Tag: Self Healing

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All About Gut Health on the Self Transformed Podcast with Emily Nichols!

I don’t eat vegetables or fiber.⁣

I eat a 💩 ton of meat.⁣

⁣Why? 

It works better for ME & my special digestive needs.⁣ For decades I chased fat loss & performance as a Crossfit Athlete following diets because everybody else was doing it. But I found myself broken, emotionally eating, inflamed, bloated, & unable to lose body fat despite “eating ‘clean’ & all the right things.”

⁣Honored to have the opportunity to chat with @emilynichols22 on the @selftransformed podcast today! You don’t want to miss this episode!

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Had a consult call yesterday with a client struggling to find the right diet. The problem — focusing solely on fat loss & not holistic health first. That includes mindset, gut health, & your relationship with food & exercise.⁣

⁣First thing’s first — there is no such thing as a “clean” or “best” diet. This only creates food fear & stress. There are only foods that NOURISH & make you feel GOOD & foods that HINDER you & make you feel CRUMMY. Some of these can be those deemed “healthy” like fruits & vegetables, you just can’t break them down & digest them properly.⁣

You may still be having symptoms because:⠀⁣

❌You haven’t addressed the root cause. There is a reason for symptoms. Don’t put a bandaid on it. My approach is find the root cause & develop a system to fix it. Is it an infection, stress, lifestyle, overtraining, Candida, bacteria, no sleep, too much fiber/too little fiber, not chewing your food, too large of meals, food combos?⁣

❌You’re stressed af & not making a change. That gut brain connection isn’t bs. It controls many things from mood to energy to digestion. If you can’t chill out, your gut can’t do its job.⁣

❌Sleep. Rest & digest means just that. If you’re always wired, it’s hard for the body to adequately rest & digest. It affects the 🚽 too.⁣

❌Histamine/food intolerance: some lack enzymes to break down specific foods &/or our guts are so inflamed we’ve developed an intolerance over time.⁣

❌Stress. Over exercise. Under eating. Malnourishment. Life stress. ALL STRESSORS.⁣

Love y’all & I’d love to hear your experiences/feedback below and on the Gram!

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Don’t be upset about the results you aren’t getting from the work you didn’t do

A client got pissed at me yesterday. I said, “Good, then I’m doin my job.”

I had several conversations yesterday via dm with people letting their mindsets & emotional heaviness get the best of them.

On repeat: You attract what you put out. You cannot become what you want by remaining where you are.

You gotta shift your mindset. Mindset is part of the work.

This particular client, flat refuses to eat more food yet wants to gain muscle & heal. And I get it, it’s a mindfxck. 

And I don’t care what goal y’all are chasin in whatever facet of life — DON’T BE UPSET ABOUT THE RESULTS YOU AREN’T GETTING FROM THE WORK YOU DIDN’T DO.

4 things I live by…& letting my weight or my Crohn’s or excuses control me — NOT any of those 3 things…

1.) Be mentally attractive, kind, & be worth knowing. You attract what you put out.

2.) Thou shall not judge because thou has fxcked up too.

3.) You either DO or you DON’T.

4.) 2 things I don’t like to share, toothbrushes & wieners. 

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💁🏼‍♀️Slap that last one on a T-shirt.⁣

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January 2021 I picked my word. Actually I picked 2: JOY & SURRENDER.

⁣Book Recommendation: One Word

How I choose mine:⁣

Step 1: Determine the person you want to be & embody. ⁣

Step 2: Identify the characteristics & things you need to do to be that person. ⁣

Step 3: Choose the word that resonates with your person & the life you want to create. ⁣

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I want to know what y’all chose for 2021! What’s your word?👇🏻⁣

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Why does marriage always have to be the end goal?

She said, “Everyone would be happier if they would settle down & get married.”

Had a lady tell me this yesterday.

Well I have some shxt to say about that…

Why does marriage always have to be the end goal? 

I’ve asked myself this on several occasions. Like can’t I just have a life partner I love to build an empire with? Have conversations, travel, ENJOY LIFE with?

I vow to be honest with y’all, as one who has gone thru divorce (twice), & also lived as a girl who always had to be in a relationship in my younger years — this statement could not be more false.

We vilify singledom. Why?

The years I spent single have been the most transformative — & painful. But absolutely necessary.

You have to take time to be the person you wanna be with. That means nurturing yourself, loving yourself, being ok with making mistakes & relationships not working out.

People are our teachers, some relationships are only meant to last a season. Some are meant to last a lifetime. Surrender & let them happen. 

You also can’t be afraid to take risks & choose love. Building walls around yourself & not allowing yourself to experience love in whatever context or relationship you need, is also paralyzing. That’s not living life.

Am I proud to say I’ve been thru 2 divorces, no. But I am super proud of myself for trying. I am not afraid to choose love & neither should you but make sure you’re doing it on your own terms & for the right reasons.

You’re going to fxck up in life & others will too. I’m just gonna leave it like this, find the right person or people to fxck up with.

Life is so much sweeter when you live it on your own terms, don’t be influenced by other people’s or society’s expectations of you.

I don’t know who may need to hear these but I’m gonna say it anyways, many of you need a therapist & to date yourself for a while, not another relationship or government sponsored life binding contract.

— Because I care. 

Wishing you guys so much love & confidence today, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in❤️

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Learning how to love your imperfections

I’ve always hated my back. Rarely ever take back progress pictures. I feel partly because I don’t want to give a reason for negative thoughts to creep in & pick myself apart when I know I have to love myself for the sum of who I am in my entirety.

There’s 5 months & 11lbs between these pictures. I love this woman & her season in both pictures. The left is now, the right was on family vacation in October.

Things I used to loathe:

  • My scoliosis – it throws my hips off. My body is not symmetrical, I squat lopsided.
  • My left boob is bigger than my right & neither boob is as big as I would like. Hey there’s at least a handful, I’ve been told that’s all you need right?! 😂
  • My elbows don’t straighten. I can’t fully lock out in any lift which limits my abilities. My CrossFit coaches used to yell at me, not knowing it was a defect.
  • I have stretch marks & cellulite from gaining & losing 50 lbs over my lifetime. I always wanted slender legs, it’s just not the way I’m built. But my ham hocks are strong.
  • I have a red sun spot on my nose I have to cover from getting burned as a child on vacation & bailing hay on our farm.
  • I chew on the inside of my lip, still don’t know why.

From being the girl who refused to take the T-shirt off at the beach or pool to the woman now brave enough to show the canvas God gave her — hats off to you sis.

Wanted to remind y’all you can’t hate yourself happy, skinny, strong, successful, worthy, or LOVED.

 Stop putting new energy in old containers.

@jamesclear said, “The events of your past are fixed. The meaning of your past is not. The influence of every experience is determined by the meaning you assign to it. Assign a more useful meaning to your past & it becomes easier to take a more useful action in the present.”

I put a Post-it on this mirror of a reminder I saw yesterday: “This Chapter of my life is called: now that I know better, I must do better.”

Have a beautiful bootylicious weekend y’all! ❤️🍑🦾 I’d love to chat with y’all on the gram, never hesitate to reach out!

http://www.instagram.com/lil_bit_of_fit

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What being the good girl got me

Who else here is a recovering obliger? A recovering ‘Good Girl or Guy?’🙋‍♀️

Like it didn’t matter what context of life I was obliging, I wanted to oblige because I wanted to be ‘The Good Girl.’ 

‘Good Girls’ were accepted & safe. They did what was expected of them.

‘Nice’ was accepted & safe. If you’re ’Nice’ then everyone has to like you, right?!

‘Vanilla’ was accepted & safe. It’s like the default choice because you can’t make up your mind what ice cream you want.

The problem I later found as I aged, was ‘Good’ & ‘Nice’ & ‘Vanilla’ really didn’t get me anywhere.

In fact, I loathe the words ‘Good,’ ‘Nice,’ & ‘Vanilla.’

I don’t care if you’re talkin about food, sex, or money, Honey, if you’re describing them as good, nice, or vanilla — I ain’t interested anymore.

I feel they’re the default, you choosing to settle. It’s like being someone’s side chick or guy. You want someone to see you as ‘The One’ — the one that walks in a room & sparkles. Everyone stares. But instead, you were chosen as the default, not ‘The One.’ 

I feel everyone has had the same experience at some point in their lives, whether it was a friendship, a romantic relationship, or professionally. 

My definition of ‘Good Girlitis’ is the unproductive thoughts, feelings, & behaviors that inhibit one’s potential, growth, perception, & enjoyment of the experience & entirety of life.

So think about this if you feel you’re livin life like a watered down cocktail. Are you living as a watered down version of yourself?

I want exquisite, extraordinary, luscious.

Rolls off the tongue a lil sweeter don’t it? 😉 

I’d rather be the human that doesn’t do rules, I do what feels right✨

Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto Can’t wait to do another one of these!

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They only follow you because you’re pretty

My favorite sport to watch is hockey 🏒 Used to see the @fwkomets ⚙️ play all the time. I love sports.

Random fun fact. 

Actually there are tons of fun facts none of you know about me or the other people you scroll thru via social media or work beside on the daily.

I had a girl ask me how I handled people who say things like, “People only follow you because you’re pretty & show your body.” ⁣ Someone had told her the same thing.

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I said you just gotta learn to forgive & Love people.

That may be true for some accounts, seeking validation via their body, but I know I (& many others) also have shxt to say & a purpose behind our words & photos.

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Thanks to all of you who read our words. You are our family.

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And to the rest of you who choose to hate those of us who share openly & make waves, I’m sorry you feel that way.

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I’ve learned thru my own shxt when you’re ready to be the person you’re meant to be, you’ll stop making excuses & choose to give fux about the ‘right’ things that light you up. 

Things like love, coffee shops, sunsets, road trips, sports & concerts. Live music, new songs & old songs that bring back memories. And people more than anything else. You will need a tribe of the right people & you will need to be that person to someone else.

I choose to be the hope for someone else. 

A lil bit savage & a whole lotta soul 😉🔥💋 And the shirt says it all — don’t think for 1 minute you can bullshxt me, Darlin. 

Shirt: @amandaradke

Xoxo Coach K

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If I could share only 1 life lesson it would be this

NO.1 REGRET OF THE DYING: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

I had a terminal patient tell me this years back as I finished their CT scan.

@aubreymarcus posted a powerful reminder yesterday, a perfect reminder as we start another week:

“Your future self will look back on your life right now, & wish you could live it again. Not because you want to DO anything different. But because you wish you enjoyed it more.

The number 1 deathbed regret is, “I wish I would’ve let myself be happier.” At the end of our life we realize that happiness is a choice, made in the moment, in spite of whatever is happening.”

☝🏻If I could share only 1 life lesson with you, it would be this.

MANAGE YOUR MIND AND YOU CAN MANAGE ANYTHING.

We get lost in a storm of emotions & expectations — from others, from ourselves, from society.

Emotions around your body, career, & relationships. Some like:

BODY: I need to look like her/him to be more attractive & worthy. When in fact you need to love yourself & body for everything you are, not what you aren’t. 

CAREER: I’m not “rich” or successful until I have x in the bank or achieved a certain status. When in fact you’re already rich if you have a career you love, a roof over your head, food to eat, & people who love you. 

RELATIONSHIPS: I need a partner to be worthy. Which typically nudges us to settle for people not deserving, or seeking people for purely physical reasons. We blind ourselves to the real secret to finding a partner in life…being self aware, knowing your worth & theirs, learning to build a home in yourself 1st, & embodying the person you seek to be with. The ‘right’ one feels like freedom & home.❤️⠀

There will always be shxt that comes up & temporarily throws your life out of your control, but you choose your perspective & reaction. 

When you’re working, work. 

When you’re eating, eat. 

When you’re listening, listen. 

When you’re loving, LOVE. 

We’re always living. But the question is, are you living YOUR best life?   

Drop a ❤️ if you’re ready. I am. 🤘🏻🔥

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The One Thing You Need to Do To Attract Successful Relationships

I said, “Get a life.”⁣
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Had the pleasure of snuggling up with a green beverage & answering questions with a digital friend yesterday on St. Patrick’s day.⁣
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She said, “I just need to pick your brain about some relationship things I’m going through. I respect & appreciate your positive energy sprinkled with such blunt honesty.” ⁣
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I laughed 😄 ⁣
Best compliment I had all day.⁣
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My dad used to say I was a lot like a caged raccoon. They’re attracted to shiny things & look all cute & harmless, but as soon as you stick your fingers in the cage they bite’em off. ⁣
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Thanks Dad. ⁣
If you don’t come from the Midwest or the South you may not understand that metaphor. Lol 😂 ⁣
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I swear I don’t bite 😉⁣
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Anywhoodle…⁣
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She asked, “What’s the 1 piece of advice you would give to someone with codependency in every relationship they seem to have? Because that’s me. I feel I change for every relationship and rely on other people for my sense of happiness which in turn results in failed friendships & romantic relationships.”⁣
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I don’t know about y’all but I felt this woman’s question in my soul. That used to be me.⁣
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I wasn’t happy or felt any self worth unless I had a partner. I would let their energy affect my energy. I would change my interests, wants, & needs to suit their‘s. I would make their life, my life — to the point I felt my purpose was to simply serve them. ⁣
⁣
If you don’t know what codependency means:⁣
⁣
noun⁣

  1. excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.⁣
    ⁣
    Apparently being in a relationship was an illness and an addiction. My Achilles’ heel per se.⁣
    ⁣
    So I told her, “Get. A. Life.”⁣
    ⁣
    You know why we struggle with relationships in today’s society? Because we don’t cultivate a self aware one with ourselves first. ⁣
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    Because we don’t connect our souls with one another anymore, we like to connect our social media accounts & swipe right. ⁣
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    We communicate with ambiguity. Vapid small talk just to fill silence. We ourselves don’t get clarity on what we really want. ⁣
    ⁣
    It seems when we do fall in love, it’s only after considering if we’re settling or not, whether a person can give us the life we want & fulfill unrealistic desires. ⁣
    ⁣
    We’re blinded by filters. We forget to date one another. We let passion & playfulness & adventure die. We don’t ask what the other needs to be seen, heard, loved, & supported. ⁣
    ⁣
    We look for someone perfect to complete us while we already have the best possible one within us. ⁣
    ⁣
    I’m just gonna say this, ‘singlehood’ has been vilified for way too long. I believe it’s actually the 1 thing people need to experience fully in order to cultivate more successful , meaningful relationships. ⁣
    ⁣
    If you don’t build a home in yourself first & don’t even know who you are as your authentic self, how do you expect to get to know someone else on a deeper level & accept them as they are?⁣
    ⁣
    It truly goes back to self love & self worth. You are seeking these things from other people. ⁣
    ⁣
    High seekers do the same thing. Everything‘s great when it’s new & fun but as soon as the ‘real life’ mundane button is pushed, you become avoidant & seek new highs.⁣
    ⁣
    Yup, calling myself out there too. Queen of the avoidants. Thanks to my therapist for pointing that out.⁣
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    Through therapy I learned how being made fun of as a kid affected my relationships & love life. I built walls so high around myself & guarded them with weapons of avoidant attachment, sarcasm & ambiguity. ⁣
    ⁣
    My therapist told me I am REALLY GOOD at acting like I don’t give a fxck. So much so I somehow taught myself how to shut my emotion off & that’s why I was able to cut people out of my life with no remorse.⁣
    ⁣
    Oooof. Fxck me, right?! 😆⁣
    Sound familiar? ⁣
    Anyone else an avoidant like me? 🤚 ⁣
    ⁣
    Guys that liked me who were attractive, smart, & successful intimidated me whether I liked them or not because I felt I was still that fat girl & not successful enough to be worthy of a relationship with them. My therapist said I placed them in this box of the popular boys at school that used to make fun of me, which wasn’t fair to them or myself. ⁣
    ⁣
    So I’d ‘settle’ for less than men, frankly, as she put it, “Not on on the same level as me.” I did this because subconsciously I knew I was smarter, more successful, and more in control.⁣
    ⁣
    Same with successful women, too. I felt I wasn’t good enough to “sit at the cool kids table.”⁣
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    Oooof. Another fxck me.😫⁣
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    These are the things you need to hear. I understand it’s not what you want to hear. They’re dirty, & heavy, & gross.⁣
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    Find yourself. Date yourself. You have to be whole first. No one completes you or owns your relationship. A relationship is shared, it’s like a Google Drive. ⁣
    ⁣
    What happens is you get into a relationship & lose your life slowly. That relationship then becomes your life, your world.⁣
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    Then when something goes wrong in that relationship, or there is conflict, your world comes crashing down because you’ve made that relationship your world.⁣
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    We share our life with our partner we don’t give our life to our partner & vice versa. It doesn’t mean to love LESS it means to love SO MUCH your wholeness, & your partners wholeness mean more individually so you can both be POWERFUL AF together.⁣
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    Find someone carrying their own bag. ⁣
    Find someone that is willing to sit on the floor beside you. Y’all can pack & unpack your bags together. ❤️⁣
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    I’ll be right there with you, with a cocktail or coffee, your choice 😉 ⁣
    ⁣
    Oxox Coach K⁣
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Sorta Sweet, Sorta Beth Dutton

In case you needed the reminder, it’s OK to be sorta sweet, sorta Beth Dutton. 🤚🥃 

Yellowstone. 

I have not been so obsessed with a show since Grey’s Anatomy, One Tree Hill, & Sex and the City. 

Who else?

I wanna hear what shows you love in comments!!!!👇🏻

Soooo I’m not naturally “feminine” per se. 

4 words: Bull in China Shop. 🐮 

3 words: Indiana. Corn. Fed. 🌽 😂 

I guess I never noticed how rough around the edges I was until a boyfriend criticized me for always throwin sh*t around & slammin cabinet doors.

Drove him nuts. 

I said we’ll maybe you’re just fragile🤷‍♀️😆

It made me wanna change myself, however. I thought, well dang, there’s something wrong with me.

I changed for him — & felt a pit of shame.

Ridiculed as my shyer, younger self, I felt less than. I didn’t fit the mold of the “pretty” girls at school.

So I spent the majority of my life tryna change & shrink myself.

I always find myself playing in the “boys club” — the guys girl. I have a very small intimate group of women I surround myself, but I find naturally I’m drawn to being friends with men. 

I’m the oldest of 3, I have 2 younger brothers.

Played baseball until I was told I couldn’t play anymore because I was a girl. I still can’t throw underhand worth a sh*t.

I’m good at throwin a football but was told I’m a girl so I couldn’t play football. I have 1 helluva an arm. 💪🏼 My grandfather was the football coach.

I was raised on a farm in a small town in Indiana, treated no differently than my brothers.

We’re raised to be productive, strong, tough — rub some dirt in it you’ll be fine.

I excelled as a student, in the top part of my class, president of my 4-H & FFA clubs, had scholarships to Purdue & graduated magma cum laude. #boilerup

I’m grateful for every single piece of 50 shades of fxcked up that makes me — ME.

I’d tell my younger self 1 thing — you weren’t made to fit in, you were made to move mountains.🏔 

Now, remember to be yourself. 

Oh, & go light some shxt on🔥✨

#mindsetmonday

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How to Love Yourself AND Love the People in Your Life

This morning I read a post by @the.holistic.psychologist that said, “Not everyone wants to get better + & that’s ok. Some people have an identity tied to sickness. Others fear true wellness because it is the unknown + the unknown is unpredictable.”

Ooof. Felt that one in my soul. How about you?

A quote I live by, “At the end of our life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?” – Jack Kornfield

Maaaaaaaan have I loved 😆 

Have I always loved well, however? No.

I’ve worked in healthcare for 16 years, a health coach for 6, had I can’t even count how many “failed” (I put this in quotes because it’s only a failure if you failed to learn the lessons 😉) romantic relationships & fizzed out friendships where this statement was applicable at some point.

A big lesson I learned, you can’t fully support &/or love a person for where you want them to be — you have to meet them where they are now.

No matter what type of relationship we’re talkin about. You can’t discount yourself based upon someone else’s potential. You only have the experience right now.

I don’t care if you’re a coach, doctor, married, divorced, partnered, a friend or family relationship — you can’t wish someone well, they HAVE to do the work & want to do/get better. 

I brain dumped.

What can I teach you guys today that I wished I had known decades ago? And I’m still learning right along with y’all…

Here goes…

How to Love Yourself AND Love the People in Your Life:

1.) Always be honest no matter how bad it hurts.

2.) The true mark of expansion, self love, peace, & evolvement is recognizing someone else’s happiness is your happiness even if that means making a hard decision & lovingly letting them go.

3.) Tell people how brilliant & able they are. Sometimes they don’t see it for themselves. Kindness is always cool. Remember the Golden Rule✨

4.) It is possible to love someone but not be in love with them. You determine what kind of relationship you want, be HONEST.

5.) Be authentic. Give others the gift of the real you & a real relationship. Don’t people please + change yourself for any kind of relationship. It will always come back & bite you in the a$$.

6.) Listen more than you talk. People want to be seen, heard, loved, supported, & appreciated. And remember, the most interesting person in the room is the person who is the most interested. Ask questions.

7.) Be giving, but never sacrifice or compromise your integrity or authenticity. Boundaries change lives for the better. Strengthen yours.

8.) Always live by your values. Thoughts become things. What you focus on, you attract. Your habits & people you surround yourself make you. Choose wisely. 

I’ve been re-reading the book, The Vortex. Incredible life changing gems in this one. I’ll highlight a few:

— You can get to where you want to be from where ever you are — but you must stop spending so much time noticing & talking about what you do not like about where you are. 

— Be a more selective sifter, and make a list of the positive things you are living & the qualities of people you love to surround yourself with. 

— Look forward to where you want to be & spend no time complaining about where you are. The responsive Universe makes no distinction between the thoughts you think about your current reality & what you think as you dream of your improved life. You are creating by virtue of what you are thinking about.

— Your sense of who you really are pulses so powerfully within you that you must always continue to reach for satisfying relationships, because you understand, at very deep levels, the potential for joy contained in relationships with others. 

— Once you decide that your happiness depends on the intentions, beliefs, or behaviors of no other, but only upon your own alignment — over which you have complete control — then your relationships will not only no longer be uncomfortable, but they will be deeply satisfying. 

Now, put these gems 💎 in your front pocket & go out & LOVE somebody today, especially YOURSELF!

Oxox Coach K