I would say up until, let’s say a few years ago, it’s hard to pin down exactity (I made that word up btw), I feel I lived my life in a constant struggle.
Occasionally I still do, except now, I see the beauty & gift that comes from the grit of the struggle. We wouldn’t understand the contrast or be able to savor the warmth & joy of the good times.
We all struggle with our own demons in some way because weāre human.
The most common messages I receive are āHow do I overcome X struggle?ā In one short-ISH response, Iām gonna give you the advice I would give my own children if I had any.
Know I’m also writing this not just for y’all who are strugglin, but also to my former self & a reminder to this present woman. Advice I wish I had when I felt worthless, ugly, fat, insignificant, unloved, & like my whole world was collapsing around me & I just couldn’t dig my way out.
When I thought darkness & scarcity & sickness was just “My Story” until I realized it was more about changing my desires & how I felt vs changing my beliefs. There’s a difference. Changing your vibration & feelings will attract what you want much quicker than simply stating a changed belief. Attraction includes the word ACTION.
Going through struggle is not about focusing on the suffering or avoidance of, itās about embracing overcoming adversity.
So my top 4 tips to those who are constantly on the struggle bus & hot mess express:
1. BEcome MORE
When my life kicked me in the face, one thing that always snapped me back to my desired reality: the realization that I had to actually had to BEcome MORE. I had to BE & DO who I want to BEcome.
For me, I struggled with the facade I wasn’t a significant person worth knowing or loving – BECAUSE I hadnāt become a person worth knowing. I let every shadow, bad habit, & sh*tty thought take over my life like a black cloud.
I either made fun of others or hid in shame to cover up my own insecurities. Examples: I laughed at people in that mushy gushy love, thought having money made you “bad” or it was hard to make, I hid in shame, people pleasing, & stifled my potential because I never wanted to be seen as a failure, rejected, & different, mocked “skinny” girls because secretly I wanted to be them.
You are capable of so much more than you think. Your voice matters & you can bring about phenomenal change in this world if you just let go of your fear of what others think of you, of thinking you have to hide behind your fake azz social media, of fitting into society’s boxes, & anything else not serving you.
Choose to BEcome MORE.
2. EXTRAordinary takes being EXTRA.
Fxcking own it. Frankly we’re lazy af as a society. We want everything to be easy peasy like taking a pill to get that “toned” physique we all desire. When the only way to truly get it & KEEP IT, is by consistency & creating an internal & external environment to support the person we wish to be.
You know I’m not one to sugar coat, literally & figuratively, if youāre struggling, itās because you need to DO MORE to BEcome MORE than youāre currently doing. Do more of the good shiz like:
– Smile at people for no good reason. They’re free!
– Give compliments just because they make someone feel loved
– Hold the door open for people, be kind
– Go to the fxcking gym. Eat your beef.
– Get your face out of your phone & acknowledge people in line or the elevator, get off your phone at dinner & actually talk, be present
– Do more of what you love just because it brings you JOY
– Allow yourself to love without expectations & risk being hurt because it’s better to have loved & lost than to never have loved at all
– Be unapologetic about loving yourself above all & realizing you owe no one anything
3. Experience More
I used to be scared sh*tless to think about hopping on a plane, road tripping alone, or striking up a conversation with anyone I didn’t know. It stifled me. Now I LOVE IT! I meet new people & friends everywhere I go.
Being married to a US Marine in one chapter of my life & experiencing the melting pot of the military opened my eyes to a whole new world & I will be forever grateful. It has made me more well-rounded & appreciative of other ethnicities & all backgrounds.
Traveling made me more compassionate, appreciative of how I was raised, & opened my eyes to the world beyond my “perfect” & “safe” small country town USA in McCordsville, Indiana.
Get out of your hometown, pack your suitcase, & roll. Not to escape life, but to give yourself the moment to explore & pause to go find yourself again.
4. Be Content with Enoughness
I felt like a failure the majority of my life because I didn’t “live up to society’s ‘normal’ timeline.” I’ve talked about this before, I thought by 40 I would have been married 18 years, have 2 kids, a white picket fence, & 18 years seniority at the same job since college.
LMFAO.
2 divorces, infertility, thousands of dollars in debt, more jobs than I can count or include on a 1 page resume, & decades of sickness & beating the sh*t outta my body later…
But like I stated before, you don’t appreciate the good times without the bad. I would not be the woman I am today, writing this, helping you, via these experiences without them. Embrace adversity & YOUR OWN TIMELINE. Life happens FOR US not to us.
You are enough simply because you exist. You will always be rich if you’re content with ENOUGH. Our future is not guaranteed, that’s really all we’re guaranteed.
Accumulating money, titles, things, followers, a shrinking number on the scale, abs, certain milestones, whatever you wanna insert here…are pointless quests if you donāt love who you are & where you are right now.
Repeat after me:
āTrust that some of the best days of your life havenāt even happened yet. There are going to be parties that leave you dancing until 6am, spontaneous adventures that teach you more than you ever learned in a classroom. There are going to be nights that will stay burned beneath your eyelids, memories that dance underneath your skin. Life is going to exceed your expectations, it is going to astonish you with its timing.
Remember ā you have not felt it all.
The world still has so much left for youā
– Bianca Sparacino
Love y’all
oxox Coach K
@lil_bit_of_fit
