She said, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”
I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.
How bout we start there.
And I’ll ask y’all something my momma asked me recently, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”
I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino
There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection.
Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man or a perfect ME.
I’ve had a hard time letting people love me.
I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really fucked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get to that point of being the one that was hurt.
I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.
To the recovering calloused avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shit ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.
My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun, now knowing it’s a verb.
It’s something you choose, & it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of tacos & tequila (but that’s would be nice 😆🖐🏻🌮🍹sign me up btw)
A hard lesson I’ve learned recently is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying.
And things you nitpick may just be your ego talkin. Just because a day, a month, or a year doesn’t seem to align right now, doesn’t mean you set the whole damn thing on fire & watch it burn.
Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fucked up. 🤷🏼♀️
Jus sayin.
So I’ll be patient & wait…
…for that endless buffet of tacos & tequila
…with a splash of @morganwallen
…and my best friend by my side. ✌🏻🏝
Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto
Xoxo