Tag: Dating

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Singleness and creating a life of your own first

There hasn’t been a day of my life where I haven’t needed to read a quote, poem, affirmation, or beautiful words from a talented creator to express how I feel, give me a hug, punch me in the gut, break my heart, or put it back together.

Ya know what I mean?

Swipe for a couple of my favorites today, & this is one of my favorite pics taken of me. 

I told a friend goin thru a break up I understood that hopeless pit feeling. I said, “I hope you find love, but most importantly, I hope you love yourself more to be strong enough to walk away from what love isn’t & find peace in the realization that you are already love everyday.” 

— I needed to take my own advice.

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In my 20s/early 30s I made plenty of bad decisions after my 1st divorce at 27.⁣

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Plenty of fast & furious acquaintances, some more longer-term, they all aided in growth (some more enjoyable than others 😂)⁣

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Hxll, let’s be honest, some I don’t even remember. It’s like that person you put in your phone as “Joe Bumble” or “Dude from Texas” 😆📲⁣

I talked about this in therapy. My therapist said it’s because when I was younger I didn’t believe I was worthy of love I desired.

⁣Which is why I picked men that were not on my level, & to be frank, EASY for me. 🤦🏼‍♀️fxck me.

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She said now I’m “selective & guarded”because I’m actually afraid I might find someone & be forced to choose between my happiness & freedom of autonomy & that person.

I’m afraid to make the same mistakes like being a people pleaser & losing myself. Losing the beautiful life I’ve created.

One of the major reasons I struggled with singleness when I was young was because I didn’t have a life that I truly enjoyed. Sure, I had stuff that I did because I had to (school, work, farm chores) & a few friends to hang out with, but there was so much down time where I was alone with my thoughts.

And in that down time, I wasn’t nurturing myself. I was still searching for someone to build a home in.

Unfortunately, with women, there is so much emphasis put on being “picked” that most of us focus the majority of our energy on that, controlling our bodies, & not enough on creating a bomb a$$ life for ourselves.

Ladies, stop being the hopeless romantic woman who tends to do the bare minimum when it comes to life because y’all are waitin for your prince charming to come sweep you off your feet. 

Build your own life 1st, THEN find someone just as BombDiggity as you to build a life with. And that may be for a season, it may be for a lifetime. Define your relationships however you want.

I encourage all the single women & men reading this to begin to create a life that YOU live (while in your singleness). The right man or woman who comes along will just ADD to the enjoyment…but they won’t be the creator of it.

Oxox

Coach K

Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto Can’t wait to do another one of these! 

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There’s a difference between being alone and lonely, it’s your choice

Had a follower ask how I stay so happy & positive being alone. Because being alone is something she struggles with.

I felt her emotions to my core, for I used to be the girl always in a relationship, one right after the other.

I responded with, “Well there’s a difference between being alone & being lonely. Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you have to choose to be lonely. 

For example, I met new friends this weekend at the pool. 

It’s amazing how the right people come into your life when you choose to do things by yourself with an open heart & an open mind. 

We talked about this very subject. One gentleman, also single & vintage like myself 😄, stated this very thing. He was definitely an extrovert, vibrant personality, & stated the majority of his married friends envy his single life & are unhappy in their marriages.

I’ve observed similar experiences. Like I’ve said before, I believe the most creative couples who define their own relationships openly are the happiest.

I’ve observed some monogamous, some in open relationships, some polyamorous, different sexual preferences, didn’t matter – “happiness” & “fulfillment” in those relationships came down to common denominators: those people having self-love within themselves, being able to evolve together, & open communication.

I told this particular follower, I didn’t know everything — I don’t & I’m still learning just like her & everybody else out there.

I said I can’t say when you’ll get love or how you’ll find it or even promise that it will happen. I can only tell you, & you have to believe this yourself, you are worthy of it. 

It’s never too much to ask for & you’re not crazy to fear you’ll never have it again, we’re human. I will tell you your fears are probably wrong, though.

Love is like the most nourishing & essential nutrient of life. Without it life has a little meaning. And this could be love for yourself, love for a greater purpose, or love for another. 

It is the most important thing we have to give freely & the most valuable thing we can be receive.

You can have love without being in a contractual relationship or “relationship” that society deems the norm. You have to Believe you are deserving & open yourself up to receive love in whatever version or person or people the Universe & God give you. 

You don’t have to & shouldn’t settle for anything that is less than. And you shouldn’t have to abandon yourself for said love.

Looking back, I always thought I was the sole problem in my past relationships. I was too deep, emotional. Maybe too needy. My personality was too big. I was simply too much. 

And I did display unhealthy behaviors, trauma, & actions in past relationships, I own that. I have worked diligently doing my own work & in therapy to learn how to develop healthy patterns, beliefs, self-love, & grace, a WHOLE LOTTA grace when old behaviors want to come back. You have to learn to let them go. 

Our job is to not settle for love or a life that is lackluster, abusive, emotionally damaging, or vanilla. Equally important we cannot settle for that kind of love from ourselves. 🤍

Oxox Coach K

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“Single” isn’t a dirty word.

I will be 39 on Friday & I’m single.

Pull up a chair this is gonna be a long one. 

Had a DM this mornin that made me chuckle, he asked, “How in tarnation (I appreciate the word usage of tarnation btw 😄) are you single? You poor thing.”

This is something that has been nagging at me to be talked about. I know I am not the only one out here in a similar situation.

If I had a fxcking dollar for every time I had someone ask me this or “I just can’t believe you’re single” & then stare at me with that look somewhere between pity & “there must be something wrong with you” …😂

To all my fellow singles, especially my more seasoned or “vintage” comrades as I like to say, I know – you KNOW.

I wanna reply with, “Well, apparently I make a really good fxckin ex-wife, & if you really wanna unpack my bag, I’ve been divorced twice & my last marriage lasted about 6 months & I almost moved to Japan.”

💁🏼‍♀️Pretty sure that would shut them up.🤣

 I regret nothing & my past relationship experiences have made me who I am & I love every single person I have been blessed to have been part of their lives & in a relationship with. 

My most recent divorce, was handled with maturity, love, respect, & was more conscious uncoupling than the typical, divorce.

I had people reach out, & I appreciate y’all‘s thoughts, but you guys were thinkin that I was devastated & destroyed like a fragile flower. Yes it was hard, any “divorce” is, but y’all, it’s gonna take more than that to shatter this girl.

I’ve had cattle beat the shxt out of me worse than that. I’m so grateful to have such wonderful loving people in my life both digital & “real” life.

I realize I am one of the fortunate ones with no negative “baggage” with exes.

 Why is it that we have to put such a negative connotation with, “single” like it’s a bad thing?

Being single used to give me anxiety as my younger self as I used to see being partnered as having more worth & being more desirable. Thought I had to be married & then had to have kids to be seen as successful.

Now as my almost 39 self I know that’s not the case, I see it as a blessing, a privilege, & like to refer to myself as being “self partnered.” 

I have a healthy relationship now with myself & because of everything I’ve experienced & spending time being single I feel now I can be a much better partner to someone else.

We learn & grow through the contrast in our experiences. That’s how we learn where we need to change & what we truly like & desire.

Doesn’t mean I don’t LOVE & desire having someone to live life with, but I feel I can live life with whomever I choose whenever I want & I don’t have to put a label on anything to justify & validify the experience – I can choose to be happy & have what I want right now without the anxiety & contractual nature of societal expectations & “norms.”

In my experience, “creative couples” are the happiest, & those couples can be married or not. The common denominators are they choose the definition, rules or lack of, & context of their relationship. 

They also evolve together AND as separate people. You are still 2 separate people but should be better together. The “right” relationships, in my opinion, should feel like freedom, adventure, & home.

I made a promise to myself to never put someone in a box where they feel trapped to not be themselves in the fullest most authentic form. Because I would not want someone to do that to me again as I’ve had done in the past. 

You should never feel like you have to get married or put a label on anything because that is what is expected of you. That’s why so many marriages end. You don’t have to be married to be happy. 

Just a tip from someone who’s been there on both ends of the spectrum, this is a conversation you need to have with your other half because it is a dealbreaker, same with talks of children. 

So all of you young 20 somethings & even some young 30 somethings that are getting married right now, here are some things to think about.

All your shxt needs to be laid out on the table no matter how painful it is or how fearful you are of being judged. And if you are seeking attention from someone else other than your significant other & your significant other is not open minded to being in an open kind of relationship — that is a red flag that you probably need to put on the brakes.

There are needs not being met & some things you most likely need to work out with yourself. And that’s totally OK.

That is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I have been that person, it doesn’t make you a piece of shxt, it makes you human. 

And to me the most attractive humans are the flawed ones that can own their shxt & be honest.

It’s OK to be what I refer to as “single at heart.” I feel that means if I had to describe it as people who will find their greatest fulfillment & meaning without a romantic partner. 

The touchstone for people who are single at heart is authenticity. This can mean things like traveling, finding hobbies & your purpose that light you up, career aspirations, artistic creation — all these things can bring the passion of a romantic relationship. 

Refrain your way of thinking.

Stop romanticizing about past & future relationships, I know it’s tempting to think that all of your problems will be solved once you meet your prince or princess but you might just be missing out on potential experiences that are right in front of you.

Take the more negative experiences as stepping stones to more confidently know what you do want. Whether it’s a bad date or you called off an engagement because you weren’t ready, or another divorce — who the hxll cares. All just experiences.

Alfred Lord Tennyson, “’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Fortune favors the Bold😉 

Just LOVE.

Oxox Coach K

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She told me she feels like she lost the spark and her relationship & this is what I said…

DM of the day, “I feel like I’ve lost the spark in my relationship. I dunno whether to stay, go, change myself or him. Maybe there’s a better one out there.”

I asked her, “Well how do you want to feel in your relationship?” — She didn’t know.

How bout we start there before we talk about anyone changing anyone else.

I’ll ask y’all something my mom asked me before, “Who do you want beside you on the beach when you’re old?”

I refer back to one of fav quotes, “Fall in love with someone who is both your safe place & your biggest adventure. — Bianca Sparacino

There is nothing about butterfly’s in that quote. And nothing about perfection. 

Because let me tell ya, in 38 years I’ve never once met a perfect man — or a perfect ME.

I’ve had a hard time letting people love me. 

I had a bad habit of pushing away healthy, stable love. And if I felt I was going to be hurt, or things got really f*cked up & hard, I’d emotionally distance & end things before I could get hurt.

I’ve learned letting someone love you doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re deciding you deserve to be loved.

To the recovering avoidant like myself, it’s hard. It feels icky sometimes & requires a shxt ton of courage & vulnerability I can’t even find the words for.

My idea of love has changed as I’ve aged. I used to view it as a noun — it’s a verb. 

It’s something you choose, it takes conscious effort & work. It’s not magic fairy dust & an endless buffet of ribs (but that’s would be nice sign me up btw 🤚)

A hard lesson I’ve learned is bad timing doesn’t always mean you stop trying or believing in love.

Maybe you just need slow down, adjust your sails & wait until things are maybe a lil slightly less fxcked. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

The grass is greener where you water it. Don’t forget to water yours first. 

Oxox

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Why does marriage always have to be the end goal?

She said, “Everyone would be happier if they would settle down & get married.”

Had a lady tell me this yesterday.

Well I have some shxt to say about that…

Why does marriage always have to be the end goal? 

I’ve asked myself this on several occasions. Like can’t I just have a life partner I love to build an empire with? Have conversations, travel, ENJOY LIFE with?

I vow to be honest with y’all, as one who has gone thru divorce (twice), & also lived as a girl who always had to be in a relationship in my younger years — this statement could not be more false.

We vilify singledom. Why?

The years I spent single have been the most transformative — & painful. But absolutely necessary.

You have to take time to be the person you wanna be with. That means nurturing yourself, loving yourself, being ok with making mistakes & relationships not working out.

People are our teachers, some relationships are only meant to last a season. Some are meant to last a lifetime. Surrender & let them happen. 

You also can’t be afraid to take risks & choose love. Building walls around yourself & not allowing yourself to experience love in whatever context or relationship you need, is also paralyzing. That’s not living life.

Am I proud to say I’ve been thru 2 divorces, no. But I am super proud of myself for trying. I am not afraid to choose love & neither should you but make sure you’re doing it on your own terms & for the right reasons.

You’re going to fxck up in life & others will too. I’m just gonna leave it like this, find the right person or people to fxck up with.

Life is so much sweeter when you live it on your own terms, don’t be influenced by other people’s or society’s expectations of you.

I don’t know who may need to hear these but I’m gonna say it anyways, many of you need a therapist & to date yourself for a while, not another relationship or government sponsored life binding contract.

— Because I care. 

Wishing you guys so much love & confidence today, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in❤️

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If I could share only 1 life lesson it would be this

NO.1 REGRET OF THE DYING: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

I had a terminal patient tell me this years back as I finished their CT scan.

@aubreymarcus posted a powerful reminder yesterday, a perfect reminder as we start another week:

“Your future self will look back on your life right now, & wish you could live it again. Not because you want to DO anything different. But because you wish you enjoyed it more.

The number 1 deathbed regret is, “I wish I would’ve let myself be happier.” At the end of our life we realize that happiness is a choice, made in the moment, in spite of whatever is happening.”

☝🏻If I could share only 1 life lesson with you, it would be this.

MANAGE YOUR MIND AND YOU CAN MANAGE ANYTHING.

We get lost in a storm of emotions & expectations — from others, from ourselves, from society.

Emotions around your body, career, & relationships. Some like:

BODY: I need to look like her/him to be more attractive & worthy. When in fact you need to love yourself & body for everything you are, not what you aren’t. 

CAREER: I’m not “rich” or successful until I have x in the bank or achieved a certain status. When in fact you’re already rich if you have a career you love, a roof over your head, food to eat, & people who love you. 

RELATIONSHIPS: I need a partner to be worthy. Which typically nudges us to settle for people not deserving, or seeking people for purely physical reasons. We blind ourselves to the real secret to finding a partner in life…being self aware, knowing your worth & theirs, learning to build a home in yourself 1st, & embodying the person you seek to be with. The ‘right’ one feels like freedom & home.❤️⠀

There will always be shxt that comes up & temporarily throws your life out of your control, but you choose your perspective & reaction. 

When you’re working, work. 

When you’re eating, eat. 

When you’re listening, listen. 

When you’re loving, LOVE. 

We’re always living. But the question is, are you living YOUR best life?   

Drop a ❤️ if you’re ready. I am. 🤘🏻🔥

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The One Thing You Need to Do To Attract Successful Relationships

I said, “Get a life.”⁣
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Had the pleasure of snuggling up with a green beverage & answering questions with a digital friend yesterday on St. Patrick’s day.⁣
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She said, “I just need to pick your brain about some relationship things I’m going through. I respect & appreciate your positive energy sprinkled with such blunt honesty.” ⁣
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I laughed 😄 ⁣
Best compliment I had all day.⁣
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My dad used to say I was a lot like a caged raccoon. They’re attracted to shiny things & look all cute & harmless, but as soon as you stick your fingers in the cage they bite’em off. ⁣
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Thanks Dad. ⁣
If you don’t come from the Midwest or the South you may not understand that metaphor. Lol 😂 ⁣
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I swear I don’t bite 😉⁣
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Anywhoodle…⁣
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She asked, “What’s the 1 piece of advice you would give to someone with codependency in every relationship they seem to have? Because that’s me. I feel I change for every relationship and rely on other people for my sense of happiness which in turn results in failed friendships & romantic relationships.”⁣
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I don’t know about y’all but I felt this woman’s question in my soul. That used to be me.⁣
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I wasn’t happy or felt any self worth unless I had a partner. I would let their energy affect my energy. I would change my interests, wants, & needs to suit their‘s. I would make their life, my life — to the point I felt my purpose was to simply serve them. ⁣
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If you don’t know what codependency means:⁣
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noun⁣

  1. excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.⁣
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    Apparently being in a relationship was an illness and an addiction. My Achilles’ heel per se.⁣
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    So I told her, “Get. A. Life.”⁣
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    You know why we struggle with relationships in today’s society? Because we don’t cultivate a self aware one with ourselves first. ⁣
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    Because we don’t connect our souls with one another anymore, we like to connect our social media accounts & swipe right. ⁣
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    We communicate with ambiguity. Vapid small talk just to fill silence. We ourselves don’t get clarity on what we really want. ⁣
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    It seems when we do fall in love, it’s only after considering if we’re settling or not, whether a person can give us the life we want & fulfill unrealistic desires. ⁣
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    We’re blinded by filters. We forget to date one another. We let passion & playfulness & adventure die. We don’t ask what the other needs to be seen, heard, loved, & supported. ⁣
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    We look for someone perfect to complete us while we already have the best possible one within us. ⁣
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    I’m just gonna say this, ‘singlehood’ has been vilified for way too long. I believe it’s actually the 1 thing people need to experience fully in order to cultivate more successful , meaningful relationships. ⁣
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    If you don’t build a home in yourself first & don’t even know who you are as your authentic self, how do you expect to get to know someone else on a deeper level & accept them as they are?⁣
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    It truly goes back to self love & self worth. You are seeking these things from other people. ⁣
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    High seekers do the same thing. Everything‘s great when it’s new & fun but as soon as the ‘real life’ mundane button is pushed, you become avoidant & seek new highs.⁣
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    Yup, calling myself out there too. Queen of the avoidants. Thanks to my therapist for pointing that out.⁣
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    Through therapy I learned how being made fun of as a kid affected my relationships & love life. I built walls so high around myself & guarded them with weapons of avoidant attachment, sarcasm & ambiguity. ⁣
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    My therapist told me I am REALLY GOOD at acting like I don’t give a fxck. So much so I somehow taught myself how to shut my emotion off & that’s why I was able to cut people out of my life with no remorse.⁣
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    Oooof. Fxck me, right?! 😆⁣
    Sound familiar? ⁣
    Anyone else an avoidant like me? 🤚 ⁣
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    Guys that liked me who were attractive, smart, & successful intimidated me whether I liked them or not because I felt I was still that fat girl & not successful enough to be worthy of a relationship with them. My therapist said I placed them in this box of the popular boys at school that used to make fun of me, which wasn’t fair to them or myself. ⁣
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    So I’d ‘settle’ for less than men, frankly, as she put it, “Not on on the same level as me.” I did this because subconsciously I knew I was smarter, more successful, and more in control.⁣
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    Same with successful women, too. I felt I wasn’t good enough to “sit at the cool kids table.”⁣
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    Oooof. Another fxck me.😫⁣
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    These are the things you need to hear. I understand it’s not what you want to hear. They’re dirty, & heavy, & gross.⁣
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    Find yourself. Date yourself. You have to be whole first. No one completes you or owns your relationship. A relationship is shared, it’s like a Google Drive. ⁣
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    What happens is you get into a relationship & lose your life slowly. That relationship then becomes your life, your world.⁣
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    Then when something goes wrong in that relationship, or there is conflict, your world comes crashing down because you’ve made that relationship your world.⁣
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    We share our life with our partner we don’t give our life to our partner & vice versa. It doesn’t mean to love LESS it means to love SO MUCH your wholeness, & your partners wholeness mean more individually so you can both be POWERFUL AF together.⁣
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    Find someone carrying their own bag. ⁣
    Find someone that is willing to sit on the floor beside you. Y’all can pack & unpack your bags together. ❤️⁣
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    I’ll be right there with you, with a cocktail or coffee, your choice 😉 ⁣
    ⁣
    Oxox Coach K⁣
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A letter to my soulmate

A woman messaged me this morning & asked how I seemed so happy by myself.

I looked at Pete 🐈‍⬛ 

He said it was because of him.🙃 

— Looking at the vomit on my floor I told him he’s lucky I love him. 😂 

She said she struggled feeling “happy” not being in a relationship.

I told her, I’m happy because I’m whole. Another person doesn’t make you whole. We’re here to find the relationships that compliment our wholeness.

The 1st relationship you need to work on is with yourself.

I shared with her a letter I wrote in my journal to my soulmate years ago. I have many newbies around here and I’ll share it again for y’all:

𝘈 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦 

𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘺, 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, & 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘸𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘶𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸. 

𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥, 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥, & 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥. 

𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘳, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘬, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭. 

𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘴, 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 & 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦. 

𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 & 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥, 𝘸𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘷𝘰𝘭𝘷𝘦. 

𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, & 𝘱𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 – 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘦𝘥. 

𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵, & 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦, 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘦, 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵. 

Take the risks. Feel free to tag, share, & keep this letter for yourself as a reminder 🤗 ❤️

Love y’all oxox

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Love and Life Lessons That Will Make You Laugh

I said, “Well I’m pretty easy to please, don’t tell me what to do, make me laugh, just give me a bowl of meat & I’m happy.” 😂

My gf & I FaceTimed. She said, “I must be too picky, wth is wrong with me.”

I said, “Bxtch you’re askin the girl who’s longest successful relationship has been with a cat named Pete 🐈‍⬛.”  

Laughter is the best medicine😭

Some things I have learned in 38yrs…

✅You can’t send 2 questions to a man in the same msg or next msg before getting a reply to the 1st one. You’ll only get a reply to 1.

✅Stop being the person with a long list of expectations. Just enjoy the experience. If you feel in your gut they’re not someone you vibe with, you don’t owe them a long explanation. Be honest & strong, cut toxicity out of your life. Remember your list of values. 

✅You spend the majority of your day rubbing a piece of glass 🤳🏻 Love life fiercely that’s all that matters.  Not just the highlight reels. You don’t NEED someone to complete you. No one says you have to be married to be happy.

✅Grocery stores should put carts in the middle where my pride realizes I have too much shxt to carry. Dunno, maybe that’s just me🙃 #ThisIsWhyWeCrossFit 

✅Stop thinkin “Nah, they wouldn’t do me like that.” Cause mfs will definitely do you like that. Choose your circle wisely. 

✅Love someone enough their happiness is your happiness. Love them enough to know when you have to let them go. What’s meant for you will never miss you. Take risks.

✅When I was young I wanted  2 kids, a picket fence, & married by 21….lets all laugh together. 😂 Live your own timeline. 

✅Part of me wants to be an independent woman who makes a shxt ton of money & the other part wants to be a trophy wife with new boobs & the most difficult decision of my day being what cocktail I wanna drink. Your wants & needs will change. Let them.😄

✅Beware of cocktails that taste like juice, before you know you it, you’ll have to pick up your dignity down the street. Treat your body like a trash can & you become the trash can. 

✅It’s ok to go thru this phase called “fxck everything.” Do your squats & know your worth. People wanna be around people who bring the joy. Feel the feels but find the sunshine ☀️

Happy Saturday loves, go LAUGH🤍

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The Best Love Advice No One Told You

Heart wrenching conversation with a client yesterday I’m certain all of us have encountered & then realized how interconnected emotions & outcomes are.

She told me, she knows he doesn’t love her for her, but she keeps holding on which is affecting her weight & basically everything else in her life.

So I started off with this: Our job on this earth is not to have to sell or transform ourselves to earn someone’s love. It’s just to simply be loved for exactly who we are & we are to do the same.

Relationships & your worth are determined by your own definition, not society’s definition or timelines you think you need to be living.

I’ve said this before, I fully stand by it, people can choose to evolve with you or without you in any kind of relationship, romantic or platonic.

The people you surround yourself with,  make you. They are a reflection of your values & integrity.

It’s OK to grow out of relationships. It’s OK if those people choose to part. It takes a BIG, evolved person to lovingly release someone you care deeply for.

You can’t build a relationship with a person you love for who you want them to be. 

Honor your individuality. 

Don’t be afraid to take chances on experiences if they feel right, don’t hoard shame if they didn’t work out the way you thought. 

Be proud of yourself for choosing love, especially love for yourself. It’s the only relationship you’re going to have forever. If you’re not happy, you’re not going to make anyone else happy. The negative energy you put out if you don’t feel aligned will only further grow & bring more negative.

It’s pretty simple really. Give love away like there are no conditions attached, and this goes for letting it go too. By doing this we enable the alignment & flow that is supposed to happen in this life experience.

You can begin creating the life, body, & love you desire right now, even if you don’t have the pieces in place you think you need in order to start. 

All it takes is acceptance, intention, effort, & LOVE.

Love & Hugs 🤗❤️ oxoxo

Feature Photo: @matteuccij13 @lensandlightphoto