Tag: Life Lessons

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There’s a difference between being alone and lonely, it’s your choice

Had a follower ask how I stay so happy & positive being alone. Because being alone is something she struggles with.

I felt her emotions to my core, for I used to be the girl always in a relationship, one right after the other.

I responded with, “Well there’s a difference between being alone & being lonely. Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you have to choose to be lonely. 

For example, I met new friends this weekend at the pool. 

It’s amazing how the right people come into your life when you choose to do things by yourself with an open heart & an open mind. 

We talked about this very subject. One gentleman, also single & vintage like myself 😄, stated this very thing. He was definitely an extrovert, vibrant personality, & stated the majority of his married friends envy his single life & are unhappy in their marriages.

I’ve observed similar experiences. Like I’ve said before, I believe the most creative couples who define their own relationships openly are the happiest.

I’ve observed some monogamous, some in open relationships, some polyamorous, different sexual preferences, didn’t matter – “happiness” & “fulfillment” in those relationships came down to common denominators: those people having self-love within themselves, being able to evolve together, & open communication.

I told this particular follower, I didn’t know everything — I don’t & I’m still learning just like her & everybody else out there.

I said I can’t say when you’ll get love or how you’ll find it or even promise that it will happen. I can only tell you, & you have to believe this yourself, you are worthy of it. 

It’s never too much to ask for & you’re not crazy to fear you’ll never have it again, we’re human. I will tell you your fears are probably wrong, though.

Love is like the most nourishing & essential nutrient of life. Without it life has a little meaning. And this could be love for yourself, love for a greater purpose, or love for another. 

It is the most important thing we have to give freely & the most valuable thing we can be receive.

You can have love without being in a contractual relationship or “relationship” that society deems the norm. You have to Believe you are deserving & open yourself up to receive love in whatever version or person or people the Universe & God give you. 

You don’t have to & shouldn’t settle for anything that is less than. And you shouldn’t have to abandon yourself for said love.

Looking back, I always thought I was the sole problem in my past relationships. I was too deep, emotional. Maybe too needy. My personality was too big. I was simply too much. 

And I did display unhealthy behaviors, trauma, & actions in past relationships, I own that. I have worked diligently doing my own work & in therapy to learn how to develop healthy patterns, beliefs, self-love, & grace, a WHOLE LOTTA grace when old behaviors want to come back. You have to learn to let them go. 

Our job is to not settle for love or a life that is lackluster, abusive, emotionally damaging, or vanilla. Equally important we cannot settle for that kind of love from ourselves. 🤍

Oxox Coach K

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What to do instead when you feel less than after someone devalues you

“You’re just too big to be a cheerleader, hon.” -cheerleading coach, middle school

“Pretty girls are in the front, you fit better in the back.” -a mom, childhood birthday party pictures

“Well, you’re just not polished enough.” -recruiter, job fair in college

“I’m sorry I cheated, I like you, it’s just, she was prettier.”

-someone not even worth mentioning here🖕🏻

Naturally I’d be lying if a part of me didn’t want to tell these people of past chapters of my life they can sxck it. 🙅🏼‍♀️🤣 but I’ll take the high road🌈 & use it to help y’all if you’ve ever struggled when someone has devalued you. 

People will teach you how to love well by hurting you. They will teach you how to love yourself by not loving you back. Life will teach you evolution & growth thru pain & stagnation. Pay attention to the wisdom the Universe is trying to teach you. Gold is found sifting thru gravel & diamonds are created under pressure.

Hxll, crispy airfryer meat bars were discovered by me being late to work & literally throwin the shizzle my nizzle in the airfryer basket. Now we can’t live without them! 😆♨️❤️

In these situations I should have not taken these statements as a reflection of my worth, simply moved on, & not allowed a single encounter to take up so much energy in my heart & taint decades of my being with negativity & shame.

I’m not sharing this for pity, I’m sharing this because I talk to a lot of you who are still choking & drowning on past trauma/shame which are transpiring into every facet of your lives from your relationships to your body to your careers.

This world is made up of a plethora of different people with different priorities with different life situations all 50 shades of fxcked up. 

You’re not alone, the difference is how you react to what life throws at you.

People who have broken my spirit have actually led me to having more empathy, more self worth & appreciation for who I am, & the desire to reach out to all of you because I have felt what a lack of human acknowledgment & compassion can do to a person.

Know that your feelings have a real place, & this life can be so much more beautiful & grander if we let love & optimism fully into our hearts.

Now go enjoy your weekend y’all 

Oxox Coach K

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Things you may need to hear today.

Things you may need to hear today…

👉🏻You don’t have to have life figured out.

Age (like weight) is JUST a number. Whether you’re 18, 21, 35 or 60. At school, we’re kinda forced to study certain things, pushed into a seemingly “normal” routine/timeline. (College, marriage, kids, jobs, diets, etc) Don’t worry if you’ve done things differently or, if you’ve followed that path & don’t really know what to do with your life yet. 

I have friends (& myself) who were married at 22 & divorced (some divorced twice). I have others who have been together since high school & are happily married with kids. 

I have friends who are 35 & beyond still single & traveling, or friends who are 25 & have the “white picket fence.” Others are married to their careers.

It’s cliche but you don’t have to ‘find yourself’ & figure out what works for you like it’s a finish line. It’s about enjoying the NOW & the journey of your evolvement. 

Trust me, you’ll be a helluva lot happier when you stop giving a shxt so much about tryna figure it out & fit into a box or camp.

Aging is a privilege. Just like all those wrinkles, stretch marks, sunspots, & “flaws” you have. That means you’ve lived!!!!

Can’t fuggin WAIT for my 40’s, every year it gets better! My birthday is next Friday BTW, I’m knockin 40’s door, I’ll be 39! Almost to cougar status.🐆 😂 

👉🏻Don’t compare yourself.

We choose to share certain things on social media & people don’t know the half of it. You cannot judge 1 chapter of your life to someone elses. There’s always someone in a better & worse situation than you. Just do you.

👉🏻Rainy days make flowers & rainbows.

The world is both bad & good, its called contrast. It’s important to spread kindness & love where you can. Sprinkle it everywhere. Smiles are free. You have the power to make someones day, use your power! Don’t. Be. A. Dick. (🤔Unless it’s the kind of D you want. Lol. I had to. 😂)

👉🏻You’re doing FABULOUS. 

In case noone told you today. Every day you have the opportunity to begin again & write another page.

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

Kathryn Stockett, The Help

One of my favorite movies of all time. WATCH IT.

So there we have it.

If you needed this today, I hope it helped. As always, I love hearing y’all’s feedback and advice for others on Instagram!

Oxox 

Coach K

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Goal Setting & Sunday Ponderings…

Stuck between young enough to do it often, old enough to do it right & old enough to know better, young enough not to care.

-mood.

Anyone else? 😆 

2020 was hard work, 2021 has been no different. It’s like we thought with a new year everything would magically be rainbows & sunshine, right?! 

Reflecting back, I feel the years 2018-today have been the most transformative (painful & pleasurable) years of my life, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, & relationally.

Doesn’t matter what level of 50 shades of fxcked up I wade thru, even in a global pandemic, I love having something to work towards. Call it an obsession, whatever, kind of like the obsession I have with my airfryer & crisy meat bars. 

Y’all can thank me, I know I’m not the only one out there 🙃🥩♨️❤️

Where To Begin

One thing I learned the last 2 years was that things can change in a heart beat! Relationally speaking, I went from being single, to a solid relationship, to single again, to married, to divorced. Some would be devastated, however, being the relentless optimist, I am so grateful for every sweet & sour drop of experience I gained thru that chapter of my life. No ragrets , no what if’s, y’all🙏 Not one bit.

I always go back to how I want to FEEL in my life (on all levels), I romanticize about specific things I desire but I leave the specificity to the Universe (God, whatever you choose to believe in. FYI, I am a non-specific manifestor, manifesting generator energy type #humandesign for all my people of WOO✨ out there)

I believe in divine timing, that I deserve everything I desire, & the Universe will bring me that – OR BETTER. (That “or better”part is important. Setting intentions I always add that to the end of my statements.)

So it was important for me to begin with thinking how I want to FEEL in 12 months time. 

I started by writing a long list of all the descriptive words that resonated with me. Words such as authentic, healthy, successful, wealthy, luscious, thriving, vibrant, loving, grateful, loved, significant, creative, satisfied, joyful. 

I kept thinking them through until I decided on the word, NOURISHED. 

Immediately I knew that was how I wanted to feel.

Nourishment is usually associated with food however I want to apply that feeling to all parts of my life.

By focusing on how I want to FEEL, it reminds me what I could influence regardless of what was happening in the world❤️

Have you set yourself any goals? Or are you just seeing how the year pans out?

As always I would love to hear your thoughts & I appreciate y’all reading the ramblings of @lil_bit_of_fit 💕

Peace, love, & 🥩 

Oxox -Coach K

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If you needed permission, here it is

Sometimes in life you get a lil thirsty… ☕️ 

Thirsty for body goals

Thirsty for professional goals, relationship goals, self healing goals

Thirsty for freedom & adventure

Thirsty for peace

Thirsty for ambition

Thirsty for love

Thirsty for clarity

— Thirsty for all kinds of things & I don’t want any of you to apologize for your needs, wants, successes, &/or “failures.”

I spent so many decades feeling shame for not living up to other peoples expectations, timelines, & living a life that wasn’t authentic to my story. 

Do you know that’s one of the biggest regrets of the dying? – Not living a life authentic to you.

Guess what? 

My life is a BIG beautiful cocktail of chaos & joy. 🥃

It is never boring. 😉

I wanted to remind you guys today you don’t need to apologize or explain your life to anyone.

You don’t need to people please.

You don’t need to disclose everything if you don’t want to.

You don’t need to let that nagging pit of shame  we all get we think we’re wrong or we’re not doing what is expected of us or we’re ebarrassed we changed our minds or we think we “failed” — whatever — control your thoughts 

& actions

& belief about yourself.

Let your hair down & live a little, ya know?!

One of the biggest lessons I learned in my 20s & early 30s was that I didn’t have to EARN food, anyone’s approval other than my own, & that enjoying the present moment was more precious than waiting to lean into life waiting for the some days when…

when I’d lost weight

when I earned more money

when I was “pretty” enough

when I had achieved more

when I had the perfect relationship

We all deserve to write our own dxmn story, to eat the diet that helps us thrive, to choose movement & workouts our bodies & minds love, to choose the people we love, to give into our wildest dreams, spontaneity, sink into our routines, & fxck up. 

You’re gonna fxck up a lot. — ENJOY life!

There’s your permission.

Cheers y’all!

Happy Monday

Stay Thirsty 😉 

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Every uplevel of life requires a different you: a guide to get there

You’re not going to get THERE, by doing what you did to get HERE. Every uplevel in life requires a different you. Stop shrinking yourself to fit places you’ve outgrown. 

These photos – just a couple of my seasons. I love them both & they both required a completely different woman.

If you’re gonna change – positive, upleveling change looks like:

  • Asking for what you want & being assertive in situations where you would’ve been silent
  • Not feeling bad or apologetic for asking for what you want, your needs, your dreams, your voice, your opinion, your authenticity, your space, your introvert, or your extrovert
  • Setting boundaries, having those conversations you don’t want to have
  • Acknowledging your deservingness & worth, opening yourself up to receive abundance, unapologetically requesting & accepting being paid for your time
  • Accepting help when offered, it’s not a sign of weakness
  • Allowing yourself to feel & be whatever feels intuitively right for you without worrying about labels or judgment. We matter simply because we exist
  • Celebrating every win, every joyous moment, receiving & giving acts of kindness & love
  • Cultivating self helping habits, routines, grace

Some of my favorite Jim Rohn quotes:

“Don’t say, ‘If I could, I would.’ Say, ‘If I can, I will.’”

“Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.”

“If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.”

“Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.”

“You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.”

“You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour.”

“Life and business is like the changing seasons. You cannot change the seasons, but you can change yourself. Therein lies the opportunity to live an extraordinary life–the opportunity to change yourself.”

I don’t know about you, but these lit me up today! Enjoy Loves oxox

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Life lessons and a simple guide to livin

Lover of words🙋‍♀️, blogger of all things 

life❤️🐈‍⬛💀🌻🪴🧳 

food 🥩🥃

& fitness🏋🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🦾 — my Instagram & website quickly turned from a place I occasionally visited to a home 🏠💕I built & filled with memories, life lessons, & a family — all of you!

I wanted to take time this morning to simply thank all of you for being a part of my life & allowing me to add value to your life in anyway that you need.

In my bio, which I swear I have changed a million times as I evolved as a human, I added a quote that reads, “🤷‍♀️I f*ckd up a lot😄”

Guess what? I’ll continue to f*ck up a lot.

And you will too. It’s part of this journey called being human. 

We don’t evolve & grow without a PUSH.

Just like a plant pushing thru the soil 🌱🪴🌷

It takes rain & sunshine 🌧☀️ 

Y’all know I love lists of life lessons.

They fill the pages of all of our storybooks📖 

Scroll thru, reflect, & enjoy! Share with your fellow humans simply trying to do the best they can💞

Life Lessons I take with Me

By: Katie Kelly @lil_bit_of_fit

A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you. The only one that matters is the version you believe in your own mind.

The best decision I made was having all the hard conversations I didn’t want to have because those are the ones that change your life.

There’s a difference between feeling stuck & burned out. Feeling STUCK happens when you stop growing. It happens when you lose a feeling of purpose & you’re bogged down with too many tasks &/or energies of other people. Feeling BURNED OUT, you feel cognitively, emotionally, physically exhausted. Making it difficult to communicate, think, & work efficiently. LISTEN. If you’re feeling STUCK, try something new & chase whatever you’re passionate about. If you’re BURNED OUT, prioritize self-care & take a break, unapologetically.

Worry less if people like you & more about if you even like them.

Rejection is not as personal as it feels. Liking someone or being liked is more about compatibility than your worth. Stop choosing what isn’t choosing you. Read that again.

When dating, ask yourself if you would be friends with this person if you weren’t physically attracted to them. Do they make you a better person? Do they embody the person & life you desire? Be honest. This is a game changer. You are who you surround yourself with.

Stop ignoring red flags & patterns of behavior. Don’t think a mf wouldn’t do that to you, trust, a mf will def do that to you. 

Stop living your life thru a piece of glass you rub & hold in your hands. The NOW is all we have. The past doesn’t need you anymore. The future hinges on your NOW.

Your LOVE life is only one area of your life. Don’t forget to nurture the rest. The grass is greener where you water it. You attract the energy you put out. When you envision your desired life, what does it look like? Be specific & embody the person that lives that life.

You are not your relationship. You both are 2 unique, amazing individuals that have chosen to live a life together. There’s YOU, there’s THEM, & there’s your RELATIONSHIP. You must honor all 3. The “right” person will feel like freedom & home, your safe place & your biggest adventure.

Have a firm handshake. Look people in the eye. Be honest. Never give up on people, miracles happen every day. Don’t be afraid to accept help.

Choose your life partners wisely. From this one decision can stem 90% of your happiness & misery. Learn to release people with a loving heart. Some relationships are only meant to last a season. Learn from them.

You dictate your reactions & control the pen that writes the words which fills the pages of your storybook. Don’t like your story? Write a new chapter.

A smile & a kind word go a long way. And they’re free.

The most interesting person in the room is the one most interested. Ask questions. Listen. Be a relentless optimist. Give people a second chance, think twice before giving them a third.

Be bold and courageous, live a life authentic to you. You’ll regret more of the things you didn’t do than the things you did do. Asking for forgiveness is easier than permission. 😉

Remember the golden rule. Treat others better than they treated you. Remember the 10 Commandments. Remember people may not remember exactly what you said, or what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel.

Now go make every moment magic 🪄 

Oxox

  • Coach K
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Why you can’t live a BIG life always playing it small

I used to want to be the smallest girl in the room. Because thin meant she was the prettiest & worth being loved & admired.

Then I wanted to be BIG & small at the same time. I wanted to be BIG & STRONG & live a BIG life but I still wanted a small body.

Taking up less space may get you complements, it may change the way people see you, but it won’t change your worth or the relationship you have with yourself. 

How you see yourself at your core will not change simply because of your weight. That’s part of the work you have to put in.

Your worth is also not based upon you accomplishing everything on your to do list, or over eating, or looking good in an outfit, or having too many cocktails or none at all, or plain just not knowing where you are in life or where you’re going.⁣⁣

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The only way to throw those weights in the trash & rid yourself of feelings of being viewed as “less” is to cloak yourself with new, real truths & an entirely new narrative. ⁣

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I’ll leave you with words from @annelamott 👇🏻⁣

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“What if you wake up some day, & you’re 65, or 75, & you never got your memoir or novel written, or you didn’t go swimming in those warm pools & oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly & you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism & people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination & radical silliness & staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.” — Anne Lamott⁣

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Go live that big juicy creative life, of imagination & radical silliness. ⁣

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Stay thirsty

xoxo ⁣

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Lack of honesty in relationships — the actual “weight” you need to lose to gain

I was never prepared for half of the shxt I’ve gone through, but I got thru it.

During a client consult call yesterday, the conversation turned into more about her habits & relationships than macros or diet — which often is the “weight” we are carrying around.

Our relationships with other people, food, ourselves, exercise — weigh enormously on our overall health (mental &physical).

Laughter, sleep, nature, nourishing food, sun, friends, alone time — all the best medicines.

My client said she didn’t think she was meant to be in a relationship because they never seem to work out.

I asked her if she was being honest with herself, honest with her partners & really clear on what she wants (or lack of). 

She said she thought so. 

And I said, “That’s your answer, you don’t just think so — you gotta know.”

I explained people come into your life as mirrors & teachers & if you’re lucky enough, you find a human you align positively with & fancy incredibly well. But that was up to her & the energy she was putting out there.

She said she feels timing is always off.

Sometimes honest feelings & bad timing make the most painful combination.

Thinking you met the right person but at the wrong time. You want so badly for things to work out but there’s that nagging “ I don’t think this is right” ache that won’t go away. Usually ends in dragging things out or hiding feelings which lead to resentment.

A quote that hit me hard in the past: “Some people keep changing partners to avoid changing themselves.”

READ THAT AGAIN

You can insert food & exercise there as well.

I was like, fxck me. I have done this for years🤦🏼‍♀️

I broke relationships & friendships because speaking up & healing myself didn’t feel “safe.”

I’d cut people out with no remorse without explaining how I was feeling. Because navigating conflict felt like I either had to be the villain or the victim, & that made me weak.

Fears, attachment styles, self sabotaging habits, etc — don’t be afraid to dig your own dirt. This could be the very thing keeping you from losing weight, attracting success, finding love or keeping the one you have or had right in front of your eyes.

Lots of love y’all ❤️❤️❤️

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The stories you tell yourself can create blocks or boundaries. How to create healthy boundaries for extraordinary stories!

What if instead of trying to fix your entire story, just focus on writing one extraordinary story at a time. Then commit to planting those extraordinary seeds every day and watch your story grow.⁣
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I write everyday.⁣
Stories.⁣
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Stories are important. For they create your identity. The book, Atomic Habits talks about stories.⁣
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What stories are you telling yourself? ⁣
What identity do you want to embody? ⁣
What systems do you have in place to help you achieve your goals?⁣
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I feel there are 3 big areas of emotion affected by the stories we tell ourselves.⁣
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Money stories. ⁣
Relationship stories. ⁣
Health (Food & Body) stories.⁣
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What I did wrong: all 3 of these in some way I discounted my worth & desires.
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I set blocks instead of boundaries — there’s a difference. ⁣
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For example, relationships: If I was asked out & I really liked a guy, I’d lose myself & completely change my plans to do what they wanted to do. This was me not valuing my needs. A block. ⁣
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Now, instead of completely denying myself of my plans/needs I would simply say, “Let me get my workout in (or insert whatever plan I had for myself). I will connect & confirm plans later because I would like to spend time with you.”⁣
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This is me setting a boundary not a block. This application can be used across the board.⁣
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Example, Health: instead of saying, “I’m not a morning person, I don’t have time to meal prep.” Set a system & a boundary. “I don’t like to get up early but I will commit to 3 mornings this week & meal prep lunches because I want to be healthy.” ⁣
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Choose extraordinary actions because you deserve to write extraordinary stories.⁣
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Write the identity you want to embody around money, relationships, & health.⁣
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Mine👇🏻⁣
MONEY: I am safe, able, deserving, successful & abundant.⁣
RELATIONSHIP: I am loved, seen, heard, safe, & significant. My relationships feel like freedom & home. I want my future partner to feel the same in the way they need.⁣
HEALTH: I am healthy, energetic, thriving, strong, intelligent, & beautiful in every season.⁣
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Inner calm, outer order😉⁣
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Share yours!⁣
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