I remember the binging days…& the more I thought & learned about it, I had bulimia.
There’s a slight difference between the two. While multiple similarities exist between the signs and symptoms of binge eating disorder & bulimia, there are distinct differences that separate the two.
People diagnosed with binge eating disorder do not typically force themselves to throw up (purge) the food they have just eaten. Alternately, people struggling with bulimia will eat & immediately throw up. Many tip toe amongst the shades of the two just like diets & different facets of life.
I remember the days I’d plan binges. The urge to eat welling up inside me. I couldn’t wait to get out of work & stuff my face. What am I gonna have? Something sweet & decadent?! Target has bags of Reeses on sale, I want cookies & brownies too! Maybe that box of gluten free chocolate cake donuts with the frosting! I’ll get one of those. Or two. I’m salivating already. 30 mins to go.
Full of shame, I’d buy everything I denied myself. They were my drugs. Sometimes I’d sit in my car & down 2 gallons of ice cream, boxes of cookies & brownies & then I’d rush home, gag myself & throw it all up. Then I’d wait for the nausea to pass & walk for hours to “burn it all off.” Anything I couldn’t throw up.
This isn’t true hunger I thought. This is something else entirely. Something darker. And it terrified me.
Everytime I’d say this was the last time.
But I’d break that promise every time the monster returned. The next day, the next week, the next month, for about 3 decades of my life.
What my f*cked up relationship to food did to me…
I lost all trust in myself. My broken promises proved that I was incapable of keeping my word, so I stopped committing to things. My response to social invitations changed from “Yes” to “Maybe” because I couldn’t predict when I’d be hit with another urge to binge.
I gave up on myself. I had tried everything to stop. I got angry, pleaded & begged. I listed the consequences on my wallet, waistline, health & social life.
I gave up on my dreams and ambitions and settled for just surviving.
I loathed myself. What kind of person goes through whole boxes of cereal in one sitting? I lived in fear. The next urge could control me at any time. I feared food.
The first step to recovery was truly admitting I had a problem. Surprisingly, it took me about 10 years to get to this stage. Then I chose to ignore it for almost 20 yrs after that but finally had enough of my bullsh*t & was saved by a book & adopted the carnivore WOE that helped me finally lose weight, stop the binging, & put my Crohn’s disease in remission.
You can read all about my story and first year transitioning on carnivore here in this blog.
The book: Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen. It gave me the first glimmer of hope I’d had in a long time & this is what I learned…
I hope it gives you hope too!
This is something we work on together as client and coach. Often times we think the magic is found in macros or a specific diet when it is actually our relationship with our self and food that is the thing holding us back.
Swipe, share, & save warriors!
oxoxo
Coach K
She specializes in gut health, sports nutrition, disordered eating, social branding, human connection, and how to optimize life to attract health, wealth, & happiness.
Katie welcomes all preferences & skill levels with a no diet dogma or one size-size-fits-all approach to health, wellness, fitness, & nutrition.
After decades of struggling with her own health issues from Crohn’s, obesity, disordered eating, infertility, hormonal imbalances, & being a competitive athlete, she is passionate about helping others find self love, achieve their goals, & create sustainable success habits for an EXTRAordinary life!
You can catch her via Instagram @lil_bit_of_fit & blog, Lilbitoffit.com