Health Coach | Speaker | Writer | Welcome to my digital diary! I'm here to help you blend life & fitness to find your health & happy! Thank you for being part of my family & allowing me to add value to your journey!
I used to crave all the sweets. Could smash an entire pan of brownies, boxes of cereal, gallons of ice cream — & I did in the thick of my binging & disordered eating. Followed by days of guilt, inflammation, pain, & more hunger.
Tap for full post with cheat sheets!
Thank God every day for this carnivore lifestyle. This is an important post, please SWIPE, save tag & share freely with someone who needs to hear it or if it’s a simple reminder for yourself.
We think we crave chocolate, cookies, brownies, & ice cream, but our hunger truly is for somethin much deeper, somethin much more nourishing.
Things like love, significance, fulfillment, & connection are what we really crave.
When we allow ourselves to FEEL & RECEIVE & have these things, it’s far more satisfying than treats, overindulgence, & temporary pleasures.
If you feel constant, ravenous hunger, know you are probly feeling undernourished & unfulfilled in more ways than just food.
❌Watch your words, they’re powerful!
“Diet starts tomorrow, or Monday, etc”
“I deserve a ‘cheat meal’ or ‘treat’ because I’ve been, ‘good’ all week.”
“I messed up my diet, might as well splurge & start again Monday.”
“If I eat that I’ll need to make sure I workout enough to burn it all off.”
“I’ll be happy when I reach my goal weight.”
“I don’t deserve to eat that, Ima failure.”
“I can’t do that until I lose the weight.”
Look deeper for what you truly need. Maybe its a walk with a friend, a deep convo, GRACE, a hug, doing something nice for someone else just because, or quiet time with God/the Universe/the Collective or whatever you believe.
⠀Without connecting with ourselves, forgiving our past, & getting real honest on the bullsh*t sandwiches we’ve been feeding ourselves & understanding what TRUE nourishment is — we remain unfulfilled & hungry.
If you are feeling disconnected & lost, my door (& DMs) are always open 🚪💌📲
I have a whole 354 page guide with an entire section dedicated to emotional eating and things to help you. Click below ⬇️
I really don’t care if 1 or 1,000+ people read my posts. I didn’t always start out with this mindset tho. There was a time I saw myself as insignificant if a larger number of people didn’t “like” things I shared daily.
The greatest lesson I ever learned was advice given to a bellboy in 1922 on how to be happy in life by Albert Einstein.
I mean isn’t that what we all are searching for? I’d tell you you’re full of sh*t if you said no.
Tis the time of the top 9.
I’m always surprised by what comes up. It’s crazy to see what the digital world views as your top 9 “most important” posts of the year.
These were mine.
So back to the Einstein thing & message of this post…
The story goes that has Einstein was exiting his hotel in Tokyo, a bellhop came up to deliver something & instead of giving him a monetary tip, Einstein handed him 2 pieces of paper.
On the 1st he scribbled what has now been termed Einstein‘s theory of happiness:
“A calm & modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.”
I took this advice to heart & this is how I strive to live my life.
I am happy because I don’t want anything from anyone.
I know money is just energy & there is always abundance.
Achievements & productivity don’t define me & titles really don’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things.
Everything I do is in the name of growth, love, & Joy.
I realized when I lived life simply doing things I loved with enjoyment, the time passed by effortlessly & the things that were meant for me found me & I was always provided for.
You may be sitting there thinking this may be Pollyanna but may I remind you on that second piece of paper he handed to the bellhop:
➡️I slept until almost 7. Our patient numbers in the ER are insane. Grateful for a day off right meow.🐱
➡️I Googled #fengshui for the new year yesterday & they said to wear red or yellow underwear for good luck 🤷♀️🍀🩲 contemplating buying some😄 although I really hate wearing underwear. Jus sayin. I know I’m not the only one, don’t lie.
➡️Set routines not resolutions for the new year. You have to BE the lifestyle & the person you want. Routines will get you there, vapid resolutions with no true intention or action will not.
➡️Figured out how to keep Pete from waking me up when I don’t have to get up early. Set my auto brew on the coffee pot maker till later. ☕️ 🐈⬛ He hates it when I work on my computer in the mornings. He’s a Snuggle bug.
He wants to sit on my lap!
Holy sh*t tomorrow is a new year. I know they say as you get older time flies by, they ain’t kiddin. We’re only here for a short blip.
Simply sharing things on my mind & heart this mornin. Swipe through for lessons I wished I’d learned earlier & “That Girl” habits to bring into 2022.
Click for full post on IG!
I just want to thank y’all for your love, your kindness, your dedication to yourselves to learn & grow & do that with me, here.
For Christmas last year I gave away alcohol & money as gifts. Merry Christmas Probly do the same this year. Why lie?
I also bought my family Christmas Eve dinner – which was @doordash of all the delicious wings from @tpindyi69 Twin Peaks because that the only place open & none of us wanted to cook.
Just thought I’d not bullshxt around & put that out there We had the best Christmas ever simply because we were together.
End of the year reflections & intentions… Do you know I had never had a Christmas before that where I hadn’t worried about money?
There was a time I didn’t know if I’d have enough money to buy eggs & I lived out of my office. Last year was the 1st year I had enough money that I didn’t have to worry about it.
There was a time I could’ve told you how to sneak into every pool & hotel to snag free breakfast to save money.
Brand name clothes were not something I could align funds for. Goodwill, Walmart, second hand & the discount rack, bishes.
In college, I stayed home while my sorority sisters went out shopping.
Self confidence, vibrancy, energy, mindset, frequency & self-awareness were not things in my consciousness at the time.
I viewed money as a bad thing, something I had to work really really hard for & always felt there was never enough. And if I wasn’t saving every penny, that made me a bad person.
I came from a middle class world. We didn’t dare leave lights on, waste food, buy “unnecessary things”, or be caught not working or doing chores because that was viewed as being lazy.
From childhood I thought love was earned thru accomplishments, productivity, & what you looked like.
I felt I was never good enough to attain the life, love & wealth – things that other, luckier more affluent people had.
Totally mind fxcked me for decades. I’m grateful now to have healed to the point of peaceful evolution & gratitude.
The holidays are hard on people. I get you.
The New Year is like some imaginary clean slate that people think on January 1 everything will be different when they truly have the opportunity to clean the slate any day they want.
I paid off more than $43,000 in debt last year — in a damn pandemic. Dunno how. I had faith that I could & let the Universe take care of the rest. I paid off all my credit cards, a consolidation loan I was paying $730 a month on for 3 years. I purchased a new vehicle, finally restored my credit & spent money on the things that brought me joy without apology. This post really isn’t about money but I needed to write this stuff out & just give thanks for this point in my life. Maybe you can relate too. I realized I’m my own best friend. I love being alone but I’m never lonely. I don’t need anyone else to complete me — I am complete. I am ready to finally let an aligned special someone in if it’s the right time. The past 2 years have been painful as hell too, probably 2 of the most painful & biggest roller coasters I’ve been on in my 39 years – in every facet of my life. I’ve had to swallow my ego more times than all the shots on my 21st birthday y’all Every year I reflect on what I’ve been thru & what I could do better. I come up with a motto & a word to symbolize intentions for my next year. My motto for 2021 was: “Wherever I go, there I am.” Still is.
2022 is: “The wheel turns.”
Because wherever I go I will choose to make the most of it & cultivate a life & environment that brings me joy. I will honor my changes, emotions, needs & evolve as I need to. I will have purpose, impact, & I will serve to the best of my abilities. My word for 2021: JOY. I promise to still live with JOY.
My word for 2022: Abundance. So I’ll raise my glass w/y’all, cheers!
Happy Saturday from the VA btw and GO COLTS! Headed to the game after my shift
There hasn’t been a day of my life where I haven’t needed to read a quote, a poem, an affirmation, a book, or beautiful words from a talented creator to express how I feel, give me a hug, punch me in the gut, break my heart, or put it back together.
You know what I mean?
I told a friend one time I understood the feeling of that hopeless pit. I said, “I hope you find love, but most importantly, I hope you love yourself more to be strong enough to walk away from what love isn’t & find peace in the realization that you are already love.”
In my 20s/early 30s I made plenty of bad decisions after my 1st divorce at 27.
Plenty of fast & furious acquaintances, some more longer-term, they all aided in growth (some more enjoyable than others 😂)
Hxll, let’s be honest, some I don’t even remember. It’s like that person you put in your phone as “Joe Bumble” or “Dude from Texas” 😆📲
I talked about this in therapy. My therapist said it’s because when I was younger I didn’t believe I was worthy of love I desired.
Which is why I picked men that were not on my level, & to be frank, EASY for me. 🤦🏼♀️fxck me, she’s right.
She said now I’m “selective & guarded”because I’m actually afraid I might find someone & be forced to choose between my happiness & freedom of autonomy & that person. I’m afraid to make the same mistakes like being a people pleaser & losing myself.
Today was an absolute sh*t show at work. One of those days the ER is completely full all day, like a waterfall that never stops. Don’t get me wrong, I love busy days. I love the rush. It’s an addiction & a high for me.
Like working.
I know it’s an addiction. I love working to the point of exhaustion, same with physical labor.
💁🏼♀️I’m a special kind of crazy, I know.
And I realized this week I use it partly as a shield. It’s really hard for me to get truly close to someone, to crack open & completely expose myself emotionally.
I know I don’t NEED anyone. I love myself & my life so much it’s kind of embarrassing.
Not in a narcissistic way but I have so much appreciation for the woman writing these words today compared to the woman 5 years, 10 years, 20 years ago.
I can bleed my heart via words with y’all & I’m not ashamed to talk about heartache or things I really just am not good at.
My last marriage ripped me to shreds. I hadn’t taken a chance & loved someone like that in a long time.
I come back even better every time I experience a failure whether it’s in life, love, or fitness.
I hate heights. I’m even more afraid of falling. I’m not afraid of love, I’m more afraid of rejection & the scattered pieces of my heart that follow.
I’m not afraid of being alone, I’m more afraid of committing to a relationship & feeling lonely, again.
I’m proud of my risks & mistakes. I would never know how good it feels to realize you love someone so much it brings you to tears & no matter how much that other person pisses you off, you can look at them & you’re like, “Yeah, that’s my person.”
The thing is – I’m not the same woman as I used to be, & neither are you. We have the privilege to learn from our past experiences, good & bad, to find US & THEM.
Tips if you’re stuck in this rut:
– Take off the mask & filters. Perfection isn’t needed, the “real life shxt” is what builds a solid foundation.
– Own your baggage. Have the hard conversations you don’t want to have, with yourself & the people in your relationship.
– Be open to meeting someone with the same level of consciousness. You attract the energy you put out. You also have to be open to receive & believe you’re worthy of your desires.
– Live with JOY & Unattachment to outcomes. You have control over your reactions, which means you choose whether it is a positive experience or a negative one. It’s simply an experience, not a right or wrong decision.
It was like I was jumping into my car to go somewhere without the keys…
The number one block preventing me from transformation was my BRAIN.
Like 90% of all transformation comes from awareness & resilience. I didn’t know that when I started.
When you are at your lowest point, that is your greatest door to change. A big friggin door that smacks you in the face!
I remember the morning after I wrecked my truck. I fell asleep at the wheel. Tired, going through a divorce at the time, living with my parents, had been drinking that day.
My mom looked at me as I walked into the kitchen & I told her what had happened. I said, “Mom I have a problem.”
She replied, “Yeah I saw your problem sittin in the driveway. Congratulations, you’ve hit rock bottom. There’s only one way left to go & that’s UP from here!”
Trying to navigate my way through life, more specifically my weight loss & health journey, I thought my success & happiness would come when I found the perfect diet. I thought if I could just find an easy way to restrict food, lose fat fast, & shrink to the smallest version of myself my problems would be solved.
It wasn’t all my food, most of my problems stemmed from my thoughts & the story I kept telling myself.
Your brain is the control center for all activities in your body, mind, & reality you live. It regulates your breathing, heartbeat, emotions, thoughts, words, conversations you hold internally & externally, & many more vital processes.
Yet, most of us think success comes from singular things like diets, workouts, having just the right job or relationship, when we’re harming our brains every single day. And most of the time, we’re not even aware of it.
I started noticing positive changes & ease of life when I set new intentions & habits like spending more time outside, listening to my gut, doing things that brought me joy like coloring & walking, light therapy, gratitude, morning movement, less time on my phone, using blue blocking glasses, not drinking tap water, moving more throughout the day, removing toxic people/things/habits/social media & cultivating an up leveling environment. All products, codes, & links are in the link in my Instagram bio.
I wanna share these with you so you can learn them quicker than I did.
The 4 habits crippling your brain & blocking success!
SLEEP
Y’all this a biggie! Most of us don’t get enough & realize the impact quality sleep has on our overall health & energy. It affects EVERYTHING from our mood, energy, performance, fat loss, muscle gain, body function, ability to give sh*ts about the truly important things we should give sh*ts about.
When was the last time you didn’t sleep well but felt great & performed at your best? Never. I’ll answer that for you.
The consequences of sleep deprivation can be fatal & range from dementia, brain cell loss, early memory loss, or even Alzheimer’s. These effects slow down your thinking, impair your memory, & hinder learning. Research even shows that sleep deprivation might shrink your brain. When you sleep, your brain gets a chance to recover & process what you’ve learned & experience throughout the day.
THE FIX
Most people need 7-8 hours of sleep to feel & perform their best. However, it’s also important to consider the QUALITY of your sleep. Set regular bedtimes, wear blue blocking glasses after sunrise & light therapy in the mornings. I use Swanwick glasses. Put down the electronics an hour before bed, create a dark, cool environment by turning the heat down & getting black out curtains, reduce caffeine intake to mornings only & under 300mg/day, take a natural melatonin & or magnesium supplement before bed. Helpful supplements I’ve used are Natural Vitality Calmful Sleep, Relax Liposomal from Nuethix Formulations, & Zzzyquil. On Amazon Favorites List here
2. DOING “NOTHING” One of the most underrated ways you might be harming your brain is by NOT USING IT. Your brain is like a muscle & like they say, “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.” We are designed to move & create & think. Challenging thoughts, new skills, different hobbies, interesting & meaningful conversations, reading, podcasts, nurturing social media, YouTubes, new experiences, puzzles, games, coloring, cross stitching, painting, & crosswords can help stimulate your brain & develop neuroplasticity, which refers to the brain’s ability to adapt. Like any muscle, your brain needs to be used and flexed to stay in shape.
THE FIX Research proves that brain exercises have a positive effect on our cognitive abilities. So, what are you waiting for? Ask yourself what you could do today or this week to learn something new & train your brain. Start with choosing something that brings you Joy! I enjoy coloring, writing, learning, exploring new places I’ve never been & talking to new people!
3. NOT MOVING
I’ll say it again, we were made to MOVE. Living a sedentary lifestyle can have dangerous effects on our mental & physical health. An inactive lifestyle comes at high costs, such as heart disease, obesity, diabetes, depression, loss of strength, & even dementia.
A study found that a sedentary lifestyle also has negative effects on our brains. For example, it negatively influences our memory. There’s nothing wrong with chillin on the couch & taking a time out, we need that balance too. However, the problem is that millions of people, especially those working from home or with desk jobs are victims of a sedentary lifestyle (because you choose to be). 10k steps per day, make that a goal.
THE FIX Beating a sedentary lifestyle is mostly about incorporating daily activity into your life that you enjoy & becomes a success habit. It’s not about exercising hours a day but being intentional to make movement a vital part of your day.
Teach yourself to be a morning person, get your workout or some kind of movement done first thing. The most successful people make this a part of their morning routines. Take short walk breaks every 20-30 minutes, walk after meals, park further away, take the stairs, wind down with a short walk at night, do yoga, stretch, run, do group classes, walk around your house & lift dumbbells during commercials – just do something! I walk around our ER & around my CT machine in between patients, I walk after meals & work out in the morning. I also have a pair of extra 10 & 3lb weights & a resistance band I keep in my radiology suite for a quick circuit during down time.
4. NIX THE SUGAR
According to Fernando Gomes Pinilla, professor of neurosurgery at UCLA, what you eat affects how you think. 100% agree! If you’re like me, I’m one that has suffered with gut issues & food addiction. Never had a great relationship with carbs or sugar, nor could I digest them well.
Research also proves that a high-sugar diet slows down our brains as well as interferes with memory & learning. What do we tend to crave in times of stress or boredom? Typically highly caloric foods chocked full of sugar, carbs, & fat. When we get overwhelmed & stressed, these cortisol spikes make us feel the need for more energy & the easiest way to get that instant hit is through sugar. And that’s exactly what most junk food delivers: minimal nutrients, low quality oils, additives, sugar, & salt. The problem is that we are overfed & undernourished as a whole because of readily available “junk” food. Malnutrition doesn’t only harm your waistline but also affects brain function & development. Our brains make up 2% of our body weight, but they use 20% of the resources. That’s why the food you consume has such a huge effect on your thinking & behavior.
THE FIX
Cut out the crap. Protein & healthy fats should make us the majority of your meals. Choose foods you love & ones that do not trigger negative physical or mental problems like gut issues, mood swings, & disordered eating habits like binging & emotional eating.
Make sure you’re eating enough, We should be eating out true maintenance calories the majority of the year. You can use the TDEEcalculator.net to find yours & it’ll give you a suggested group of macros. I like my protein set around 1g/lb of body weight or goal weight if you have more to lose. I’ve personally even gone up to 1.5g/lb of body weight & for smaller individuals like myself doing a more meat-based, low carb lifestyle.
My meal 2 at work today! #meatbars 😉 Airfry. 380, 12 minutes thru preheat cycle. Surf & Turf! Air fried shrimp, 80% ground beef, & 93% Perdue ground chicken! Cleaning out the fridge. I bring an airfryer to work with me. Have an instant vortex 6 qt. on Amazon fav list. These also re heat well. Info all over my IG, scroll thru, check highlights & link in IG bio!
Invest in a coach or practitioner or qualified individual to help you! My Coaching FAQ’s are in the link in my Instagram bio & here!
AS always, to my humans out there just tryna be better! oxox Coach K
Feeling pretty & PRETTY STRONG this mornin. Shamelessly admiring my arms in the freakin awesome lighting🦾 @hotworx.fishers
Your homework is to take time to simply love on yourself today, too. You’re magnificent!
Photo dump on IG of my morning success habits which includes me writing to y’all (& myself) every single day.
Workout at HotWorx Fishers. Loving the new Blast workout!
Post workout breakfast. 1.25 lbs of 80% ground beef #meatbars Airfry. 380. 12 minutes. Did not consume the fat in the bottom of the airfyer to make it leaner. Recipe is on my IG, link in bio & in highlights. I bring an Airfryer to work . Instant Vortex 6qt.
Happy light! I use this portable light everyday for 30 minutes. On Amazon Favorites List on IG. Link in IG Bio.
I had a great workout & sweat sesh while learning & listening to @iamsahararose & @itskrista talk about The Law of One. Well done sisters👏🏼 this was mind-blowing 🤯 & remarkably expansive!
Sparked what I felt nudged to channel & share with you guys:
Uncomfortable truths I wished I had realized & accepted earlier in life …
Here goes…
Happiness is the byproduct of living your purpose. Happiness doesn’t make you happy, having purpose makes you happy. Once you become at peace with your purpose, your life & your body will fall in line. You won’t feel the need to numb & self sabotage with emotional eating, gluttony, self-loathing, overspending, sleeping around, excessive drinking – pick your poison.
Talking with clients & reflecting on my own journey, the reason we self sabotage is because we’re trying to find love & stimuli outside of ourselves & feel we have no purpose, no significance.
It’s like eating when you’re bored. It’s like the elderly & their partner dies or they’re put in a nursing home or you take their keys away, they often expire shortly after. It’s like taking away their purpose.
Gut check moment, right?!
Learn to redirect your mind & you then learn how to redirect your life. It’s your choice.
We all have definitions of heaven & hell. We are all deliciously unique individuals. Just let people BE. Loving someone in the hopes that they will change is not truly loving someone. Truly loving someone is giving them the free will to live as they choose. This includes learning to lovingly release & let people go. Remember everything happens for you not to you. Stop trying to cram a round peg into a square hole.
Not everyone wants to be in the same kind of “relationships.” The definition of a relationship will be different for us all. We’re all One. One Love. There is no right or wrong way to live your life, it’s all an experience of your choosing.
I personally feel there is no requirement to have to slap labels or legally binding contracts on relationships to make them more significant or lucrative.
What “successful” looks like, what “beautiful” looks like…if they make you happy & fulfill some part of you, let it BE & savor the moments. And if you choose at some time to be exclusive or to change your definition in a different way, let that BE & savor the moment or the season. Stop over complicating shxt.
Have a partner who wants to see you thrive & evolve WITH YOU or no partner at all. Y’all, being around energy vampires who’re trying to keep you small is painful af – AND your decision. One of my best friends, as well as myself, have been in a relationship(s) where the other persons needs & goals were always way more important. You felt all that mattered was that you made it as easy as possible for THEM to move forward & be comfortable. If you achieved success, they were jealous, felt you were overshadowing, it was never as good as theirs, & your goals were ridiculous.
Even though we sometimes can’t choose whether we fall in love or not, we can indeed choose whether we stay with someone. There’s a big difference in being alone & lonely. I will repeat this to my very last breath. If your partner constantly dulls your shine & all you feel is your energy waning & seeking to people please, it’s probably the wrong partner.
A rich relationship should be full of support, nourishing challenge, & encouragement. If someone doesn’t want to see you achieve your dreams, they won’t be there when you hit rock bottom either. Sorry Sis, no, quit bullshxttin yourself. And just because a relationship has lasted “a long time” doesn’t mean it’s working.
Life isn’t “fair” it just “is.” If you expect life to be fair, you’ll be disappointed & never reach your potential. Shxt happens, & sometimes, there’s no reasonable explanation for why things happen or why people do what they do.
Ultimately I do believe we manifest our lives & attract what we get, we attract what we are. So think about that & control what you can control, which is your vibration & reaction to things.
There won’t ever be a better time to start. Most people waste their lifetime procrastinating instead of living their desired life because they think there will be a “better time to start.” You never know how much time you have left, & life is certainly too short to postpone experiences that bring you joy. Making a wrong decision is better than making no decision. It’s like that saying I love SO much, “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” 😂
Money is simply energy & it has power. No matter if you like it or not — money matters. Learn to love it. Learn to appreciate it. It isn’t bad. It doesn’t make people bad. The vast majority of the global population spends 40+ hours per week working for money. Most people hate their jobs, but stay because they need to “pay the bills.”
Many of us spend a significant part of our lives working for money, I personally LOVE working, it brings me happiness & a feeling of purpose, but most people deny its importance or they let it define them.
Stop denying the power & importance of money & start learning how to use it to your advantage & give back. Make it work FOR you, stop wasting it on useless things, use things love people, invest only in things that bring you joy & upleveling.
Money isn’t everything, but it certainly brings you freedom, the ability to give back, & makes life a whole helluva lot easier & more fun.
Social media can steal your time, energy, & your soul but it doesn’t have to. I have a love-hate relationship with Social media. The trolls make it unbearable some days, haters gonna hate, hurt people hurt people, etc. etc.
Your voice matters, don’t let other people stifle what you want to share with the world. Be proud of your life & your body. You can decide whether you use social media to make your life better or worse. You have control over what you consume & what you see.
Choose to be a creator, not a consumer of content. I loathe the word influencer, I choose to be an Authority. Sorta sweet, sorta Beth Dutton vibes. 🙅🏼♀️😉 Where my Yellowstone fans at?! 👋
Final thoughts… Life ain’t always easy but it’s always good. It’s a privilege to wake up & be alive. Don’t expect life to be fair, create your own rules. Or do as I do, I don’t do rules I do what feels right.🙃
If you constantly choose comfort & ignorance over courage & awareness, you’ll end up being the puppet of others. If you, however, manage to embrace the following truths, you might be able to design an extraordinarily fulfilling, purpose-driven life earlier than I did.❤️❤️🩹❤️🔥
I’ve never been good at asking for help. Not in school, not from friends, not from the doctor, therapy, not from mom & dad, not from anyone really.
Always had that “figure this shxt out for yourself” mindset.
I know now this stemmed from fear of being judged – fear of being wrong, fear of being viewed as weak & stupid & not being able enough to take care of myself.
In my 1st marriage, I was not the breadwinner. I depended on him for numerous things. To put a roof over my head. More expensive items & investments. Paying for vacations & when we went out to eat. And he provided, which I’m grateful. He’s a good man & I wish him the best to this day.
I didn’t have a lot of money. I was in debt. Still a hard worker but could just never get my head above water. I felt like a prisoner & hopeless & weak. I should’ve left years before I did for the both of us to thrive.
This fear of having to rely on someone else grew throughout my following relationships. I was the breadwinner for the majority of them. Fear of commitment & dependency turned me into the stereotypical emotionally & relationally avoidant. You could imagine the pain of having to say I was a “dependent” when I married a US Marine. Omg the sting.
Growing up on a farm you’re raised to be strong, productive, resislient, & self-sufficient. There wasn’t always someone there to help you. You had to learn to figure things out for yourself.
Which I guess is why I do well in radiology, too. We have to think on our feet, outside of the box. We often times work alone, we have to move patients by ourselves, we have to learn to get images & diagnostic exams done for your doctors with as much precision as possible so we can help save peoples lives.
We are the eyes of your physicians. If we don’t do an exam correctly & efficiently, a diagnosis could be missed or misdiagnosed which changes the trajectory of your life. If we inject the wrong contrast or don’t follow proper protocol, we can kill you.
Talk about pressure right?!
We’re not just monkey button pushers.
Xray school just exacerbated my issues with not asking for help. Stubborn. As. Hxll. I hated every moment of Xray school. You feel like you’re under constant scrutiny & criticism. It’s true, survival of the fittest & only the strongest survive
One of my favorite mentors, Dr. Stephen Cabral, sent an email yesterday about this very topic. Him & his team helped me heal from SIBO & a bacterial overgrowth years ago. I learned much from them about proper functional nutrition.
This really hit home for me too… You can apply it to any area of your life.
“If you encounter a forest & you know on the other side are your hopes & dreams, you’d want to get through the woods as fast as you can…
But most of us struggle, forever hacking through the bushes & branches, changing directions, getting lost, & wasting time…
While all along if we had just stopped before making the treacherous journey on our own & found a local guide that had traversed this forest thousands of times, that person could simply show us the paths they’ve cleared over the years.”
I don’t know if I needed to hear this, or someone else out there too, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I know I’m not the only one out there that has been conditioned to believe “figuring it out for yourself” is some badge of honor. Like I used to think not eating & beating the
out of my body was too.
I’ve learned I NEED to ask for help & it’s ok. That’s what we’re here for to help support, learn, & grow together, united.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak, stupid, or incompetent. It means you’re smart because no one knows everything & you should never be the smartest one in the room or you’re in the wrong room.
This is the fastest & most guaranteed path to success. On every level: health, weight, relationships, career, finances, spirituality.
If I can ever help in anyway, I am honored to be your guide. This was way longer than I expected but obviously a message that needed to get out there.
Wish you all the best Monday & start to your week!
This morning I I realized how messed up my relationships were.
I thought about chapters in the past, the struggles in particular. I talked about overcoming struggle yesterday.
(If you haven’t, check that blog out. I needed to hear it myself too. A swift kick in the🍑)
Food, body image, money, & love are all connected. My 29 year old self & sure as sh*t my 19 year old self had NO IDEA.
It all comes down to energetics & the way you FEEL about yourself.
I told y’all my body image issues, eating disorders, & fxckd up relationship with food & myself started at the age of 8.
I never felt pretty or significant. We had “enough” as a hardworking family of 5, growing up on a farm.
But as a child, often material “wealth” outweighs the truly important things like kindness & service.
So if you don’t have certain things or dress like the cool kids, you’re picked on & told that you’re poor & less worthy.
If you’re not skinny like the popular kids you’re told you’re fat & not worthy of love.
This wrecked my relationships with love, food, & money for decades.
As a result I racked up credit card debt to buy things to make myself feel more worthy.
I over ate & under ate to control my body thinking reaching a certain size would make me worthy of love. Exacerbating my poor health, disordered eating, & gut issues.
My romantic relationships we’re like rainbows of confusion, struggle, & continuously feeling lost.
We place value & control on specific things for validation in hopes of making ourselves FEEL a certain way.
Usually the feelings we’re chasing are to be loved, seen, heard, worthy, significant, & included.
We want to be CHOSEN & LOVED.
Over spending
Discounting & under valuing
Emotional eating & Disordered eating
Over exercising
Giving our bodies to people who don’t deserve them
People pleasing & playing small
Excessive drinking & drug use
In American society we tend to value thin bodies, financial wealth, titles, material wealth, “fitting in & following suit.”
Improvement in all of these areas of my life started with changing my mindset, my energetics around my worth, reminding myself money is just energy, thoughts became things & I controlled my reality by my reaction, reminding myself there is so much abundance in this world, I matter simply because I exist & because I have a kind heart & choose a life of service & purpose.
I felt some of you out there may have needed to hear this message this morning & know that you’re not alone.
I may be known as a “nutrition coach” & “Xray tech”, but a reminder there are so many more facets to you than labels, food, money, & body image.
And my doors are open if you need a listening ear who accepts you as perfectly imperfect as you are.
And what you are is incredible simply because you’re YOU.💕
Ya know I love vacations but I LOVE going home, more. Anyone else like this too?
Back to routine. My home. My gyms. My Pete 🐈⬛. My bed. My people I love.
Gettin ready to head back to Indy tomorrow.
As I did laundry & packed, I let my mind wander. This vacation felt like a huge reflection & reset for me. New beginnings.
A few:
Starting a new job PRN at the VA hospital in Indianapolis soon. PUMPED!
New workout routines & body goals, it’s gainz season y’all 🦾🦿
Purging stagnant & less optimal habits & replacing them with better ones
Purging things I don’t need
Simplifying & optimizing business & life
Being ok letting old friend circles go
Pushing myself to do new things, date, & meet new people
I am actually REALLY excited to enter my 40’s. Something about moving into a new decade makes me feel optimistic & all warm & fuzzy like a deep conversation over an old fashioned or a cup of coffee.
Life really hasn’t turned out as I “expected”
I feel it has turned out better & exactly how it was supposed to.
Kinda like this jumper here. This 5’1, shorty was skeptical about buying it. It was not what I expected – but BETTER. Well done Amazon, well 👏🏼 done 👏🏼 XS fit purrrrfect 😻😆
My younger self thought at 40 I’d have it all figured out, be happily married for decades, picket fence, 2 kids, #merica ….y’all can laugh now.
After 2 divorces I feel like the universe is telling me I make a really good ex-wife 😂 And ya know what? I am. I’m a great ex wife. I love all my exes. I have zero baggage & no hard feelings. I choose to remember the lessons & all the wonderful memories from my relationships.
That thinkin at 40 I’d “have it all figured out thang”…hxll I can’t even fxckin remember where I park my car in the mornings or what day it is half the time.😝
Spiritually I still feel like I’m in my 20s, most days I physically feel BETTER than I did in my 20s.
I say I have a young spirit & a significantly old soul. Dangerous combo.
I look young but inside I’m a baby grandma. Totally ok with it. Some days I can party with the best of them but most days I’m an introvert, don’t ask me to do anything after 8 PM.
It’s like I don’t really know what to do with me? So finally I just said fugg it, I don’t do rules I do what feels right. Especially dating or dressing myself.
I’m at that weird age I really don’t know what’s appropriate, like how to “dress for my age” or “date in my age range”
WTF does that even mean anymore?! 🤔🤷♀️
Someone, if you have the answer please clarify this for me 🙋♀️
I surrendered y’all. I surrendered to the fact that I will continue to get older each year & I don’t have to have expectations at all. Simply just a direction to always be working on bettering myself.
I vow, this year, to settle in & let my 39th year wrap itself around me like a warm & fuzzy Sherpa jacket.
I remind myself that faking happiness & perfection are the quickest way to die on the inside. I remind myself life is what it is & it IS what I make it. Do shxt that makes me happy & brings Joy. Be kind.
Moral of this page from the life of Lilbitoffit:
I’m a 39 yo old woman. I’m flawed & weird af. I don’t love everyone & everything, & there’s plenty of people who do not love me & I could care less.
I am getting wrinkles, sunspots, & I sure as hxll can’t recover from drinking like I used to & way over consume caffeine, but I refuse to give up coffee & making memories with friends & family.
I am still working on loving myself & living a life that makes me proud, fulfilled, & content. And I’m cool with having no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going. It’s never boring 😉
Thank y’all for listening to this “middle-aged”rambling.
Cheers to officially being a “cougar” next year 🐆😸
Just thought I’d not bullshxt around & put that out there 
and GO COLTS! Headed to the game after my shift 
