Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
Honestly, I think one of the most empowering things you can do to remove weight is to separate what you view as a negative thing or quality from your identity.
Instead of saying things like:
My life sucks
I’m fat, lazy, a failure, a loser, etc
I can’t
I’m unlovable, unsuccessful
I’m not special
I’m weak
or whatever the hell ya wanna put here…
Recognize the feeling & frame it as an action or quality that you are consciously working on rather than an unchangeable part of who you are. It’s not who you are, it’s what you feel you are. Feelings are fleeting & malleable.
I want you to repeat everyday, & I DGAF if you think it’s stupid, it will change your life if you believe:
“Everyday in every way I am better and better.” – that’s it.
Today’s Message…
The Universe always replaces what exists in your life with something bigger and better, only if you believe. Release what’s stuck, release holding on to the past or resisting change. Welcome new skin & new energy. Let go of what needs to be removed. There’s great blessings in surrendering & allowing the Universe to take care of you.
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It was like I was jumping into my car to go somewhere without the keys…
The number one block preventing me from transformation was my BRAIN.
Like 90% of all transformation comes from awareness & resilience. I didn’t know that when I started.
When you are at your lowest point, that is your greatest door to change. A big friggin door that smacks you in the face!
I remember the morning after I wrecked my truck. I fell asleep at the wheel. Tired, going through a divorce at the time, living with my parents, had been drinking that day.
My mom looked at me as I walked into the kitchen & I told her what had happened. I said, “Mom I have a problem.”
She replied, “Yeah I saw your problem sittin in the driveway. Congratulations, you’ve hit rock bottom. There’s only one way left to go & that’s UP from here!”
Trying to navigate my way through life, more specifically my weight loss & health journey, I thought my success & happiness would come when I found the perfect diet. I thought if I could just find an easy way to restrict food, lose fat fast, & shrink to the smallest version of myself my problems would be solved.
It wasn’t all my food, most of my problems stemmed from my thoughts & the story I kept telling myself.
Your brain is the control center for all activities in your body, mind, & reality you live. It regulates your breathing, heartbeat, emotions, thoughts, words, conversations you hold internally & externally, & many more vital processes.
Yet, most of us think success comes from singular things like diets, workouts, having just the right job or relationship, when we’re harming our brains every single day. And most of the time, we’re not even aware of it.
I started noticing positive changes & ease of life when I set new intentions & habits like spending more time outside, listening to my gut, doing things that brought me joy like coloring & walking, light therapy, gratitude, morning movement, less time on my phone, using blue blocking glasses, not drinking tap water, moving more throughout the day, removing toxic people/things/habits/social media & cultivating an up leveling environment. All products, codes, & links are in the link in my Instagram bio.
I wanna share these with you so you can learn them quicker than I did.
The 4 habits crippling your brain & blocking success!
SLEEP
Y’all this a biggie! Most of us don’t get enough & realize the impact quality sleep has on our overall health & energy. It affects EVERYTHING from our mood, energy, performance, fat loss, muscle gain, body function, ability to give sh*ts about the truly important things we should give sh*ts about.
When was the last time you didn’t sleep well but felt great & performed at your best? Never. I’ll answer that for you.
The consequences of sleep deprivation can be fatal & range from dementia, brain cell loss, early memory loss, or even Alzheimer’s. These effects slow down your thinking, impair your memory, & hinder learning. Research even shows that sleep deprivation might shrink your brain. When you sleep, your brain gets a chance to recover & process what you’ve learned & experience throughout the day.
THE FIX
Most people need 7-8 hours of sleep to feel & perform their best. However, it’s also important to consider the QUALITY of your sleep. Set regular bedtimes, wear blue blocking glasses after sunrise & light therapy in the mornings. I use Swanwick glasses. Put down the electronics an hour before bed, create a dark, cool environment by turning the heat down & getting black out curtains, reduce caffeine intake to mornings only & under 300mg/day, take a natural melatonin & or magnesium supplement before bed. Helpful supplements I’ve used are Natural Vitality Calmful Sleep, Relax Liposomal from Nuethix Formulations, & Zzzyquil. On Amazon Favorites List here
2. DOING “NOTHING” One of the most underrated ways you might be harming your brain is by NOT USING IT. Your brain is like a muscle & like they say, “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.” We are designed to move & create & think. Challenging thoughts, new skills, different hobbies, interesting & meaningful conversations, reading, podcasts, nurturing social media, YouTubes, new experiences, puzzles, games, coloring, cross stitching, painting, & crosswords can help stimulate your brain & develop neuroplasticity, which refers to the brain’s ability to adapt. Like any muscle, your brain needs to be used and flexed to stay in shape.
THE FIX Research proves that brain exercises have a positive effect on our cognitive abilities. So, what are you waiting for? Ask yourself what you could do today or this week to learn something new & train your brain. Start with choosing something that brings you Joy! I enjoy coloring, writing, learning, exploring new places I’ve never been & talking to new people!
3. NOT MOVING
I’ll say it again, we were made to MOVE. Living a sedentary lifestyle can have dangerous effects on our mental & physical health. An inactive lifestyle comes at high costs, such as heart disease, obesity, diabetes, depression, loss of strength, & even dementia.
A study found that a sedentary lifestyle also has negative effects on our brains. For example, it negatively influences our memory. There’s nothing wrong with chillin on the couch & taking a time out, we need that balance too. However, the problem is that millions of people, especially those working from home or with desk jobs are victims of a sedentary lifestyle (because you choose to be). 10k steps per day, make that a goal.
THE FIX Beating a sedentary lifestyle is mostly about incorporating daily activity into your life that you enjoy & becomes a success habit. It’s not about exercising hours a day but being intentional to make movement a vital part of your day.
Teach yourself to be a morning person, get your workout or some kind of movement done first thing. The most successful people make this a part of their morning routines. Take short walk breaks every 20-30 minutes, walk after meals, park further away, take the stairs, wind down with a short walk at night, do yoga, stretch, run, do group classes, walk around your house & lift dumbbells during commercials – just do something! I walk around our ER & around my CT machine in between patients, I walk after meals & work out in the morning. I also have a pair of extra 10 & 3lb weights & a resistance band I keep in my radiology suite for a quick circuit during down time.
4. NIX THE SUGAR
According to Fernando Gomes Pinilla, professor of neurosurgery at UCLA, what you eat affects how you think. 100% agree! If you’re like me, I’m one that has suffered with gut issues & food addiction. Never had a great relationship with carbs or sugar, nor could I digest them well.
Research also proves that a high-sugar diet slows down our brains as well as interferes with memory & learning. What do we tend to crave in times of stress or boredom? Typically highly caloric foods chocked full of sugar, carbs, & fat. When we get overwhelmed & stressed, these cortisol spikes make us feel the need for more energy & the easiest way to get that instant hit is through sugar. And that’s exactly what most junk food delivers: minimal nutrients, low quality oils, additives, sugar, & salt. The problem is that we are overfed & undernourished as a whole because of readily available “junk” food. Malnutrition doesn’t only harm your waistline but also affects brain function & development. Our brains make up 2% of our body weight, but they use 20% of the resources. That’s why the food you consume has such a huge effect on your thinking & behavior.
THE FIX
Cut out the crap. Protein & healthy fats should make us the majority of your meals. Choose foods you love & ones that do not trigger negative physical or mental problems like gut issues, mood swings, & disordered eating habits like binging & emotional eating.
Make sure you’re eating enough, We should be eating out true maintenance calories the majority of the year. You can use the TDEEcalculator.net to find yours & it’ll give you a suggested group of macros. I like my protein set around 1g/lb of body weight or goal weight if you have more to lose. I’ve personally even gone up to 1.5g/lb of body weight & for smaller individuals like myself doing a more meat-based, low carb lifestyle.
My meal 2 at work today! #meatbars 😉 Airfry. 380, 12 minutes thru preheat cycle. Surf & Turf! Air fried shrimp, 80% ground beef, & 93% Perdue ground chicken! Cleaning out the fridge. I bring an airfryer to work with me. Have an instant vortex 6 qt. on Amazon fav list. These also re heat well. Info all over my IG, scroll thru, check highlights & link in IG bio!
Invest in a coach or practitioner or qualified individual to help you! My Coaching FAQ’s are in the link in my Instagram bio & here!
AS always, to my humans out there just tryna be better! oxox Coach K
Feeling pretty & PRETTY STRONG this mornin. Shamelessly admiring my arms in the freakin awesome lighting🦾 @hotworx.fishers
Your homework is to take time to simply love on yourself today, too. You’re magnificent!
Photo dump on IG of my morning success habits which includes me writing to y’all (& myself) every single day.
Workout at HotWorx Fishers. Loving the new Blast workout!
Post workout breakfast. 1.25 lbs of 80% ground beef #meatbars Airfry. 380. 12 minutes. Did not consume the fat in the bottom of the airfyer to make it leaner. Recipe is on my IG, link in bio & in highlights. I bring an Airfryer to work . Instant Vortex 6qt.
Happy light! I use this portable light everyday for 30 minutes. On Amazon Favorites List on IG. Link in IG Bio.
I had a great workout & sweat sesh while learning & listening to @iamsahararose & @itskrista talk about The Law of One. Well done sisters👏🏼 this was mind-blowing 🤯 & remarkably expansive!
Sparked what I felt nudged to channel & share with you guys:
Uncomfortable truths I wished I had realized & accepted earlier in life …
Here goes…
Happiness is the byproduct of living your purpose. Happiness doesn’t make you happy, having purpose makes you happy. Once you become at peace with your purpose, your life & your body will fall in line. You won’t feel the need to numb & self sabotage with emotional eating, gluttony, self-loathing, overspending, sleeping around, excessive drinking – pick your poison.
Talking with clients & reflecting on my own journey, the reason we self sabotage is because we’re trying to find love & stimuli outside of ourselves & feel we have no purpose, no significance.
It’s like eating when you’re bored. It’s like the elderly & their partner dies or they’re put in a nursing home or you take their keys away, they often expire shortly after. It’s like taking away their purpose.
Gut check moment, right?!
Learn to redirect your mind & you then learn how to redirect your life. It’s your choice.
We all have definitions of heaven & hell. We are all deliciously unique individuals. Just let people BE. Loving someone in the hopes that they will change is not truly loving someone. Truly loving someone is giving them the free will to live as they choose. This includes learning to lovingly release & let people go. Remember everything happens for you not to you. Stop trying to cram a round peg into a square hole.
Not everyone wants to be in the same kind of “relationships.” The definition of a relationship will be different for us all. We’re all One. One Love. There is no right or wrong way to live your life, it’s all an experience of your choosing.
I personally feel there is no requirement to have to slap labels or legally binding contracts on relationships to make them more significant or lucrative.
What “successful” looks like, what “beautiful” looks like…if they make you happy & fulfill some part of you, let it BE & savor the moments. And if you choose at some time to be exclusive or to change your definition in a different way, let that BE & savor the moment or the season. Stop over complicating shxt.
Have a partner who wants to see you thrive & evolve WITH YOU or no partner at all. Y’all, being around energy vampires who’re trying to keep you small is painful af – AND your decision. One of my best friends, as well as myself, have been in a relationship(s) where the other persons needs & goals were always way more important. You felt all that mattered was that you made it as easy as possible for THEM to move forward & be comfortable. If you achieved success, they were jealous, felt you were overshadowing, it was never as good as theirs, & your goals were ridiculous.
Even though we sometimes can’t choose whether we fall in love or not, we can indeed choose whether we stay with someone. There’s a big difference in being alone & lonely. I will repeat this to my very last breath. If your partner constantly dulls your shine & all you feel is your energy waning & seeking to people please, it’s probably the wrong partner.
A rich relationship should be full of support, nourishing challenge, & encouragement. If someone doesn’t want to see you achieve your dreams, they won’t be there when you hit rock bottom either. Sorry Sis, no, quit bullshxttin yourself. And just because a relationship has lasted “a long time” doesn’t mean it’s working.
Life isn’t “fair” it just “is.” If you expect life to be fair, you’ll be disappointed & never reach your potential. Shxt happens, & sometimes, there’s no reasonable explanation for why things happen or why people do what they do.
Ultimately I do believe we manifest our lives & attract what we get, we attract what we are. So think about that & control what you can control, which is your vibration & reaction to things.
There won’t ever be a better time to start. Most people waste their lifetime procrastinating instead of living their desired life because they think there will be a “better time to start.” You never know how much time you have left, & life is certainly too short to postpone experiences that bring you joy. Making a wrong decision is better than making no decision. It’s like that saying I love SO much, “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” 😂
Money is simply energy & it has power. No matter if you like it or not — money matters. Learn to love it. Learn to appreciate it. It isn’t bad. It doesn’t make people bad. The vast majority of the global population spends 40+ hours per week working for money. Most people hate their jobs, but stay because they need to “pay the bills.”
Many of us spend a significant part of our lives working for money, I personally LOVE working, it brings me happiness & a feeling of purpose, but most people deny its importance or they let it define them.
Stop denying the power & importance of money & start learning how to use it to your advantage & give back. Make it work FOR you, stop wasting it on useless things, use things love people, invest only in things that bring you joy & upleveling.
Money isn’t everything, but it certainly brings you freedom, the ability to give back, & makes life a whole helluva lot easier & more fun.
Social media can steal your time, energy, & your soul but it doesn’t have to. I have a love-hate relationship with Social media. The trolls make it unbearable some days, haters gonna hate, hurt people hurt people, etc. etc.
Your voice matters, don’t let other people stifle what you want to share with the world. Be proud of your life & your body. You can decide whether you use social media to make your life better or worse. You have control over what you consume & what you see.
Choose to be a creator, not a consumer of content. I loathe the word influencer, I choose to be an Authority. Sorta sweet, sorta Beth Dutton vibes. 🙅🏼♀️😉 Where my Yellowstone fans at?! 👋
Final thoughts… Life ain’t always easy but it’s always good. It’s a privilege to wake up & be alive. Don’t expect life to be fair, create your own rules. Or do as I do, I don’t do rules I do what feels right.🙃
If you constantly choose comfort & ignorance over courage & awareness, you’ll end up being the puppet of others. If you, however, manage to embrace the following truths, you might be able to design an extraordinarily fulfilling, purpose-driven life earlier than I did.❤️❤️🩹❤️🔥
I’ve never been good at asking for help. Not in school, not from friends, not from the doctor, therapy, not from mom & dad, not from anyone really.
Always had that “figure this shxt out for yourself” mindset.
I know now this stemmed from fear of being judged – fear of being wrong, fear of being viewed as weak & stupid & not being able enough to take care of myself.
In my 1st marriage, I was not the breadwinner. I depended on him for numerous things. To put a roof over my head. More expensive items & investments. Paying for vacations & when we went out to eat. And he provided, which I’m grateful. He’s a good man & I wish him the best to this day.
I didn’t have a lot of money. I was in debt. Still a hard worker but could just never get my head above water. I felt like a prisoner & hopeless & weak. I should’ve left years before I did for the both of us to thrive.
This fear of having to rely on someone else grew throughout my following relationships. I was the breadwinner for the majority of them. Fear of commitment & dependency turned me into the stereotypical emotionally & relationally avoidant. You could imagine the pain of having to say I was a “dependent” when I married a US Marine. Omg the sting.
Growing up on a farm you’re raised to be strong, productive, resislient, & self-sufficient. There wasn’t always someone there to help you. You had to learn to figure things out for yourself.
Which I guess is why I do well in radiology, too. We have to think on our feet, outside of the box. We often times work alone, we have to move patients by ourselves, we have to learn to get images & diagnostic exams done for your doctors with as much precision as possible so we can help save peoples lives.
We are the eyes of your physicians. If we don’t do an exam correctly & efficiently, a diagnosis could be missed or misdiagnosed which changes the trajectory of your life. If we inject the wrong contrast or don’t follow proper protocol, we can kill you.
Talk about pressure right?!
We’re not just monkey button pushers.
Xray school just exacerbated my issues with not asking for help. Stubborn. As. Hxll. I hated every moment of Xray school. You feel like you’re under constant scrutiny & criticism. It’s true, survival of the fittest & only the strongest survive
One of my favorite mentors, Dr. Stephen Cabral, sent an email yesterday about this very topic. Him & his team helped me heal from SIBO & a bacterial overgrowth years ago. I learned much from them about proper functional nutrition.
This really hit home for me too… You can apply it to any area of your life.
“If you encounter a forest & you know on the other side are your hopes & dreams, you’d want to get through the woods as fast as you can…
But most of us struggle, forever hacking through the bushes & branches, changing directions, getting lost, & wasting time…
While all along if we had just stopped before making the treacherous journey on our own & found a local guide that had traversed this forest thousands of times, that person could simply show us the paths they’ve cleared over the years.”
I don’t know if I needed to hear this, or someone else out there too, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I know I’m not the only one out there that has been conditioned to believe “figuring it out for yourself” is some badge of honor. Like I used to think not eating & beating the
out of my body was too.
I’ve learned I NEED to ask for help & it’s ok. That’s what we’re here for to help support, learn, & grow together, united.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak, stupid, or incompetent. It means you’re smart because no one knows everything & you should never be the smartest one in the room or you’re in the wrong room.
This is the fastest & most guaranteed path to success. On every level: health, weight, relationships, career, finances, spirituality.
If I can ever help in anyway, I am honored to be your guide. This was way longer than I expected but obviously a message that needed to get out there.
Wish you all the best Monday & start to your week!
I would say up until, let’s say a few years ago, it’s hard to pin down exactity (I made that word up btw), I feel I lived my life in a constant struggle.
Occasionally I still do, except now, I see the beauty & gift that comes from the grit of the struggle. We wouldn’t understand the contrast or be able to savor the warmth & joy of the good times.
We all struggle with our own demons in some way because we’re human.
The most common messages I receive are “How do I overcome X struggle?” In one short-ISH response, I’m gonna give you the advice I would give my own children if I had any.
Know I’m also writing this not just for y’all who are strugglin, but also to my former self & a reminder to this present woman. Advice I wish I had when I felt worthless, ugly, fat, insignificant, unloved, & like my whole world was collapsing around me & I just couldn’t dig my way out.
When I thought darkness & scarcity & sickness was just “My Story” until I realized it was more about changing my desires & how I felt vs changing my beliefs. There’s a difference. Changing your vibration & feelings will attract what you want much quicker than simply stating a changed belief. Attraction includes the word ACTION.
Going through struggle is not about focusing on the suffering or avoidance of, it’s about embracing overcoming adversity.
So my top 4 tips to those who are constantly on the struggle bus & hot mess express:
1. BEcome MORE When my life kicked me in the face, one thing that always snapped me back to my desired reality: the realization that I had to actually had to BEcome MORE. I had to BE & DO who I want to BEcome.
For me, I struggled with the facade I wasn’t a significant person worth knowing or loving – BECAUSE I hadn’t become a person worth knowing. I let every shadow, bad habit, & sh*tty thought take over my life like a black cloud.
I either made fun of others or hid in shame to cover up my own insecurities. Examples: I laughed at people in that mushy gushy love, thought having money made you “bad” or it was hard to make, I hid in shame, people pleasing, & stifled my potential because I never wanted to be seen as a failure, rejected, & different, mocked “skinny” girls because secretly I wanted to be them.
You are capable of so much more than you think. Your voice matters & you can bring about phenomenal change in this world if you just let go of your fear of what others think of you, of thinking you have to hide behind your fake azz social media, of fitting into society’s boxes, & anything else not serving you.
Choose to BEcome MORE.
2. EXTRAordinary takes being EXTRA. Fxcking own it. Frankly we’re lazy af as a society. We want everything to be easy peasy like taking a pill to get that “toned” physique we all desire. When the only way to truly get it & KEEP IT, is by consistency & creating an internal & external environment to support the person we wish to be.
You know I’m not one to sugar coat, literally & figuratively, if you’re struggling, it’s because you need to DO MORE to BEcome MORE than you’re currently doing. Do more of the good shiz like:
– Smile at people for no good reason. They’re free!
– Give compliments just because they make someone feel loved
– Hold the door open for people, be kind
– Go to the fxcking gym. Eat your beef.
– Get your face out of your phone & acknowledge people in line or the elevator, get off your phone at dinner & actually talk, be present
– Do more of what you love just because it brings you JOY
– Allow yourself to love without expectations & risk being hurt because it’s better to have loved & lost than to never have loved at all
– Be unapologetic about loving yourself above all & realizing you owe no one anything
3. Experience More
I used to be scared sh*tless to think about hopping on a plane, road tripping alone, or striking up a conversation with anyone I didn’t know. It stifled me. Now I LOVE IT! I meet new people & friends everywhere I go.
Being married to a US Marine in one chapter of my life & experiencing the melting pot of the military opened my eyes to a whole new world & I will be forever grateful. It has made me more well-rounded & appreciative of other ethnicities & all backgrounds.
Traveling made me more compassionate, appreciative of how I was raised, & opened my eyes to the world beyond my “perfect” & “safe” small country town USA in McCordsville, Indiana.
Get out of your hometown, pack your suitcase, & roll. Not to escape life, but to give yourself the moment to explore & pause to go find yourself again.
4. Be Content with Enoughness
I felt like a failure the majority of my life because I didn’t “live up to society’s ‘normal’ timeline.” I’ve talked about this before, I thought by 40 I would have been married 18 years, have 2 kids, a white picket fence, & 18 years seniority at the same job since college.
LMFAO.
2 divorces, infertility, thousands of dollars in debt, more jobs than I can count or include on a 1 page resume, & decades of sickness & beating the sh*t outta my body later…
But like I stated before, you don’t appreciate the good times without the bad. I would not be the woman I am today, writing this, helping you, via these experiences without them. Embrace adversity & YOUR OWN TIMELINE. Life happens FOR US not to us.
You are enough simply because you exist. You will always be rich if you’re content with ENOUGH. Our future is not guaranteed, that’s really all we’re guaranteed.
Accumulating money, titles, things, followers, a shrinking number on the scale, abs, certain milestones, whatever you wanna insert here…are pointless quests if you don’t love who you are & where you are right now.
Repeat after me:
“Trust that some of the best days of your life haven’t even happened yet. There are going to be parties that leave you dancing until 6am, spontaneous adventures that teach you more than you ever learned in a classroom. There are going to be nights that will stay burned beneath your eyelids, memories that dance underneath your skin. Life is going to exceed your expectations, it is going to astonish you with its timing.
Q: I can’t seem to control my weight, portions, & sugar cravings no matter what diet, currently Carnivore. Some days I’m not hungry.
So I asked her, “What’s your 1st thought in the morning when you wake up? Is it how much you’re scared you weigh?”
She said yes. I said that’s your problem.
Also asked her, “Do you intentionally make sure you are simply moving & hitting your steps every day?”
She said no. I also said there’s your problem.
One thing you can easily control which will also boost your mood, metabolism, digestion, & appetite👉🏻Build a success routine which includes movement. I suggest 1st thing in the morning. That leaves less time for excuses for you not to get your workouts in. I got mine this mornin before work.
When you’re constantly stuck in a negative mindset around dictating your entire day on a number or what you look like in the mirror, that’s the weight actually weighing you down.
You dictate your reaction. Your thoughts & emotions (your REACTION to things) – dictates your behaviors. Your behaviors become your habits. Your habits become you.
Tips we talked about to help navigate sweets cravings, addiction, & mindset around body image:
– Stop body checking in the mirror. Take away the scale. Wear comfy clothes that complement your body. You wear your clothes, your clothes don’t wear you.
– Sweets cravings are addiction: determine if you’re an abstainer or moderator. If you’re an abstainer you need to avoid carbs & sugar, period. Get the food out of your house. Watch artificial sweeteners, keto treats, cheat days, gum, drinks with sweetener, make sure you’re eating enough food especially enough fat. Track if you don’t know!
– Cheese, dairy, nuts, & nut butters can be addictions/triggers, they’re hard to portion control.
– Choose meats easier to portion control like ground meat vs ribeyes, ribs, pork belly, bacon. They are highly palatable (& high fat) which means you’re more likely to eat past satiety.
– You may need a multivitamin to fill in gaps for your specific needs. Always consult with your physician before making any changes. Most common imbalances/deficiencies I see with Carnivore if not eating a well rounded variety: vitamin D, electrolytes, magnesium & sodium, B vitamins, zinc, vit A, calcium & vitamin C
– Check yo stress: Relationship & life stress? Sh*tty sleep? Over training? Under eating? Too much protein? Not enough Fat? Still eating trigger foods? Over caffeinating? ALL STRESS which increases your blood sugar, & increases inflammation even if you’re eating low-carb.
Your reflection in the mirror does not dictate your worth. Neither does what diet you choose to follow. Choose the things that make you a better human!
Going to take a different spin to answering y’alls questions today and I feel no matter what you are wanting to change or bring into your life this is how you’ll get it.
This really has nothing to do with a specific diet, macros, or workouts, BUT everything in your life stems from healing & cultivating a better relationship with just 2 things: knowing your worth & you’re enough & putting action behind it.
You see you can go to the best doctors or hire all the best practitioners & coaches in the world but if you don’t believe in yourself, that you are worthy of whatever you’re seeking or wanting to heal, you’ll never get it.
We go to coaches & doctors for the “answers,” often seeking more numbing mechanisms to cover up the underlying issue which is us not believing in ourselves. We numb with excess food, shopping, alcohol, giving our bodies to people who don’t deserve them, etc. So I can sit here & give you all the specific diets, macros, & workouts, but they don’t fxcking matter if you don’t believe in yourself & that you’re worthy of these things. That means being able to apply the information as well, & if you’re paralyzed by your beliefs, the application won’t happen either.
For example, chasing beauty, love & success, even if you attain these things, they won’t bring you happiness & love unless you love yourself. Look at Marilyn Monroe, Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston, Robin Williams, Heath ledger… just had this conversation with one of my best friends the other day while watching A Knight’s Tale with Heath Ledger. These people were so immensely talented & yet they took their own lives because they didn’t love themselves.
Ladies, some of the most beautiful models in the world, the most successful people in the world get left in relationships, are lonely, & are not happy because they don’t love themselves. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder and the beholder is you.
When traumatic experiences happen to you, like maybe you were left as a child, or someone left you in a relationship, if you start to believe you’re not enough, & these things pile up on top of you, & you don’t learn to unpack your bag — they will suffocate you & take over your life.
“Bad” shxt happens, but if you seek changing your personality, or chasing a body aesthetic to attain “happiness” you will forever be unfulfilled, you’re not really treating & healing the underlying issue which is you believe you’re not enough. I did this, I did this for decades & chased a smaller body thinking it would make me happier — it did not. It may temporarily give you that “high” but you won’t stay there. You won’t stay there until you become the person you want to be & cultivate those success habits & commitments to stay the person you desire to be.
So take all these talented amazing people like the actors, actresses, models – all these successful people we think have everything, but do they? It’s easy to hide behind & be fooled by filters, editors, & facades.
Take us as young girls or boys, we often times chase after boys & girls, we try to change ourselves, we try to please our parents, please teachers, please other people & where does it get us?
Love & worth are not to be chased, earned, or worked for – just like food, they are essential for life.
Watch your world change when you start to love yourself. It’s like the “Beauty is not the rent we pay to exist in this world.” We matter just because we exist. I have this on a post it on my mirror.
As children what happens is we have unmet needs. We want to be loved, we want to be safe, we want to be viewed as successful & significant & we encounter disappointment in these areas. We begin to believe that our needs will never be met & we are not enough which transcends into our adult lives.
There is no one thing in this world that can meet your unmet needs other than yourself.
To feel beautiful & loved you don’t need to change your shape or get surgery or whatever you seek to change your appearance, the one thing you need to do is believe you are loved & lovable because that is what you will attract in your life. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself or change something as long as it comes from a place of self loving & not self loathing. Your foundation has to be set on true self love.
People love you & see your significance & appreciate you to the degree that you love & see your significance for yourself.
Think about it, when people say good things about you like, “You’re beautiful, my goodness you are so talented, I just love to hear your voice, etc” — all these good things are warm like a fabulous cup of coffee or that cocktail you love you that warms you from the insides. Exude that energy & other people will see it & you’ll notice better things will come into your life when you vibrate at this high energy. You can choose this feeling right now. Don’t give other people or things that power with which you hold within yourself.
Because when these things leave you, we tend to feel poorly about ourselves. Remember we attract everything that is aligned to our energy. What is meant for you will never miss you & if it’s meant to leave let it go. Release it with a loving heart.
When you learn the art of unattachment, that’s when you start a lifelong romance with your life. One that is fulfilling. One that will give you the body that you want, the feelings that you want, the experiences that you want, & the people that you want, and it all starts with you.- Not a diet, not another person, not the right workouts, or meal plan, or macros.
So how do we do it? You have to learn to nourish your soul like you nourish your body. You have to nourish your mind. Tell yourself what you want to feel & what you want to hear & paint a different picture. Tell yourself you are beautiful & you have a fabulous life & ove being in the sunshine & you have people who love you simply because you are you. Paint that picture & believe it.
Create vision boards. I love Pinterest & save quotes that make me feel alive, loved, understood. I save pictures of the healthy body I want & how I feel. I save pictures of relationships goals & the person I want to be & I want my partner to be. Embody the habits of that person you want to embody & put them in place to get what you want. You have to put action behind the desires, too.
Set your clothes out in the morning to make it easy for yourself to go work out. TImeblock walks in your schedule. Meal prep your food ahead of time so you have good things to eat. Book self care & time to yourself. Unapologetically own your fxcking life & quit letting other people influence your life & live it for you. Don’t let them influence you by putting down a specific diet or things that you love, or telling you you’re weird & you need to change. That’s giving other people power.
The longest relationship you’ll have in your entire life is with you. Kids grow up. Partners leave or they die. Your parents pass. Friends will come and go. But you always will be with yourself until your very last breath.
Believe you are worth it.Because you are. Remember if beauty made you happy every beautiful person would be happy. A bodybuilder knows you have to break down muscle & build it back up & let it recover over & over again to get the body they want — a wounded, broken heart is just the same.
Age (like weight) is JUST a number. Whether you’re 18, 21, 35 or 60. At school, we’re kinda forced to study certain things, pushed into a seemingly “normal” routine/timeline. (College, marriage, kids, jobs, diets, etc) Don’t worry if you’ve done things differently or, if you’ve followed that path & don’t really know what to do with your life yet.
I have friends (& myself) who were married at 22 & divorced (some divorced twice). I have others who have been together since high school & are happily married with kids.
I have friends who are 35 & beyond still single & traveling, or friends who are 25 & have the “white picket fence.” Others are married to their careers.
It’s cliche but you don’t have to ‘find yourself’ & figure out what works for you like it’s a finish line. It’s about enjoying the NOW & the journey of your evolvement.
Trust me, you’ll be a helluva lot happier when you stop giving a shxt so much about tryna figure it out & fit into a box or camp.
Aging is a privilege. Just like all those wrinkles, stretch marks, sunspots, & “flaws” you have. That means you’ve lived!!!!
Can’t fuggin WAIT for my 40’s, every year it gets better! My birthday is next Friday BTW, I’m knockin 40’s door, I’ll be 39! Almost to cougar status.🐆 😂
👉🏻Don’t compare yourself.
We choose to share certain things on social media & people don’t know the half of it. You cannot judge 1 chapter of your life to someone elses. There’s always someone in a better & worse situation than you. Just do you.
👉🏻Rainy days make flowers & rainbows.
The world is both bad & good, its called contrast. It’s important to spread kindness & love where you can. Sprinkle it everywhere. Smiles are free. You have the power to make someones day, use your power! Don’t. Be. A. Dick. (🤔Unless it’s the kind of D you want. Lol. I had to. 😂)
👉🏻You’re doing FABULOUS.
In case noone told you today. Every day you have the opportunity to begin again & write another page.
“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
Kathryn Stockett, The Help
One of my favorite movies of all time. WATCH IT.
So there we have it.
If you needed this today, I hope it helped. As always, I love hearing y’all’s feedback and advice for others on Instagram!
I was never prepared for half of the shxt I’ve gone through, but I got thru it.
During a client consult call yesterday, the conversation turned into more about her habits & relationships than macros or diet — which often is the “weight” we are carrying around.
Our relationships with other people, food, ourselves, exercise — weigh enormously on our overall health (mental &physical).
Laughter, sleep, nature, nourishing food, sun, friends, alone time — all the best medicines.
My client said she didn’t think she was meant to be in a relationship because they never seem to work out.
I asked her if she was being honest with herself, honest with her partners & really clear on what she wants (or lack of).
She said she thought so.
And I said, “That’s your answer, you don’t just think so — you gotta know.”
I explained people come into your life as mirrors & teachers & if you’re lucky enough, you find a human you align positively with & fancy incredibly well. But that was up to her & the energy she was putting out there.
She said she feels timing is always off.
Sometimes honest feelings & bad timing make the most painful combination.
Thinking you met the right person but at the wrong time. You want so badly for things to work out but there’s that nagging “ I don’t think this is right” ache that won’t go away. Usually ends in dragging things out or hiding feelings which lead to resentment.
A quote that hit me hard in the past: “Some people keep changing partners to avoid changing themselves.”
READ THAT AGAIN
You can insert food & exercise there as well.
I was like, fxck me. I have done this for years🤦🏼♀️
I broke relationships & friendships because speaking up & healing myself didn’t feel “safe.”
I’d cut people out with no remorse without explaining how I was feeling. Because navigating conflict felt like I either had to be the villain or the victim, & that made me weak.
Fears, attachment styles, self sabotaging habits, etc — don’t be afraid to dig your own dirt. This could be the very thing keeping you from losing weight, attracting success, finding love or keeping the one you have or had right in front of your eyes.
I’ve always hated my back. Rarely ever take back progress pictures. I feel partly because I don’t want to give a reason for negative thoughts to creep in & pick myself apart when I know I have to love myself for the sum of who I am in my entirety.
There’s 5 months & 11lbs between these pictures. I love this woman & her season in both pictures. The left is now, the right was on family vacation in October.
Things I used to loathe:
My scoliosis – it throws my hips off. My body is not symmetrical, I squat lopsided.
My left boob is bigger than my right & neither boob is as big as I would like. Hey there’s at least a handful, I’ve been told that’s all you need right?! 😂
My elbows don’t straighten. I can’t fully lock out in any lift which limits my abilities. My CrossFit coaches used to yell at me, not knowing it was a defect.
I have stretch marks & cellulite from gaining & losing 50 lbs over my lifetime. I always wanted slender legs, it’s just not the way I’m built. But my ham hocks are strong.
I have a red sun spot on my nose I have to cover from getting burned as a child on vacation & bailing hay on our farm.
I chew on the inside of my lip, still don’t know why.
From being the girl who refused to take the T-shirt off at the beach or pool to the woman now brave enough to show the canvas God gave her — hats off to you sis.
Wanted to remind y’all you can’t hate yourself happy, skinny, strong, successful, worthy, or LOVED.
Stop putting new energy in old containers.
@jamesclear said, “The events of your past are fixed. The meaning of your past is not. The influence of every experience is determined by the meaning you assign to it. Assign a more useful meaning to your past & it becomes easier to take a more useful action in the present.”
I put a Post-it on this mirror of a reminder I saw yesterday: “This Chapter of my life is called: now that I know better, I must do better.”
Have a beautiful bootylicious weekend y’all! ❤️🍑🦾 I’d love to chat with y’all on the gram, never hesitate to reach out!
