We gettin deep today y’all. This is something I’ve never completely disclosed. I hope it helps you where you are right now twas a message I was nudged to share today.
So here goes…
Never did the world make a Queen of a girl who hides behind a facade of perfection in a house of guarded walls but an imperfect woman of wisdom in a house of mirrors & glass.
Are you just INTERESTED in being a Queen of high value building your empire or are you COMMITTED to being her?
I had a mentor ask me this.
Holy shit.
Another gut check moment.
You see our beliefs build habits & our habits reinforce those beliefs.
For those of you who are new around here & don’t know my story let me set a quick framework of my past that may resonate close to yours.
I too have been that human:
◽️going through a divorce feeling like failure & confused about identity
◽️car repoed, $40,000 in debt, $5 to your name, basically living out of your office & your car, eating at hotels to save money on food
◽️sick, struggling with disordered eating & orthorexia feeling powerless & ugly
◽️comparing wanting to be someone else, coveting their life or body thinking that would make me successful & happy
◽️thinking being single means there’s something wrong with me & I needed to settle & find a partner fast to actually be worthy instead of realizing I needed to work on myself & be the person I wanted to be with first
◽️getting involved in relationships, jobs, social plans when I feel resistance & ignoring my intuition, excessive drinking, overspending, giving my body to people who didn’t deserve it
So what did I do?
I visualized & BELIEVED in the things I wanted to manifest. I made a list of the things I would need to do & the person I would need to embody to achieve these things.
- The BODY — healing, health, rest, eating ENOUGH, working out because I love my body, vibrancy, food & body freedom, self love
- The CAREER — freedom, loving what I do, making an impact, following purpose not a paycheck
- The RELATIONSHIP — doing the inner work, believing in my self worth, getting rid of pre-conditions I learned over time, self awareness of my shadows and triggers, being the person I would want to be with
- The MINDSET — believing in myself, telling myself I’m a mf Hustler, a survivor, a thriver, I lead with my heart & I deserve everything I desire so I can serve others & myself to the highest degree
I stepped into my worth, I said NO to people, social media, habits, self sabotage more than I said yes to consuming toxicity. I created a routine that helped me be the person I wanted to be in the areas of my life: self, health, wealth, & relationships.
Doesn’t mean I was perfect, but it meant I fully believed in myself enough to grant GRACE & laughter for my humanness (aka when I fugged up 😂), & refuse to put myself on the clearance rack.
THINGS I MANIFESTED DOIN THE WORK:
💫For decades I lived in debt, during this Quarantine I made my last payment & paid off $43,000. Debts paid.
💫My health was shit, my digestion & adrenals a wreck — I finally got my health back & completed my most successful cut this past year.
💫I was basically living out of my office with 5$ in my account, barely having enough money for eggs, to having the apartment I always wanted.
💫I wanted freedom of schedule doing all the things I loved. I now have 4 different jobs in radiology as well as my coaching practice making my own schedule.
💫I wanted travel & to live in 2 different places. I traveled bw IN & MO, making them both home.
💫I’ve had a failed marriage, numerous failed relationships which broke me. I wanted a best friend & partner to live life with, one that is a life story not just a love story, one worthy of growth & future & feels like freedom & home. The Universe gave me a Marine 🇺🇸❤️ @_rottier_
💫 I’ve had car trouble for some time, transmission finally went out on my bug 🚘 I was devastated but knew I deserved better. Recently manifested the car of my dreams.
This has been a huge source of anxiety for me because my car is freedom & my freedom means everything. Which is something I struggle with & I’ll admit to you all. These are tough shadows to talk about & reveal.
It goes back to me being a prisoner in the majority of my abusive relationships in the past. I refuse to rely on other people to take care of me, I’m an overachiever, I don’t like to ask for help, I’m afraid of commitment because of my past experiences & it’s something I’m working on. I am independent & self-sufficient to a fault, causing me to put up a hard shell around my very soft center when fearful or threatened.
Thick skinned you could call it but I realize I come off as cold and heartless when this happens. When I reach a point of emotional exhaustion & frustration in a relationship, & I’ve said it before, I will cut a mf out of my life with no remorse & move on. (Friend, family, or romantic partner) Not proud of it. Again, with self-awareness comes the power of change. I’m working on it.
It affects every facet of my life & is one of my biggest fears.
My biggest fears: feeling insignificant, disrespected, unworthy, a failure, feeling like a prisoner whether it’s financially, relationally, or with my food & body image.
I’ve come to realize I have a problem with authority & I’m not always in the “right” for always doing what I want to do. I have constant discussions with my ego, Kathleen, as I like to call her. 😂
I get stuck in my own head & place so much pressure on myself to achieve & GSD to a degree it affects others & makes them feel inferior &/or insignificant. I apologize to anyone whom I’ve made feel this way through my ignorance.
In support, I told you before about a story where I had a performance review at work & my manager told me I needed to have more patience & empathy for other people‘s weaknesses. That was the first time I became self-aware of this shadow.
Kathleen is my masculine survivor. She is wolf.
Katie is my feminine caretaker. She is woman.
I know I need both of them. Finding the blend is the challenging part of being a human.
So a reminder to my fellow Type A’s, Ima get shit done 4x as fast as you, get out of my fuggin way I can do it better — props to being efficient but please be kind to those who are different than you. Utilize it as a strength to help others become better. Lesson learned.
#manifestinggenerator problems.
If you don’t know what your Human Design is, I highly suggest you look into it. It’ll help you understand how you’re wired & how you’re supposed to live this life & manifest more effortlessly.
I also suggest @tobemagnetic Her courses on doing the inner work we all talk about changed my life.
So some Sunday pondering, reflection, life lessons learned the hard way for y’all.
Remember the KING or QUEEN you wanna be.
I’d rather be a woman of imperfections & wisdom living in a transparent glass house than an imposter living within guarded walls. 👑
I’d love to hear your thoughts & comments or if you’ve struggled with similar struggles like me🤗
And if you need someone to talk to & coach you through your own situation, I’d love to listen, link here❤️