowing or loving – BECAUSE I hadn’t become a person worth knowing. I let every shadow, bad habit, & sh*tty thought take over my life like a black cloud.

I either made fun of others or hid in shame to cover up my own insecurities. Examples: I laughed at people in that mushy gushy love, thought having money made you “bad” or it was hard to make, I hid in shame, people pleasing, & stifled my potential because I never wanted to be seen as a failure, rejected, & different, mocked “skinny” girls because secretly I wanted to be them.

You are capable of so much more than you think. Your voice matters & you can bring about phenomenal change in this world if you just let go of your fear of what others think of you, of thinking you have to hide behind your fake azz social media, of fitting into society’s boxes, & anything else not serving you.

Choose to BEcome MORE.

2. EXTRAordinary takes being EXTRA.
Fxcking own it. Frankly we’re lazy af as a society. We want everything to be easy peasy like taking a pill to get that “toned” physique we all desire. When the only way to truly get it & KEEP IT, is by consistency & creating an internal & external environment to support the person we wish to be. 

You know I’m not one to sugar coat, literally & figuratively, if you’re struggling, it’s because you need to DO MORE to BEcome MORE than you’re currently doing. Do more of the good shiz like:

– Smile at people for no good reason. They’re free!

– Give compliments just because they make someone feel loved

– Hold the door open for people, be kind

– Go to the fxcking gym. Eat your beef.

– Get your face out of your phone & acknowledge people in line or the elevator, get off your phone at dinner & actually talk, be present

– Do more of what you love just because it brings you JOY

– Allow yourself to love without expectations & risk being hurt because it’s better to have loved & lost than to never have loved at all

– Be unapologetic about loving yourself above all & realizing you owe no one anything

3. Experience More

I used to be scared sh*tless to think about hopping on a plane, road tripping alone, or striking up a conversation with anyone I didn’t know. It stifled me. Now I LOVE IT! I meet new people & friends everywhere I go. 

Being married to a US Marine in one chapter of my life & experiencing the melting pot of the military opened my eyes to a whole new world & I will be forever grateful. It has made me more well-rounded & appreciative of other ethnicities & all backgrounds.

Traveling made me more compassionate, appreciative of how I was raised, & opened my eyes to the world beyond my “perfect” & “safe” small country town USA in McCordsville, Indiana.

Get out of your hometown, pack your suitcase, & roll. Not to escape life, but to give yourself the moment to explore & pause to go find yourself again.

4. Be Content with Enoughness

I felt like a failure the majority of my life because I didn’t “live up to society’s ‘normal’ timeline.” I’ve talked about this before, I thought by 40 I would have been married 18 years, have 2 kids, a white picket fence, & 18 years seniority at the same job since college. 

LMFAO. 

2 divorces, infertility, thousands of dollars in debt, more jobs than I can count or include on a 1 page resume, & decades of sickness & beating the sh*t outta my body later…

But like I stated before, you don’t appreciate the good times without the bad. I would not be the woman I am today, writing this, helping you, via these experiences without them. Embrace adversity & YOUR OWN TIMELINE. Life happens FOR US not to us. 

You are enough simply because you exist. You will always be rich if you’re content with ENOUGH. Our future is not guaranteed, that’s really all we’re guaranteed. 

Accumulating money, titles, things, followers, a shrinking number on the scale, abs, certain milestones, whatever you wanna insert here…are pointless quests if you don’t love who you are & where you are right now.

Repeat after me:

“Trust that some of the best days of your life haven’t even happened yet. There are going to be parties that leave you dancing until 6am, spontaneous adventures that teach you more than you ever learned in a classroom. There are going to be nights that will stay burned beneath your eyelids, memories that dance underneath your skin. Life is going to exceed your expectations, it is going to astonish you with its timing.

Remember — you have not felt it all.

The world still has so much left for you”

– Bianca Sparacino

Love y’all

oxox Coach K

@lil_bit_of_fit

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Reflections on my 39th trip around the sun

Ya know I love vacations but I LOVE going home, more. Anyone else like this too?

Back to routine. My home. My gyms. My Pete 🐈‍⬛. My bed. My people I love. 

Gettin ready to head back to Indy tomorrow. 

As I did laundry & packed, I let my mind wander. This vacation felt like a huge reflection & reset for me. New beginnings. 

A few: 

  • Starting a new job PRN at the VA hospital in Indianapolis soon. PUMPED!
  • New workout routines & body goals, it’s gainz season y’all 🦾🦿
  • Purging stagnant & less optimal habits & replacing them with better ones
  • Purging things I don’t need
  • Simplifying & optimizing business & life
  • Being ok letting old friend circles go
  • Pushing myself to do new things, date, & meet new people

I am actually REALLY excited to enter my 40’s. Something about moving into a new decade makes me feel optimistic & all warm & fuzzy like a deep conversation over an old fashioned or a cup of coffee.

Life really hasn’t turned out as I “expected”

I feel it has turned out better & exactly how it was supposed to.

Kinda like this jumper here. This 5’1, shorty was skeptical about buying it. It was not what I expected – but BETTER. Well done Amazon, well 👏🏼 done 👏🏼 XS fit purrrrfect 😻😆

My younger self thought at 40 I’d have it all figured out, be happily married for decades, picket fence, 2 kids, #merica ….y’all can laugh now.

After 2 divorces I feel like the universe is telling me I make a really good ex-wife 😂 And ya know what? I am. I’m a great ex wife. I love all my exes. I have zero baggage & no hard feelings. I choose to remember the lessons & all the wonderful memories from my relationships.

That thinkin at 40 I’d “have it all figured out thang”…hxll I can’t even fxckin remember where I park my car in the mornings or what day it is half the time.😝 

Spiritually I still feel like I’m in my 20s, most days I physically feel BETTER than I did in my 20s. 

I say I have a young spirit & a significantly old soul. Dangerous combo.

I look young but inside I’m a baby grandma. Totally ok with it. Some days I can party with the best of them but most days I’m an introvert, don’t ask me to do anything after 8 PM.

It’s like I don’t really know what to do with me? So finally I just said fugg it, I don’t do rules I do what feels right. Especially dating or dressing myself. 

I’m at that weird age I really don’t know what’s appropriate, like how to “dress for my age” or “date in my age range”  

WTF does that even mean anymore?! 🤔🤷‍♀️

Someone, if you have the answer please clarify this for me 🙋‍♀️

I surrendered y’all. I surrendered to the fact that I will continue to get older each year & I don’t have to have expectations at all. Simply just a direction to always be working on bettering myself.

I vow, this year, to settle in & let my 39th year wrap itself around me like a warm & fuzzy Sherpa jacket.

I remind myself that faking happiness & perfection are the quickest way to die on the inside. I remind myself life is what it is & it IS what I make it. Do shxt that makes me happy & brings Joy. Be kind. 

Moral of this page from the life of Lilbitoffit:

I’m a 39 yo old woman. I’m flawed & weird af. I don’t love everyone & everything, & there’s plenty of people who do not love me & I could care less. 

I am getting wrinkles, sunspots, & I sure as hxll can’t recover from drinking like I used to & way over consume caffeine, but I refuse to give up coffee & making memories with friends & family.

I am still working on loving myself & living a life that makes me proud, fulfilled, & content. And I’m cool with having no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going. It’s never boring 😉 

Thank y’all for listening to this “middle-aged”rambling. 

Cheers to officially being a “cougar” next year 🐆😸 

Oxox 

Coach K

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The only 2 things you need to do to get the body, life, and love you desire

Going to take a different spin to answering y’alls questions today and I feel no matter what you are wanting to change or bring into your life this is how you’ll get it.

This really has nothing to do with a specific diet, macros, or workouts, BUT everything in your life stems from healing & cultivating a better relationship with just 2 things: knowing your worth & you’re enough & putting action behind it.

Full Youtube video here, click image

https://youtu.be/6vAczkI3cp8

You see you can go to the best doctors or hire all the best practitioners & coaches in the world but if you don’t believe in yourself, that you are worthy of whatever you’re seeking or wanting to heal, you’ll never get it.

We go to coaches & doctors for the “answers,” often seeking more numbing mechanisms to cover up the underlying issue which is us not believing in ourselves. We numb with excess food, shopping, alcohol, giving our bodies to people who don’t deserve them, etc. 
So I can sit here & give you all the specific diets, macros, & workouts, but they don’t fxcking matter if you don’t believe in yourself & that you’re worthy of these things. That means being able to apply the information as well, & if you’re paralyzed by your beliefs, the application won’t happen either.

For example, chasing beauty, love & success, even if you attain these things, they won’t bring you happiness & love unless you love yourself. Look at Marilyn Monroe, Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston, Robin Williams, Heath ledger… just had this conversation with one of my best friends the other day while watching A Knight’s Tale with Heath Ledger. These people were so immensely talented & yet they took their own lives because they didn’t love themselves.

Ladies, some of the most beautiful models in the world, the most successful people in the world get left in relationships, are lonely, & are not happy because they don’t love themselves. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder and the beholder is you.

When traumatic experiences happen to you, like maybe you were left as a child, or someone left you in a relationship, if you start to believe you’re not enough, & these things pile up on top of you, & you don’t learn to unpack your bag — they will suffocate you & take over your life.

“Bad” shxt happens, but if you seek changing your personality, or chasing a body aesthetic to attain “happiness” you will forever be unfulfilled, you’re not really treating & healing the underlying issue which is you believe you’re not enough. 
I did this, I did this for decades & chased a smaller body thinking it would make me happier — it did not. It may temporarily give you that “high” but you won’t stay there. You won’t stay there until you become the person you want to be & cultivate those success habits & commitments to stay the person you desire to be.

So take all these talented amazing people like the actors, actresses, models – all these successful people we think have everything, but do they? It’s easy to hide behind & be fooled by filters, editors, & facades.

Take us as young girls or boys, we often times chase after boys & girls, we try to change ourselves, we try to please our parents, please teachers, please other people & where does it get us?

Love & worth are not to be chased, earned, or worked for – just like food, they are essential for life.

Watch your world change when you start to love yourself. It’s like the “Beauty is not the rent we pay to exist in this world.” We matter just because we exist. I have this on a post it on my mirror.

As children what happens is we have unmet needs. We want to be loved, we want to be safe, we want to be viewed as successful & significant & we encounter disappointment in these areas. We begin to believe that our needs will never be met & we are not enough which transcends into our adult lives.

There is no one thing in this world that can meet your unmet needs other than yourself.

To feel beautiful & loved you don’t need to change your shape or get surgery or whatever you seek to change your appearance, the one thing you need to do is believe you are loved & lovable because that is what you will attract in your life. 
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself or change something as long as it comes from a place of self loving & not self loathing. Your foundation has to be set on true self love.

People love you & see your significance & appreciate you to the degree that you love & see your significance for yourself.

Think about it, when people say good things about you like, “You’re beautiful, my goodness you are so talented, I just love to hear your voice, etc” — all these good things are warm like a fabulous cup of coffee or that cocktail you love you that warms you from the insides. Exude that energy & other people will see it & you’ll notice better things will come into your life when you vibrate at this high energy. You can choose this feeling right now. Don’t give other people or things that power with which you hold within yourself.

Because when these things leave you, we tend to feel poorly about ourselves. Remember we attract everything that is aligned to our energy. What is meant for you will never miss you & if it’s meant to leave let it go. Release it with a loving heart.

When you learn the art of unattachment, that’s when you start a lifelong romance with your life. One that is fulfilling. One that will give you the body that you want, the feelings that you want, the experiences that you want, & the people that you want, and it all starts with you.- Not a diet, not another person, not the right workouts, or meal plan, or macros.

So how do we do it? You have to learn to nourish your soul like you nourish your body. You have to nourish your mind. Tell yourself what you want to feel & what you want to hear & paint a different picture. Tell yourself you are beautiful & you have a fabulous life & ove being in the sunshine & you have people who love you simply because you are you. Paint that picture & believe it.

Create vision boards. I love Pinterest & save quotes that make me feel alive, loved, understood. I save pictures of the healthy body I want & how I feel. I save pictures of relationships goals & the person I want to be & I want my partner to be. Embody the habits of that person you want to embody & put them in place to get what you want. You have to put action behind the desires, too.

Set your clothes out in the morning to make it easy for yourself to go work out. TImeblock walks in your schedule. Meal prep your food ahead of time so you have good things to eat. Book self care & time to yourself. Unapologetically own your fxcking life & quit letting other people influence your life & live it for you. Don’t let them influence you by putting down a specific diet or things that you love, or telling you you’re weird & you need to change. That’s giving other people power.

The longest relationship you’ll have in your entire life is with you. Kids grow up. Partners leave or they die. Your parents pass. Friends will come and go. But you always will be with yourself until your very last breath.

Believe you are worth it.Because you are. Remember if beauty made you happy every beautiful person would be happy. A bodybuilder knows you have to break down muscle & build it back up & let it recover over & over again to get the body they want — a wounded, broken heart is just the same.


oxox Coach K

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Flashback from 2018 & bullshit sandwiches

https://www.instagram.com/p/CTmZRtmF101/

What’s my favorite position…⁣
CEO. (Ma girl @laurenconrad )⁣
⁣
(Ps. I don’t wear many T-shirts but this is one of my favorites I bought last year from @amandaradke It fit this post perfectly 😉)⁣
⁣
Holy smokes…I found this entry below on my notes page in my phone from 2018. It brought back every painful emotion at that point in my life & it also made me really fxcking proud of myself. ⁣
⁣
I’ll share it openly with you & maybe it can give you the hope you need today or however it resonates…⁣
⁣

December 30, 2018 ✍🏼 :⁣


“What’s my favorite position…⁣
-CEO, mf’s⁣
(Borrowed from ma girl @laurenconrad )⁣
⁣
The age old question😆 We’ll keep it PG13.⁣
⁣
You’ll never be CEO of your life until you own it & start acting like it. ⁣
Does this mean perfection? – absolutely not, but EFFORT, YES.⁣
⁣
-You wanna lose weight? Invest a coach, make a plan, act.⁣
-You want a better relationship? Put forth the effort to nurture that relationship. Especially the one with yourself.⁣
-You want a different career? Get clarity on what sets your soul on fire & seek it. Open yourself up to receive.⁣
⁣
2018, I don’t know about chy’all but I don’t know whether to say thank you or🖕🏻you. ⁣
⁣
But you know what, the sweet spot is found in the middle.⁣
⁣
To say this year was a roller coaster doesn’t do it justice. Highs & lows like the ocean tide. ⁣
▪️Rebranded into an amazing new business⁣
▪️Traveled the US & met so many beautiful people & new friends⁣
▪️ Changed jobs for what seems a bagillion times⁣
▪️ Another failed relationship 🤷‍♀️⁣
▪️ My health tanked, spent the whole year building a new me from the inside out⁣
▪️ My car was repoed. But I now have payed her off NOW! ❤️🚗 ⁣
▪️ Invested in a business coach, learned tough love & more about the bullshxt lies I tell myself⁣
▪️ Aching broken heart 💔 ⁣
▪️ Weight & energy up & down & all around⁣
▪️ And then, I found myself again⁣
⁣
Sounds familiar? We’re all the same.⁣
⁣
The best part of this year was genuinely making connections with so many beautiful humans all over the world. From the bottom of my heart thank you for blessing my life y’all!⁣
⁣
Love people. Be unapologetic about who you truly are & openly accepting of others. Your network is truly your net worth.⁣
⁣
Remember, what they think of you will never cut you a check. And you are far richer & able in so many ways other than money.⁣
⁣
Cheers ☕️🥂⁣
What did you learn from 2018?”⁣
⁣
Now think back to 2018 & let that sink in.⁣
Are you still feeding yourself bullshxt sandwiches?⁣
⁣

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Seeking truth & finding the answers

During therapy, she said, “I don’t feel you really have social anxiety & neither do you, I feel, & as self-aware as you are, you feel, you’re surrounded by the wrong people & always seeking truth. Why stay in circles you’ve grown out of? You already know the truth you’re seeking.”

Fxck me. She right. Does this every time.🙄🤔🤦🏼‍♀️😄

I keep it real with y’all. I don’t just post health & “fitnessey” stuff. Yes, y’all need to learn that content too, but the meat 🥩 (lol always makes me giggle 😆) of what you need work on is self healing, self love, self awareness, & bluntly put – owning your shxt. 

🔆The biggest pillars my clients & I work on.

That’s truly how you get what you want – the abundance, love, happiness, body we all dream of.

So, let me share some of my real life lessons that may just help you…

💡 The entire time you may think it’s you but what it really is is the people & environment you surround yourself is toxic & misaligned. Be choosy who you let in your circle.

💡 I will never go thru another stage of life depending on someone to take care of me, validate my worth, have to tell a man/friend/etc – how to treat me.

💡 I do not need to explain my beliefs, definitions, & choices on diet, relationships, religion, politics, or what I choose to do with my body.

💡 Never be embarrassed or ashamed of your current situation. Most people in this world are covering up the same situations with filters & fake smiles.

💡 Choose people who understand, don’t judge, & lovingly allow you to be yourself. Those people feel like sunshine, gravitate to the energy givers.

💡 Relationships truly meant for you should come easily & feel like freedom & home.  Any one you have to keep secret, force, chase, change or censor yourself – is most likely one that will end & teach you a hard lesson.

💡 The best decision I ever made was to promise myself I would have the hard conversations I didn’t want to have because those are the ones that matter. I decided hiding my words was hiding me, & they may just be the words someone else needs to here to change their life. Your message & voice matter.

How do you know you’ve found the truth to what you’re seeking?

You get to the point where you feel like your life depends on constantly research, studying, & seeking. When we’re in school, often times it does, our life trajectory depends on our studies. 

As we age I feel we more study & seek truth about life, our purpose, & who we are in general. We try to make sense of it all. I can tell you I’ve been doing this constantly my entire life.

So the question has been asked, “How do you know when you found the truth to what you’re seeking?”

👉🏻The way you know you’ve found the truth is the truth that you’re seeking is the residence of who you’ve become.

It feels like home. 

It’s easy.

It flows like water. 

You’ll hear me say be like water, you have to learn to flow like water throughout life. 

The problem is for many of us growing up we are taught the truths of all the other people & society. We’re told we have to blend & fit into all the truths. Which then feels heavy, puts many of us into a box or forces us to feel we have to slap a label on our diets, our relationships, & about who we are as humans. 

Like we have to fit in a file cabinet in exactly just the right spot or we’re tainted & to be thrown in the trash.

Blend with the loudest most powerful & most authentic truths. 

💡Ask yourself, “What if it does work out exactly how I imagined, or greater?” 

How bout we end on that note & entertain that thought?! 🌈 

High five if read all this 👋 

Peace love & meat 🥩 🔪 

Swag: @kincaidsmeatmarket @kincaidsmeatmarketfishers

Gimme your best life lessons, share with someone else below👇🏻 Love y’all ❤️

Oxox Coach K

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Stuck between young enough to do it often, old enough to do it right & old enough to know better, young enough not to care.

Stuck between young enough to do it often, old enough to do it right & old enough to know better, young enough not to care.

-mood.

Anyone else? 😆 

🚨 Warning another long one 🙂 ✍🏼 🚨 ⬇️ 

Had a fabulous evening at the @Indystatefair yesterday! Felt like a kid again & it brought back so many memories. (Photo dump & some 4H & #stockshowlife throwbacks 📸) full post on Instagram http://www.instagram.com/lil_bit_of_fit

The county & state fairs where the highlights of my summers! For those of you still getting to know me, I was raised on a beef cattle farm in small town, McCordsville, Indiana. 

Our Farm has been in the Kelly Family for over 160 years.  I was a 10 yr 4H member & President, 4 yr FFA member & president, & graduated with a bachelors in Science from @lifeatpurdue 

Another fun fact: I’m a @purduedgs alumna💖⚓️

Working with our show cattle was my life, my heart & I miss it❤️ It was also a lot of hard work.

Reflecting, you know what else was? 2020😆 

2020 was hard work, 2021 has been no different. It’s like we thought with a new year everything would magically be rainbows & sunshine, right?!  Ha. 🙄😑 

I feel the years 2018-today have been the most transformative (painful & pleasurable) years of my life, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, & relationally.

Doesn’t matter what level of 50 shades of fxcked up, even in a global pandemic, I love having something to work towards.

Call it an obsession, whatever, kind of like the obsession I have with my airfryer & crisy #meatbars

Y’all are welcome🙃🥩♨️❤️

One thing I learned the last 2 yrs was that things can change in a heart beat! Relationally speaking, I went from being single, to a solid relationship, to single again, to married, to divorced (my 2nd).

This doesn’t trigger me anymore. I tell y’all this stuff about me because I want y’all out there who think people’s lives on the Internet are perfect because their pictures are “pretty” -they are not. 

I do not have my shi*t together nor do I know where I’m going. I know what I like & don’t like 🤷‍♀️  I just do the best I can just like you guys.

Some would be devastated by these so called “failures” or “flaws.” However, I choose to be a relentless optimist, I am SO GRATEFUL for every sweet & sour drop of experience I gained thru these chapters of my life.

No ragrets , no what if’s🙏 Not one bit.

I believe in divine timing, that I deserve everything I desire, & the Universe will bring me that – OR BETTER. (That “or better”part 👉🏻 is important. Setting intentions I always add that to the end of my statements.)

It is important to begin with thinking how I want to FEEL in 12 months time to move the needle forward.

I started by writing a long list of all the descriptive words that resonated with me. Words such as authentic, healthy, successful, wealthy, luscious, thriving, vibrant, loving, grateful, loved, significant, creative, satisfied, joyful. 

I kept thinking until I decided on the word, NOURISHED.

Immediately I knew that was how I wanted to feel.

Nourishment is usually associated with food however I want to apply that feeling to all parts of my life.

By focusing on how I want to FEEL, it reminds me what I could influence regardless of what was happening in the world❤️

Have you set any goals? Or are you just seeing how the year pans out?

As always I would love to hear your thoughts & I appreciate y’all reading the ramblings of @lil_bit_of_fit 💕

Peace, love, & 🥩 

Oxox Coach K

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Not everyone wants to get better and that’s OK. How to love yourself and love the people in your life well…

This morning I read a post by @the.holistic.psychologist that said, “Not everyone wants to get better + & that’s ok. Some people have an identity tied to sickness. Others fear true wellness because it is the unknown + the unknown is unpredictable.”

Ooof. Felt that one in my soul. How about you?

A quote I live by, “At the end of our life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?” – Jack Kornfield

Maaaaaaaan have I loved 😆 

Have I always loved well, however? No.

I’ve worked in healthcare for 16 years, a health coach for 6, had I can’t even count how many “failed” (I put this in quotes because it’s only a failure if you failed to learn the lessons 😉) romantic relationships & fizzed out friendships where this statement was applicable at some point.

A big lesson I learned, you can’t fully support &/or love a person for where you want them to be — you have to meet them where they are now.

No matter what type of relationship we’re talkin about. You can’t discount yourself based upon someone else’s potential. You only have the experience right now.

I don’t care if you’re a coach, doctor, married, divorced, partnered, a friend or family relationship — you can’t wish someone well, they HAVE to do the work & want to do/get better. 

I braindumped.

What can I teach you guys today that I wished I had known decades ago? And I’m still learning right along with y’all…

Here goes…

How to Love Yourself AND Love the People in Your Life:

1.) Always be honest no matter how bad it hurts.

2.) The true mark of expansion, self love, peace, & evolvement is recognizing someone else’s happiness is your happiness even if that means making a hard decision & lovingly letting them go.

3.) Tell people how brilliant & able they are. Sometimes they don’t see it for themselves. Kindness is always cool. Remember the Golden Rule✨

4.) It is possible to love someone but not be in love with them. You determine what kind of relationship you want, be HONEST.

5.) Be authentic. Give others the gift of the real you & a real relationship. Don’t people please + change yourself for any kind of relationship. It will always come back & bite you in the a$$.

6.) Listen more than you talk. People want to be seen, heard, loved, supported, & appreciated. And remember, the most interesting person in the room is the person who is the most interested. Ask questions.

7.) Be giving, but never sacrifice or compromise your integrity or authenticity. Boundaries change lives for the better. Strengthen yours.

8.) Always live by your values. Thoughts become things. What you focus on, you attract. Your habits & people you surround yourself make you. Choose wisely. 

I’ve been re-reading the book, The Vortex. Incredible life changing gems in this one. I’ll highlight a few:

— You can get to where you want to be from whereever you are — but you must stop spending so much time noticing & talking about what you do not like about where you are. 

— Be a more selective sifter, and make a list of the positive things you are living & the qualities of people you love to surround yourself with. 

— Look forward to where you want to be & spend no time complaining about where you are. The responsive Universe makes no distinction between the thoughts you think about your current reality & what you think as you dream of your improved life. You are creating by virtue of what you are thinking about.

— Your sense of who you really are pulses so powerfully within you that you must always continue to reach for satisfying relationships, because you understand, at very deep levels, the potential for joy contained in relationships with others. 

— Once you decide that your happiness depends on the intentions, beliefs, or behaviors of no other, but only upon your own alignment — over which you have complete control — then your relationships will not only no longer be uncomfortable, but they will be deeply satisfying. 

Now, put these gems 💎 in your front pocket & go out & LOVE somebody today, especially YOURSELF!

Oxox Coach K

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There’s a difference between being alone and lonely, it’s your choice

Had a follower ask how I stay so happy & positive being alone. Because being alone is something she struggles with.

I felt her emotions to my core, for I used to be the girl always in a relationship, one right after the other.

I responded with, “Well there’s a difference between being alone & being lonely. Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you have to choose to be lonely. 

For example, I met new friends this weekend at the pool. 

It’s amazing how the right people come into your life when you choose to do things by yourself with an open heart & an open mind. 

We talked about this very subject. One gentleman, also single & vintage like myself 😄, stated this very thing. He was definitely an extrovert, vibrant personality, & stated the majority of his married friends envy his single life & are unhappy in their marriages.

I’ve observed similar experiences. Like I’ve said before, I believe the most creative couples who define their own relationships openly are the happiest.

I’ve observed some monogamous, some in open relationships, some polyamorous, different sexual preferences, didn’t matter – “happiness” & “fulfillment” in those relationships came down to common denominators: those people having self-love within themselves, being able to evolve together, & open communication.

I told this particular follower, I didn’t know everything — I don’t & I’m still learning just like her & everybody else out there.

I said I can’t say when you’ll get love or how you’ll find it or even promise that it will happen. I can only tell you, & you have to believe this yourself, you are worthy of it. 

It’s never too much to ask for & you’re not crazy to fear you’ll never have it again, we’re human. I will tell you your fears are probably wrong, though.

Love is like the most nourishing & essential nutrient of life. Without it life has a little meaning. And this could be love for yourself, love for a greater purpose, or love for another. 

It is the most important thing we have to give freely & the most valuable thing we can be receive.

You can have love without being in a contractual relationship or “relationship” that society deems the norm. You have to Believe you are deserving & open yourself up to receive love in whatever version or person or people the Universe & God give you. 

You don’t have to & shouldn’t settle for anything that is less than. And you shouldn’t have to abandon yourself for said love.

Looking back, I always thought I was the sole problem in my past relationships. I was too deep, emotional. Maybe too needy. My personality was too big. I was simply too much. 

And I did display unhealthy behaviors, trauma, & actions in past relationships, I own that. I have worked diligently doing my own work & in therapy to learn how to develop healthy patterns, beliefs, self-love, & grace, a WHOLE LOTTA grace when old behaviors want to come back. You have to learn to let them go. 

Our job is to not settle for love or a life that is lackluster, abusive, emotionally damaging, or vanilla. Equally important we cannot settle for that kind of love from ourselves. 🤍

Oxox Coach K